boyS?

Today's Sad Song

We have to say good bye 

All things have to end 

But I keep insisting 

I go on resisting 

Why should I pretend?  

We paid for some mistakes 

We never should have made 

So it seems we were living in dreams 

But now those dreams fade 

 In a perfect world 

You'd hold me forever 

In a perfect world, our love would stand tall 

But I'm not perfect 

And you're not perfect 

Cause if you were 

I wouldn't have loved you 

At all  

It took a little time 

For me to come so far 

But finally I see 

That our impurity 

Makes us who we are  

There's no going back 

We can't undo the past 

We've mastered the art 

Of breaking apart 

And falling so fast  

In a perfect world 

You wouldn't have left me 

Feeling left out, abandoned, and small 

But I'm not perfect 

And you're not perfect 

Cause if you were I wouldn't have loved you  

So I'm sorry for the million awful things I did and said 

And the million other things I should have

 Said and done instead 

And I'm sorry you won't spend each minute 

Growing old with me 

I'm sorry that our life will never be  

The two of us on Sunday morning 

Waking as the light shines through 

Knowing at that very moment 

That I love you 

And you love me, too  

In a perfect world, we'd get to raise a family 

In a perfect house with pictures on the wall 

But I'm not perfect, and you're not perfect 

And nothing's perfect 

If we were perfect 

We'd wake up one day 

Unable to recall 

If we had ever truly loved 

At all

I Could Get Used To This.

Ideas for New Black: I post on YAA on Thursday's, so we could have what's happening at New Black this weekend posts, and I also think it would be good to take photos during events and upload them to our FB page. Darren didn't tell me what time we're meeting, he's probably there now, I usually show up at 6, shows are usually at 7, so I'll be there at 7.

Grad was weird. It doesn't feel like it happened, or like it should have been stressed about so much. Also dear, (I know you're reading this) we are a very attractive couple.

I had a lot of fun. Also I've never really been a flower person, but I enjoy waking up to my flowers, or just sitting and staring at them. Haha.

Oh Dylan, you're such a mess.

"Have they been in there this whole time?"

"He's just jealous cause his girlfriend doesn't want him."

I'm currently listening to really intense sad music, its kind of ballin'.

I'm not sure what I think and feel about all of this. Talking to you used to help me see things clearly, but now even your own judgement is faded because of your stupidity.

Definitions of fairness on the Web:

• conformity with rules or standards; "the judge recognized the fairness of my claim"
• ability to make judgments free from discrimination or dishonesty
• paleness: the property of having a naturally light complexion
• comeliness: the quality of being good looking and attractive

Hmm... I'm not sure any of those fit what I'm going for, but they all seem to apply. I would say it was unfair that the alarm went off but a good thing at the same time. When I said I was scared I think that's more what I meant. It's still not a bad scared though. It's a, I had a plan and then something happened and I started to enjoy life here and I stopped waiting for my life to start. And yes, that scares me. The reasons I have for things also scare me and it scares me how more trusting I am of people now. That percentage was in a lot of trouble the other morning/evening.

It feels so weird to be dressed like this. To be meshing the life I have now with the life I had in October.

Sad musical numbers have distracted me. We'll talk later.

But I'm not perfect And you're not perfect Cause is you were I wouldn't have loved you At all

Jessica

Not Sure.

What I want to say yet. But this is a good song.

Love,

Jessica

Why Am I Doing This To Myself?

I'm reading backwards. And every time I flinch knowing you had to read it. Hahaha. Oh man.

I rediscovered my Cute Is What We Aim For CD.

It's been a good weekend.

Just chase skirts instead,

Jessica

What A Day.

"When I'm angry I watch 16 and Pregnant, it makes me feel better about my life."

Truer words have never been spoken.

When we were lying there tonight I started thinking about it. I've never thought about it before. But I started seeing it. It was weird. But it wasn't a bad weird, which kinda freaked me out. Stupid contacts, I think that was the problem. That I could see the map on the wall. That's what I was going to say. But I knew that it wouldn't be one of my bad jokes, that it would actually hurt. So I'm saying it here, so that I don't have to have that thought just floating around in my brain until I explode.

This tea has made my room smell really good.

Found a dried centipede on the floor. So not cool.

Finished this weeks YAA post so that I don't have to worry about that. Awesome.

I think it's weird that I always try to put up the front that everything is ok and that everything will be. It's so not how I actually feel about a situation. I'm like a duck like that. Calm and collected on the outside but swimming as hard as I can underneath the water.

I can't believe I started thinking about that. People keep saying that to me. That maybe there is more to life than lawn furniture.

Not going to lie, after this evening, kind of glad our parents won't be meeting at Grad. I'd feel super awkward. True facts.

And even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her bluff. Who could deny these butterflies?

Jessica

What a day.

Got free contacts.

Bought new shorts and tanks.

Made out in a stairwell.

Classy.

Two hours of homework left.

Tooth fell in and now I have a hole in my tooth.

Getting my teeth cleaned on Friday.

I don't understand I brush twice a day and floss every other day. Maybe I need to floss more.

My stomach hurts.

