That was stupid of me

I do think those things though. So maybe I should have said them. Maybe I just shouldn't have said them right now. I'm really hoping they did not come across in the wrong way.

It's ridiculous how lonely things get sometimes.

It's ridiculous that I just sat here waiting. Apparently I can only last 15 days. After that I go crazy.

I hate missing. Missing sucks. It makes your stomach hurt. It makes you cry just because. It makes you want to spend more time by yourself. It makes you more irritable around other people.

I do want that though. I want to be told to be ready for 7 o'clock. And not worry about the plans. I want to shave my legs and put on a dress and worry about which shoes look better with which dress. And if I'll be over dressed. And I want to worry about how I think my hair is boring and never does anything. I want to be so worried about it I attempt to curl it and then realize it looks like a mess and try to straighten the curls. And lets be honest, that never works. Then I'd be screwed. I want to worry about which necklace to wear and if a bracelet would be too much and if I have a purse that matches what I'm wearing. And I want to worry about if you'll like what I'm wearing or what I did with my hair. I want to worry about being late because you always show up early. I want to fret over the pimples that never seem to go away and show up at the most inopportune times. I want to feel young and stupid again. Not bogged down with responsibility. I want to be here and be there. But what I want above that is to be here. Because here is amazing and I feel like I could be making more of it but I feel torn right now. Living in two places. Being attached to a place I always wanted to escape from. Everyone is dreading going back and I can't wait. Why? You. That's what this is all about. You. And the fact that I am completely messed up, lost, (whatever other cliche terms you want to use) without you.

I love this song.

I love music.

I miss music.

How can I miss music?

I do.

And no one else seems to understand that connection.

It's me.

It's who I am.

And I want you to be apart of all of this.

There goes my "P" Plan.