I have been counting down. You have no clue. Today when I was like this is all ballz. I was like but wait.. September 8th is on the way. You're a class act, man. I love it. Soak it up. It's well deserved. I like that maybe people can see some sort of the real side? Idk... I hope I can work with you too one day. You are ridiculously talented. Also loving the insert. That's one thing I really judge a band upon. Kudos to you man.
Anyways, I love ya and miss ya so get your skinny ass behind in your skinny little jeans over here and play us some of these fantastic tunes!
Also I might just have to start drinking me some of that...
Sweeet I can go to the mall before my meeting and pick it up!!!
Love,
I really want to do this right.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Internal Rage, like Michael Franit's exploding spleen.
Yeah that sounds about right...
Wait make up sex? With Faber? Ya ok...
Also we think that cute boy is in Gr. 10. Epic fail.
Also Dr. Christison is super nice.
When he's out of weed, he'll call.
True story.
And I'm starting to see why, better alone...
I want to go see Owl City.
Also pretty sure cute Chem boy has a girlfriend. Ballz.
I'm tired of plaid being in. If everyone could just go disappear that would be nice.
I'm totally in love with the new shoes that Amy made me by. I think they will match my S4C shirt. I'm secretly ridiculously stoked about that.
And we were only kids.
I wish people understood more. You know what I mean.
Also I'm a total hypocrite. I'm all for the purest uncorrupted form of Communism but I love earning for myself and relishing in those earnings.
What represents you as an individual? I drew my glasses. Then I climbed up on the desk and put them right at the top at the center. That also really represents me as an individual.
Also you're a frontal beard!
That laugh was soooo loud today! BAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Also I think I'm bringing picture day clothes to locker so I can change when they call moi.
Also Latency has become a no go. They'll come back maybe with Faber. That'd be dope. Then me and Krikit can continue on the path to acquaintances.
I'm pretty sure I'm mentally unstable.
Did homework all night and then made my lunch for tomorrow. Hopefully that will give me more time in the morning.
Thursday afternoon no school! HAZAH!
I mean I'm totally going to school Dr.....
I'm tired of the bangs already. Bahahahhaa. I think I get bored wayyyyy tooooo easily.
Also DJ AM had a show about helping people clean themselves up. :( And not to sound rude but I don't think someone accidentally overdoses on Zanex and cocaine. :( Sad for Blink. They cancelled their New York show well it continued on without them with some surprise guests. I wonder who stepped in...... Read Travis' comments last night. Made me more super sad. Shit like this fucks me up to man.
Really opened up everything in that one paragraph for our first assignment in sociology. Oh well... I don't really care.
Also this kind of... Well yeah...
It scares me that there's more than one person out there who knows what's going to happen to them. I have other fears too. Trust me. Gotta love the industry.
This makes me smile though. Best post secret ever.
Where I'll never be more than her toy of the week. But each time I prepare my goodbyes... She cries.
It's weird talking to all those people. Well the 8 of us. I'll forever remember that conversation. Thank you.
Love,
You won't be 17 forever, but we can get away with this tonight.
Wait make up sex? With Faber? Ya ok...
Also we think that cute boy is in Gr. 10. Epic fail.
Also Dr. Christison is super nice.
When he's out of weed, he'll call.
True story.
And I'm starting to see why, better alone...
I want to go see Owl City.
Also pretty sure cute Chem boy has a girlfriend. Ballz.
I'm tired of plaid being in. If everyone could just go disappear that would be nice.
I'm totally in love with the new shoes that Amy made me by. I think they will match my S4C shirt. I'm secretly ridiculously stoked about that.
And we were only kids.
I wish people understood more. You know what I mean.
Also I'm a total hypocrite. I'm all for the purest uncorrupted form of Communism but I love earning for myself and relishing in those earnings.
What represents you as an individual? I drew my glasses. Then I climbed up on the desk and put them right at the top at the center. That also really represents me as an individual.
Also you're a frontal beard!
That laugh was soooo loud today! BAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Also I think I'm bringing picture day clothes to locker so I can change when they call moi.
Also Latency has become a no go. They'll come back maybe with Faber. That'd be dope. Then me and Krikit can continue on the path to acquaintances.
I'm pretty sure I'm mentally unstable.
Did homework all night and then made my lunch for tomorrow. Hopefully that will give me more time in the morning.
Thursday afternoon no school! HAZAH!
I mean I'm totally going to school Dr.....
I'm tired of the bangs already. Bahahahhaa. I think I get bored wayyyyy tooooo easily.
Also DJ AM had a show about helping people clean themselves up. :( And not to sound rude but I don't think someone accidentally overdoses on Zanex and cocaine. :( Sad for Blink. They cancelled their New York show well it continued on without them with some surprise guests. I wonder who stepped in...... Read Travis' comments last night. Made me more super sad. Shit like this fucks me up to man.
Really opened up everything in that one paragraph for our first assignment in sociology. Oh well... I don't really care.
Also this kind of... Well yeah...
It scares me that there's more than one person out there who knows what's going to happen to them. I have other fears too. Trust me. Gotta love the industry.This makes me smile though. Best post secret ever.
Where I'll never be more than her toy of the week. But each time I prepare my goodbyes... She cries.
It's weird talking to all those people. Well the 8 of us. I'll forever remember that conversation. Thank you.
Love,
You won't be 17 forever, but we can get away with this tonight.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
It's Time To "Walk On Water Or Drown"
Well Adam you have successfully taken some life out of these past few days for me. At least they're saying OD or did you want them to say suicide? Hmm...
So I found out. And tried to find it. You got a minute of news maybe. And that was 24/8 CTV news. It brought tears to my eyes. That it did.
Yesterday I was completely exhausted. Everything was sore. But I got in the car dealt with that kid who loves me, dealt with that kid who I'm afraid of and went to Cornfest in a rather unpleasant mood. We looked at cars. I found a car for me. Special Features: It's A Van! That made me smile. We had some free corn. Very yummy. Then we walked around the fair. Then I watched Trouble and more Trouble and had to go on the rides with them. The first on eI enjoyed but after that it was went down down down down. We got back to the hotel. Went for supper. Wasn't what I wanted. Went back to the hotel and found myself almost in tears. So I stayed behind. I went downstairs with more Trouble and bought us cookies and cream cake. It was happy making. Then I went down to the hot tub. Came back up stairs and had a warm shower. Then I stretched which felt nice but my back is still killing me. More than before. Then we ran downstairs to watch the fireworks. And then came back upstairs and basically fell asleep.
And I'm still in this funk. It's weird. Everything was on such a high and now I'm been hacked at the heart. If we shall.
Chemistry is screwed. I don't have a textbook yet and can't remember the equations and nothing is making sense so I'll just ignore it.
Thankfully I still have another two days to write a paragraph for sociology. It's about socialization and what influences us. She wants to use it to get to know us. I was really lost when she was like how your family or religion influences you. But maybe now I think I know what to write about. Maybe. She said it's all confidential. So why not actually be truthful about something to someone for once.
I hate first semester. It brings this shit out in me.
Oh god I just figured it out. Why his death is bothering me. I don't think I want to write anymore...
Did you know it takes two years to fully grieve a death.
Is there something I could say to make you turn around because nights like these I wish I'd said don't go.
Love,
Can anybody help to get me out of here?
I really just need sleep. And to exercise. That would be nice. Tomorrow is a new day. All nice bright and early.
So I found out. And tried to find it. You got a minute of news maybe. And that was 24/8 CTV news. It brought tears to my eyes. That it did.
Yesterday I was completely exhausted. Everything was sore. But I got in the car dealt with that kid who loves me, dealt with that kid who I'm afraid of and went to Cornfest in a rather unpleasant mood. We looked at cars. I found a car for me. Special Features: It's A Van! That made me smile. We had some free corn. Very yummy. Then we walked around the fair. Then I watched Trouble and more Trouble and had to go on the rides with them. The first on eI enjoyed but after that it was went down down down down. We got back to the hotel. Went for supper. Wasn't what I wanted. Went back to the hotel and found myself almost in tears. So I stayed behind. I went downstairs with more Trouble and bought us cookies and cream cake. It was happy making. Then I went down to the hot tub. Came back up stairs and had a warm shower. Then I stretched which felt nice but my back is still killing me. More than before. Then we ran downstairs to watch the fireworks. And then came back upstairs and basically fell asleep.
And I'm still in this funk. It's weird. Everything was on such a high and now I'm been hacked at the heart. If we shall.
Chemistry is screwed. I don't have a textbook yet and can't remember the equations and nothing is making sense so I'll just ignore it.
Thankfully I still have another two days to write a paragraph for sociology. It's about socialization and what influences us. She wants to use it to get to know us. I was really lost when she was like how your family or religion influences you. But maybe now I think I know what to write about. Maybe. She said it's all confidential. So why not actually be truthful about something to someone for once.
I hate first semester. It brings this shit out in me.
Oh god I just figured it out. Why his death is bothering me. I don't think I want to write anymore...
Did you know it takes two years to fully grieve a death.
Is there something I could say to make you turn around because nights like these I wish I'd said don't go.
Love,
Can anybody help to get me out of here?
I really just need sleep. And to exercise. That would be nice. Tomorrow is a new day. All nice bright and early.
Friday, August 28, 2009
We Are Broken In Our Strength
I'm still kind of in shock.
You seemed fulfilled. But outer image is everything, isn't it?
I'm sad that the demons were so enraged that you had to do this. Maybe if a phone call had come two minutes sooner. If someone had dragged you out of your prison tonight, this might not have happened. I'm really... just lost over this. You were worth saving.
I'm scared to say the things i'm saying.
At least you hopefully won't have to see those images anymore. And I pray that Travis can get through this. Travis please focus on your amazing kids. Focus on the amazing amount of support you have. You are a treasure. And your friend will be treasured forever.
Somedays our breaths are too short. And our last one comes all to soon.
Love,
Today we lost an inspirational, innovative and amazing musician but most of all, person.
RIP Adam, DJ AM
Ps. MTV please play the intervention episode. Kids need to see this.
You seemed fulfilled. But outer image is everything, isn't it?
I'm sad that the demons were so enraged that you had to do this. Maybe if a phone call had come two minutes sooner. If someone had dragged you out of your prison tonight, this might not have happened. I'm really... just lost over this. You were worth saving.
I'm scared to say the things i'm saying.
At least you hopefully won't have to see those images anymore. And I pray that Travis can get through this. Travis please focus on your amazing kids. Focus on the amazing amount of support you have. You are a treasure. And your friend will be treasured forever.
Somedays our breaths are too short. And our last one comes all to soon.
Love,
Today we lost an inspirational, innovative and amazing musician but most of all, person.
RIP Adam, DJ AM
Ps. MTV please play the intervention episode. Kids need to see this.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
MY BRAIN MATTER IS ALL OVER THE PLACE!
HOLY SHIT!
Sorry...
Ok soo...
Things are going way to smoothly.
To many things are just falling in place.
It's crazy.
There's that thing that happened that we can't talk about.
My braces came off.
I have great supportive people I can talk to like Jay and James and B. I love it. We need to have one of those nights again.
My courses are some what good.
Camping was fun.
AC/DC was AMAZING! They left out a few good hits but the show was awesome! 12 minute guitar solo anyone? Love. The rain was crazy. It actually got more enjoyable once it began to downpour. There was a second where I was afraid it was about to be hail.
I need to trim up the bangs a bit more since they were created with bathroom scissors while sitting in the front seat of a car. Hahaha... Shh... Don't share my beauty secrets. There's little hairs stuck in my mascara... Bahahaha...
Taber this weekend! WOOT! It's gonna be ridonkulous!
Oh shit are we hanging out tomorrow?
Four button on phone is not working. So if your text is missing a 4, g, h or i. That is why.
I'm volunteering at Pride. Which is exciting.
I have that orientation next week for the blogging thingy. That's exciting.
And now Darren emailed me back and wants to meet with me. Which is why there is brain matter everywhere.
James is such a sweetie.
Also need to befriend that dude/dudes. We could use each other. In a music business sense. GAWD!
Oh ok, so now Seventh Rain, MBF or Latency...
I should slow down a bit. I think I'm going to skip the Latency although for that first one I might be there for that other thing. I HOPE DARREN LIKES ME! GAH!
Why haven't I told you about this yet!?!?!?!
Love,
And you got here just in time to let me know I was worth saving.
Sorry...
Ok soo...
Things are going way to smoothly.
To many things are just falling in place.
It's crazy.
There's that thing that happened that we can't talk about.
My braces came off.