I burned my nose.

*shakes dice* Common Friday!!!

Pink with monkeys,

Jessica

702

Dehydrated

Well at least Summerstock parties taught me one thing.

Jessica

No, I'm Marcellus, his life partner.

I was going to go to that party. The one Stephen Page was at. I regret that.

Of course I didn't use a fucking tripod. We randomly walked there on a Friday night.

You're letting this all fall apart. We need help. You need help. He needs help. You can't let things go on like this. I know your tired, but you have no clue the burden that you place on me. I can't listen to everything anymore. Cause it'll kill me. That's why I'm leaving. That's why I decided six years ago that I was leaving. I used to sit in my room and watch the videos for Julliard. Haha. I still watch the videos for that school in Florida. Could you imagine me living in Florida?

You run away
You could turn and stay
But you run away from me

I tried to be your brother
You cried and ran for cover
I made a mess, who doesn’t
I did my best but it wasn’t enough

You run away
You could turn and stay
But you run away from me

I’ll give you something can cry about
One thing you should try it out
Hold a mirror shoulder high
When you’re older look you in the eye
When you’re older look you in the eye

I tried but you tried harder
I lied but you lied smarter
You made me guess who was it
I did my best but it wasn’t enough

OOOOHHHHHHHOOOHHH

You run away
You could turn and stay
But you run away from me

You run away (I tried to be your brother)
You could turn and stay (You cried and ran for cover)
But you run away from me (I made a mess, who doesn’t, I did my best but it wasn’t enough)

But that’s not something to cry about (crrryyyy!)
It’s not something to lie about

You run away (I tried to be your brother)
You could turn and stay (You cried and ran for cover)
But you run away from me (I made a mess, who doesn’t, I did my best but it wasn’t enough)

Now There's A Lot To Think About

Definitions of scared on the Web:
scare - panic: sudden mass fear and anxiety over anticipated events

On a different note, I'm really sick of you. And today, that was really fucking uncool. You really have no consideration for other people do you? I thought not.

Third night in a row flying solo. Feels really good actually. I've always been a fan of Jessica time.

Colin, I love you. You saved me today. Thank you. I will forever remember us eating chicken strips and onion rings and french fries all dipped in gravy while watching Glee with everyone. And then there was that cake. Also, I've officially been accepted by Zevan. Although, I probably just spelled his name wrong. Fun fact of the day: Zevan is too tall to hug.

You are crazy talented. On stage you become a totally different person. You were absolutely fantastic. You push me to explore my creative mind more, and I think in some way we push each other. At least I'd like to hope so. Because it seems as though when we compliment each other on our work it means a lot more than if it came from anyone else.

"Get so tired, tired."

I never have to try. I should have known. Sorry. My minds made up. I think it always has been.

"I can take it if you need to take this out on someone."

Jessica

And Maybe You Just Need.

A friend. As clumsy as you've been.

This is me. This is where I write the stupid stuff that happens in my brain and one would think the internet would respect that and not abuse that.

"but its the truth even if it didn't happen"

Definitions of truth on the Web:

• a fact that has been verified; "at last he knew the truth"; "the truth is that he didn't want to do it

Well internet that certainly is interesting.

Even though I tell you things, my dearest internet, I'll never tell you everything. Somethings I'm scared to admit to myself. Sort of like I'm not really sure what I want to do right now besides eat shrimp feta penne and feed some ducks.

Today's random thought, when you were younger were you ever afraid of falling in the toilet? I totally was. Actually I was afraid of the bathroom itself in our house in Edmonton. I think the fact that so many dish disappeared in there attributed to it.

So yeah my Tuesday was ruined. But I'm not ruined. It's me. I've always been me. And I'm always going to be me.

I love Raine Maida and his passion for art.

Comes a time when you get turned around, and
Life itself just wears you out, but
You keep getting ready for the big parade
Ah you shine your shoes and you fake a smile
Salute the players with that famous style, cause
Keepin up has kept you in chains

I was thinking that if you know a way out then I'd like to go with you
And we can burn out like candles under that paper moon

They just dont know anything at all
They just dont know anything at all

Youll fight traffic jams and big TVs, and
Hipsters trapped in their own irony, but
Youll finally think about settling down
Oh you quit your job and you sell your car
You'll burn your clothes and pray to the stars, cause
You swore to God that youd never end up this way

I was thinking that if you know a way out then I'd like to go with you
And we can burn out like candles under that paper moon

They just dont know anything at all
They just dont know anything at all
At all
At all
At all
At all

Comes a time when you get turned around, and
Life itself just wears you out, but
You keep getting ready for the big parade

Caught Off Guard

Things kinda caught me off guard today. And I've yet to find the right person to share these things with. I am talking to people who are really close to me, but I just don't feel like I've found a person where this topic wouldn't be awkward because it is personal. It's weird cause it feel like we've been together longer than we have.

The buterflies in my stomach miss you. They are causing me pains right now. So not cool.

This is bad.

I really wanted to cry for a second there. But I'm holding it together.

Somehow,

Jessica

I Wish I Was There

To tell you how much I love you.