I wish...

When people asked me what my goals are for the future or what I want to do after high school I could answer them truthfully and say...

http://www.csulb.edu/depts/theatre/

The day my world crashed around me...

A few years ago today my whole world crashed...
Today all that runs through my head is a film of us.
Today all I could remember was you trying to help me do a cartwheel and how bad you wanted to help me and I totaly freaked out.
Today I remember the days you'd tell me not to leave because you were lonely with out me.
Today I remember all the time I spent with you in the backyard.
Today as I walked up the driveway I began to cry as I walked over the spot where we drew on the cement with chalk, it also reminded me about how scared I am to ever draw that picture again, and how I haven't since that day with you...
Today I wished you knew how I was doing and that he has passed on.
Today I kept thinking about the nights we spent on the rink till something came over you and you weren't the same boy I used to know.
Today I remember how I cared for you and how that scared you and you pushed me away.
Today was the day it ended years ago and I know that remembering these things without pain is something I'll never be able to do.
The other day when I saw your picture, I remembered that I still love you.

Don't you think its weird?

So I'm sorry I was being all weird today. My brain just deals with stuff funnily... And Yes I know funnily is not a word... But at the end of class I got better after I realized what a jerk I was being. So sorry? I hope I can make up for it tomorrow.
Apparently Colin and I rock, and I must agree. WE rock pretty hard core. I really want Seventh Rain to play at our school.
Tomorrow's mission: Stop being such an idiot and also go talk with Hebby Hebb

Imposed, RIP Stagestruck

My beloved Stagestruck has come to an end. I think we all saw it coming but its still sad. Everyone there enjoyed sharing that 3 hours together every week and I'm going to miss everyone. So the last little while I just gave going through all the dances all I could and I feel like I did well for charishing the moment of never being able to do it again.
So Lyndsay thought she would write a sex scene for my story because apparently everyone thinks my characters need to have sex. But I honestly don't think they do. So she wrote this scene and it was very descriptive and they way she wrote it and the way the characters were didn't feel right to me whatsover so I felt highly imposed upon. Like parts of my story are based on factual things even though I've made everything like 10x's more dramatic. But I just felt gross for what she did to my characters...

Changing the information...

So before JunoFest was all only certain venue will be 18+ and now they've decided to make all venues 18+. Like do they not understand that now no one will show up? Like not a lot of people over the age of 18 listen to all the no name bands then lets say 15 year olds do. And then the even better part is that no where on the ticketmaster website did it say this event is 18+ so I'm sure there are many people in my situation who have bought tickets for this event and will soon realize they can't go. Thanks a fucking lot ticketmaster and to the Juno's who totally changed it. I'd also like to point out at this point in time that about half of the performers are under the age of 18...So no my juno events equal The actual Juno Awards, Songwriters Circle, The Kickoff Concert and Juno Fanfare if we arrive on time to get wristbands for that... Oh well at least now I have found like 20 new local artists I love and can go see them play not at the Juno's....
Also totally confused about whole dude situation. I'm never to great in those situations...Hahahaha... And then I get suckered into it because I'm like that, but I somehow manage to screw things up somehow...

Link Leader

Letter in the mail today. It says Hebb recommended me to be a link leader. After i finished laughing I kept reading, its like a mentorship thing to help the Gr.9 students who are going to be coming to our school. This is a good thing clearly, but how is a totally deranged person like myself going to help snobby little Gr.9's??? But you know what some of the kids I met at challenge day this year were really cool, so maybe it'll be fun once I get over the fact that its organized by Mr.Dickson...
I have an extra ticket to see Raine Maida on Thursday and the sad part is I don't want to give it to one of my friends and have them intrude on time I get to spend with my sister. That's how I feel about Amy to, because these two different people mean a lot to me and I don't want them meeting my new friends because I feel like those are two different worlds that shouldn't contaminate each other...
I got the new Simple Plan Cd and the first time I listened to it I really felt all the words. All of the songs I related to and they all made me feel strong yet weak at the same time. So what if I want to throw my life away on musical theater?

What happened???

Ok remember last year when we all supported each other? Remember last year where we couldn't walk away from each other without hugging everyone we were talking to twice before actually walking away? What happened to embracing each other and not worrying about how other people saw us? What happened?

I'm scared...

I'm scared of what I left behind, I'm scared of the way I am right now but most of all I'm scared of what's yet to come.
People tell me that I'm the purest person they know, but really I don't know much about myself. I try to hide from it. But all that echo's in my mind these days is, "Please don't go, I'm lonely wihtout you." Thanks a lot,asshole!
While you drink and smoke it all away, I sit here and worry about your fucking 16th birthday.

*Dear Hebby Hebb, I wanted to hug you today but refained...

The future draws near...

So I get in the car on Friday night and my mothers like Bret and I were discussing your future options. And I was like great! So bret what would you like me to be when I grow up? And he was like well unless your going to be a nure or an engineer you should take a teaching degree just incase whatever you do doesn't work out you can always go and teach it. And I was like oh, well Cristina says I should just go and do musical theater and then if it doesn't work out I can always go back and take something else. And get this! He says well there's really not any opportunity there and you won't make any money. And then my mother tried to get me to think about going into advertising. What is the big problem if I decide to take theater? Have they not noticed that's the only thing I do now? Why would I change and do soemthing completely different if that's not what I'm interested in now? This is ridiculous. I'm going to York! So suck on that bitches!