I read this book tonight.
there'll always be shit that happens in your life that'll make you wonder what the hell God was thinking when he made humans.
I'm haunted by a secret that will eat away my insides, until I'm empty and my life disintegrates into nothingness.
None of them is like me.
If God made us in his image does that mean he's screwed up to?
It's better to be flawed outside like BJ. Than to be flawed inside like me. Because right off she knows what to expect from people. Right now. I don't even know what to expect from myself.
I shrink so small he can no longer see me. When I'm standing right infront. Of him.
I'm afriad sometimes. She can look deep into my eyes and see my whole life is an act. Just like I can look deep into her eyes, and see that sometimes. She's acting too.
Listening to a good singer can make you float insdie. Listening to a bad one can make you cover your ears and run out of the room screaming.
And being with him is worse than drowning in my own shit.
I don't understand how people can be so consumed with so much hate or fear. For something they don't understand they didn't realize what they are doing at the time they are doing it.
And inside I'm screaming so loud. I get headaches.
When you're little you think dandelions are flowers; it's not until you're grown up that you think they're weeds. The dandelions never changed. Your standards did.
And I try to hide deeper inside myself.
There's an empty space deep inside me where no one else can go. But when I'm alone with David that space fills up. And that. Scares me.
I plug in my earphones because I know if I don't, he'll take away my escape from the real world. And right now that world is killing me.
Everyday, those walls get stronger, and soon I feel like I'm in a vault. Inside that vault I feel safe. Inside that vault nothing can hurt me. Inside that vault, I don't feel anything. Insaide that vault, I can't even feel Jacob's hugs for nothing. I don't like that.
Love,
in the GARAGE
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