But I Don't Know When I Will See You Again

And it gets so lonely.

I'm moving back. And I don't know what that means for us. And I wish we could really talk about it. I'm looking for more and I'm scared your not.

I'd been thinking it for awhile and I finally brought it up. It scared you. It scares me too.

That night at the bar we talked about some things. And I can't lie I'd been thinking about them. I still think about them.

The comforting made it worse. It made all the reasons some part of me is pulling away more evident.

I'm not high maintenance. I'm tired of always asking. Sometimes its nice to just be whisked away.

I keep having these dreams. Like every other night. And I wake up just before I'm about to kiss someone else. It's like we're so close and then I push away and say no, that there's someone else. And I am in love with this someone else. However, recently in the dreams, by this I mean once or twice, I haven't pulled away. I don't know what this means. The internet suggests I evaluate my happiness in my current relationship, that maybe I'm jealous of another relationship, that I'm looking for a more intimate relationship with friends, that there is part of my self I still need to explore or that I am completely content in my relationship and nothing is wrong, I'm just expressing my new found passion in my dreams.

Dear Internet,

Feel free to suck it. You have just confused me more.

Someone with the same desires. Ambition.

I'm ready for that big sign universe. So any time you want to send it, I'd be grateful.

I thought you'd been sending me signs to share more. To be more open. That failed big time didn't it? It just sort of made me barricade myself more.

Life itself just wears you out.