I'm trying to kill my phone battery. Purposely. I'm the strangest person ever. Actually I'm rather interesting. This is something I have come to realize. Just when you think one thing about me I totally change that observation.
I love doing you activities. However, I'm intrigued to find out which Jessica activities you don't like... I'll never know will I? No, probably not.
I love this song. Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
Let's not go to the top of that hill again. You were on edge the whole time. Was not very relaxing.
Why don't you care? I got accepted into this amazing school for an amazing program that is going to make me amazing. And you don't even know what the school's called. When I won that money and I told you not to tell. Everybody knew. Now that there is even better news, and I want everyone to know, no one knows. I hope Grandma knows. She doesn't call much anymore. It makes me said. I love our favourite Grandma.
I don't know whether to say the trees are less beautiful knowing you aren't here with me or more beautiful knowing you're with the trees.
I have been thinking about Ma a lot recently. I think she would like you. She would think you work too much though. I miss her. I miss calling her and reading her my essay's and her telling me what's wrong with them and how to fix them. Then she'd always get my riled up about politics. Haha. And she would start yelling at me to write letters to parliament. Ma you were fantastic. You taught me everything about how to be a person, and how to treat everybody with dignity and to hold myself with dignity. I could never thank you enough. You took me to all those crazy events, and you always burned things when we cooked. I'll never forget that night the three of us slept in your single bed. That could have been the worst idea ever. Your elbows in my butt! Or sitting in your bed reading for hours. The amount of books you had was absolutely amazing. And we'd eat lucky charms or chocolate kisses in your bed while reading. The next morning there was generally no snacks left. And I'd come into the kitchen and sit on your lap and you'd wrap me up in your blanket and we'd read the paper. I miss that. A lot. More than anyone could ever know. All these books in my room are yours. I'm afraid to read them. That touching them will somehow take away that last touch you laid upon them. Sort of like that tape. I'm afraid to listen to it. Because the last person to put it in that case was you. Actually, I'd love to find that cassette we had of Pa's band. I remember sitting in the living room listening to that song with the both of you, and him explaining that those female voices were hundred's of Ma's singing for him. It was hard to believe there were hundreds just like you. Mom didn't like how much time I spent with you, I think she thought you were brain washing me. It's doubtful. You were just trying to make me perfect. I'm glad I knew you. And I'm glad I still know you. But what I wouldn't give to dance around to your old records and build a fort and paint my nails the most horrendous colours ever and eat chinese doughnuts or sip hot chocolate and ice cream out by the fire in the mornings. Or going camping with you. Or painting with dandelions. Or cleaning the kitchen with Kayla, so that when you came home it was clean. I remember after going camping, all the equipment would just sit in your hallway for weeks, until we went camping again.
I really want to go camping. And after I told you about why I love camping the next morning you were buying a tent.
I'm not sure what I've done to deserve all of the amazing people that are in my life. But I wouldn't trade a single one of them. I love every person that has touched my life, or I theirs. If for one moment you ever doubt yourself, know that I hold every single one of you in the highest esteem. This wouldn't be what it is without you. I wouldn't be who I am without you.
I love you.
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