Hmm the venue is looking sorta small... Can't really tell from the floor plans. Hopefully they move the pool tables, otherwise Josh and I will have more awkward over the pool table hugs.
I really like my new bag and boots. Hahaha. My boots are a size 8. So weird.
You make a mess of me.
I don't like those types of boys. Sorry. And I'm done doing that. What I was before. Settling. It sounds bad. But its true. At least that's what me and the-rapist concluded.
Wonder why I hate you?
Not really. You turn me into this evil person. No jokes. You make me that psycho groupie. Stef helped me realize a few things this week when we were setting up posters. It was good. Good times.
I need sleep. Otherwise Imma be sleeping at another MT concert. Bahaha.
I've decided Nov. 14th is Mac day. I'm no longer postponing this.
I need to find my blink shirt.
I need to clean my room.
I need to do my homework.
Aren't you excited to do this the rest of your life? Yes, actually.
You learned all that at New Black? Guess I hadn't really noticed how much I learned from New Black. I hope that place survives.
Also could the whole world please just realize I'm not going into the performing arts anymore. I'd appreciate. I almost stabbed a dinner guest this week.
I need to go to the bank tomorrow, and withdrawl some monies.
I should have bought those green shoes too...
Black sneakers, white boots, black heels, black bag and a hat. Good day. Oh and floss! Floss is very important!!!
I'm so glad I got that invite. Tonight was dope. I want to hang out in coffee shops more often. Plus extra foam/frog boy was there. He loves us. I love him. He makes the best chai lattes. I've yet to find one that beats his. I should tell him this. He's the person who got me addicted to chai.
Its 1:11 am. I kid you not. Apparently I'm a lucky girl. 1.11. Hahaha...
Oh boy...
30 seconds in and then at 2:13and 3:04. MY heart died. It stopped. I kid you not.
Josh you are so adorable. I'm crying. Oh man...
I better not cry tomorrow. Hahaha...
Myspace photos or fake boyfriends? Fake boyfriends. If he would return my calls.
Oh god, it's now 1:20. I need sleep.
This five hours of sleep is not working for me. I've been awake for 19 hours. Oh man...
Sleeping. Waking. Getting ready. Building headbands. Going home. Leaving. Rocking. New Cities shirt so I don't have to try and steal Daniels. Chilling with Josh. Good day.
Love,
Everytime's the last time.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
It Might Get Loud
THAT is an understand. THAT movie was better than FINE.
The original..
An amazing cover..
Chess records ftw.... I hope I don't end up like Leonard Chess. That was a good movie about him though... Cadillac Records. Check it out. Good movie.
The first U2 song I may actually like...
Some people think Stairway to Heaven is their greatest song but I disagree...
I can play a mad djembe to that song. Your jealous.
I am creating a shrine to Jack White as we speak. I worship at his feet. I wish I could lock my nine year old self in a box and then throw me in the back of my old Cadillac and drive off. Like did you see his guitar after he was shredding it up? There was blood EVERYWHERE!!!! So amazing... OH MY FRIGGIN GOD!
I WANT TO SEE THIS!!!
Ok I think I'm done now... Maybe...
The original..
An amazing cover..
Chess records ftw.... I hope I don't end up like Leonard Chess. That was a good movie about him though... Cadillac Records. Check it out. Good movie.
The first U2 song I may actually like...
Some people think Stairway to Heaven is their greatest song but I disagree...
I can play a mad djembe to that song. Your jealous.
I am creating a shrine to Jack White as we speak. I worship at his feet. I wish I could lock my nine year old self in a box and then throw me in the back of my old Cadillac and drive off. Like did you see his guitar after he was shredding it up? There was blood EVERYWHERE!!!! So amazing... OH MY FRIGGIN GOD!
I WANT TO SEE THIS!!!
Ok I think I'm done now... Maybe...
The End Where I Begin
Sometimes tears say all
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars wont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin
Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin
Now I'm alive
And my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along [ X3 ]
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong
Sometimes tears say all
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars don't ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin
Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars wont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin
Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin
Now I'm alive
And my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along [ X3 ]
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong
Sometimes tears say all
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars don't ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin
Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away
Remembering 2008
I'm never going to let anyone or anything hold me down. I've been there and done that and want no part of it. It got me nowhere. Now I'm living and surviving and look how far I've made it without anyone holding my hand! So step back and watch me fly! Because you never know but one day I might just defy gravity...
"sometimes when it seems like i work so fucking hard only to win myself a complementary "bang your head against the wall" ticket. i just want to fucking scream. and the best part is that its really no one's fault so that means that, not only do i have no one to blame for the frusteration, i have no one to blame but myself for acting like a complete lunatic. but hey, i guess there's a bright side, the simple fact that i can take a step back, if only for a second, to perpetuate this run on sentence, and see myself for what i am and how stupid i really look with that face on. problem is, its really the only face i have. not to mention my right hand hurts as it is. bones shatter. anyway. back to work. be a big boy. be a man. suck it up. don't let shit bring you down. right? right."
Those things you feel all through yourself, they're real. Those things you're able to forget and live past are not real. I'm leaving, because I need to find something as real as this. As real as what this conjures and brings out of me. I'm not leaving cause I want to move out. I'm leaving because I'll be better there. I'm not going to get better here, anytime soon.
Memories are powerful things and they take you by surprise. So watch out for them, don't drown in the darkness, live in the light.
"You think you're better than me.
But you're nothing at all."
I'm glad I'd have nothing of yours. Because I don't have to waste time burning it or allowing you to pollute the air more than you already have.
Love,
You're nothing at all, and apparently I was never anything to you.
Could my secret be I surround myself with these things because of the rejection real life holds for me? Or maybe I just realized I'm better than what is here...
It's been one of those weeks again, like I used to have. It makes me not want to share anything with you because I have that one person in mind I want to reach out but they won't. I didn't know what to say to explain everything and everything. But someone unfortunately knows this feeling all to well too. I know it, I feel it.
I was able to hug the four people who make my days continue to weeks and continue into months...
"sometimes when it seems like i work so fucking hard only to win myself a complementary "bang your head against the wall" ticket. i just want to fucking scream. and the best part is that its really no one's fault so that means that, not only do i have no one to blame for the frusteration, i have no one to blame but myself for acting like a complete lunatic. but hey, i guess there's a bright side, the simple fact that i can take a step back, if only for a second, to perpetuate this run on sentence, and see myself for what i am and how stupid i really look with that face on. problem is, its really the only face i have. not to mention my right hand hurts as it is. bones shatter. anyway. back to work. be a big boy. be a man. suck it up. don't let shit bring you down. right? right."
