Unrelated Relatedness

We both act differently around each other when our friends are there. I really loved the white mocha Thursday morning, and then you ran off to class. So I left like a second after you and chased you down the hallway. You seemed very happy surprised that I followed you. I had just wanted to make sure I got the morning hug I was promised.

Please don't worry. Things aren't as bad as they sound.

Jessica

Just let me dust off the seat

I know no one wants to hear this, but just think of somebody else. That isn't him. Then you'll feel less awkward. Cause I really need to get this all out.

You cleaned the car. And yes that was the first thing I noticed, besides you waiting for me outside the door while Menu barked at me. Apparently sushi is closed from 2 - 5. Insert a trip to Spoon Me, cool place, not good ice cream or frozen yogurt. It was kinda lame. Insert a trip to Hot Wax. What was with holding onto me to make sure I didn't fall up the stairs? Then we went to The House. Again on you. (UGH!) We played Connect 4. I won the first time and let you win the last two times. Then we hit the streets for a short walk to kill some time. Apparently we didn't kill enough time so we just sat in the car lying back in our seats talking and listening to music.

"You text me so often I can imitate how you sound on text."

So finally its 5 and we can have sushi. I think you felt out of place, but that's what I do, I take people out of their boxes.

We drove around a bit, stopping at 7-Eleven and then driving out to Bragg Creek and then out to Black Diamond.

"I like where we are, when we drive in your car."

We stopped at the big rock out in Okotoks. It was slippery getting out there. I like how you keep trying to do things for me and I just have the unimpressed face. Like holding down the rope for me so that I could cross over it or the whole ok don't slip there and if you do I'm here and I'll catch you. Haha. I think a few of you might have just puked in your mouth.

"So I just thought you'd like to know that I've been referred to as the girl who hangs out with *insert name here*."

"Hahahaha... I like it."

Then we took a rest on the hood of the car, looking up at the stairs but mostly the clouds. You promised we'd do it again when it gets warmer outside and the car doesn't have a roof so that we could stay "inside". You started talking about your grandparents and how they even have expectations for you and how they want you to bring a girl to the cabin in the summer. You talked about the cabin a lot, and how we should go. Then you said what everyone's been thinking, "My grandmother would disapprove of you but in a good way, because she'd say you're too good for me."

You told your mother that we were going out today and she asked if anyone else was coming. You said someone else was but I don't think she believed you. And apparently our parents are having the same thought pattern because the parting words your mother said to you was to remember to be SAFE. I didn't tell you my parents have been acting the same way. Maybe I should have.

We drove back to town and listened to the country station. It's weird hanging out with you and not listening to country. We made a stop at the park, and there was more you're going to slip holding. I took the slide down and you were sitting at the bottom waiting. Haha. I think we're almost too cheesy to handle and we're "just friends". And as comfortable as it was, I was shivering so we left.

You walked me to the door. You never do that. You were a lot more open about your family tonight too. But seriously, you thanked me for the great day, when really I think its the other way around. And what was with the mumbling and then pretending like you didn't say anything. I heard the last one. I just let you get away with letting it slide. I kind of didn't want to let go, which I'm pretty sure you noticed. Haha.

Also today was like two work shifts. That's not cool. And birthday presents are not a reason for it to be okay.

Kind of like a bucket list for the characteristics you should have. Hmmm... Being able to care for and pay for her.

"I've got a new message can you read it?"

I've mastered the car. I now even lock the door behind me. I'm kind of awesome like that. It makes me laugh that I just kind of make myself at home in the car. It makes me laugh even harder that you don't mind and smile at the fact that I just organize my stuff into your stuff in the car. Just about forgot Josie in there tonight. That would have been bad.

Anyways...

Intertubes please keep my secrets secret.

She's got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything i want to say to a woman
But couldn't find the words to say
She's got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Because every time i try and tell her how i feel
It comes out "I love you"

Looking forward to Wednesday,

Jessica

The Moment You Meant It

I like sleep. I'm going to sleep soon. I can't wait.

Today was rather a roller coaster.

You're a roller coaster baby I swear.