I have great supportive people I can talk to like Jay and James and B. I love it. We need to have one of those nights again.
My courses are some what good.
Camping was fun.
AC/DC was AMAZING! They left out a few good hits but the show was awesome! 12 minute guitar solo anyone? Love. The rain was crazy. It actually got more enjoyable once it began to downpour. There was a second where I was afraid it was about to be hail.
I need to trim up the bangs a bit more since they were created with bathroom scissors while sitting in the front seat of a car. Hahaha... Shh... Don't share my beauty secrets. There's little hairs stuck in my mascara... Bahahaha...
Taber this weekend! WOOT! It's gonna be ridonkulous!
Oh shit are we hanging out tomorrow?
Four button on phone is not working. So if your text is missing a 4, g, h or i. That is why.
I'm volunteering at Pride. Which is exciting.
I have that orientation next week for the blogging thingy. That's exciting.
And now Darren emailed me back and wants to meet with me. Which is why there is brain matter everywhere.
James is such a sweetie.
Also need to befriend that dude/dudes. We could use each other. In a music business sense. GAWD!
Oh ok, so now Seventh Rain, MBF or Latency...
I should slow down a bit. I think I'm going to skip the Latency although for that first one I might be there for that other thing. I HOPE DARREN LIKES ME! GAH!
Why haven't I told you about this yet!?!?!?!
Love,
And you got here just in time to let me know I was worth saving.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Play me A Song It's Been Too Long Since I Heard You Sing
Wow your really getting antsy aren't you?
We'll go scope out the cuties. I see that you like clean cut. I could help you with that. Hahaha.
AC/DC tomorrow. Super stoked. Things like this don't happen that often.
Somedays I wish I was a groupie. Hahaha... I mean that but with something more. I mean nevermind.
I love that scarf, non-scarf...
I'm sorry I caused arguements... :( But don't worry about me. I'll just drag you deeper in debt. :P
You've been away for too long...
I feel like everything is figured out. That everything is going way too smoothly. And I'm really scared for what is going to have to happen to even this all out.
Looking forward to classes by myself again.. Yipee!!!
Also slowly working on he lives in you. Have some interesting ideas. I'm going to work these kids.
Those were really good potatoes and random steamed green leaves.
I know that when I tell you you'll be mad at me for not telling you, but if I tell you it'll just increase the internal rages.
You are an extremely humble person. Trust me.
Your an ass. Trust me.
I'm going to listen to Mayday downstairs and stretch.
Love,
But I Let Go...
We'll go scope out the cuties. I see that you like clean cut. I could help you with that. Hahaha.
AC/DC tomorrow. Super stoked. Things like this don't happen that often.
Somedays I wish I was a groupie. Hahaha... I mean that but with something more. I mean nevermind.
I love that scarf, non-scarf...
I'm sorry I caused arguements... :( But don't worry about me. I'll just drag you deeper in debt. :P
You've been away for too long...
I feel like everything is figured out. That everything is going way too smoothly. And I'm really scared for what is going to have to happen to even this all out.
Looking forward to classes by myself again.. Yipee!!!
Also slowly working on he lives in you. Have some interesting ideas. I'm going to work these kids.
Those were really good potatoes and random steamed green leaves.
I know that when I tell you you'll be mad at me for not telling you, but if I tell you it'll just increase the internal rages.
You are an extremely humble person. Trust me.
Your an ass. Trust me.
I'm going to listen to Mayday downstairs and stretch.
Love,
But I Let Go...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Absolutely Stunning
So did anyone else feel that between L and I tonight? And why was P doing that? It was weird. Idk. Apparently since that day in the drama room we're best friends. That's chill.
I love talking with Courtney. She thinks I think she's crazy but she's my hero. She's a little more intense than I am but I love it. I wish we lived closer to each other. One day we will chill out. And go for crepes. And run after buses. I'm excited. She's going to Columbia. I hate Courtney.
This made my day. You deserve so much happiness boys. You are doing it the right way.
It's all I can think about. Packing up my stuff. Moving. Taking the sky train. Shopping in the market. It is seriously my every thought. I don't know what will happen if this doesn't.
Love,
My World Felt New
Friday, August 21, 2009
I Can't Believe This Happened Today
This kind of makes up for you definitely through the pick at me and the girl beside me grabbing it.
Krikit Liddle commented on your wall post.
5:09pmJessica L'Heureux I love the new video!! Kind of missing you rocking out the bass though... Congrats!
Change The Channel
Every time I see this commercial I chose not to watch it.
Because it makes me cry.
It makes me want to sit in the closet.
Haven't sat in the closet for a long time.
Did tonight though.
It's nice in there.
Roomy.
Dark.
Cool.
Quiet.
And for a second I don't have to be reminded that I am still here.
Love,
Well the landslide brought us down.
Because it makes me cry.
It makes me want to sit in the closet.
Haven't sat in the closet for a long time.
Did tonight though.
It's nice in there.
Roomy.
Dark.
Cool.
Quiet.
And for a second I don't have to be reminded that I am still here.
Love,
Well the landslide brought us down.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I really wanted to repost this post.
It was real wasn't it...
Those things you feel all through yourself, they're real. Those things you're able to forget and live past are not real. I'm leaving, because I need to find something as real as this. As real as what this conjures and brings out of me. I'm not leaving cause I want to move out. I'm leaving because I'll be better there. I'm not going to get better here, anytime soon.
"Hey Dave" *insert wrong note* we love it anyways.... We always love the things that are there for us. Especially those things that are there for you at night. We'll never forget these times. We only get them once.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Not Here To Make A Scene, Cause We're Living The Dream
"Miles. Remember when we shot fireworks at Gerry and Calen but not Josh and Dave cause they were the cooler ones and then the cops came cause they thought it was gun shots and then the next day we got robbed in that shit sorry excuse of a city? Remember how you said you would never go back? That was lie. You went back..... Anyways moral of the story is we really need to shoot fireworks at Gerry again."
Thank you for that. It made me smile...
You didn't sell out. You're amazing. You're growing. I love it.
I loved those jeans today... Too expensive...
I loved that dress. I looked HAWT! I should have bought it to wear for when I go out for drinks with Gene.
There are days where I look at you. Someone I didn't realize I idolize. And I'm jealous. No lie. You are amazing. Your determination brought you here. Your perseverance. Your talent. Having your hand in with everything. Staying grounded. You're a brilliant young man and you deserve everything the world will give you.
I'm in a good mood today.
Hopefully Jenna and I can make lunch tomorrow. That would be swell...
Love,
Blister
Thank you for that. It made me smile...
You didn't sell out. You're amazing. You're growing. I love it.
I loved those jeans today... Too expensive...
I loved that dress. I looked HAWT! I should have bought it to wear for when I go out for drinks with Gene.
There are days where I look at you. Someone I didn't realize I idolize. And I'm jealous. No lie. You are amazing. Your determination brought you here. Your perseverance. Your talent. Having your hand in with everything. Staying grounded. You're a brilliant young man and you deserve everything the world will give you.
I'm in a good mood today.
Hopefully Jenna and I can make lunch tomorrow. That would be swell...
Love,
Blister
17: Had The World Figured Out
Today for some reason I have hope. It excites me.
Today's going to be a good day if I can find sleep.
I need to go to the bank...
I need to wash these pants when I wake up...
I want to tell you. But it will just crush you.
The morning after I wasn't thrilled.
But looking back. I realized I had fun.
I wouldn't trade these days for anything.
We all compare too much.
I love just chilling. Having fun.
The only other thing that will make this all complete.
A blueberry dip doughnut from Timmy's. I want one so bad and everytime I'm there they are sold out. :(
Guess nothing ever really goes the way it's planned.
I thought I'd have tons for next year.
But it's all slipping away.
Need to make an appointment.
Need to know schedule first.
I'm going to go sleep with a smile now...
After I get myself some blueberry's. Hahaha...
Love,
Stop playing dead, you're the queen of the scene...
Today's going to be a good day if I can find sleep.
I need to go to the bank...
I need to wash these pants when I wake up...
I want to tell you. But it will just crush you.
The morning after I wasn't thrilled.
But looking back. I realized I had fun.
I wouldn't trade these days for anything.
We all compare too much.
I love just chilling. Having fun.
The only other thing that will make this all complete.
A blueberry dip doughnut from Timmy's. I want one so bad and everytime I'm there they are sold out. :(
Guess nothing ever really goes the way it's planned.
I thought I'd have tons for next year.
But it's all slipping away.
Need to make an appointment.
Need to know schedule first.
I'm going to go sleep with a smile now...
After I get myself some blueberry's. Hahaha...
Love,
Stop playing dead, you're the queen of the scene...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
cmptr just made me cry
I love this.
That music brings people so close.
I hate you James.
In the past three minutes I have experienced the most love. Ever.
Jay truly brings us all together.
He has created a Great Depression.
I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I don't know. One moment I'm this person and the next I'm slipping backwards. Losing grip. Where am I standing? Why can't I cut it? Why does it continue?
I'm not talking about people. I just worry about other people. A lot.
I love James. He makes me cry.
I love B. He makes me happy. I'm going to visit in Seattle.
Talking with people who are older. 57. They've seen so much. We can relate. They're real. They know the pain. They know the drugs. The ones that are supposed to help. We can talk about that openly. The troubles we have faced. We share so easily with one another. And the support we all give. It's beautiful. I needed something like that today. So thank you to the nine of us who stuck it out after Jay left us.
Apparently my name reminds Jay of Janet Jackson and apparently Jay remembers me which makes me laugh. Everyone's talking about random shit while me and Jay are having our own conversation. Hahahaha...
I'm always up so late. With my thoughts. Of how life used to be. Of how life is. Of life is supposed to be. Of how life is going to be for him. There's nothing there. No structure. There needs to be. But don't step in. I've noticed people don't hit you if you keep your mouth shut. I shouldn't tlak about this here. I don't want anyone to know this.
But I related. To that book. To the crying. To the back seat. To it all. To everything.
We're fighting the good fight guys. Support gays/lesbians/transvestites, any and all walks of life. Life is to short for all this hate.
This book helped me realize what song I'm going to sing.
I remember when Cam said that to me. When he said that what I was doing was a good thing. Trying to reach people. Cam's actually a great guy. I can't wait to hang out with him again this year.
And there's this part where you're laughing and with the people who are closest to you. But they know nothing about you. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. They think they do. But man they don't. They don't at all. I just talked to 9 people for two hours and they know more than these friends do. The act is amazing isn't it. Pragmatics. Pragmatics. Dead duck day. Pragmatics. Don't let them know your secrets. Don't share the secrets of the act. Makes it seem more plastic when you share.
I wish I could tell you about everything that happened in those past hours but then you'd know too much. He's 27 and doesn't do that shit. I'm 17 and I do it. I need to stop.
I shouldn't have started yesterday. Why did I give up on that? I was doing so well...
I wish I could write down everything. I wish I could put everything here. But no longer will I. Why? Because of pragmatics. What a fucker they are...
Here's just another place to keep up the act.
Love,
He leans forward and looks at me - not the way other people look at me. He actually looks at me - not at all my fat, not at my scar, not at the blotch under the scar. He looks at me, and he smiles. " Yes, I do see you. I see you." And then it happens. I cry.
That music brings people so close.
I hate you James.
In the past three minutes I have experienced the most love. Ever.
Jay truly brings us all together.
He has created a Great Depression.
I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I don't know. One moment I'm this person and the next I'm slipping backwards. Losing grip. Where am I standing? Why can't I cut it? Why does it continue?
I'm not talking about people. I just worry about other people. A lot.
I love James. He makes me cry.
I love B. He makes me happy. I'm going to visit in Seattle.
Talking with people who are older. 57. They've seen so much. We can relate. They're real. They know the pain. They know the drugs. The ones that are supposed to help. We can talk about that openly. The troubles we have faced. We share so easily with one another. And the support we all give. It's beautiful. I needed something like that today. So thank you to the nine of us who stuck it out after Jay left us.
Apparently my name reminds Jay of Janet Jackson and apparently Jay remembers me which makes me laugh. Everyone's talking about random shit while me and Jay are having our own conversation. Hahahaha...
I'm always up so late. With my thoughts. Of how life used to be. Of how life is. Of life is supposed to be. Of how life is going to be for him. There's nothing there. No structure. There needs to be. But don't step in. I've noticed people don't hit you if you keep your mouth shut. I shouldn't tlak about this here. I don't want anyone to know this.
But I related. To that book. To the crying. To the back seat. To it all. To everything.
We're fighting the good fight guys. Support gays/lesbians/transvestites, any and all walks of life. Life is to short for all this hate.