Those things you feel all through yourself, they're real. Those things you're able to forget and live past are not real. I'm leaving, because I need to find something as real as this. As real as what this conjures and brings out of me. I'm not leaving cause I want to move out. I'm leaving because I'll be better there. I'm not going to get better here, anytime soon.
Memories are powerful things and they take you by surprise. So watch out for them, don't drown in the darkness, live in the light.
"You think you're better than me.
But you're nothing at all."
I'm glad I'd have nothing of yours. Because I don't have to waste time burning it or allowing you to pollute the air more than you already have.
Love,
You're nothing at all, and apparently I was never anything to you.
Could my secret be I surround myself with these things because of the rejection real life holds for me? Or maybe I just realized I'm better than what is here...
It's been one of those weeks again, like I used to have. It makes me not want to share anything with you because I have that one person in mind I want to reach out but they won't. I didn't know what to say to explain everything and everything. But someone unfortunately knows this feeling all to well too. I know it, I feel it.
I was able to hug the four people who make my days continue to weeks and continue into months...
Why are trying so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out?
So Oliver James aka Ian Wallace led me to the idea of creating a life board. And well A just helped that little idea fester. So here is a very quick, synopsis of what my life board is going to entail.
By the age of 18 and a half:
I will be attending SFU.
I will have seen A drunk. (I must try to never forget that night).
By the age of 25:
I will have graduated from SFU, completing a Co-op year, for which company has yet to be decided.
By age 26:
I will have met Gene Simmons. True story.
By age 27:
I will be working with BLG on their comeback album, after just finishing Hedley's out of rehab album, it's going to be Jacob's best songwriting yet, just you wait...
I will be dating Paul. Dur. Because he's the perfect man. I could totally pull off being Italian.
I will have my loft in Vancouver and my house in the valley (California here I come!)
I will buy Amy her dog.
By age 28:
I will have been the music coordinator for the latest Twilight movie (the first one through the view of Edward) hence, I will meet Taylor Lautner and invite him to one of my parties where he will meet Amy (naturally).
I will marry Paul. Because we are amazing together. :P
And just as I'm about to hit the worst year of my life (29, or so I'm told) Amy will marry Taylor. Because they are perfect together. Dur.
By age 30:
I will be celebrating the grand opening of my all ages music venue/hang out place of amazing-ness.
Then as a little treat to ourselves, Paul and I will move to Australia for a few months, because everyone has to live there at least once in their lives.
I will have worked with an S4C event or product or some S4C thing of some sort.
By age 35:
After working, taking time off here and there and seeing the world I will start my own label (make believe records).
By age 38:
I will be the producer of Elaine's hit Broadway show.
For the rest of my life:
Paul and I will continue loving each other and our passion for music.
Yes, this is how I it. Kinda magical is it not?
Well Amy, wanted to know. And there it is. The life board.
I think it's fab.
And along with all those years will come working with Pete, parties in the valley, and all the Tim Hortons you could ever imagine. It's going to be grand.
I am the patron saint of lost causes,
Jessica
By the age of 18 and a half:
I will be attending SFU.
I will have seen A drunk. (I must try to never forget that night).
By the age of 25:
I will have graduated from SFU, completing a Co-op year, for which company has yet to be decided.
By age 26:
I will have met Gene Simmons. True story.
By age 27:
I will be working with BLG on their comeback album, after just finishing Hedley's out of rehab album, it's going to be Jacob's best songwriting yet, just you wait...
I will be dating Paul. Dur. Because he's the perfect man. I could totally pull off being Italian.
I will have my loft in Vancouver and my house in the valley (California here I come!)
I will buy Amy her dog.
By age 28:
I will have been the music coordinator for the latest Twilight movie (the first one through the view of Edward) hence, I will meet Taylor Lautner and invite him to one of my parties where he will meet Amy (naturally).
I will marry Paul. Because we are amazing together. :P
And just as I'm about to hit the worst year of my life (29, or so I'm told) Amy will marry Taylor. Because they are perfect together. Dur.
By age 30:
I will be celebrating the grand opening of my all ages music venue/hang out place of amazing-ness.
Then as a little treat to ourselves, Paul and I will move to Australia for a few months, because everyone has to live there at least once in their lives.
I will have worked with an S4C event or product or some S4C thing of some sort.
By age 35:
After working, taking time off here and there and seeing the world I will start my own label (make believe records).
By age 38:
I will be the producer of Elaine's hit Broadway show.
For the rest of my life:
Paul and I will continue loving each other and our passion for music.
Yes, this is how I it. Kinda magical is it not?
Well Amy, wanted to know. And there it is. The life board.
I think it's fab.
And along with all those years will come working with Pete, parties in the valley, and all the Tim Hortons you could ever imagine. It's going to be grand.
I am the patron saint of lost causes,
Jessica
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Boys and Myself Are Bad Combinations
Had a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.
And I'm sick of my sickness
Don't touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wakeup call,
And everything, everything's my fault.
Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
to make this stop. (whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
Fucking thanks a lot.
I had to relapse, I'm bad at rehabs
It ruins everything. (whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He's in the pharmacy.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everything's my fault.
And I'm a death threat haven't slept yet,
Baby why the wake up call
I'm the bad boy tell the tabloids
everything's my fault.
Whoa whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa Whoa whoa everything's my fault,
everything's my fault.
I went to heaven, but couldn't get in,
For what I have done.
I said please take me, they said you're crazy
you had too much fun.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,(everything's my fault)
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Everything's my fault.
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.
And I'm sick of my sickness
Don't touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wakeup call,
And everything, everything's my fault.
Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
to make this stop. (whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
Fucking thanks a lot.
I had to relapse, I'm bad at rehabs
It ruins everything. (whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He's in the pharmacy.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everything's my fault.
And I'm a death threat haven't slept yet,
Baby why the wake up call
I'm the bad boy tell the tabloids
everything's my fault.
Whoa whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa Whoa whoa everything's my fault,
everything's my fault.
I went to heaven, but couldn't get in,
For what I have done.
I said please take me, they said you're crazy
you had too much fun.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,(everything's my fault)
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Everything's my fault.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Lamps.