I need something to refocus on. I'm not sure what it is yet.

I wish you were as great of a listener as I am.

Maybe I'll make this into art. Somehow. Sometime. Someday.

I really hate you. I'm not sure why. But just seeing like the side of your face makes me want to touch butterfly wings! THERE I SAID IT! Now what!

Hanging out with Ina got me a mouth full of bad words. I need to classy myself up a bit again. I'm not sure where my blue sweater is but I really want to wear it tomorrow. It's comfy.

Ashley's cancer came back. It's terminal.

I don't want to talk anymore.

Laundry Day.

Withdrawal

So here we are. on Pages. I can’t connect to internetz so I’m just going to write here cause my brain is swimming in thoughts and I just really need to put them somewhere. Maybe this will cause me to be a tad mroe truthful for once since I’m not typing on a blogger styled page. Who knows really.

The Olympics were great and seeing Victoria and Vancouver was great. I really want to go back to Victoria and go to the farm. I love COnnie and Tex and Ty. It was just so relaxing there. Kinda like it is here in SNowline. I’m just chilling out. Today was a great day, organized my stuff, read, watched a movie, did the dishes, got ready, it was a good day.

I kinda wanna kill Abum. He’s so retarded. I almost don’t even want to drive with him in the car. But it’ll be day light so maybe I can fake having a nap while he drives. That could work out. I just burned my bagel really badly but ate it anyways. Hahaha. TIme to get back to my book now. I’ll catch you up on that in a second.

Book completed.

Usually with holidays I want to escape. Escape from soemthing. But this time there was nothing to escape from. I feel good with where life is right now. Real good. I’ve been ignoring the people I kind of want to, which sounds bad but its just kinda of like why are we letting this nonexistant friendship continue on? I feel like there is two people I’ve really distanced myself from recently and it kinda doens’nt bother at all. Not one bit.

I ate all the treats for bus ragies.

I like talking to you. It’s just calm. You’re just like wow Jessica that was bad. And I’m like hey you really have a point there. And then recently when people started getting really suspicious, you held strong and I really appreciated that. I guess that’s why you got brownies.

I didn’t really notice hwo distant I’ve been from Andrea recently. But I feel like if I told her anything it would really get out, but talking with her that one day wa nice. She was like well what are you doing? She’s one of those people that doesn’t really care what I choose but supports it anyways.

I really need a lying in bed day. Can we do that on Jessica and Amy bonding day too? I realize I could be having that peace here in Washington. But it’s a different feeling when you’re there. Because there I am having thoughts but I know you’re there.

We were sitting in the hottub tonight and there were four of us and I felt like I was just sitting there by myself. With my thoughts.

I wonder what it will be like to seee you now that I know. Not that I really know. hmmm...

I’m glad people trust me enough to open up to me on their bad days. I’m always here. I truly am. I didn’t really give you any helpful advice but I can promise that we will have a good time on Friday. I’m really looking forward to it. You and I don’t just hang out anymore. One day I hope we stick to our deal. Cause I really want to dance in a laundromat. We work well together. It’s weird how it got like this, but its good. I think it’s why I’ve actually been so up lately. I try to pinpoint how this happened a lot but I just can’t. It’s weird like that. But I guess that is truly what friendship is. Something that just happens you can’t choose for it to happen or not. And I really want to give you a hug. Haha. It sounds cheesy but I really do. On your bad day I really wanted to see you and give you a hug. And then when you’re next day got worse I just wanted to be like ok lets go for tea. But I couldn’t. It feels weird having gone a whole day not talking to you. Last week I saw you everyday. And talked to you not in person everyday. I am also really struggling with the thought about how much my presence has affected you. That might sound egotistical or dramatized. But it’s not. I think you’re starting to see things you were skipping over before and I think its really helping you. My favourite part is how you’re like I don’t want to tell you, then proceed to tell me.

We were in the store the other day and there was a display for soemthing and it was of a red jeep. Is it weird that the first thing I thought of was the card Amy made? Haha. Oh Amy you will always be my first. Also its really weird not being able to check my phone and see a message from you. My phones just lying around so I keep walking past it and pressing a button to see if I have a text message and then I realize I don’t have service.