This book helped me realize what song I'm going to sing.
I remember when Cam said that to me. When he said that what I was doing was a good thing. Trying to reach people. Cam's actually a great guy. I can't wait to hang out with him again this year.
And there's this part where you're laughing and with the people who are closest to you. But they know nothing about you. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. They think they do. But man they don't. They don't at all. I just talked to 9 people for two hours and they know more than these friends do. The act is amazing isn't it. Pragmatics. Pragmatics. Dead duck day. Pragmatics. Don't let them know your secrets. Don't share the secrets of the act. Makes it seem more plastic when you share.
I wish I could tell you about everything that happened in those past hours but then you'd know too much. He's 27 and doesn't do that shit. I'm 17 and I do it. I need to stop.
I shouldn't have started yesterday. Why did I give up on that? I was doing so well...
I wish I could write down everything. I wish I could put everything here. But no longer will I. Why? Because of pragmatics. What a fucker they are...
Here's just another place to keep up the act.
Love,
He leans forward and looks at me - not the way other people look at me. He actually looks at me - not at all my fat, not at my scar, not at the blotch under the scar. He looks at me, and he smiles. " Yes, I do see you. I see you." And then it happens. I cry.
Monday, August 17, 2009
I Am The Patron Saint of Lost Causes.
I read this book tonight.
there'll always be shit that happens in your life that'll make you wonder what the hell God was thinking when he made humans.
I'm haunted by a secret that will eat away my insides, until I'm empty and my life disintegrates into nothingness.
None of them is like me.
If God made us in his image does that mean he's screwed up to?
It's better to be flawed outside like BJ. Than to be flawed inside like me. Because right off she knows what to expect from people. Right now. I don't even know what to expect from myself.
I shrink so small he can no longer see me. When I'm standing right infront. Of him.
I'm afriad sometimes. She can look deep into my eyes and see my whole life is an act. Just like I can look deep into her eyes, and see that sometimes. She's acting too.
Listening to a good singer can make you float insdie. Listening to a bad one can make you cover your ears and run out of the room screaming.
And being with him is worse than drowning in my own shit.
I don't understand how people can be so consumed with so much hate or fear. For something they don't understand they didn't realize what they are doing at the time they are doing it.
And inside I'm screaming so loud. I get headaches.
When you're little you think dandelions are flowers; it's not until you're grown up that you think they're weeds. The dandelions never changed. Your standards did.
And I try to hide deeper inside myself.
There's an empty space deep inside me where no one else can go. But when I'm alone with David that space fills up. And that. Scares me.
I plug in my earphones because I know if I don't, he'll take away my escape from the real world. And right now that world is killing me.
Everyday, those walls get stronger, and soon I feel like I'm in a vault. Inside that vault I feel safe. Inside that vault nothing can hurt me. Inside that vault, I don't feel anything. Insaide that vault, I can't even feel Jacob's hugs for nothing. I don't like that.
Love,
in the GARAGE
there'll always be shit that happens in your life that'll make you wonder what the hell God was thinking when he made humans.
I'm haunted by a secret that will eat away my insides, until I'm empty and my life disintegrates into nothingness.
None of them is like me.
If God made us in his image does that mean he's screwed up to?
It's better to be flawed outside like BJ. Than to be flawed inside like me. Because right off she knows what to expect from people. Right now. I don't even know what to expect from myself.
I shrink so small he can no longer see me. When I'm standing right infront. Of him.
I'm afriad sometimes. She can look deep into my eyes and see my whole life is an act. Just like I can look deep into her eyes, and see that sometimes. She's acting too.
Listening to a good singer can make you float insdie. Listening to a bad one can make you cover your ears and run out of the room screaming.
And being with him is worse than drowning in my own shit.
I don't understand how people can be so consumed with so much hate or fear. For something they don't understand they didn't realize what they are doing at the time they are doing it.
And inside I'm screaming so loud. I get headaches.
When you're little you think dandelions are flowers; it's not until you're grown up that you think they're weeds. The dandelions never changed. Your standards did.
And I try to hide deeper inside myself.
There's an empty space deep inside me where no one else can go. But when I'm alone with David that space fills up. And that. Scares me.
I plug in my earphones because I know if I don't, he'll take away my escape from the real world. And right now that world is killing me.
Everyday, those walls get stronger, and soon I feel like I'm in a vault. Inside that vault I feel safe. Inside that vault nothing can hurt me. Inside that vault, I don't feel anything. Insaide that vault, I can't even feel Jacob's hugs for nothing. I don't like that.
Love,
in the GARAGE
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Songs Stuck In My Head
I watched that show last night. I'm scared to talk about it. He was treating himself. Tell me about it. It scares me. To know that. One day. I will be that lost.
by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be
cause im fake at the seams
lost in my dreams
and i want you to know
that i cant let you go
and youre never comin' home again
and youre never comin' home again
by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be
you'll never be
i wanted to tell you i changed
i wanted to tell you that things would be different this time
i see you you see me differently
i see you you see me differently
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be
cause im fake at the seams
lost in my dreams
and i want you to know
that i cant let you go
and youre never comin' home again
and youre never comin' home again
by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be
you'll never be
i wanted to tell you i changed
i wanted to tell you that things would be different this time
i see you you see me differently
i see you you see me differently
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won't go away today
Will you think that you're all alone,
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary rest your head,
I'm permanent.
I know he's living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?
And when they say it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away
But still you say,
Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head,
I'm permanent.
I'm permanent.
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry.
Friday, August 14, 2009
2: That's How Many People She Blabbed It To
Here I am trying to keep everything quiet and she screams it across the friggin bank.
Cash cash he's made of money...
I'm so bummed we had to miss those guys play... Sigh...
Mark stop flirting with mermaids...
I really want deep fried green beans right now...
I wonder if they posted anything yet...
Nope they didn't.
Chantal... I'll only go if Raine will be there too...
I'm over your shit. Honestly. This is stupid.
I'm done with stupidity. I just want to have a good time. Life's short. Somedays. So just live it.
Don't waste this.
If you want to live it up while you can be my friend. Otherwise I could care less.
I can't believe you didn't kill them yet. A trailer?
Things are going pretty smoothly.
Excited to be able to dress up tomorrow night.
I'm thinking yellow, blue and straight legs for Sunday. Haven't decided.
Excited for next Thursday.
Friday's going to be fun too!!!
Monday I think we're going to Telus and Lens Crafters! YAY!
Then camping!!!!
AND WE"RE GOING TO CAMROSE WHICH MEANS HAIRCUT!!!! YAYY!!!!!!!!!
Anyways why am I telling you my daily schedule?
I'm a little insane in the membrane.
My mother says I should stop talking to the tv but its okay that I talk to the radio.
I hate the intertube.
It makes everything a competition.
Especially Social Networks.
Like look at my life. Look how much better it is...
We can't deny that that is what these engines are.
It makes me sick. But we all do it.
Whatever.
Can't wait to talk to my friend. She's going to help me figure out how to live in Van. It's going to be good.
Anyways I think it's time for dessert and Mental.
Well this was a waste of time.
Love,
I have my own dreams.
Cash cash he's made of money...
I'm so bummed we had to miss those guys play... Sigh...
Mark stop flirting with mermaids...
I really want deep fried green beans right now...
I wonder if they posted anything yet...
Nope they didn't.
Chantal... I'll only go if Raine will be there too...
I'm over your shit. Honestly. This is stupid.
I'm done with stupidity. I just want to have a good time. Life's short. Somedays. So just live it.
Don't waste this.
If you want to live it up while you can be my friend. Otherwise I could care less.
I can't believe you didn't kill them yet. A trailer?
Things are going pretty smoothly.
Excited to be able to dress up tomorrow night.
I'm thinking yellow, blue and straight legs for Sunday. Haven't decided.
Excited for next Thursday.
Friday's going to be fun too!!!
Monday I think we're going to Telus and Lens Crafters! YAY!
Then camping!!!!
AND WE"RE GOING TO CAMROSE WHICH MEANS HAIRCUT!!!! YAYY!!!!!!!!!
Anyways why am I telling you my daily schedule?
I'm a little insane in the membrane.
My mother says I should stop talking to the tv but its okay that I talk to the radio.
I hate the intertube.
It makes everything a competition.
Especially Social Networks.
Like look at my life. Look how much better it is...
We can't deny that that is what these engines are.
It makes me sick. But we all do it.
Whatever.
Can't wait to talk to my friend. She's going to help me figure out how to live in Van. It's going to be good.
Anyways I think it's time for dessert and Mental.
Well this was a waste of time.
Love,
I have my own dreams.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
142: The Struggle for Originality
You used me, abused me, you cheated and lied.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83ITQsLv8Es
I need to look at photos to remember all this crazy shit.
$2.00 CD's for the win. I remember me and Becca screaming at them and along with the words three years ago. Crazy shit. We've only been here once. I was there... Hahahaha.
Talking with Colin's friends. Noticing Angela on the fence. Scooch over home boys. We The Kings was AMAZING!!!! And ALL TIME LOW WAS DOPE!!!!!!!!! I try getting over their language. I know why they do etc. Whatever. Nothing personal. I love that Jack and Zak were intent on making sure we were the ones that grabbed it all up. Love to the boys and me and Angela. It's weird singing along and watching the singer watch you sing along. Note to self: Always sing along. It gets you places.
So I have the drum stick. Which he broke while playing. Which is dope.
Then we walked around. And got our playing cards. And I talked with the guys at the Vans booth about music and how they weren't really into any of the mainstage acts and how he was jealous of my stick. Hahahahaha.
Then we walked through a few tents.
Talked to this lady who was promoting her new band, not that she was in the band. So we listened and bought cd's and discussed how she works for CAPITOL RECORDS! I peed my pants. She said my best bet is to just listen to as much music as possible, talk to as many people as possible and get involved with street teams. She said that that is how she got into it. And now she promotes her new bands at Warped Tour. And other such activities.
Then we get to TWLOHA. I snatch up the last two blue shirts but some guy grabs one form the table. And the girl is like where did that one go and I'm like some guy just grabbed it. Turned out it was the guy she was working with. Hahahahaha. In the end it worked out well because Amy wanted the white shirt anyways.
Then we go to Music For Health. And the guy is super nice and Colin buys a shirt and they're really nice shirts. And I'm like I want a shirt. But Colin bought the last one so he bought a tank instead and gave me the white shirt. (Me and Colin are the same size... HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!) And he was such a nice dude. Seriously check these guys out. They're trying to support health care because the guys in bands are always being stupid and getting hurt so they need coverage. And he talked to me about Zak and how Zak is always helping them out. He was the only person that I actually let hold the stick besides Colin. I was so afraid someone would grab it. But I was like hey him and Zak are friends. It's cool.
We keep walking around. Stumble across S4C!!!! YAY!!!! Buy shirts. Talkw ith Rob. Tell him about how Amy couldn't be there and was sad she couldn't see him. He's sooo nice. I just wanted to be really nice and happy with him but me nice and happy? Who are we kididng? Then we walked around more buying merch and stumbled across Cash Cash. So I met the boys, who seemed like a lot less fun than expected. Well only two of the boys... I think the other one was there afterwards but by that time it was hard to tell all the long haired boys apart. And we know how I like them boys. Hahahahahha. Hey at least I wasn't the one taking photos of roadies and photoboys. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!Oh and before that I told the guy from White Tie Affair I didn't want one of their t-shirts.
Then Colin ate and we watched Meg and Dia. And we got water. Ran into Shea somewhere in there. And I was like woah who's that douche calling my name. And i was like OMFG SHEA!!!!! He cut off his hair. I almost cried right there for his hair.
Then we ran over to catch Alana Grace and only made it for like her last song which was balls because we were like her only fans there.
So we stood in line to meet her and she signed my poster May All Your Roses Be Red because that's the song I was singing along to. And damn is that girl FINE!!!!!
Upon walking to her tent we ran into Ryan. Slightly awkward. But only because of girlfriend. She was awkward. He was loving We The Kings and Sing It Loud that morning.
Back to AG>Then talking with her drummer and I asked for a picture. And he was like yeah ok. So we're posed nicely and then he like grabs me with his other arm and is like hug me closer!!!!! get closer!!!! There ya go!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I loved him. Then we chilled out a bit more. Talked with Valencia some more.
Watched Big Damn Band play. Crazy bitch set her washboard on fire. It was AMAZING!!!!
Then Valencia played. We stayed for a few songs before running off to catch 3OH!3.
Noticed Hunter hanging around. So I went and talked with him. And got him to sign our Red Head shirts. SAVE THE RED HEADS!!!! Love that kid.