I'm bringing a lamp for tomorrow's photo shoot. Cause I roll that way. Ina says I should put a ribbon on it. I disagree.
Josh producing Faber is totally something I approve of.
NBC this weekend? Doubtful, I need rest. I'm dying. Seriously. I'm falling apart at the seams.
"This might sound weird, but are you Jessica?"
"Yeah... Why..."
"I've heard things about you."
"Hahaha... I'm not surprised. Wait, what did you hear?"
"You're the one who does shows and sound recordings right?"
"OMGOSH YOUR THE KID WHO TALKED TO ANDREA!"
"Yeah. Hahaha. So why are you doing this?"
"I just know that it's difficult for teen bands to play anywhere and there aren't a lot of chances for you guys out there."
"That is exactly it. Well this is going to be our first show."
Ok can I just say that I love this kid. Like with my whole heart. He just knows what he wants for his band, and he has some determination to make it happen. I see us being friends. Andrea was right, you're not creepy, you're totally normal!
Conversations on the bus yesterday were entertaining... I guess.
Twin day? Oh I already have one...
I have to go take yucky medications that make me want to puke now. Ballz.
Why did I have to get sick now?
I'm ready for the secret to be out.
Secret of the day: When getting ready in the mornings I normally dance around, before, during and after getting dressed. :P
Cause she misses him...
Night after night, another girl another drink,
She doesn't see that she should be with me, she's gotta give him up,
Jessica
Josh producing Faber is totally something I approve of.
NBC this weekend? Doubtful, I need rest. I'm dying. Seriously. I'm falling apart at the seams.
"This might sound weird, but are you Jessica?"
"Yeah... Why..."
"I've heard things about you."
"Hahaha... I'm not surprised. Wait, what did you hear?"
"You're the one who does shows and sound recordings right?"
"OMGOSH YOUR THE KID WHO TALKED TO ANDREA!"
"Yeah. Hahaha. So why are you doing this?"
"I just know that it's difficult for teen bands to play anywhere and there aren't a lot of chances for you guys out there."
"That is exactly it. Well this is going to be our first show."
Ok can I just say that I love this kid. Like with my whole heart. He just knows what he wants for his band, and he has some determination to make it happen. I see us being friends. Andrea was right, you're not creepy, you're totally normal!
Conversations on the bus yesterday were entertaining... I guess.
Twin day? Oh I already have one...
I have to go take yucky medications that make me want to puke now. Ballz.
Why did I have to get sick now?
I'm ready for the secret to be out.
Secret of the day: When getting ready in the mornings I normally dance around, before, during and after getting dressed. :P
Cause she misses him...
Night after night, another girl another drink,
She doesn't see that she should be with me, she's gotta give him up,
Jessica
Monday, October 19, 2009
I Am Still A Young Grasshoppa
I wish I was popping the champagne with the boyz tonight. Lame.
That was my favourite arm...
Oh man I had to prevent myself so hard from bawling. That was intense.
I won't let you get the best of me.
I'm tired of this competition honestly.
I'm tired of your judging eyes.
Honestly, I'm surprised.
Tomorrow I need Walmart. *nods* Maybe that can be a first period activity. Hahaha...
I am not going to end up like them. But I don't want to be like her either.
Guess I'm not watching Chuck kiss boyz tonight... Lame sauce.
I think I'm going to bring a lamp to pose with to represent my sister. I'm a little bonkerz. I realize this.
I'm going to go read. Read that other thing. And then go to bed.
Also had a shot to try and burn off everything that is in my throat. It didn't work. Well it worked for a few minutes. It burned my insides. Hahahaha. Hopefully it killed something in there...
Next week i actually have to apply. Oh shit.
I got 100% on my in class essay.
You have no clue about how they are actually friends.
I've decided that I don't think it's me that you want to be, you want to be her, so that you can have a relationship like we have. I like figuring things out.
I like how you destroy stuff,
Jessica.
That was my favourite arm...
Oh man I had to prevent myself so hard from bawling. That was intense.
I won't let you get the best of me.
I'm tired of this competition honestly.
I'm tired of your judging eyes.
Honestly, I'm surprised.
Tomorrow I need Walmart. *nods* Maybe that can be a first period activity. Hahaha...
I am not going to end up like them. But I don't want to be like her either.
Guess I'm not watching Chuck kiss boyz tonight... Lame sauce.
I think I'm going to bring a lamp to pose with to represent my sister. I'm a little bonkerz. I realize this.
I'm going to go read. Read that other thing. And then go to bed.
Also had a shot to try and burn off everything that is in my throat. It didn't work. Well it worked for a few minutes. It burned my insides. Hahahaha. Hopefully it killed something in there...
Next week i actually have to apply. Oh shit.
I got 100% on my in class essay.
You have no clue about how they are actually friends.
I've decided that I don't think it's me that you want to be, you want to be her, so that you can have a relationship like we have. I like figuring things out.
I like how you destroy stuff,
Jessica.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I'm Mad
At the hypocrites of the universe. They bother me.
It needed to be faster.
Holy shit, I can't believe I actually sent that email. I wonder if they'll get back to me. Hmm....
Oh man what am I going to do if they say yes....
I really need to think my impulses through...
Also if you didn't know the winner of the battle of the bands is going to open for Seventh Rain.
This girl tries her best everyday but it's all gone to waste cause there's no one around,
Jessica
It needed to be faster.
Holy shit, I can't believe I actually sent that email. I wonder if they'll get back to me. Hmm....
Oh man what am I going to do if they say yes....
I really need to think my impulses through...
Also if you didn't know the winner of the battle of the bands is going to open for Seventh Rain.
This girl tries her best everyday but it's all gone to waste cause there's no one around,
Jessica
Most Days I Hate Living in a Man's World
no lies. The industry is made of men. Which is why I think those scholarships for women in careers they are not usually in should include the music biz. Because it's true.
I love those guys, but I pray to god I don't end up like them. Then I would cry.
However, I hope I dont end up like those guys either.
I have a cough. If i get sick. I'mma hurt that sickie in our house. Honest.
I was going to get ahead on my homework. But didn't. I got wound up in BB stuff. I don't even know if I finished all of that stuff. Hopefully... Oh shit... Just kidding...
I can feel it in my bones,
Jessica
I love those guys, but I pray to god I don't end up like them. Then I would cry.
However, I hope I dont end up like those guys either.