I can’t believe I actually got in. I was freaking out so bad on the inside. Everyone here didn’t really seem to care and were trying to give me a reality check about moving out. Can I not just get a moment to be excited about the rest of my life? Also telling people I’m going into PR is so much easier than describing what I actually want to do. Haha. Not that I’m really sure what it is that I exactly want to start out doing.

Also I’ve discovered part of the smell is chlorine or hot tub chemicals. Haha. Having the hot tub here makes me want to use ours at home more. It’s relaxing.

Last night I had too much to drink. Well not too much. I had probably half of what everyone else here had but I was so tired that it just made me want to sleep.

I don’t like that your list is me. I don’t think you notice that either. But it is. Maybe you do realize and just don’t want it to be. It wouldn’t work anyways. But right now I really am missing my friend, especially since I know they’re having a rough time right now.

So where am I on the line, am I lover or a waste of time, bud?

Nice use of the word bud, bud.

Is it weird that the only person I really want to tell right now about getting into SFU is grandma? She will be super stoked when I tell her. I hope Dad hasn’t told everyone yet. He probably has. Idiot.

I’m bringing some peanut butter m and m’s home for us to celebrate with. Haha. I am so excited for sushi. We had sushi the other day and it was soooooo yummy! Not as cheap as the one at home though. But just as yummy.

Ugh I’m overheating right now. Which is weird for me.

I really wish I was better with words. I think questions help though. Help you dig deeper and clean out all the cavities.

I wish we did more writing in English. Or that the words in my head sounded as beautiful on paper. That would be nice.

1237.

I’m everything you want, I’m everything you need... I say all the right things at exactly the right time but I mean nothing to you and I don’t know why.

I’ve had that stuck in my head since Friday.

I just spilled my tea. Shit.i spilled it good. hahaha. I hope it doesn’t stain. I’mma go get a wet face cloth. Brb. I think its gonna stain. It was ginger peach... Thoughts?

Swedish fish are friggin awesome.

All it takes is someone who is saying I hear you, I am here. I am here.

Also now that I don’t have internet connection I have no clue what I’m supposed to do for my math homework. Shit.

She says that December will help me remember.

Take me somewhere I’ve never been before.

When they tell you its all for the money.

I was listening to some song you sent me the other day and he talked about staying up till 3 am. It made me a little sad. I really want to find it now... I think it was another Matthew Perryman song. I’m not completely sure though... Oh man this is going to drive me insane. I had it on repeat during our ferry ride. Now I can’t remember at all. Oh bother.

I think its weird that I can barely remember New Years cause it didn’t mean anything to me but I remember that one moment so well.

She moves like sea breeze...fragrance that she leaves hangs in the air,

Jessica

Ps. I think this is it... Endlessly by Green River Ordinance. I’m going to listen intently and I’ll let you know if this is truly it. Maybe i made that part up. That’s also a good possibility. Nope this is it. Haha.

****

I’m about to go join Ina in the hot tub so here are some more general thoughts on life.

1. I wish I got to spend more time with Ina
2. I wish I was more adventurous
3. I wish I didn’t worry about everyone as much as I do
4. I wish I didn’t have pretend friendships anymore
5. I wish I could finally just move on from everything and get my license
6. I wish I gave myself more time just to think and relax, that wouldn’t interfere with my sleeping time.
7. I wish I didn’t have to plan everything exactly, but I feel that I have to do that in order to optimize the short time I have.
8. I wish money didn’t have to matter so much.
9. I wish high school wasn’t as rumor-y as its becoming.
10. I wish people hugged more often. Hugs are awesome.
11. I wish that I could have been there for you during those times, but I tried my hardest with what I had.
12. I wish this was simpler.
13. I wish that math would just go away.
14. I wish that life would always feel this good.
15. I wish that you find your happiness.
16. I wish that I could find the joy again that I once got from singing.
17. I wish we could just drive somewhere right now. Away. Preferably.
18. I wish I could figure out how to use garageband.
19. I wish I went camping and hiking more.
20. I wish that my acceptance stays as is, although getting a scholarship too wouldn’t be so bad.
21. I wish people were more easy going.
22. I wish I was more easy going.
23. I wish the sides of my mouth didn’t hurt from that pineapple.
24. I wish that everything goes smoothly in Vancouver, because I absolutely love it there.
25. I wish that people saw how hard things really are. That I actually don’t just recieve everything magically.
26. I wish you were better, because you’re putting too big of a strain on our family.

