So Toy STory 3 made me bawl. I even came home and turned on music and tried to clean to stop myself from crying. Usually when the cleaning kicks in, I don't cry. But I couldn't stop. And then Cristina came into my room and brought Kira. Which made me wanna cry more. The four of us went to the movie and sometimes it also makes me wanna break down that we all treat Tyler like that, but I don't know how to get close to him. There are these very brief moments sometimes where it feels like him and I actually have a decent sibling relationship. I hope he finds what he needs too.
I didn't cry on the last day of school, but that movie made everything come crashing down.
scare - panic: sudden mass fear and anxiety over anticipated events
I try so hard to be strong honestly. And I try to make it look like I'm going to be okay. But I'm not. I had a melt down, you could call it, about how there's now less than two weeks left. Honestly, people think I'm level headed about this but I'm so far gone. The other day it took a lot of effort to hide a smile but I know that we both need to go our separate ways. And to be honest once more, those things you said to me last week, no one has ever said and you make me feel all those things and I'm scared that without you I won't be able to ever feel those things again. When you come over on Tuesday, I need you to move the treadmill. Cause I really wanna run. And I can't cause I can't move it. See, when you leave who's going to move stuff around for me? Let's not lie that's not the biggest reason I'm not going to get out of bed for a whole day. I'm debating about what we should do that last day. However, sometime next week we're having date night. I already know what we're doing.
Don't cry, it'll get better...
Scars Are Beautiful - Paul Brandt
Jessica
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