I have a cough. If i get sick. I'mma hurt that sickie in our house. Honest.
I was going to get ahead on my homework. But didn't. I got wound up in BB stuff. I don't even know if I finished all of that stuff. Hopefully... Oh shit... Just kidding...
I can feel it in my bones,
Jessica
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Stalker Walker
Amy's cool, she is totally welcome here whenever she wants. Hahaha. Oh Is.
My emails are open, you can read them if you want, or whatever. Hahaha.
So this is bass, drums, vox, and guitar. I'm going to get water. You're in charge. WHAT?!?!?!?!? J's great like that, he's actually forcing me to learn, but he's whipped. Poor J.
Ok soundcheck with Inner City Elegance. Hahaha. Can I get a mic? Why? I sing. You what? I sing. Right now? I could serenade you right now?
Can you check the mic please? 1, 2, 1, 2, check check, sandwiches, sandwiches, shepherds pie, sandwiches, banana, sandwiches...
Like I said, drummers are my friends as of recent.
OMG STALKER WALKER! Wtf was going on during I've Got A Feeling? Shoulders and heads. NINJA!
Oh god that was soo funny, you're going to be in the picture. insert random posing.
Ok razorblades in the bathroom. We're pretty sure we know who those belonged to... Hahaha...
Is is so concerned about what I think about him. It's adorable.
OK STFU! STOP YOUR STUPID WHINING! THAT ROOM WAS NOT EVEN ANYWHERE NEAR HOW HOT IT WAS THAT ONE NIGHT AND NOT ONE OF THOSE BANDS COMPLAINED! SO SUCK A SACK! AND WE DIDN"T HAVE WATER!
Also I'm basically mad at everyone except L. Because he's my hero. He tries so hard and it just makes me feel sad for him, because no one takes it as seriously as he does. Whatver I don't want to post this all here.
Hokay can we talk about Megan for a second! SHE IS SOOOOO ADORABLE! I hope she sells at our school. I love her.
Aw and then those girls who I had to tell the show was sold out, Luke was chilling with us and he was like let me see what I can do. :D
IS BROKE A CHAIR! He was sitting there. Then I heard the splitting. And then Is was on the floor and the chair was no more. It happened in slo mo too. It scared me.
Hahaha.. I love that he kicked everyone out. They were so not happy about tonight. It's a place for metal and friends and teens in bands, not a sign my chest fest.
OMG EJACULATION STATION! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Jessica if you wanted to work here just so you could meet Seventh Rain I'm kicking you out right now. Yeah Is that's why I contacted you in July. Doofus.
I'm listening to Owl City. Also where the eff did those pop punk CD's come from today? Those are defs not what is at NBC. Tomorrow is going to be so much more exciting. Hahaha. I get to meet G. I wonder how that will go. Friday Eric's band is playing. I'm so stoked. Red heads shirt ftw that day!
Photo shoot Wednesday! HAZAH!
Also why is my skin like exploding. On my face, legs and arms. Oh man. Every day I take something out of my daily schedule to see what it is, but nothing.
Like I said, there's this whole other level people are living on.
Is it a little sad that I appreciated the horse I was sitting on today. Hahaha.
OH man, I was feeling so out, but I went to NBC and now it's all good again.
If I could look across the country
From California to New Jersey
Then I would count the parks and lake resorts
And number all the jets and airports
All those rather dreary rain clouds still bother me
Cuz I look through the camera eyepiece and cannot see
If I could open up my window
And see from Tampa Bay to Juneau
Then I would survey all those open miles
And line them up in single file
Everywhere I look I see green scenic sublime
And all those oceanic vistas are so divine
If I was standing on the balcony
And you were walking down below
I'd feel rather depressed and out of place
And lonely just to watch you go
If you were swinging from the highway overpass
Within the western hemisphere
I'd feel rather afraid and insincere
If you began to disappear
If I was walking through a sad art gallery
And you were driving through the night
I'd feel rather alone and ill at ease
Beneath the brilliant showroom light
If I was flying on a plane above your town
And you were gazing at the sky
Somehow I'd feel intact and reassured
If you began to wave goodbye
Love,
METAL!!!!!
My emails are open, you can read them if you want, or whatever. Hahaha.
So this is bass, drums, vox, and guitar. I'm going to get water. You're in charge. WHAT?!?!?!?!? J's great like that, he's actually forcing me to learn, but he's whipped. Poor J.
Ok soundcheck with Inner City Elegance. Hahaha. Can I get a mic? Why? I sing. You what? I sing. Right now? I could serenade you right now?
Can you check the mic please? 1, 2, 1, 2, check check, sandwiches, sandwiches, shepherds pie, sandwiches, banana, sandwiches...
Like I said, drummers are my friends as of recent.
OMG STALKER WALKER! Wtf was going on during I've Got A Feeling? Shoulders and heads. NINJA!
Oh god that was soo funny, you're going to be in the picture. insert random posing.
Ok razorblades in the bathroom. We're pretty sure we know who those belonged to... Hahaha...
Is is so concerned about what I think about him. It's adorable.
OK STFU! STOP YOUR STUPID WHINING! THAT ROOM WAS NOT EVEN ANYWHERE NEAR HOW HOT IT WAS THAT ONE NIGHT AND NOT ONE OF THOSE BANDS COMPLAINED! SO SUCK A SACK! AND WE DIDN"T HAVE WATER!
Also I'm basically mad at everyone except L. Because he's my hero. He tries so hard and it just makes me feel sad for him, because no one takes it as seriously as he does. Whatver I don't want to post this all here.
Hokay can we talk about Megan for a second! SHE IS SOOOOO ADORABLE! I hope she sells at our school. I love her.
Aw and then those girls who I had to tell the show was sold out, Luke was chilling with us and he was like let me see what I can do. :D
IS BROKE A CHAIR! He was sitting there. Then I heard the splitting. And then Is was on the floor and the chair was no more. It happened in slo mo too. It scared me.
Hahaha.. I love that he kicked everyone out. They were so not happy about tonight. It's a place for metal and friends and teens in bands, not a sign my chest fest.
OMG EJACULATION STATION! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Jessica if you wanted to work here just so you could meet Seventh Rain I'm kicking you out right now. Yeah Is that's why I contacted you in July. Doofus.