Then 3Oh!3 was this massive dance party!!!! IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!
Then we ran off to catch Every Avenue. Which was really gooooooooddddddd!!!!!! And attractive!!!!!! <3 I'll be more than your phone call at 4 am and a story to tell your friends. If you know what I mean. You kept looking over. Hahhahaha.
Then I met two of the guys from EA and they were like come behind the table. And I was like yeah... I felt short.
So much back sweat touching. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA!
Then saw The Maine as Colin ran off to get more food. Apparently four granola bars, all my crackers and cheese wasn't enough for him. I ate cheese and two granola bars. Kid should get over himself. Oh and we never used to PP's!!!! YAY!!!!! The Maine was ok, nothing special. Jealous of that kid they brought up on stage to sing Girls Do What They Want, Boys Do What They Can.
We had some down time and watched Breathe Carolina.
Then White Tie Affair played. Most amazing show I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! HANDS DOWN!!! They opened with my favourite song. And then they sang Just Dance because they had been opening for the Lady herself. And so during the set they threw their guitars at each other. Beat each other with a microphone stand. Then they tackled the keyboardist/guitarist and tried to tape him up. SOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!! They were AMAZING!!!!!!!!
Then we ran over to see Forever The Sickest Kids. And damn girls are slow. They all beant over just trying to pick up the picks with their hands. SO I jsut stuck my foot out ontop of it. Silly girls. Then Colin picked up another one in all the dust. mmmmm Crunchies. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AND YAY for birds with good music tastes and a crowd of kids trying to call birds.... HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!
Then we went and saw the Guy From White Tie Affair. Who was being a slut. He was like KEEP ME WARM GIRLSSSSS!!!! And then hima nd I started laughing at him trying to jump around to warm up. Maybe he should have put his shirt on right after the set... Instead of in the line. Then the guy from FTSK was like I can't stay. And I was like can you just sign my booklet. And he was like ok just follow me? And I was like yeah of course. So he waved me over and we walked over to Senses Fail because he wanted to see them play. Only like 3 other girls followed the rest left feeling broken hearted. Stupid girls.
So I left out so much stuff from that day. But this will allow me to hopefully remember this day when I'm old and senile.
I'll think of you guys later in my empty room. Ahahahaha.
Bought new Mp3. So I get to have these sweet photos with me so during school when I have those days I have this. I really donot want to go to school. But I also really want to go because I want to talk with Ms. Taves. Although she'd probably meet me now. Maybe her and I can get to work on some Job Shadows. Matt and Eric maybe? Idk I think she's holding out even more on me... She'll be excited with my news. I can't wait to chill with her. Hahahahahaa.
Things are going well.
Was really excited for this weekend till I realized I was invited to three different things on the same night. But Lion King over powers all of them.
Party Sunday. Slightly concerned? I'm thinking of styling a hazmat suit. *nods*
So Jessica that guy in your picture with the red shirt. Every Avenue? With the plugs? YEAH YEAH YEAH! I saw him riding his bike!!!! Ahaahahahhaahah oh Mom.....
My mother is jealous that I met the boys from Cash Cash and she didn't. Bangs forehead on desk. She says she wants to come next year. I have a feeling she has a thing for circle pits.
Also in the paper it talked about the guy that had written free humps on himself. I defs saw that kid. HAHAHAHHAHHAA!!!!!
She's upset that she didn't get to see Steven Tyler tonight. But it's only postponed. So fingers crossed.
See that guy right there??? Mario Lopez. YES HIM! I LOVE HIS CARDIGAN!!!! His cardigan??? SHUT UP!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Watching ABDC with mom.... Oh boy...
I want to see 500 Days of Summer. It has the boy in it from that show with the airplane!!! Oh yeah like CSI but not! Yeah yeah! The guy with the dirty blonde hair and he's kinda lengthy? The one that wears CARDIGANS!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!! Oh man.....
I miss you. I want you to come home soon. All I've wanted to do is hang out with you the whole time you've been gone.
Something just fell outside and scared the shit out of me. Not sure yet what it was.
Love,
Shhh It Happens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83ITQsLv8Es
I need to look at photos to remember all this crazy shit.
$2.00 CD's for the win. I remember me and Becca screaming at them and along with the words three years ago. Crazy shit. We've only been here once. I was there... Hahahaha.
Talking with Colin's friends. Noticing Angela on the fence. Scooch over home boys. We The Kings was AMAZING!!!! And ALL TIME LOW WAS DOPE!!!!!!!!! I try getting over their language. I know why they do etc. Whatever. Nothing personal. I love that Jack and Zak were intent on making sure we were the ones that grabbed it all up. Love to the boys and me and Angela. It's weird singing along and watching the singer watch you sing along. Note to self: Always sing along. It gets you places.
So I have the drum stick. Which he broke while playing. Which is dope.
Then we walked around. And got our playing cards. And I talked with the guys at the Vans booth about music and how they weren't really into any of the mainstage acts and how he was jealous of my stick. Hahahahaha.
Then we walked through a few tents.
Talked to this lady who was promoting her new band, not that she was in the band. So we listened and bought cd's and discussed how she works for CAPITOL RECORDS! I peed my pants. She said my best bet is to just listen to as much music as possible, talk to as many people as possible and get involved with street teams. She said that that is how she got into it. And now she promotes her new bands at Warped Tour. And other such activities.
Then we get to TWLOHA. I snatch up the last two blue shirts but some guy grabs one form the table. And the girl is like where did that one go and I'm like some guy just grabbed it. Turned out it was the guy she was working with. Hahahahaha. In the end it worked out well because Amy wanted the white shirt anyways.
Then we go to Music For Health. And the guy is super nice and Colin buys a shirt and they're really nice shirts. And I'm like I want a shirt. But Colin bought the last one so he bought a tank instead and gave me the white shirt. (Me and Colin are the same size... HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!) And he was such a nice dude. Seriously check these guys out. They're trying to support health care because the guys in bands are always being stupid and getting hurt so they need coverage. And he talked to me about Zak and how Zak is always helping them out. He was the only person that I actually let hold the stick besides Colin. I was so afraid someone would grab it. But I was like hey him and Zak are friends. It's cool.
We keep walking around. Stumble across S4C!!!! YAY!!!! Buy shirts. Talkw ith Rob. Tell him about how Amy couldn't be there and was sad she couldn't see him. He's sooo nice. I just wanted to be really nice and happy with him but me nice and happy? Who are we kididng? Then we walked around more buying merch and stumbled across Cash Cash. So I met the boys, who seemed like a lot less fun than expected. Well only two of the boys... I think the other one was there afterwards but by that time it was hard to tell all the long haired boys apart. And we know how I like them boys. Hahahahahha. Hey at least I wasn't the one taking photos of roadies and photoboys. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!Oh and before that I told the guy from White Tie Affair I didn't want one of their t-shirts.
Then Colin ate and we watched Meg and Dia. And we got water. Ran into Shea somewhere in there. And I was like woah who's that douche calling my name. And i was like OMFG SHEA!!!!! He cut off his hair. I almost cried right there for his hair.
Then we ran over to catch Alana Grace and only made it for like her last song which was balls because we were like her only fans there.
So we stood in line to meet her and she signed my poster May All Your Roses Be Red because that's the song I was singing along to. And damn is that girl FINE!!!!!
Upon walking to her tent we ran into Ryan. Slightly awkward. But only because of girlfriend. She was awkward. He was loving We The Kings and Sing It Loud that morning.
Back to AG>Then talking with her drummer and I asked for a picture. And he was like yeah ok. So we're posed nicely and then he like grabs me with his other arm and is like hug me closer!!!!! get closer!!!! There ya go!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I loved him. Then we chilled out a bit more. Talked with Valencia some more.
Watched Big Damn Band play. Crazy bitch set her washboard on fire. It was AMAZING!!!!
Then Valencia played. We stayed for a few songs before running off to catch 3OH!3.
Noticed Hunter hanging around. So I went and talked with him. And got him to sign our Red Head shirts. SAVE THE RED HEADS!!!! Love that kid.
Then 3Oh!3 was this massive dance party!!!! IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!
Then we ran off to catch Every Avenue. Which was really gooooooooddddddd!!!!!! And attractive!!!!!! <3 I'll be more than your phone call at 4 am and a story to tell your friends. If you know what I mean. You kept looking over. Hahhahaha.
Then I met two of the guys from EA and they were like come behind the table. And I was like yeah... I felt short.
So much back sweat touching. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA!
Then saw The Maine as Colin ran off to get more food. Apparently four granola bars, all my crackers and cheese wasn't enough for him. I ate cheese and two granola bars. Kid should get over himself. Oh and we never used to PP's!!!! YAY!!!!! The Maine was ok, nothing special. Jealous of that kid they brought up on stage to sing Girls Do What They Want, Boys Do What They Can.
We had some down time and watched Breathe Carolina.
Then White Tie Affair played. Most amazing show I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! HANDS DOWN!!! They opened with my favourite song. And then they sang Just Dance because they had been opening for the Lady herself. And so during the set they threw their guitars at each other. Beat each other with a microphone stand. Then they tackled the keyboardist/guitarist and tried to tape him up. SOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!! They were AMAZING!!!!!!!!
Then we ran over to see Forever The Sickest Kids. And damn girls are slow. They all beant over just trying to pick up the picks with their hands. SO I jsut stuck my foot out ontop of it. Silly girls. Then Colin picked up another one in all the dust. mmmmm Crunchies. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AND YAY for birds with good music tastes and a crowd of kids trying to call birds.... HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!
Then we went and saw the Guy From White Tie Affair. Who was being a slut. He was like KEEP ME WARM GIRLSSSSS!!!! And then hima nd I started laughing at him trying to jump around to warm up. Maybe he should have put his shirt on right after the set... Instead of in the line. Then the guy from FTSK was like I can't stay. And I was like can you just sign my booklet. And he was like ok just follow me? And I was like yeah of course. So he waved me over and we walked over to Senses Fail because he wanted to see them play. Only like 3 other girls followed the rest left feeling broken hearted. Stupid girls.
So I left out so much stuff from that day. But this will allow me to hopefully remember this day when I'm old and senile.
I'll think of you guys later in my empty room. Ahahahaha.
Bought new Mp3. So I get to have these sweet photos with me so during school when I have those days I have this. I really donot want to go to school. But I also really want to go because I want to talk with Ms. Taves. Although she'd probably meet me now. Maybe her and I can get to work on some Job Shadows. Matt and Eric maybe? Idk I think she's holding out even more on me... She'll be excited with my news. I can't wait to chill with her. Hahahahahaa.
Things are going well.
Was really excited for this weekend till I realized I was invited to three different things on the same night. But Lion King over powers all of them.
Party Sunday. Slightly concerned? I'm thinking of styling a hazmat suit. *nods*
So Jessica that guy in your picture with the red shirt. Every Avenue? With the plugs? YEAH YEAH YEAH! I saw him riding his bike!!!! Ahaahahahhaahah oh Mom.....
My mother is jealous that I met the boys from Cash Cash and she didn't. Bangs forehead on desk. She says she wants to come next year. I have a feeling she has a thing for circle pits.
Also in the paper it talked about the guy that had written free humps on himself. I defs saw that kid. HAHAHAHHAHHAA!!!!!
She's upset that she didn't get to see Steven Tyler tonight. But it's only postponed. So fingers crossed.
See that guy right there??? Mario Lopez. YES HIM! I LOVE HIS CARDIGAN!!!! His cardigan??? SHUT UP!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Watching ABDC with mom.... Oh boy...
I want to see 500 Days of Summer. It has the boy in it from that show with the airplane!!! Oh yeah like CSI but not! Yeah yeah! The guy with the dirty blonde hair and he's kinda lengthy? The one that wears CARDIGANS!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!! Oh man.....
I miss you. I want you to come home soon. All I've wanted to do is hang out with you the whole time you've been gone.
Something just fell outside and scared the shit out of me. Not sure yet what it was.
Love,
Shhh It Happens
Monday, August 10, 2009
What's My Problem?
I love Lights.
I love Mark for being astronaut.
How will this foot ever get through the door?
I KNEW I DIDN"T MAKE THIS BAND UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I"M NOT CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghhivSh1hSc
8:38
Stupid Purolator.
Remember my rant about crap? And how everything is crap? Oh wait that was Phillip's rant. WE're all shit... etc... etc...
Well mine was specifically about music.
I agree. Except for the flat parts and the guy with the camera singing this is pretty good. Keep up the work boys!