And currently that is mostly what I have on the brain.

You don’t know nothing ‘bout hard work. Minimum wage with a baby on the way... How do you walk with your head held high?

Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air,

Jessica

Rain Jackets

I miss home. Haha. Don't get me wrong Vancouver and Victoria is awesome, but things at home have been good for me. Usually when I want to go on a holiday I feel like I need a break from the universe but no. Not this time.

I got to wear my rain jacket yesterday. It made me laugh. And then today at dinner Chicken Fried came on the music that we were listening too. I miss my friends. Hahaha... Well just two basically. If you got the previous two references than its you. Haha...

Omg saskatoon pie is griggin griggin. The wine was really good too!

I'm really tired of people only being able to talk to me about what I'm doing after high school. That topic of conversation gets boring fast. It was awesome to see Clay again though. Also I'm really tired of people randomly texting me and being like HOWS THE OLYMPICS?!?!? Like you never care about what I have to say before and honestly it only feels like you want to talk to me just so you can know somebody at the Olympics.

Nelly Furtado is embarassing Canada right now...

Maybe I'll be more into all this once we're there. Cause right now I'm like I'm soooo close but so far away! I'm really sad that I missed Chinese New Year celebrations again.

Cold beer on a Friday night,

Jessica

Comfortable

You really are comfortable. That's totally how it feels hanging out with you. There doesn't need to be effort. Also gifts are awesome. You thought it was going to be something stupid. Who do you think we are? I now have 7 books to read. Also I like that I told you ten was way to early so you waited till quarter after. haha. Also what was with, I haven't read this one but my mother says you'll like it. That made me laugh. Also I hope you realize I didn't actually have to give anybody any money for those gloves, yes I do get such expensive gloves for free. I think they were defective in some way which is why Dad gave them to me.

I love us. I never realized before how awesome we are still we started hanging around with other people. I was rather unimpressed with dinner but whatever. I liked the tea afterwards and the company. Oh god your mother makes me laugh so hard.... WE HAVE TO PEE CAN YOU TAKE US SOMEWHERE TO PEE! Oh Hi Mom... Hahaha...

I'm really nervous about taking the bus. Not so much about the bus ride itself, but like getting on and getting off the bus, especially at like pit stops and such. I'm seriously stressing out. My acne isn't happy about this stress either.

My camera and Mp3 are both fully charged, I'm pretty sure I have enough clothes. I feel like I have a lot of stuff though... Hahaha. I feel sorry for the person I end up sitting beside on the bus. I really hope its one of the new buses and I get internet connection cause that would be pretty awesome. I have cardigans, plaid and scarves. I should be good to go.

The weekend I come back I told someone we'd hang out but I kind of don't want to anymore. There's other people I would rather hang out with. And on another somewhat related note I hate having to juggle friends. I wish my main group of people could just accept the fact that I have other friends. It's really frustrating because if they made me choose I know who I would choose and that would probably end badly. It's weird where loyalty lies. And it's strange how testy friendships can be. They are rather unstable things when you think about it.

Also the look on your face this morning when you thought my mother was home. HAHA. Friggin priceless.

I'm ready to go, I think you already know.

Scarf from Amy. Check. Candies from Anna. Check. Books for Matt. Check.

Loving my friends. Priceless.

Jessica

My Friends Are A Different Breed

I'm glad we've found someone we both can handle cause then we get to plan stuff together, instead of just for each other. I am excited for tomorrow and I hope my mother doesn't interrupt with jacket purchasing. I'm very excited to go to The House. And I cannot wait for the death glares for this and the wrapping. Oh god am I a fantastic present wrapper... NAWT!