I'm listening to Owl City. Also where the eff did those pop punk CD's come from today? Those are defs not what is at NBC. Tomorrow is going to be so much more exciting. Hahaha. I get to meet G. I wonder how that will go. Friday Eric's band is playing. I'm so stoked. Red heads shirt ftw that day!
Photo shoot Wednesday! HAZAH!
Also why is my skin like exploding. On my face, legs and arms. Oh man. Every day I take something out of my daily schedule to see what it is, but nothing.
Like I said, there's this whole other level people are living on.
Is it a little sad that I appreciated the horse I was sitting on today. Hahaha.
OH man, I was feeling so out, but I went to NBC and now it's all good again.
If I could look across the country
From California to New Jersey
Then I would count the parks and lake resorts
And number all the jets and airports
All those rather dreary rain clouds still bother me
Cuz I look through the camera eyepiece and cannot see
If I could open up my window
And see from Tampa Bay to Juneau
Then I would survey all those open miles
And line them up in single file
Everywhere I look I see green scenic sublime
And all those oceanic vistas are so divine
If I was standing on the balcony
And you were walking down below
I'd feel rather depressed and out of place
And lonely just to watch you go
If you were swinging from the highway overpass
Within the western hemisphere
I'd feel rather afraid and insincere
If you began to disappear
If I was walking through a sad art gallery
And you were driving through the night
I'd feel rather alone and ill at ease
Beneath the brilliant showroom light
If I was flying on a plane above your town
And you were gazing at the sky
Somehow I'd feel intact and reassured
If you began to wave goodbye
Love,
METAL!!!!!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Boys
Ugh.
No one wants anyone's pants.
No one knows anything about the other persons pants.
The only person seeing my pants right now is C. But that's because they like boys.
End of story.
GET YO OWN SAMMICH!
Love,
OHSNAP!
No one wants anyone's pants.
No one knows anything about the other persons pants.
The only person seeing my pants right now is C. But that's because they like boys.
End of story.
GET YO OWN SAMMICH!
Love,
OHSNAP!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
HE IS NOT ONE OF US!
FUCK YOU!
And that's how I feel right now.
Underground birthday parties ftw.
Love,
Tim Hortons
And that's how I feel right now.
Underground birthday parties ftw.
Love,
Tim Hortons
So Hold Me If You Can...
So what do you do on a Tuesday night at 8:00 pm. Call Luke! Duh! Stupid question. I like how I was trying to be business-y and he just wanted to talk. Awkward and funny. I loved it. Bahahaha.
Posters up tomorrow. They're rad. Be excited. I wish I had shiny paper... acutally, I wish I would have taken the time to find the shiny paper.
I didn't want to add you as a friend because I wasn't sure whether we were at that stage or not, because I hate those people who just randomly add you when you've only met them once. I'm glad you added me though. You're rad.
Drama llama!
More cuties at Atomic* I want to work there. Ballz.
Can you keep a secret?
You wish.
Did I tell you I'm getting into University because of Jim. Life does hate me.
I feel like Elaine, I just want to watch Romeo and Juliet and EAT! OM NOM NOM....
When I show up on Friday Issac is going to want to have more meaningful conversations. Damnit.
Hello Jessica,
Thanks for sharing. Friends are complicated. People are complicated if you are one to stop and try to reason things out as your CDO would suggest to me. My biggest advice to you would be don't change who you are because of others and their own personal motivations and agendas. Being friends and any relationship for that matter does require some give and take. Is is not always what we want but we need to ensure that we don't compromise ourselves and what is important to us. True friends will understand that.
As far as what you are doing in September goes, what do you want to be doing? Be honest with yourself.
KVL you make me happy. Because I'm pretty sure you're as insane as I am.
What makes an artist a professional?
How much ass they kiss.
Like I said I'm so tired of the game and the competition. Fucking capitalists.
What a stupid ho. Punch her face. I can't believe she thought it was a date. Is she on crack? There are no fucking excuses in life. Get over yourself. Fuck.
Concerts aren't just a thing you fucking ho. Ugh, I'm not even you and I'm pissed.
So you're going and they're going but not together... I wanna set up an interview. I wonder how I can go about that. I'm thinking I could get Tegan and Sara. Hm...
I feel like a dick. Because usually I take pictures of everyone else but I didn't this weekend. Sorry boyz!
The Class was such a good show. I love that red head. Which makes me love Modern Family.
Sorry I created more work for us guys. Also S, why were your hands so sweaty? Hahaha. You're adorable. In that not related brother way... Bahahaha... Even I don't make sense to myself.
OMG boy at Atomic*. He stole my heart. Him and his broken debit machine. :D I burned my tongue on my tea. But I ate all the bubbles. As idiotic as I looked. It's a goal of mine, to look as idiotic as possible.
OMG THE HUMAN KNOT! WOAH GUYS! Just stick your face in the crotch area for only a second. God. Hahaha. The photoshoot next week is going to be soooo rad. I can't decide what I want to bring. I do know that I will be wearing The Red Heads shirt.
Also I really wanted to quote the book I'm reading. But I'm too lazy to go down and read it. Get it. Whatever.
It talked about FBR. I love how you all think its about noodles, but its the fucking record company you imbeciles. They all started on the same label. That makes me smile. I love that book. I think I'm just going to buy it along with the first book. I should have read the first one first probably. Ah well.
I don't even want to discuss this. Because everyone else sees it. I'm glad I threw all that shit out. Are you fucking serious. Imma bout to slap a bitch.
Found my Blink wristband the other day. At least I think its Blink. It was Blink's that would glow in the dark right?
Woah. Just about texted Luke, you asleep? Shit is flying. That would have been soooo bad.
Love,
I'm always on the run.
Posters up tomorrow. They're rad. Be excited. I wish I had shiny paper... acutally, I wish I would have taken the time to find the shiny paper.
I didn't want to add you as a friend because I wasn't sure whether we were at that stage or not, because I hate those people who just randomly add you when you've only met them once. I'm glad you added me though. You're rad.
Drama llama!
More cuties at Atomic* I want to work there. Ballz.
Can you keep a secret?
You wish.
Did I tell you I'm getting into University because of Jim. Life does hate me.
I feel like Elaine, I just want to watch Romeo and Juliet and EAT! OM NOM NOM....
When I show up on Friday Issac is going to want to have more meaningful conversations. Damnit.