Remember my rant about crap? And how everything is crap? Oh wait that was Phillip's rant. WE're all shit... etc... etc...
Well mine was specifically about music.
I agree. Except for the flat parts and the guy with the camera singing this is pretty good. Keep up the work boys!
I Wish I Could Like This
Maybe I'll warm up. I hope that works. If not. I'll just leave it there.
Don't try so hard. I'm kinda fed up with music right now. There's nothing out there. Nothing new.
Song titles from BLG album kinda a tease. They kinda make me laugh.
Alexisonfire also makes me laugh. Just bring your health card and hold it up because you can get hurt in the mosh pit and then not pay to have to see a doctor.
Stop idolizing Pete Wentz silly boys.
Oh and get your lead singer some singing lessons.
And no I'm not just tlaking about the two bands mentioned here.
Some of them don't need this hulabaloo I am discussing.
I want to hang out with you. But your in Kenora. Your lame. You should just fly home and come chill out with me. Stop quoting Jesus and g-g-get your ass over here. Also I'm pissed that you couldn't go to Brandon. That would have been saaaweeet!!!!!
I'm out of here.
I'm mad at Social Code now too.
No good music left.
Yours is overplayed.
You are overplayed.
Sigh...
Love,
You Didn't Leave me Satisfied
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Try Not To Judge This, Or Read This
We were so young
We are still so young
We had big dreams you and I. They don't seem to be overpowered by that other boy and those plans. I know why I was fated to meet him. This though. I still don't understand.
I had one hand on the fence, the other on the leash. He looked around the corner. I all of a sudden felt trapped. You said, it's okay you can stay. And she looked at me. You looked at me. He looked at me. And I opened the gate and ran out. I wonder what would have happened if I stayed.
Things were going on. Things were being said. I followed you out to the hallway. You were talking to him. I started yelling at you. You ignored me as she pulled me back.
It all seems so crazy now. Thinking back to it. Juvenile. But no one understands the demon's we were already fighting.
Is he your brother? HA! No!
That question daily.
I miss you.
What lead to that moment of anger. Those moments of anger. You never. You said something. I hit you and pushed you into the fence. And all of a sudden it was just kidding's anymore. Then there was a, what are you guys doing? We looked. And then walked away.
Killing mice. Running from them. Scooping up dead ones. Jumping on trampolines with snowboards? Not sure what we were thinking that time. Are you coming afterwards? I don't know. I want you to come over. I don't know if I can. You in my way all the time. Never letting me off. Making sure we always had that time. Whether it was a five minute walk. An hour in the back. A three hour walk.
Now how's your life, and your new job? Are you stuck in an office?
How's your husband and your kids? Have they grown any taller? And do you have any wrinkles yet or do you age like your mother?
What was with that day when we were skating and ended up skating with your mother. They never knew you. But yours sure knew me. Whether it was skating or getting you in trouble. What was I so afraid of?
Reasons of why you'll get together. You definitely like him. And he clearly likes you.
Wow how I remember that day. Sitting on mailboxes.
Your endless tears. Not knowing what to say. Knowing not to say too much because there was everyone else.
Life savers.
Now that's ironic.
Spitting it out on your hand. And you eating it.
Ew this one tastes gross, its for you.
Shit sticks. Hahahaha.
Me getting you out of trouble.
Writing songs.
Singing songs.
Too loudly.
On buses.
Simple Plan.
Blessed Soul of Onions. :P
He was here. Oh? He spent the whole time looking for you guys. Is he still here?
You stole my bike. I pushed you off of it and then made you fix my bike.
Trying to get you to hit me so that he would drop it. But you couldn't. You couldn't even fake it.
Me showing up on time and you not there. You endlessly apologizing.
You seeing me dance. You seeing me dance in a cheerleader outfit. That was bad.
I wonder if you voted for me...
You eating white out. Jessica do something!
You flipping over in your desk. Jessica do something! By that point I had given up.
Hammers to rooms.
Knives to your leg.
Drawing each other. During a fight. Thanks for that teacher.
You trying to teach me how to do a cartwheel. I'll always remember that. You were the only one I trusted. You didn't laugh. I still can't cartwheel.
Why is there so much dog hair? It must be coyotes... Hahaha.
In the pond? Yeah...
Delivering flyers. Shouting from windows.
Delivering snowballs. Hahaha.
The snow melting. Finding your sweater while making snowballs.
I called you that day. And said things I shouldn't have. I'm sorry.
I still really want to talk to you. But I know that I shouldn't. I mean I could walk to your house right now and say everything I need to. But I won't. But I miss you. And if. I don't want to say it. I already said it to someone. Now it's for that someone to know. That I would still. That I wouldn't want it to be them anymore that you have held your arms around. There I didn't really say it.
But then I think to that day. That day. That day. Was the only day I remember. The day I realized how it changed. I don't know what we were talking about out on the ice that day. What you were saying. What I was saying. But I remember crashing. Into the ice. And you gliding away. That's something I remember. I remember walking up to the house. To the washroom. To sit for a minute. To breathe. To get away from everyone. And there you were. Listening on the other side of the wall.
If it all meant so much why are we worlds away if your only 20 houses away?
The alcohol. Now the drugs? Am I surprised. If you told me then maybe I would have stuck around. You did tell me. You told me 16. I hope you're passed that. There were days where I was expecting the call. The call that wouldn't be your voice on the other side.
Hanging out in the parking lot. Walking home. Band aids.
Pucks.
Snow banks.
We were winter kids. That's for sure.
Every time I go down that road I look at your house. Everyday I see it. The back yard. I wonder if the trampoline is still out there. I could have spent forever out there.
I wonder what's going to happen to me.
What's going to happen to you.
Will our paths collide again?
Or stay so distant?
I think I still think all this. Because I know.
I know.
It was me.
I'm sorry.
But then yet again.
I'm not sorry.
But why do I miss you so much.
Why do I think about you all the time?
I have all this going for me.
I have all this moments of happiness.
That you aren't there for.
You'll never come back here.
I used to hope. That you'd just show up. Like that one day.
I was sitting outside. On the drive way drawing. The same scene as always. The mountains. A lake. A house. A tree. Some grass.
Then I heard.
Uhm I think someone over here wants to talk to you. And you ducked behind a tree. You walked over. And drew a man with a flag on top of the mountain. I've never drawn that scene since that day. We started talking and chilling out. I asked you to wait. That we'd go for a walk. But that I needed shoes. I went to grab them. Came back and you were gone.
I've heard. That afterwards. After everything. A guy would ride his skateboard over. Stand at the drive. Look at the house. And leave.
I used to just circle the culdesac.
If she knew this she'd go crazy. She'd make me talk to you probably. That's why I don't tell her this. She was there for all of this.
We have 18 friends in common. Incase you didn't know.
You told me not to leave you. I used to ask why? And you'd turn all red and say because I like it when you're around.
Love,
I'm sorry I left.
We are still so young
We had big dreams you and I. They don't seem to be overpowered by that other boy and those plans. I know why I was fated to meet him. This though. I still don't understand.
I had one hand on the fence, the other on the leash. He looked around the corner. I all of a sudden felt trapped. You said, it's okay you can stay. And she looked at me. You looked at me. He looked at me. And I opened the gate and ran out. I wonder what would have happened if I stayed.
Things were going on. Things were being said. I followed you out to the hallway. You were talking to him. I started yelling at you. You ignored me as she pulled me back.
It all seems so crazy now. Thinking back to it. Juvenile. But no one understands the demon's we were already fighting.
Is he your brother? HA! No!
That question daily.
I miss you.
What lead to that moment of anger. Those moments of anger. You never. You said something. I hit you and pushed you into the fence. And all of a sudden it was just kidding's anymore. Then there was a, what are you guys doing? We looked. And then walked away.
Killing mice. Running from them. Scooping up dead ones. Jumping on trampolines with snowboards? Not sure what we were thinking that time. Are you coming afterwards? I don't know. I want you to come over. I don't know if I can. You in my way all the time. Never letting me off. Making sure we always had that time. Whether it was a five minute walk. An hour in the back. A three hour walk.
Now how's your life, and your new job? Are you stuck in an office?
How's your husband and your kids? Have they grown any taller? And do you have any wrinkles yet or do you age like your mother?
What was with that day when we were skating and ended up skating with your mother. They never knew you. But yours sure knew me. Whether it was skating or getting you in trouble. What was I so afraid of?
Reasons of why you'll get together. You definitely like him. And he clearly likes you.
Wow how I remember that day. Sitting on mailboxes.
Your endless tears. Not knowing what to say. Knowing not to say too much because there was everyone else.
Life savers.
Now that's ironic.
Spitting it out on your hand. And you eating it.
Ew this one tastes gross, its for you.
Shit sticks. Hahahaha.
Me getting you out of trouble.
Writing songs.
Singing songs.
Too loudly.
On buses.
Simple Plan.
Blessed Soul of Onions. :P
He was here. Oh? He spent the whole time looking for you guys. Is he still here?
You stole my bike. I pushed you off of it and then made you fix my bike.
Trying to get you to hit me so that he would drop it. But you couldn't. You couldn't even fake it.
Me showing up on time and you not there. You endlessly apologizing.
You seeing me dance. You seeing me dance in a cheerleader outfit. That was bad.
I wonder if you voted for me...
You eating white out. Jessica do something!
You flipping over in your desk. Jessica do something! By that point I had given up.
Hammers to rooms.
Knives to your leg.
Drawing each other. During a fight. Thanks for that teacher.
You trying to teach me how to do a cartwheel. I'll always remember that. You were the only one I trusted. You didn't laugh. I still can't cartwheel.
Why is there so much dog hair? It must be coyotes... Hahaha.
In the pond? Yeah...
Delivering flyers. Shouting from windows.
Delivering snowballs. Hahaha.
The snow melting. Finding your sweater while making snowballs.
I called you that day. And said things I shouldn't have. I'm sorry.
I still really want to talk to you. But I know that I shouldn't. I mean I could walk to your house right now and say everything I need to. But I won't. But I miss you. And if. I don't want to say it. I already said it to someone. Now it's for that someone to know. That I would still. That I wouldn't want it to be them anymore that you have held your arms around. There I didn't really say it.
But then I think to that day. That day. That day. Was the only day I remember. The day I realized how it changed. I don't know what we were talking about out on the ice that day. What you were saying. What I was saying. But I remember crashing. Into the ice. And you gliding away. That's something I remember. I remember walking up to the house. To the washroom. To sit for a minute. To breathe. To get away from everyone. And there you were. Listening on the other side of the wall.
If it all meant so much why are we worlds away if your only 20 houses away?
The alcohol. Now the drugs? Am I surprised. If you told me then maybe I would have stuck around. You did tell me. You told me 16. I hope you're passed that. There were days where I was expecting the call. The call that wouldn't be your voice on the other side.
Hanging out in the parking lot. Walking home. Band aids.
Pucks.
Snow banks.
We were winter kids. That's for sure.
Every time I go down that road I look at your house. Everyday I see it. The back yard. I wonder if the trampoline is still out there. I could have spent forever out there.
I wonder what's going to happen to me.
What's going to happen to you.
Will our paths collide again?
Or stay so distant?
I think I still think all this. Because I know.
I know.
It was me.
I'm sorry.
But then yet again.
I'm not sorry.
But why do I miss you so much.
Why do I think about you all the time?
I have all this going for me.
I have all this moments of happiness.
That you aren't there for.
You'll never come back here.
I used to hope. That you'd just show up. Like that one day.
I was sitting outside. On the drive way drawing. The same scene as always. The mountains. A lake. A house. A tree. Some grass.
Then I heard.
Uhm I think someone over here wants to talk to you. And you ducked behind a tree. You walked over. And drew a man with a flag on top of the mountain. I've never drawn that scene since that day. We started talking and chilling out. I asked you to wait. That we'd go for a walk. But that I needed shoes. I went to grab them. Came back and you were gone.
I've heard. That afterwards. After everything. A guy would ride his skateboard over. Stand at the drive. Look at the house. And leave.
I used to just circle the culdesac.
If she knew this she'd go crazy. She'd make me talk to you probably. That's why I don't tell her this. She was there for all of this.
We have 18 friends in common. Incase you didn't know.
You told me not to leave you. I used to ask why? And you'd turn all red and say because I like it when you're around.
Love,
I'm sorry I left.