I had a really good day today. Glad I'm the favourite.

Those brownies I made were fucking fantastic. Let that be known.

So let's not hang around those two again cause that's just fucking awkward. Actually its so awkward its hawkward. CAW CAW.

My posts have been lacking lately... SHIT I FORGOT YOUTH ARE AWESOME! oh god... ok going to write that now....

I'm always there,

Jessica

I'm Finding New Music

I love that guy,

Jessica

Wait Just A Second Here...

So I guess the party line is I followed you up here.
Well, I don’t know about that.
Mainly because knowing about that would involve knowing some pathetic, ridiculous, and absolutely true things about myself that I’d rather not admit to right now.

Sorry that people are giving you hassles about male friends. As you already know it doesn't really matter what other people think. Having said that, it does matter what some people think and if they are getting the wrong impression you need to make sure that you communicate the truth in an effective way. If your buddy's parents are questioning your motives make sure that you dispel any myths to them in a respectful and mature way. I also think that Facebook is really more trouble than it is worth as it has become so easy to take reality out of context. I encourage you to spot and think about how things may be misconstrued next time you post pictures and information in such a public forum.

As far as your recent artistic experience goes that is fantastic that you got so much out of it. If it impacted you to that degree I would certainly recommend that you do your critique assignment on the experience.

She's like my friggin mother. GEESH. Guess my rant was a lot though. I was raging though. A lot. I was rolling in rage when I posted my journal to her. But seriously. MY MOTIVES??? It is not my motives that are questionable here. Seriously. Then again I've yet to disagree have I which makes me equally as guilty. I feel better that you're in the 'mess' too if you so will. I kind of hate how much you've intersected into my life. Honestly. And it's happened very quickly. It's all very strange. I really need to get to homeworking so that I can get some sleep, cause as you can see I'm a little stressed. I keep hunching my shoulder and locking my jaw this week. I'm just a litltle tense recently. Not sure what that's about. I love hanging out with Ali. I just feel like I don't have to try. It's good. Apparently she thinks there is something, and apaprently I get double takes and apaprently you only talk to them when I'm around. Interesting interesting. I was going to make a lot of brownies, but I think I'm just going to make me brownies. Cause let's face it. I deserve a fucking brownie.

I Could Get Used To This

Oh god. Ok I was thinking it and then it popped up in the corner. It ruined the thought.

I'm debating going to bed soon. Wouldn't that be nice? I think so.

School is overrated not going to lie.

I love this song. The Veronica's are so awesome. Haha.

Forgot to call for a haircut again.

Mom's attitude is getting on my nerves.

I really need to start packing.

I need to ask her about your gift. Hm...

Hmmm what should I wear tomorrow? I hope I don't feel as sick tomorrow. Being congested sucks. Please refer to my poem Mucus My Friend if you'd like a recap on that relationship.

Is it weird that I like putting kids to bed? The ritual of it is just very comfortable. Having a snack. Brushing your teeth. Especially when the brushing your teeth song is involved. Putting PJ's on. Finding a book to read and curling up in bed to read. Then you get them comfortable the way they like their room and they ask you to come lie down beside them. There's a great feeling in knowing that your presence comforts another person. Last night we were giggling so much. I forget why. Aaron decided to fall asleep cuddling a wooden spoon. So we kept singing about him rowing away using his spoon in his dreams. Silly kids. There are moments where I think children wouldn't be half bad. But I still don't really see me as the soccer mom. I've been thinking about that a lot. Hmm.... I'm going to go get ready for bed night.

Lost the reflex to resist,

Jessica

Good Song.

You texted me to say you made a mistake
Couldn't say it face to face
You thought you wanted her and got what you deserved
Now look who's getting played

They say karma comes around
Used to want you, but I don't now

Roses are dry, violets are black
And I can be cruel, just like you
The tables have turned, can't help but laugh
While saying we're through, just like you

You hit me up again to tell me I'm the one
But I just hit erase
'Cause I'm so over it
Finally havin' fun, so drama go away

They say heartache heals in time
Whoever they are, they were right

Roses are dry, violets are black
And I can be cruel, just like you
The tables have turned, can't help but laugh
While saying we're through, just like you

Tell me was she worth, was she worth letting me go
Shovel in your hand and you dug yourself a hole
Now you're crawlin' back just to hear me tell you no
Oh, oh-oh, oh, oh yeah!