Hello Jessica,
Thanks for sharing. Friends are complicated. People are complicated if you are one to stop and try to reason things out as your CDO would suggest to me. My biggest advice to you would be don't change who you are because of others and their own personal motivations and agendas. Being friends and any relationship for that matter does require some give and take. Is is not always what we want but we need to ensure that we don't compromise ourselves and what is important to us. True friends will understand that.
As far as what you are doing in September goes, what do you want to be doing? Be honest with yourself.
KVL you make me happy. Because I'm pretty sure you're as insane as I am.
What makes an artist a professional?
How much ass they kiss.
Like I said I'm so tired of the game and the competition. Fucking capitalists.
What a stupid ho. Punch her face. I can't believe she thought it was a date. Is she on crack? There are no fucking excuses in life. Get over yourself. Fuck.
Concerts aren't just a thing you fucking ho. Ugh, I'm not even you and I'm pissed.
So you're going and they're going but not together... I wanna set up an interview. I wonder how I can go about that. I'm thinking I could get Tegan and Sara. Hm...
I feel like a dick. Because usually I take pictures of everyone else but I didn't this weekend. Sorry boyz!
The Class was such a good show. I love that red head. Which makes me love Modern Family.
Sorry I created more work for us guys. Also S, why were your hands so sweaty? Hahaha. You're adorable. In that not related brother way... Bahahaha... Even I don't make sense to myself.
OMG boy at Atomic*. He stole my heart. Him and his broken debit machine. :D I burned my tongue on my tea. But I ate all the bubbles. As idiotic as I looked. It's a goal of mine, to look as idiotic as possible.
OMG THE HUMAN KNOT! WOAH GUYS! Just stick your face in the crotch area for only a second. God. Hahaha. The photoshoot next week is going to be soooo rad. I can't decide what I want to bring. I do know that I will be wearing The Red Heads shirt.
Also I really wanted to quote the book I'm reading. But I'm too lazy to go down and read it. Get it. Whatever.
It talked about FBR. I love how you all think its about noodles, but its the fucking record company you imbeciles. They all started on the same label. That makes me smile. I love that book. I think I'm just going to buy it along with the first book. I should have read the first one first probably. Ah well.
I don't even want to discuss this. Because everyone else sees it. I'm glad I threw all that shit out. Are you fucking serious. Imma bout to slap a bitch.
Found my Blink wristband the other day. At least I think its Blink. It was Blink's that would glow in the dark right?
Woah. Just about texted Luke, you asleep? Shit is flying. That would have been soooo bad.
Love,
I'm always on the run.
That Fall Out Boy Shirt Makes Me Life
Alpha Dog is an amazing song. I guess way back when on the punk show when I saw that random video of a guy with antlers I did not realize that this was what was going to become of Fall Out Boy. And honestly. It makes me happy.
I'm a, I'm a star...
I just got suckered in my the Magic Bullet infomercial. Yes I watched that couple blend shit for 10 minutes. Look how happy the Magic Bullet made their life. Maybe I should buy one. Not that I'm a couple.
Unless me pretend relationship with Ed Westwick counts.
"I'm gonna be honest. I'm not sure why we are capitalizing that."
Ok not the best photo but I couldn't find a stellar photo of the under the eyebrow look. You just have to watch the show.
Oh my damn.
Ok that was the last one. I promise. Hot damn...
Love,
Jessica Westwick. I don't really like the sound to that. Guess I'm keeping my maiden name Eddy. Ok Eddy, also not liking that. Ed. Now I think about that stupid pancake/waffle/bowling alley Ed. My brain...
I'm a, I'm a star...
I just got suckered in my the Magic Bullet infomercial. Yes I watched that couple blend shit for 10 minutes. Look how happy the Magic Bullet made their life. Maybe I should buy one. Not that I'm a couple.
Unless me pretend relationship with Ed Westwick counts.
"I'm gonna be honest. I'm not sure why we are capitalizing that."
Ok not the best photo but I couldn't find a stellar photo of the under the eyebrow look. You just have to watch the show.
Oh my damn.
Ok that was the last one. I promise. Hot damn...
Love,
Jessica Westwick. I don't really like the sound to that. Guess I'm keeping my maiden name Eddy. Ok Eddy, also not liking that. Ed. Now I think about that stupid pancake/waffle/bowling alley Ed. My brain...
Monday, October 12, 2009
Would It Kill You To Care?
I was going to bed. But then I was like meh I might as well check it. I see stupid photo updates. But I'd rather not tlak about that shit for it will get ime in trouble, but who the fuck cares.
So anyways. All day I'm thinking me thoughts and hating the competition that you seem to drag out of me. It's so stupid and useless and I don't understand why it happens. I hate it. I realized that I was doing a lot better in June and July then I am right now. I think I found my own reasons for that one...
But anywysa so I'm ranting about stupid shit. And then I see in my notifications that Ashley left me a post. A heart. I love that girl. She is so strong. And when I'm down and out I look at people like her and realize how much stronger I could be.
The other day in Bio the teacher asked me what I would do if my grandmother had cancer and whether or not the government should pay her health care bills. I bit my tongue and answered the question in a non biased stand point. It really shows you.. WEll it shows you a lot that I'm sure you can figure out.
Which brings me to my other pity me moment of the week. He keep sasking why I'm not getting my license. It was the last thing I talked to her about before she died. So excuse me if I seem to be having some mental stability issues.
Now we share embarassing moments. I never really thought about how embarassed you must have been till I looked back on it all the other day. Life's too short to remember our flaws. And it sucks ass when people remind us of them or talk about them to everybody.
I hope its not how you want it to be. Because then I'll indeed hate it.
Owen smokes. Unimpressed.
I didn't go tonight. I stayed home bause Betty came over for thanksgiving dinner. There doesn't seem to be much holding our family together.
We found a place to stay in Washington in Feb. I'm excited. That is going to be a good week.
Part of me does actually want to learn to drive for then. It kind of scares me. Moving out. Going to university doesn't scare me. I don't see it as growing up. But driving. Yeah. That makes me feel grown up. Which scres me. And brings me back to the thought all week.
Also if you were sore and warm that night. You have no clue what is headed your way at the end by dahling. No clue. I friggin lost four pounds that night. Hahaha. So great.
You're a stranger I know well...
I think technology has indeed ruined our lives. I mean sure there are tons of pros. But there is no conversation anymore. That doesn't involve computers or asking are you on facebook? Or I mean people read this or something you post on a networking site and they'll bring it up in conversationw hich is awkward. Or they'll be like yeah I know I read what you posted. There fore, stunting any further conversationt hat may occur.
