We were so young
We are still so young
We had big dreams you and I. They don't seem to be overpowered by that other boy and those plans. I know why I was fated to meet him. This though. I still don't understand.
I had one hand on the fence, the other on the leash. He looked around the corner. I all of a sudden felt trapped. You said, it's okay you can stay. And she looked at me. You looked at me. He looked at me. And I opened the gate and ran out. I wonder what would have happened if I stayed.
Things were going on. Things were being said. I followed you out to the hallway. You were talking to him. I started yelling at you. You ignored me as she pulled me back.
It all seems so crazy now. Thinking back to it. Juvenile. But no one understands the demon's we were already fighting.
Is he your brother? HA! No!
That question daily.
I miss you.
What lead to that moment of anger. Those moments of anger. You never. You said something. I hit you and pushed you into the fence. And all of a sudden it was just kidding's anymore. Then there was a, what are you guys doing? We looked. And then walked away.
Killing mice. Running from them. Scooping up dead ones. Jumping on trampolines with snowboards? Not sure what we were thinking that time. Are you coming afterwards? I don't know. I want you to come over. I don't know if I can. You in my way all the time. Never letting me off. Making sure we always had that time. Whether it was a five minute walk. An hour in the back. A three hour walk.
Now how's your life, and your new job? Are you stuck in an office?
How's your husband and your kids? Have they grown any taller? And do you have any wrinkles yet or do you age like your mother?
What was with that day when we were skating and ended up skating with your mother. They never knew you. But yours sure knew me. Whether it was skating or getting you in trouble. What was I so afraid of?
Reasons of why you'll get together. You definitely like him. And he clearly likes you.
Wow how I remember that day. Sitting on mailboxes.
Your endless tears. Not knowing what to say. Knowing not to say too much because there was everyone else.
Life savers.
Now that's ironic.
Spitting it out on your hand. And you eating it.
Ew this one tastes gross, its for you.
Shit sticks. Hahahaha.
Me getting you out of trouble.
Writing songs.
Singing songs.
Too loudly.
On buses.
Simple Plan.
Blessed Soul of Onions. :P
He was here. Oh? He spent the whole time looking for you guys. Is he still here?
You stole my bike. I pushed you off of it and then made you fix my bike.
Trying to get you to hit me so that he would drop it. But you couldn't. You couldn't even fake it.
Me showing up on time and you not there. You endlessly apologizing.
You seeing me dance. You seeing me dance in a cheerleader outfit. That was bad.
I wonder if you voted for me...
You eating white out. Jessica do something!
You flipping over in your desk. Jessica do something! By that point I had given up.
Hammers to rooms.
Knives to your leg.
Drawing each other. During a fight. Thanks for that teacher.
You trying to teach me how to do a cartwheel. I'll always remember that. You were the only one I trusted. You didn't laugh. I still can't cartwheel.
Why is there so much dog hair? It must be coyotes... Hahaha.
In the pond? Yeah...
Delivering flyers. Shouting from windows.
Delivering snowballs. Hahaha.
The snow melting. Finding your sweater while making snowballs.
I called you that day. And said things I shouldn't have. I'm sorry.
I still really want to talk to you. But I know that I shouldn't. I mean I could walk to your house right now and say everything I need to. But I won't. But I miss you. And if. I don't want to say it. I already said it to someone. Now it's for that someone to know. That I would still. That I wouldn't want it to be them anymore that you have held your arms around. There I didn't really say it.
But then I think to that day. That day. That day. Was the only day I remember. The day I realized how it changed. I don't know what we were talking about out on the ice that day. What you were saying. What I was saying. But I remember crashing. Into the ice. And you gliding away. That's something I remember. I remember walking up to the house. To the washroom. To sit for a minute. To breathe. To get away from everyone. And there you were. Listening on the other side of the wall.
If it all meant so much why are we worlds away if your only 20 houses away?
The alcohol. Now the drugs? Am I surprised. If you told me then maybe I would have stuck around. You did tell me. You told me 16. I hope you're passed that. There were days where I was expecting the call. The call that wouldn't be your voice on the other side.
Hanging out in the parking lot. Walking home. Band aids.
Pucks.
Snow banks.
We were winter kids. That's for sure.
Every time I go down that road I look at your house. Everyday I see it. The back yard. I wonder if the trampoline is still out there. I could have spent forever out there.
I wonder what's going to happen to me.
What's going to happen to you.
Will our paths collide again?
Or stay so distant?
I think I still think all this. Because I know.
I know.
It was me.
I'm sorry.
But then yet again.
I'm not sorry.
But why do I miss you so much.
Why do I think about you all the time?
I have all this going for me.
I have all this moments of happiness.
That you aren't there for.
You'll never come back here.
I used to hope. That you'd just show up. Like that one day.
I was sitting outside. On the drive way drawing. The same scene as always. The mountains. A lake. A house. A tree. Some grass.
Then I heard.
Uhm I think someone over here wants to talk to you. And you ducked behind a tree. You walked over. And drew a man with a flag on top of the mountain. I've never drawn that scene since that day. We started talking and chilling out. I asked you to wait. That we'd go for a walk. But that I needed shoes. I went to grab them. Came back and you were gone.
I've heard. That afterwards. After everything. A guy would ride his skateboard over. Stand at the drive. Look at the house. And leave.
I used to just circle the culdesac.
If she knew this she'd go crazy. She'd make me talk to you probably. That's why I don't tell her this. She was there for all of this.
We have 18 friends in common. Incase you didn't know.
You told me not to leave you. I used to ask why? And you'd turn all red and say because I like it when you're around.
Love,
I'm sorry I left.
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