She said here is a door
Here are some boxes
Pack all your stuff
And get the hell out
Is it all in there
Cause you'll never come back here
And I don't care where you go
Just get in your car
Let your tears flow
When you release it from park
And drive away
From a place where you felt safe
And I'll think of you
And I'll pray for you
And I'll think of you
And I'll pray for you
And I thought love was a word
That had not an ending
This seasons have changed from green to red
This is over now
My heart, this is over now
And I'll pray for my girl everyday for awhile
Look up to the sky asking why for awhile
And tonight
Want someone to hold on tight
Think of you
And I'll pray for you
And I'll think of you
And I'll pray for you
And she said here is a door
Here are some boxes
Pack all your stuff
And get the hell out
Is it all in there
Cause you'll never come back here
And I don't care where you go
Just get in your car
Let your tears flow
When you release it from park
And drive away
From a place where you felt safe
And I thought love was a word
Yeah love is a word
That had not an ending
This seasons have changed from green to red
This is over now
My heart, this is over now
And I'll pray for my girl everyday for awhile
Look up to the sky asking why for awhile
And tonight
Want someone to hold on tight
Here are some boxes
Pack all your stuff
And get the hell out
Is it all in there
Cause you'll never come back here
And I don't care where you go
Just get in your car
Let your tears flow
When you release it from park
And drive away
From a place where you felt safe
And I'll think of you
And I'll pray for you
And I'll think of you
And I'll pray for you
And I thought love was a word
That had not an ending
This seasons have changed from green to red
This is over now
My heart, this is over now
And I'll pray for my girl everyday for awhile
Look up to the sky asking why for awhile
And tonight
Want someone to hold on tight
Think of you
And I'll pray for you
And I'll think of you
And I'll pray for you
And she said here is a door
Here are some boxes
Pack all your stuff
And get the hell out
Is it all in there
Cause you'll never come back here
And I don't care where you go
Just get in your car
Let your tears flow
When you release it from park
And drive away
From a place where you felt safe
And I thought love was a word
Yeah love is a word
That had not an ending
This seasons have changed from green to red
This is over now
My heart, this is over now
And I'll pray for my girl everyday for awhile
Look up to the sky asking why for awhile
And tonight
Want someone to hold on tight
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Better Start Sooner Than Later Who Knows How Long This Could Take
That's who I am.
So that day. At the Warehouse. Not warehouse. Underground. Yeah. "Stereos" gets out of the van but really it's Hope Atlantic. Poor guys. Colin and I make fun of everyone in line. What else were you expecting? Coat check done. Peeing. Done. Standing. Waiting. Radio For Help. Pretty good. Such a small stage. Loved it. It was hot in there though. All though my hair stayed nice. I was like WHAT??!?!?! Took no pictures. I felt it would be rude since I was standing right infront of their faces. Hahahahha. Hope Atlantic was next. HOLY SHIT JORDY KILLED IT! I'd sign that kid right here right now. Swear to god. People liked them better than Stereos. (The main act.) These kids need signed. They need a better van. They need a cd. A demo at least. It's crazy. Totally crazy!!!!
Check this shit out.
http://www.myspace.com/hopeatlantic
Oklahoma got to me at the show.
But right now I just broke down to Boxes. Literally broke down. Like had to take a step away for a second.
Crazy shit. Signed. Done.
Well you guys look excited. Thanks. I mean your all blah. And he was like I thought you said our performance was exciting. Oh yeah that too! You guys did a great job! Thanks, I'm Jordy by the way. Jessica, nice to meet you. Do you guys have a cd or anything? No but you can check us out on myspace. Consider yourself added.
IF these guys really push for this it could happen. I mean they made of Raine Maida pretty well. Now everyone hates him. Can't you wait for that to be you kids?
Here is the door. Here are some boxes.
Maybe it's this song. Let's get to that shit later though. I'll try to keep it in.
So tlaking with Daniel. I want your shirt? What? Will you give me your shirt? You should have seen them in concert. I'll give you two free Stereos ones for it, here get me some. Why didn't you go to the show? I was busy. Well you should have gone it was amazing! Stop yelling at me.
I'm having trouble beeing happy about this right now.
Sorry sorry. But it's true. I saw Blink when I was 14. (is ignored, sorry) I might trade shirts with you, The New Cities are some pretty rad dudes. They are great but they gave this shirt to me. Specially made for me to! Oh I bet it was. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Pat. Go Oilers. Yeah ahahhahaha. Us Edmontonians have to stick together.
Oh and hugz! Yay for hugz!
Wait I forgot! See this is what happens when you have internal rage.
So before all this we go up to Radio For Help. Guitarist is sex. No lie. His girlfriend's an idiot. So drummer starts talking to me about Blink. Keep in mind he started talking to me first, of course. And how sick Travis' drum solo was at the end. And I was like okay on the list of drummers he's number one. And he was like I guess but who's number two? And i was like well you OF COURSE! And guitarist was like right answer. And I was like oh I know my right answers. And then I was like well let me open up the CD so you guys can sign it. And so I'm struggling with getting it open and drummers like HERE! And so he takes it, swipes it against the wall and vuala!!! And me and guitarist were like how do you have such mad skillz!?!??!?! And then he was like where do you want it signed? And I was like the front of the booklet do you have a marker and he was like well yeah. And I was like no a silver one. And he started rummaging and I was like uhoh and he was like don't worry I have one.
In conclusion guitarist, drummers and lead singers like to talk to me.
But what about my bassists? Sigh...
Toast n Jam was lame except we saw my new boyfriend there. I just LOVED his face paint.
I actually just wanted this post to be about today. But my thoughts are just on that moment. That five seconds. I need to stop this.
Because this happiness is so fake right now.
Love,
Your Still The Only One Who Hates Him
So that day. At the Warehouse. Not warehouse. Underground. Yeah. "Stereos" gets out of the van but really it's Hope Atlantic. Poor guys. Colin and I make fun of everyone in line. What else were you expecting? Coat check done. Peeing. Done. Standing. Waiting. Radio For Help. Pretty good. Such a small stage. Loved it. It was hot in there though. All though my hair stayed nice. I was like WHAT??!?!?! Took no pictures. I felt it would be rude since I was standing right infront of their faces. Hahahahha. Hope Atlantic was next. HOLY SHIT JORDY KILLED IT! I'd sign that kid right here right now. Swear to god. People liked them better than Stereos. (The main act.) These kids need signed. They need a better van. They need a cd. A demo at least. It's crazy. Totally crazy!!!!
Check this shit out.
http://www.myspace.com/hopeatlantic
Oklahoma got to me at the show.
But right now I just broke down to Boxes. Literally broke down. Like had to take a step away for a second.
Crazy shit. Signed. Done.
Well you guys look excited. Thanks. I mean your all blah. And he was like I thought you said our performance was exciting. Oh yeah that too! You guys did a great job! Thanks, I'm Jordy by the way. Jessica, nice to meet you. Do you guys have a cd or anything? No but you can check us out on myspace. Consider yourself added.
IF these guys really push for this it could happen. I mean they made of Raine Maida pretty well. Now everyone hates him. Can't you wait for that to be you kids?
Here is the door. Here are some boxes.
Maybe it's this song. Let's get to that shit later though. I'll try to keep it in.
So tlaking with Daniel. I want your shirt? What? Will you give me your shirt? You should have seen them in concert. I'll give you two free Stereos ones for it, here get me some. Why didn't you go to the show? I was busy. Well you should have gone it was amazing! Stop yelling at me.
I'm having trouble beeing happy about this right now.
Sorry sorry. But it's true. I saw Blink when I was 14. (is ignored, sorry) I might trade shirts with you, The New Cities are some pretty rad dudes. They are great but they gave this shirt to me. Specially made for me to! Oh I bet it was. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Pat. Go Oilers. Yeah ahahhahaha. Us Edmontonians have to stick together.
Oh and hugz! Yay for hugz!
Wait I forgot! See this is what happens when you have internal rage.
So before all this we go up to Radio For Help. Guitarist is sex. No lie. His girlfriend's an idiot. So drummer starts talking to me about Blink. Keep in mind he started talking to me first, of course. And how sick Travis' drum solo was at the end. And I was like okay on the list of drummers he's number one. And he was like I guess but who's number two? And i was like well you OF COURSE! And guitarist was like right answer. And I was like oh I know my right answers. And then I was like well let me open up the CD so you guys can sign it. And so I'm struggling with getting it open and drummers like HERE! And so he takes it, swipes it against the wall and vuala!!! And me and guitarist were like how do you have such mad skillz!?!??!?! And then he was like where do you want it signed? And I was like the front of the booklet do you have a marker and he was like well yeah. And I was like no a silver one. And he started rummaging and I was like uhoh and he was like don't worry I have one.
In conclusion guitarist, drummers and lead singers like to talk to me.
But what about my bassists? Sigh...
Toast n Jam was lame except we saw my new boyfriend there. I just LOVED his face paint.
I actually just wanted this post to be about today. But my thoughts are just on that moment. That five seconds. I need to stop this.
Because this happiness is so fake right now.
Love,
Your Still The Only One Who Hates Him
Friday, August 7, 2009
9: Guys From Edmonton with Instruments
I will document last night later.
I'm in a state of instability.
Families coming.
Oh boy.
I'm barely going to be here.
Usual story.
Another encore.
Can't have an encore when your set is only 8 songs.
I'll follow you until you love me.
Not sure what came over me.
Guess we'll find out.
Still smell like Colin.
Still laughing that he actually tried to take my shirt.
Drummers are fun.
Guitarists are hot.
Their girlfriends are lame.
Yay Chinese hair cut on a white boy!
Geordie. Hahahaha. Well thanks! I'm Geordie. Jessica.
Why am I so random like this?
I love it.
Love,
Finally It's Over
I'm in a state of instability.
Families coming.
Oh boy.
I'm barely going to be here.
Usual story.
Another encore.
Can't have an encore when your set is only 8 songs.
I'll follow you until you love me.
Not sure what came over me.
Guess we'll find out.
Still smell like Colin.
Still laughing that he actually tried to take my shirt.
Drummers are fun.
Guitarists are hot.
Their girlfriends are lame.
Yay Chinese hair cut on a white boy!
Geordie. Hahahaha. Well thanks! I'm Geordie. Jessica.
Why am I so random like this?
I love it.
Love,
Finally It's Over
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Wait A Second
That post was supposed to be about this.
Why I love this.
I think I need to get more original.
Instead of stealing others emotions.
I have so many feelings I'm like an emo boy.
""""Every night a monologue plays in my mind of all the words I would have said if I thought you were listening
Every night I stay up trying to fall asleep to did he get my emails did he read my emails did he see my emails did he delete my emails did he get my emails does he ignore my emails does he read my emails does he see my emails does he delete my emails
Every day I sink in to my reality…this mediocrity…all the things I wish I could be, wish I could be doing…and I think of the things I have done in order to do them…and I think of how many times the path of trying to get to where I wish I was has broken me. Broken me to bits. Bits hanging out the window of the 29th floor looking down, hanging on with one hand to…
Change everything. Changing everything. Phone calls. Flights. Packing packing packing packing packing Get the fuck out. Anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere but
Here we are again.
It’s a means to an end, right? Every body does this. Right? Every body hates every minute of their existence, every second like a small stab in the throat killing killing killing god just make it end I can’t talk to these people anymore I can’t stay here I can’t do this I can’t
Change everything.
Like a slide show. The flash of a camera. Move home, move out, move back, move on, move in, get dropped get bent out of shape cause the nightmares are a run on sentence that’s spilling in to daylight and the dark doesn’t stop anymore and I don’t remember why I do this why do I do this why do I do this why do I
Change everything?
I can’t stand it in my own skin. And I’m running out of places to go. And I can’t write it on my walls, because I don’t have any. I can’t drive somewhere new, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere but here is where we are. And I start over. And over. And over. Again.
Every night
A monologue
Plays in my mind
But this is
The first time
I have written anything down
In a year
""""
Why I love this.
I think I need to get more original.
Instead of stealing others emotions.
I have so many feelings I'm like an emo boy.
""""Every night a monologue plays in my mind of all the words I would have said if I thought you were listening
Every night I stay up trying to fall asleep to did he get my emails did he read my emails did he see my emails did he delete my emails did he get my emails does he ignore my emails does he read my emails does he see my emails does he delete my emails
Every day I sink in to my reality…this mediocrity…all the things I wish I could be, wish I could be doing…and I think of the things I have done in order to do them…and I think of how many times the path of trying to get to where I wish I was has broken me. Broken me to bits. Bits hanging out the window of the 29th floor looking down, hanging on with one hand to…
Change everything. Changing everything. Phone calls. Flights. Packing packing packing packing packing Get the fuck out. Anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere but
Here we are again.