I've given u pon spellcheck. It's more creative this way.
Stil haven't gone on my artist date. KVL isn't posting to my previous journal entry. Unimpressed. Need to make posters. HSould hvae found H's email . Fails.
Still holding irregular sleep hours. Ty better not make me sick. I punch his lights outs.
I wish I could comfortably divulge everything to a singular person. Ha! Like that would ever happen. No one can e trusted. Something I have learned in my many years... Yes they are many...
Love,
You can sit there and judge me, say what you want to, we'll never let you in...
So anyways. All day I'm thinking me thoughts and hating the competition that you seem to drag out of me. It's so stupid and useless and I don't understand why it happens. I hate it. I realized that I was doing a lot better in June and July then I am right now. I think I found my own reasons for that one...
But anywysa so I'm ranting about stupid shit. And then I see in my notifications that Ashley left me a post. A heart. I love that girl. She is so strong. And when I'm down and out I look at people like her and realize how much stronger I could be.
The other day in Bio the teacher asked me what I would do if my grandmother had cancer and whether or not the government should pay her health care bills. I bit my tongue and answered the question in a non biased stand point. It really shows you.. WEll it shows you a lot that I'm sure you can figure out.
Which brings me to my other pity me moment of the week. He keep sasking why I'm not getting my license. It was the last thing I talked to her about before she died. So excuse me if I seem to be having some mental stability issues.
Now we share embarassing moments. I never really thought about how embarassed you must have been till I looked back on it all the other day. Life's too short to remember our flaws. And it sucks ass when people remind us of them or talk about them to everybody.
I hope its not how you want it to be. Because then I'll indeed hate it.
Owen smokes. Unimpressed.
I didn't go tonight. I stayed home bause Betty came over for thanksgiving dinner. There doesn't seem to be much holding our family together.
We found a place to stay in Washington in Feb. I'm excited. That is going to be a good week.
Part of me does actually want to learn to drive for then. It kind of scares me. Moving out. Going to university doesn't scare me. I don't see it as growing up. But driving. Yeah. That makes me feel grown up. Which scres me. And brings me back to the thought all week.
Also if you were sore and warm that night. You have no clue what is headed your way at the end by dahling. No clue. I friggin lost four pounds that night. Hahaha. So great.
You're a stranger I know well...
I think technology has indeed ruined our lives. I mean sure there are tons of pros. But there is no conversation anymore. That doesn't involve computers or asking are you on facebook? Or I mean people read this or something you post on a networking site and they'll bring it up in conversationw hich is awkward. Or they'll be like yeah I know I read what you posted. There fore, stunting any further conversationt hat may occur.
I've given u pon spellcheck. It's more creative this way.
Stil haven't gone on my artist date. KVL isn't posting to my previous journal entry. Unimpressed. Need to make posters. HSould hvae found H's email . Fails.
Still holding irregular sleep hours. Ty better not make me sick. I punch his lights outs.
I wish I could comfortably divulge everything to a singular person. Ha! Like that would ever happen. No one can e trusted. Something I have learned in my many years... Yes they are many...
Love,
You can sit there and judge me, say what you want to, we'll never let you in...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I'm Thinking...
fuck this broken soul shit
and for all its worth fuck the reason i'm here. and at the same time dont. what a bitter sweet arrival, and yet, arriving only to check out at 9am with a nasty hang over and a handful of blind spots. for a lack of subtlety. sometimes i wish i was not as open as i am. as honest as i could be. as blunt as i get. you give them an inch, they fuck you up and jack your shit for all its motherfuckin worth. i absolutely hate using this place to complain but if i don't do it here i'm gonna strangle a bitch. most bands cant see past their egos far enough to create a human connection to a fan. to spend any sort of time with a fan is a fucking chore. i feel very safe in saying i've made it my fucking lifes (haha 2 years) work to create as much of a bond with our fans as humanly possible. hours and hours and hours of sitting there, with every bone in my body making sure i'm being sincere to all 2000 fans when i say thanks for coming and hugs and pictures and hugs and autographs. fuck i love it. i'll never denounce attention. i used to get kicked out of class for wanting too much. now people literally line up to give it to me. give them an inch... im' assuming i will always be made to feel by people, that its not enough. heres a fact, at least for me, it takes a literal army of people to boost confidence, and only a handful of fucks to shatter it. how much is too much? how much is too far? things not far from the forefront of my mind, but definatly in the passenger seat. i'm not going to conclude, on here, my thoughts on this matter. for reasons, A: i dont feel i need to. and B: i already forgot what i was talking about.im' still greatful. i'm proud to call my friends my friends. the only way i can tell the difference between a friend and an aquaintance, is by which ones know what about me. there is alot i allow people to know. alot i allude to. alittle i am discrete abou,t and a great great many things no one will ever know. except for you. (you know who you are.) i'll keep giving. i wont stop. i'll hold my tongue. more importantly my fist. nobody is worth the money for the lawsuit involved in me crushing all the bones in their face with my hand. i think i've also done quite the job at not letting this shit get to my head. knowing how much of a nobody and halfass i still am and always have been has been my greatest strength and consolement. i don't impress me. i'll always be stoked that i have fans though. people that appreciate the music i make and the show i perform and the interview i give and the time i take. the time i take... ...give them an inch... i can't belive it has actually come around to bite me sometimes. not severely. but what measure is too much these days. fuck it. let god sort them out.
