Three Sleeps

Started getting somewhere with packing. Towels and bedding is all packed, so is cleaning supplies. Got some foods today for res and an awesome rug. It's seriously great. People are just going to come to my room to stand on my rug. Finally picked out a printer too. Saw awesome Red Head Best Buy Guy. He's awesome. Also another guy with really awesome curly hair helped us today. I've decided if I were to talk to anyone at Best Buy I'd ensure they have curly hair, cause that girl we talked to with straight hair was useless.

Reall loving the first disc of the Take Action Tour 2009. It has a Frank Turner song on it. It's my new favourite song of his, well that and the one about his dream about Bob Dylan.

Three sleeps till I get to see you. Three. I have so far waited 49 days for you to come home. That's crazy. And then in a week I'm leaving. But somehow its all worth it. You sounded really happy today, which made me feel a lot better because you've been sounding not the happiest recently.

Skinn is being all itchy and gross again. I'm stressed.

I seriously don't know what I'm going to do when I see you. The fact that I get to see you is currently mind blowing. I have butterflies thinking about it.

Going to get more stuff with Mom tomorrow morning. I like being overly prepared, considering buying things in Vancouver is going to be so much more expensive.

I can't decide which sweaters I want to bring... So many sweaters, so little space.

Filled half a suitcase of clothes already. And my closet still looks full... But it feels like I'm leaving behind a lot of stuff. Mom says its ok to pack a lot because then what I realize I don't need once we set up my room she can just take back. I feel bad that she's going to drive to Vancouver and back and help me set up my room in three days.

So far I'm most stressed about paying fees and getting textbooks. Apparently we have to load up cards for the washing machines too... I think it's stressful cause it's so much money at once, instead of in little increments. And knowing that I have to pay that amount again come January... Real life is starting to freak me out...

I don't want to be a part of your stupid scrapbook thing because I don't even know who she is. Like sure we talk, but it's not like her and I are friends.

I feel like I need to pack more personal things for school, I have a lot of new things but nothing that makes me feel happy about memories or looking back on high school... I brought two posters and two stickers to put up, but I think I will bring a few little trinkets.

It's also weird thinking about how all my stuff is just going to sit here for four months, with no one to use it or look at it... And that it will be exactly as I left it...

Things are changing.

I remember the nights we spent under city lights
This feelings got the best of me
We were floating along to the sounds of a dead end town
But now that's just a memory

I can't figure you out, you've got more fight in you
Than anybody else
And here's the part where I start to make my own damn decisions
And make a name for my self

I'll never be what you want
I wouldn't change any part of me
Just to make you stay
You had a piece of my heart
But not enough to just run away
'Cause I know what's best for me

Take all your big plans and throw them away
I've got something in mind before we go separate ways
We ask the questions baby,
Who provides the answers?

I'm scared to death and it shows
The flame burned out, but it glows
And the look in your eyes says things I don't wanna know
It's time to go!
Come closer!
And I can't say anything, everything comes out the wrong way

I'll never be what you want
I wouldn't change any part of me
Just to make you stay
You had a piece of my heart
But not enough to just run away
'Cause I know what's best for me

Just try, just try a little harder
I'll do my best explaining all the things I'm going through
Just try, just try a little harder
This is why I can't adjust for you

You can't say
The look in your eyes says things I don't wanna know
No you, You can't stay

I wanna be with you, and no one else
I need you to feel the way that you felt that summer night
When you found that puzzle piece missing for eight straight weeks
You're not the perfect fit

I'll never be what you want
I wouldn't change any part of me
Just to make you stay
You had a piece of my heart
But not enough to just run away
'Cause I know what's best for me

There's just something about this...

That's real. Every time I hear the Cash version I feel like crying. I usually do cry. Not going to lie though, NIN is really powerful in this song. Now I know even NIN said they feel like it's now Johnny's song. But something about this really got to me.

I'm Worth One Phone Call. Right?

I would think so. I'd say I wouldn't expect this of him, but he's kind of an enigma to me, and it actually seems like something he would do. I'm not sure what I can tell you other than I think you should do what you think is best. If it makes you feel any better, which I doubt, I don't know of anyone who has heard from him. Not very many people knew he was actually gone. If you do wait for him, I'm sure he will do his best to make it up to you.

So Maybe I'm Starting To Realize Everything

I can't fall asleep at night again.

I have those weird bumps on my fingers again like I did during Stampede. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, so no worries. It's weird, it like bubbles up in places and if you pop them their wet. It's not gross though.

And I'm only really eating dinner, and even then I'm not actually hungry.

I'm trying to do some more stretching cause my body currently hates me. Debating starting up that thing again.

I'm doing a lot of cleaning too. Slow cleaning. I found my dance shoes the other day and put them on. They still fit perfectly. Maybe I'll take up a dance class at school. There were ballroom clubs that teach you.

And I sort of don't want to go out and be stupid. Sounded fun at first. Then I went out and was stupid and didn't have as much fun. I have a feeling, we'll lose touch once I move.

I read my book again the other day. Everyone said to stay in touch cause I'm going places. It's kinda weird that everyone said that.

Anyways maybe I'll do my routine look in the fridge and not eat anything.

Let go,

Jessica