It’s a means to an end, right? Every body does this. Right? Every body hates every minute of their existence, every second like a small stab in the throat killing killing killing god just make it end I can’t talk to these people anymore I can’t stay here I can’t do this I can’t
Change everything.
Like a slide show. The flash of a camera. Move home, move out, move back, move on, move in, get dropped get bent out of shape cause the nightmares are a run on sentence that’s spilling in to daylight and the dark doesn’t stop anymore and I don’t remember why I do this why do I do this why do I do this why do I
Change everything?
I can’t stand it in my own skin. And I’m running out of places to go. And I can’t write it on my walls, because I don’t have any. I can’t drive somewhere new, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere but here is where we are. And I start over. And over. And over. Again.
Every night
A monologue
Plays in my mind
But this is
The first time
I have written anything down
In a year
""""
1: Year Difference
I don't get it.
I don't think I ever got it.
I don't know why I still think about it.
If you give that many strip teases that's not healthy.
I was dying and you took pity on me.
You have a good memory.
Wow.
You know I love you.
Wow.
Death.
And.
Destruction.
Thursday I was pumped for.
Looked at Edgefest.
Was unimpressed.
I don't think you guys are like that.
They made you like that.
One day I'll make you like that.
I sicken myself.
Love,
It's cold, but I should've known
I don't think I ever got it.
I don't know why I still think about it.
If you give that many strip teases that's not healthy.
I was dying and you took pity on me.
You have a good memory.
Wow.
You know I love you.
Wow.
Death.
And.
Destruction.
Thursday I was pumped for.
Looked at Edgefest.
Was unimpressed.
I don't think you guys are like that.
They made you like that.
One day I'll make you like that.
I sicken myself.
Love,
It's cold, but I should've known
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
416: All I Can Think About
I'll never go back to Georgia
Not at least till I have to
Sign it away. I want it. I want to run away. I want them to use it. I want them to let me meet people. Meet people that could help.
PAVI. I wish. That would be amazing. I'd meet the people. But wouldn't have a Bachelor credentials. Ugh the thoughts I have now that it seems like everything and anything is within reach.
I'm freaking right now.
Tomorrow she is going to email me back. Hopefully these people will email me back to.
Love,
Why Did You Plaster Over The Whole I Punched In The Wall?
Not at least till I have to
Sign it away. I want it. I want to run away. I want them to use it. I want them to let me meet people. Meet people that could help.
PAVI. I wish. That would be amazing. I'd meet the people. But wouldn't have a Bachelor credentials. Ugh the thoughts I have now that it seems like everything and anything is within reach.
I'm freaking right now.
Tomorrow she is going to email me back. Hopefully these people will email me back to.
Love,
Why Did You Plaster Over The Whole I Punched In The Wall?
16.30: And It Comes True
you can skim it, i wrote this one for my own sanity.
life moves faster than a speeding bullet. i find myself trapped, stuck in a hazy purgatory, not being able to appreciate my surroundings and the blessings that have struck me like lightning because i am so focused on mastering the next move. it’s all about the next move. making it perfect. micromanaging every step, sound, picture, word, note…from the belt i’m wearing, to the guitar i’m playing, to the way i looked at the person at starbucks as i ordered my coffee, and while ordering my coffee, calculating how it will effect my acid reflux and how that will effect my voice for the next 8 hours, to the way i shake the hand of an older man with rough calloused hands, to the way i grab the hands of people in the crowd, to every single lyric i have ever written and sang and how they effect me and how they will affect every listener, to figuring out who i really am other than a guy in a band…micromanaging discovering my own personality and who i’m becoming while growing older in this whirlwind of a traveling circus. constant questions. mostly questions i can’t answer. is this song perfect? am i a good role model? was that show perfect? how can it be better? is the third pick that i throw out tonight going to pass the barricade and leave me enough time to grab another one and make it to the next chord? is this entry too wordy? am i putting myself out there too much? do these sunglasses make me look cocky? every emotion has stacked up from sitting at my desk in high school staring at a sea of numbers and symbols strewn across a chalkboard all the way to staring out into a sea of blurry faces…and here i am, still equally confused. finishing this record and starting this tour has taught me a lot and humbled every bone in my body. who cares if there aren’t sugarfree redbulls in the dressing room? drink a sugared one and get another root canal or chug a water bang my head three times and maybe it’ll wake me up just as good. who cares if we didn’t get a soundcheck? don’t complain. just hit it as hard as you can. every time. who cares if i get a middle seat on a plane, stuck between an overweight man who can’t stop coughing and a older woman who can’t speak english? patience. breathe. this year i want to remove the glue from my shoes and bust out of this dazed mental middle ground. i was numb. now i’m really starting to feel something. i don’t know what it is but it feels good. i’m on my way. meet you there?
“intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”
-stephen hawking
edit: for those who didn’t skim and don’t speak martinese, i’m not talking about changing my personality. i’m analyzing my mindframe and trying to find what it takes to let myself slow down and take it all in.
I wanted to post this incase it got edited like the last one. Never do that. I did that once. I regret those things. I'm finding that respect for you again.
Love,
I'll See You At The Top
Monday, August 3, 2009
2: When You Can't Breathe and Your Body is in Two Pieces
i see what you really are
take me where the wild things are
Carl's here. Carl who? Carl with a gun. OMG I LOVE CARL!
Your int he city for an hour and look what happens. You're instantly thrown back into the machine.
Let's recap.
Guy in line was amazing. I WANNA HAVE DREAMS ABOUT THIS! Loved girl at the front. What was her name? Amy will remember... She pulled us forward to share the fence with her. She flew to the Vancouver show.
Ok security gaurds are sweet. I think we befriended 3... no wait 4... OMG MY PETE WENTZ WANNA BE TRAVIS CLARK WOULD BE ASHAMED! Security gaurd was there. I love him. I think I got a photo of the back of his head. We need to send in this monstosity to Travis Clark.
If you guys need water or a boost out or anything just grab me. You know the signals? Yeah. Could be worse he could have taken all his clothes off like the stone temple pilots and shot up on stage.
Oh security.
HE WAS CUTE AND HIS BALLS WERE IN MY FACE LIKE FIVE TIMES!
I was like OMG LET ME IN! LET YOUR STOMACH INGULF ME!!!! I WANT PROTECTION! LET ME IN!
Ok I'm jumping ahead here.
You're going to hate him. Trust me.
You know what I'm not mad because I know and he knows that tonight when he goes to bed alone he's going to have to think about this.
Then it lands on your boobs. Damn you!!!
So after he's staring at me and half staring/molesting the security gaurd. It's all good.
Next we discuss protective mechanisms with security gaurds because of all the floatation F's we now have.
And how I did not want them to throw the bucket of water at me. :P I wasn't eavesdropping merely noticing you pretending to pick up the bucket and throw it at us! :P
OMG JESSICA THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN OMG!
I think we both peed our pants.
Security gaurd (Angela knows his name) came and boosted up Pete like a foot too far away. Tear.
Cute security gaurd came over and was playing coy with us and the guitar picks. He passed one to me. Then he was passing one to our fence friend and she was like no its okay I met him give it to her. And he gave it to Amy. YAY!
Angela got the set list.
I hated the girl who clearly believed she was married to Pete WEntz. Like fudge off.
Do you realize every girl wishes they were us right now? YES!!!!!!!
The smile on my face couldn't fade.
At Blink 182 I stopped having fun/caring because afro was hitting me int he head till I hit him back and he was like oh sorry and then started protecting me from surfers. The guy beside me sang Rockshow to me which made me laugh and then was like YOUR BEAUTIFUL! and I was like hahahha yes thanks. HAHAHHAHAAHAHA. Then he was like don't make fun of me but I love this song so shut your mouth! What a riot!!!!! He started covering me up sometimes too and picking the guys off and the guy behind me was too. The one that was friends with the guy beside me. Tom kept looking over. I think he was impressed we were hanging on. Then I started like rocking out and he looked over and smiled and started doing the same horrid move as I. I hear my hair was looking really amusing at that point.
Girl beside us met them earlier and got an octo sticker. I died of happiness for her.
So security gaurds pass us water. Then lights go out before encore and they're just duping water on us and I don't even feel it anymore. Oh also ten minutes into AAR Amy and I got beer to the back of the head. Uncool. So back to the water. The guy I'm like grbbing on his shirt and pushing up in hopes he'll figure it out. But no. Then I finally caught one's attnetion and he pulled me out. He could barely get his hands on my hips to pull me out it was soooo squishy. I tried to jump to boost myself up but it didn't work. Then the guy left and ignored Amy's cries for help so the boy who loved me grabbed the security guard and made him get her out. As I'm walking out the security lady was like checking my eyes for durgs and was like ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?! And I was like I definately am now! Steph kept trying to get out but Ang kept pushing the security away. Hahahaha.
TRAVI$ BARKER is the most AMAZING MAN EVER! I want every drummer everywhere to aspire to that. He was the show. Mark and Tom started pissing me off like immensly. Nothing was really comparable to the amazingness that was FOB. The guy behind us was like GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE YOU FUCKING SUCK! and the lady behind me was like why don't you shut up or leave!!!!!! I loved that girl and guy behind me they were really nice. They left through Blink though. Tear. They were laughing at the signs with me. We were being illierate...
Getting on train the twins were there. A was starting to piss me off. Twitter stalking anyone? Oh Virgin Mary how could I ever be mad at you? Because I wasn't.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=61295728&utm_medium=columbia-email&utm_source=boyslikegirls&utm_campaign=columbia-email|boyslikegirls|20090731
The facial expressions make my day. I love this video. It makes me laugh a lot.
Got home and packed. Got four hours of sleep. Carried like 20 pounds of shit around the city. Finally met up with Melodie. Got the stuff in her car and off we were! Easy drive out there. She has good music tastes. I appreciate that. Get there and Ina and Bret and Sasha (an amazing golden retriever german shepherd mix). We talk. We set up. We eat. We make music together. Started jamming with the jimbay while they played bass and guitar. Then I passed over the jimbay and twitteled with the bass. Then I learned two songs on bass. It was saweet! I'm going to continue practicing bass now that I'm home and I might work on some beats with the snare downstairs. It's debatable. I was going to buy myself a Jimbay at CFMF but didn't. Ina says I should go to the Drum Guy and talk with him and maybe join in their weekly drum circles. That'd be saweet! Saturday brings waking up to a JUST SO YOU KNOW THE BEAR IS AT THE LAKE! Our tents were beside the lake. We were in a walk-in site. Fuck. The bear wasn't that far away. Then we had breakkie and a morning bath in the lake. Then we just kind of hung out at the beach then had lunch. Charlotte showed up. I love Charlotte. Her life is like a mix of The Bachelorette and Paradise Island except without a happy outcome. It's entertaining. Then we went to the geocache. That was sweet. It wasn't very far at all! Charlotte got a pin that was all Am I getting enough food, beer and sex? The answer was clearly no. Hahahahaha. Got back and chilled at the camp site. Had some of Uncle Tex's champagne. Got the shit scared out of me. But don't want everyone to know about that. I held it. Then almost killed it. Went to bed. Got up early. Had Pancakes. Went for a hike. 4 km straight up the mountain. Almost died. The fat kid within me was screaming. We fight with Bret, then split up and walk back down. We get around the corner from the lookout and Sasha takes off and we see two cubs scamped up a tree. FUCK! So we scream for Sasha to come back as we're walking back to the lookout. Sasha comes back thankfully. So we just sit and keep screaming hoping they go away. Then Charlotte's all what would Jesus do? And we were like HAHAHHAHA he'd glide right off this cliff or talk to the bears. I hate Jesus somedays. HHAAHAHHAAHA! You know I wouldn't complain if Peter Petrelli came around the corner right now. Me either. Why do that he could fly us out of here? No because I'd just like to look at him. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Then before that we were like screaming short little snippets of songs. It was horrible!!!! Sometimes there were accompanying dance moves. And then I was like GO HOME BEARS! BECAUSE THAT"S ALL I WANT! I WANT TO GO HOME! JUST LIKE MICHAEL BUBLE AND DALLAS GREEN!!!!! It was funny. At least it was to me. So back to the jamming. I killed it at Babe I'm Gonna Leave You.
So we get back and have lake baths. And then make dinner. And then call it a night. But I started reading I Met The Walrus and got all excited because we was about to meet John Lennon. So I was up a bit longer. Took forever to wake up this morning. Me and Melodie stopped in Jasper for some food. Lots of Chai in my Chai Latte. It was really good. Marianas Trench another happy CD to listen to in the mornings. Basically. Get home. Shower. Go out for dinner with Carl. Look over the forms. Sign my soul away. Talk with Jackie for like an hour. Send my soul away. Turns out its Keeper is away till Wednesday.