They say karma comes around
Used to want you

Roses are dry, violets are black
And I can be cruel, just like you
The tables have turned, can't help but laugh
While saying we're through, just like you

Roses are dry, violets are black
And I can be cruel, just like you
The tables have turned, can't help but laugh
While saying we're through, just like you

I'm trying to love you, Why won't you let me?

Have you lost your way?
Livin' in the shadow of the message that you made
And so it goes
Everything inside your circle starts to overflow
Take a step before you leap
Into the colours that you seek
You give back what you give away
So don't look back on yesterday

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath
Anytime anybody pulls you down
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath

You feel the weight
Of lies and contradictions that you live with every day
It's not too late
Think of what could be if you rewrite the role you play
Take a step before you leap
Into the colours that you seek
You give back what you give away
So don't look back on yesterday

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath
Anytime anybody pulls you down
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath
In the Aftermath

Before you break you have to shed your armor
Take a trip and fall into the glitter
Tell a stranger that they're beautiful
So all you feel is love, love
All you feel is love, love

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Wanna tell you you'll be alright
In the Aftermath

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath

Anytime anybody pulls you down
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath
In the Aftermath
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath
In the Aftermath
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath

A test? I hope not. What do I think it is? I'm trying not to think. I think its for different reasons. I think I need to be more real about it. And that perhaps I do need to share more and trust you with more things.

I don't think I said this but thanks even though you did smell like grease.

Haha. Ouch.

Why ouch? I really mean it, it wasn't something you had to do, so thanks.

You smell like grease.

No I'm pretty sure I smell fruity and like coconut.

Hahahahahaha

Guilt? That's an interesting perspective. I haven't heard that one yet. It is very interesting. I don't think that would be able to become a thought nevermind action.

Once again I'm not writing things here because of the readers. That quite frankly is stupid. Whatever.

When you wake up hungover, you wish you were sober,

Jessica

You Are Exactly Like A Teenage Girl

Why don't you talk to me? You are allowed to do that you know. It is part of your job description. Instead of me having to drag it out my her.
Can I just create a banner and carry it high in the sky everywhere I go that says I AM NOT DATING HIM!
Is it that difficult people? Honestly!!!!
I knew you were suspecting something, but something that far!!!! I'm even distrubed by this thought.
Why are so many people having said thoughts.
I have to go to Musical Theatre now and do a presentation I really do not want to do. Stupid stage directions project. Whatever it'll be over soon. I guess.
I really want to go drink something heavy now. But I guess I won't be able to. I should have just gone for tea.
Staying safe by not even dating,
Jessica

I Don't Really Know What To Say Anymore

I really don't. I'm just kind of tired. Of everything. Of everybody.

I'm tired of one-sided friendships. That's usually how I feel about friendships. It sucks. I'm not going to lie. I generally feel unnoticed and it pretty much sucks.

Was thinking back today to December. And I remembered the whole you don't deserve to be treated like that thing. Why is it that it has taken it this long for that to clue in? I'm fine in the moment but afterwards I just kinda want to jump off a cliff. People tell me a lot, but it seems like no one cares to listen. Because heaven forbid there was an actual imperfection with Jessica. It would be the end of the world wouldn't it?

I really need to work harder on University and such. But I'm really not as enthused about it as I once was.

I see you, you see me differently.

I'm trying not to be worried, but I am. (Sigh maybe he was right...)

I still feel like that guy from KPAX. More stuff keeps smelling.

I hate her I hate her so much. I hate her stares and her snotty tone she uses when she talks to me. And I hate her choreography. I hate everything about her.

I leaned on Vickie today and she smelled my hair. WTF PEOPLE! Smell your own god damn hair. Leave my hair out of your smelling vicinity. GEEZ!