Why isn't music that amazing anymore?
Charlotte was going to go to Big Valley this weekend. Glad she didn't. Because she's fun and someone died there and lots of people are injured from the stage collapse.
Also hearing good things about them boys make me happy because they've been a little silly lately. Thats actually so nice of him.
Angela's Criteria for a man:
Blue plaid shirt
Mullet
Beard
Mustache
Am I missing anything???
Need to swap stuff with Amy again before she leaves. I hate her for leaving. And for having my stuff for soooo long.
I love Courtney because we seem to have the same problems.
I was really mad today till I saw the Puppy Chow recipe. Then my day was really happy.
A friend holds the umbrella for you but a best friend takes your umbrella and says RUN BITCH RUN!
Empty boxes on the stairs.
I'm so excited for this to come. Because now it can happen. I can leave. I actually can. I have it all too. My RSP is apparently healthy. Which is good. This is all good. Mom said I might be able to sign up for a recording class at MRC this year. Which reminds me tomorrow I HAVE TO email the BNC guys.
I really want to leave now because this post has taken like 3 hours to write. Because I have ADD. And I want to find out how the author felt when John died.
I wish you could see me now. I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was.
Oh I have to buy those things for us. Guess I should double check on that.
Also I'm thinking second week of school we go see my ladies at Avenida and get done up. It's on me.
I need to double check that you're being my date for the next week.
Can't go to Sarah's party. Might go to Sam's.
I have Slash's book on hold. I can't wait to read it. I also really want to read Kanye West's book. I'm thinking a library trip and Chapters trip for me tomorrow. Oh and I have to give Mom that money. Whoops.
Rents are going to Aerosmith. I'm excited for them. Like crazy excited. Hahaha.
Might have a few takers for this upcoming weekend... If I don't hear anything by tomorrow night I will send out a mass cry for help.
Original broadway cast in Wicked The Movie? Doubtful.
MBF playing V Fest again. I wonder who else is playing and why V isn't posting it. Oh Richard Branson.
I think I'm done with all this nonsense now.
I will leave you with this. Why can't we all want to change the world?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTsYAZvHsEQ
Check out other videos. I love RAK! Maybe thats why I loved Pay It Forward. Even though the ending was tragic. I get off topic to easily. This is done. It's done.
Love,
Yeah, What you critics said could never happen! We dedicate this album to anybody people said couldn't make it! To the fans that held us down 'til everybody came around. Welcome, it's here!
take me where the wild things are
Carl's here. Carl who? Carl with a gun. OMG I LOVE CARL!
Your int he city for an hour and look what happens. You're instantly thrown back into the machine.
Let's recap.
Guy in line was amazing. I WANNA HAVE DREAMS ABOUT THIS! Loved girl at the front. What was her name? Amy will remember... She pulled us forward to share the fence with her. She flew to the Vancouver show.
Ok security gaurds are sweet. I think we befriended 3... no wait 4... OMG MY PETE WENTZ WANNA BE TRAVIS CLARK WOULD BE ASHAMED! Security gaurd was there. I love him. I think I got a photo of the back of his head. We need to send in this monstosity to Travis Clark.
If you guys need water or a boost out or anything just grab me. You know the signals? Yeah. Could be worse he could have taken all his clothes off like the stone temple pilots and shot up on stage.
Oh security.
HE WAS CUTE AND HIS BALLS WERE IN MY FACE LIKE FIVE TIMES!
I was like OMG LET ME IN! LET YOUR STOMACH INGULF ME!!!! I WANT PROTECTION! LET ME IN!
Ok I'm jumping ahead here.
You're going to hate him. Trust me.
You know what I'm not mad because I know and he knows that tonight when he goes to bed alone he's going to have to think about this.
Then it lands on your boobs. Damn you!!!
So after he's staring at me and half staring/molesting the security gaurd. It's all good.
Next we discuss protective mechanisms with security gaurds because of all the floatation F's we now have.
And how I did not want them to throw the bucket of water at me. :P I wasn't eavesdropping merely noticing you pretending to pick up the bucket and throw it at us! :P
OMG JESSICA THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN OMG!
I think we both peed our pants.
Security gaurd (Angela knows his name) came and boosted up Pete like a foot too far away. Tear.
Cute security gaurd came over and was playing coy with us and the guitar picks. He passed one to me. Then he was passing one to our fence friend and she was like no its okay I met him give it to her. And he gave it to Amy. YAY!
Angela got the set list.
I hated the girl who clearly believed she was married to Pete WEntz. Like fudge off.
Do you realize every girl wishes they were us right now? YES!!!!!!!
The smile on my face couldn't fade.
At Blink 182 I stopped having fun/caring because afro was hitting me int he head till I hit him back and he was like oh sorry and then started protecting me from surfers. The guy beside me sang Rockshow to me which made me laugh and then was like YOUR BEAUTIFUL! and I was like hahahha yes thanks. HAHAHHAHAAHAHA. Then he was like don't make fun of me but I love this song so shut your mouth! What a riot!!!!! He started covering me up sometimes too and picking the guys off and the guy behind me was too. The one that was friends with the guy beside me. Tom kept looking over. I think he was impressed we were hanging on. Then I started like rocking out and he looked over and smiled and started doing the same horrid move as I. I hear my hair was looking really amusing at that point.
Girl beside us met them earlier and got an octo sticker. I died of happiness for her.
So security gaurds pass us water. Then lights go out before encore and they're just duping water on us and I don't even feel it anymore. Oh also ten minutes into AAR Amy and I got beer to the back of the head. Uncool. So back to the water. The guy I'm like grbbing on his shirt and pushing up in hopes he'll figure it out. But no. Then I finally caught one's attnetion and he pulled me out. He could barely get his hands on my hips to pull me out it was soooo squishy. I tried to jump to boost myself up but it didn't work. Then the guy left and ignored Amy's cries for help so the boy who loved me grabbed the security guard and made him get her out. As I'm walking out the security lady was like checking my eyes for durgs and was like ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?! And I was like I definately am now! Steph kept trying to get out but Ang kept pushing the security away. Hahahaha.
TRAVI$ BARKER is the most AMAZING MAN EVER! I want every drummer everywhere to aspire to that. He was the show. Mark and Tom started pissing me off like immensly. Nothing was really comparable to the amazingness that was FOB. The guy behind us was like GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE YOU FUCKING SUCK! and the lady behind me was like why don't you shut up or leave!!!!!! I loved that girl and guy behind me they were really nice. They left through Blink though. Tear. They were laughing at the signs with me. We were being illierate...
Getting on train the twins were there. A was starting to piss me off. Twitter stalking anyone? Oh Virgin Mary how could I ever be mad at you? Because I wasn't.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=61295728&utm_medium=columbia-email&utm_source=boyslikegirls&utm_campaign=columbia-email|boyslikegirls|20090731
The facial expressions make my day. I love this video. It makes me laugh a lot.
Got home and packed. Got four hours of sleep. Carried like 20 pounds of shit around the city. Finally met up with Melodie. Got the stuff in her car and off we were! Easy drive out there. She has good music tastes. I appreciate that. Get there and Ina and Bret and Sasha (an amazing golden retriever german shepherd mix). We talk. We set up. We eat. We make music together. Started jamming with the jimbay while they played bass and guitar. Then I passed over the jimbay and twitteled with the bass. Then I learned two songs on bass. It was saweet! I'm going to continue practicing bass now that I'm home and I might work on some beats with the snare downstairs. It's debatable. I was going to buy myself a Jimbay at CFMF but didn't. Ina says I should go to the Drum Guy and talk with him and maybe join in their weekly drum circles. That'd be saweet! Saturday brings waking up to a JUST SO YOU KNOW THE BEAR IS AT THE LAKE! Our tents were beside the lake. We were in a walk-in site. Fuck. The bear wasn't that far away. Then we had breakkie and a morning bath in the lake. Then we just kind of hung out at the beach then had lunch. Charlotte showed up. I love Charlotte. Her life is like a mix of The Bachelorette and Paradise Island except without a happy outcome. It's entertaining. Then we went to the geocache. That was sweet. It wasn't very far at all! Charlotte got a pin that was all Am I getting enough food, beer and sex? The answer was clearly no. Hahahahaha. Got back and chilled at the camp site. Had some of Uncle Tex's champagne. Got the shit scared out of me. But don't want everyone to know about that. I held it. Then almost killed it. Went to bed. Got up early. Had Pancakes. Went for a hike. 4 km straight up the mountain. Almost died. The fat kid within me was screaming. We fight with Bret, then split up and walk back down. We get around the corner from the lookout and Sasha takes off and we see two cubs scamped up a tree. FUCK! So we scream for Sasha to come back as we're walking back to the lookout. Sasha comes back thankfully. So we just sit and keep screaming hoping they go away. Then Charlotte's all what would Jesus do? And we were like HAHAHHAHA he'd glide right off this cliff or talk to the bears. I hate Jesus somedays. HHAAHAHHAAHA! You know I wouldn't complain if Peter Petrelli came around the corner right now. Me either. Why do that he could fly us out of here? No because I'd just like to look at him. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Then before that we were like screaming short little snippets of songs. It was horrible!!!! Sometimes there were accompanying dance moves. And then I was like GO HOME BEARS! BECAUSE THAT"S ALL I WANT! I WANT TO GO HOME! JUST LIKE MICHAEL BUBLE AND DALLAS GREEN!!!!! It was funny. At least it was to me. So back to the jamming. I killed it at Babe I'm Gonna Leave You.
So we get back and have lake baths. And then make dinner. And then call it a night. But I started reading I Met The Walrus and got all excited because we was about to meet John Lennon. So I was up a bit longer. Took forever to wake up this morning. Me and Melodie stopped in Jasper for some food. Lots of Chai in my Chai Latte. It was really good. Marianas Trench another happy CD to listen to in the mornings. Basically. Get home. Shower. Go out for dinner with Carl. Look over the forms. Sign my soul away. Talk with Jackie for like an hour. Send my soul away. Turns out its Keeper is away till Wednesday.
Why isn't music that amazing anymore?
Charlotte was going to go to Big Valley this weekend. Glad she didn't. Because she's fun and someone died there and lots of people are injured from the stage collapse.
Also hearing good things about them boys make me happy because they've been a little silly lately. Thats actually so nice of him.
Angela's Criteria for a man:
Blue plaid shirt
Mullet
Beard
Mustache
Am I missing anything???
Need to swap stuff with Amy again before she leaves. I hate her for leaving. And for having my stuff for soooo long.
I love Courtney because we seem to have the same problems.
I was really mad today till I saw the Puppy Chow recipe. Then my day was really happy.
A friend holds the umbrella for you but a best friend takes your umbrella and says RUN BITCH RUN!
Empty boxes on the stairs.
I'm so excited for this to come. Because now it can happen. I can leave. I actually can. I have it all too. My RSP is apparently healthy. Which is good. This is all good. Mom said I might be able to sign up for a recording class at MRC this year. Which reminds me tomorrow I HAVE TO email the BNC guys.
I really want to leave now because this post has taken like 3 hours to write. Because I have ADD. And I want to find out how the author felt when John died.
I wish you could see me now. I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was.
Oh I have to buy those things for us. Guess I should double check on that.
Also I'm thinking second week of school we go see my ladies at Avenida and get done up. It's on me.
I need to double check that you're being my date for the next week.
Can't go to Sarah's party. Might go to Sam's.
I have Slash's book on hold. I can't wait to read it. I also really want to read Kanye West's book. I'm thinking a library trip and Chapters trip for me tomorrow. Oh and I have to give Mom that money. Whoops.
Rents are going to Aerosmith. I'm excited for them. Like crazy excited. Hahaha.
Might have a few takers for this upcoming weekend... If I don't hear anything by tomorrow night I will send out a mass cry for help.
Original broadway cast in Wicked The Movie? Doubtful.
MBF playing V Fest again. I wonder who else is playing and why V isn't posting it. Oh Richard Branson.
I think I'm done with all this nonsense now.
I will leave you with this. Why can't we all want to change the world?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTsYAZvHsEQ
Check out other videos. I love RAK! Maybe thats why I loved Pay It Forward. Even though the ending was tragic. I get off topic to easily. This is done. It's done.
Love,
Yeah, What you critics said could never happen! We dedicate this album to anybody people said couldn't make it! To the fans that held us down 'til everybody came around. Welcome, it's here!
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I was having a good day. This made it brighter. And now when I have not the good day thoughts I have this. Thank you Krikit.