I wish people would stop saying that we mesh well. It gives me dino-ragies.

Your in trouble. Again. Maybe we shouldn't be friends.... Haha...

But the morning will come... And as you fall fast asleep with your head on my chest, watch you breathe in and out...

Notice me horton,

Jessica

Tomorrow's Genocide

Will include people that are stupid. Including Taylor Swift. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE A GRAMMY. ljnadvlknad

I'm really pissed. Like my life shouldn't need to be a conversation topic. I'm going to go with silent rage tomorrow. I really don't want to talk to anyone. I'd rather just eat lunch with you and let the world live in their own stupidity.

Kanye is smiling wherever he is right now. Beyonce is the shit. That dress is awesome and she won best song. Heck I'm smiling.

Love is like an illusionary glove box. MBF I almost cried today during rehearsal. Thank you for being amazing.

Gaga and Elton John are amazing. I was so proud. haha.

Beyonce is singing Jagged Little Pill. I'm laughing so hard... Holy shit Beyonce is killing this right now. I'm dying. Serial.

Oh PINK I love thou. Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands? Closed your eyes and trusted. Just trust me. Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air, have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care? ... Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove your not alone... Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside? ... There you are sitting in the garden, clutching me coffee. Calling me sugar. You called me sugar.

I love that that song was from her last album. That's my favourite song. Dude its raining? Wtf. Pink is the shit. Why am I always there before everyone else? Geez.

SILVERSUN PICKUPS ARE NOMINATED?!?!?! OMFG OMFG! Zac Brown... Are you fucking kidding me. Go die universe.

I love The Black Eyed Peas outfits. They're crazy. I like the mashups they make though. Will.I.Am's hair is awesome. Also. Just throwing that out there. I want to be a Black Eyed Peas robot...

HAHAHA THE CURTAIN GOT STUCK ON LADY ANTEBELLUM! HAHAHA THATS WHAT THEY GET FOR HAVING SHITTY MUSIC.

KOL deserved to win. But I'd prefer Gaga did.

Haha ok Fergie was like bobbing to Jamie Foxx and Josh was like awkward head bob. I love Josh. Soooo pretty....

SLASH! OMFG SLASH! SLASH! I"M TRIPPING BALLZ! Ok breathing...

Wow Alice isn't looking good. He should be a PSA for drugs. Kids would actually realize how bad drugs are if he was. Also what is Katy Perry wearing? Billy Joe tripped. HAHA. Class act. Hahaha the award passer outer lady just had to pull Alice to where he needed to stand. Poor old Alice... I want to have shots with KOL. Erg....

There's no way Zac Brown is actually playing at the Grammy's. I want to cry.

TAYLOR SWIFT THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THEN BOYS. FUCK OFF. HER SHIRTS FALLING OFF I CAN SEE TAYLORS BRA!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I wish Taylor could at least hit one actual note. But she can't. My ears are bleeding..

Awww Michael Tribute.... Don't make me cry... Poor Michael. Watching the 3D video not in 3D eats my soul. FREE WILLY!!!!!

Joe looks really cute tonight...

I don't understand how stupid bands get to play on the Grammy's but a band like Bon Jovi has never been given that honour. That's stupid.

Jay-Z's laugh is friggin hilarioius... HAHAHAHAHA... It just killed my soul. In a good way.

Adam Sandler doesn't look very good...

Oh Dave Matthew's, you are the butt of every Canadian Indie Artist joke. I hope you know that.

I love Beyonce and Jay-Z. Power couples ftw.

Gaga's outfit is friggin stunning. I love her. Sweet Jesus I love her. Haha

TRAVIS BARKER!!!!!!! I SEE YOU OVER THERE TRAVIS!!!!

EMINEM!!! EEEKKK!!!!!

Travis you are so fucking awesome. No lies. I love you. I wish they would stop bleeping it out. FRIG!

Lil Wayne has way better dance moves than me... Boo... Pull up your pants.

Can I please return my Taylor Swift CD? Actually can we have a Taylor Swift CD burning party?

I'm going to bed now... Adam's dying.

Your friend,

Jessica