i was asked today if i like rain. i answered with. "no. i've done too many years of 4 season construction on the west coast of canada to have any sort of poetic regard for rain." it was a good question. i thought about it after. i thought about different things. thgings that are so glorious, exciting, beyond my wildest dreams, even beautiful. i thought about rain again. how cold it can be. how wet it is. how it chills you to the bone. how every time you lift your hammer above your head it runs down your sleeve to your warm chest, and sends icy shivers down your body. how it turns dust into mud. how it turns wood into a slip and slide. how it makes your finger tips pink and unable to grab nails. how it makes you sniffle. all day. how a 2x6 splashes water up into your face when dropped to the ground on the flat. how production slows down. how moral is weakend. how u cant have the radio out. how you have to work with extra layers of rubber that make you sweat. how your feet are always the first to freeze. (ring ring: mommy can you bring me more dry socks!) then i thought about my life. my music life. and all the ugly connotations that go along with it. and i thought about whether or not it out weighs the good. i will not disclose my conslusion. ever. i stand here. staring, hungering, after this mountain infront of me. this big big mountain. to my left and my right other eyes staring upwards. some not as hungry. some hungrier. i'm sweating. so much on this line. i don't want to have nothing to lose. what will i be rememberd for? fuck this broken soul shit. i'm solid gold. things will break me, but i'll never be broken. i'll never let you take a part of me with you. its an act for the most part. an ever changing act. sometimes growing, sometimes screwing up, sometimes smiling, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming, sometimes laughing, always naked, sometimes obnoxious, sometimes charming, and hardly concerned about the consequences. an act. act. my theme song will not forever be, the buzz of ice machines, distant (and sometimes very very close) sounds of sirens, auditoriums of numbing screams, and that really wicked sound the toilet makes on the tour bus bathroom. my scenery will change when its ready to. and if i dont enjoy every second of right now, i'm am the worlds 'silliest' fool. but besides that. i will always ask myself. how long can i make this last. how close does that mountain top seem. how lucky am i? really? how strong am i? really? how proud am i? really. maybe wrap me up in plastic maybe crawl back down the window. its much harder to feel sick when your heart is so far from real. you're only close to bottoming out when your knees kiss this ground. but what do i know about making things work. about full house endings and lessons learned punctually. this rain, the same rain. still falls on my face and i feel it. i see it. it makes my hair wet, my skin shine, my heart beat. but it still turns this dust into mud. my knees. they're very muddy still.
she came in a box, i loved, and i sold her.
***
It's not as spontaneous as you make it all seem. Or do you summarize and subject yourself after the fact? I know I said I don't read mine back, maybe I'll take my own advice, but I think you should read yours back. When I tell people I'm crying they think it's an expression. But usually I am. Reading that. A while back. Not this. That. I cried. I cried a lot that day. I just get so attached to things. Remember when August was over. How I'd black out? That had to be safe. Is the first one the worst one if it didn't even count? What if it had? Then maybe I just wouldn't have even gotten out of bed. Your songs get so old so quickly. Does anybody make real shit anymore? Do we even know what I'm talking about? It's doubtful. Where was this going? Soemthing that had to do with how much I'll always want to save you. I'm the fixing type. Fuck.
Too soon? Too soon.
How much of it all is real. And how much happens in your head. Is manifested. I need something new. New people to know. To hang out with. I'm tired of the same old shit. Here in this hell hole the only thing you do is the same thing. Day in and day out. No I won't miss it when I leave here. It's not my community. MY comunity is much larger than this.
I ate a lot of broccoli tonight. Ps. That's how you spell it. Not brockley you brocklie virgin. Anyways what am I talking about anymore? Ah yes the manifestations. I love tht word. Make everything make sense.
You need to listen to FF. It'll make sense to you to. Trust me.
I love how they all think you're so original. When your'e not. But you are. And I wish you knew that. By not giivng yourself credit you are holding yourself back.
Why can't I sleep regular hours like the rest of the universe?
Where did this cut come from? Why won't it go away? And why can't I pick at it.
Love,
Just how beautiful do I have to be...
It Brought Me...
I'm not sure. I thought things were getting better. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren't.
Every time he goes, she dies
Every time she comes, she cries
He was her long, bright future
In the middle of a wrong, dark road
He loved her, but he wasn't too sure
If he could return the love she showed
When she said, my love extends
Beyond the realm of being friends
He kissed her head
And quietly he said
It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully
Well, ten thousand tears passed by
But she never let him see her cry
And he called up down one night
He said, let's get in the car and just drive
He talked a lot about loneliness
But why, she didn't know
And some song about Memphis
Was playing on the radio
She said, let's stop the car and slow dance
Won't you just give me a chance?
He took her hand
And hoped she'd understand
It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully
Well, she'll burn that bridge
And build a house
And swallow the smoke in her mouth
She'll feel the burn
And then make the choice
To put the fire in her voice
It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully
Every time he goes, she dies
Every time she comes, she cries
He was her long, bright future
In the middle of a wrong, dark road
He loved her, but he wasn't too sure
If he could return the love she showed
When she said, my love extends
Beyond the realm of being friends
He kissed her head
And quietly he said
It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully
Well, ten thousand tears passed by
But she never let him see her cry
And he called up down one night
He said, let's get in the car and just drive
He talked a lot about loneliness
But why, she didn't know
And some song about Memphis
Was playing on the radio
She said, let's stop the car and slow dance
Won't you just give me a chance?
He took her hand
And hoped she'd understand
It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully
Well, she'll burn that bridge
And build a house
And swallow the smoke in her mouth
She'll feel the burn
And then make the choice
To put the fire in her voice
It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
This Modern Love
It's About The Music says:
OMG! in other news....
ok you know those sour dinosaur gummies
December_26 says:
mhm
It's About The Music says:
that are like gods gift to humans?
December_26 says:
mhm
It's About The Music says:
my mother bought a huge bag of them at costco
and i'm thinking of just bathing in them
when i die
bury me with sour dinosaurs ok?
December_26 says:
i will
'she died as she lived: surrounded by sour dinosaur candies'
It's About The Music says:
mhm
thats all that needs to be said
and then just punch jacob hoggard in the face
but my that time he will have overdosed or been killed by an angry mob
so bring a cardboard cut out
but you'll have to make one first
since no one will ever make one of him
true story
December_26 says:
mkay
why will no one make a cardboard cutout of him
Love,
I Don't KNow WHy...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I had a dream last night...
By my side... You'll never be...
Oh god. It seemed real. I had forgotten about it for a little while. But I had that dream didn't I?
And you're never coming home again...
You were there. By the windows. Standing there. And then you were in my classes. And I had that butterfly feeling I get when I see you now. And I was scared at first. But then I just wanted to talk to you, but part of me was still mad.
I wanted to tell you I changed. I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time.
And then you talked to me. You told me about how unhappy I was. I didn't think anyone had noticed. But apparently you did. You told me about how I truly was better than what I had come to accept. You told me all those things I think. And I thought maybe for a second, I had it all figured out. That maybe I wasn't supposed to save you, that you were going to save me. But you didn't. It ended up just like last time. You'll never know what those words mean. What those words. mean. to. me.
It was so clear like it was real. The feelings I had when I saw you. How bright your blue shirt was, how it brought out your eyes. How you told me those words. How they felt when I heard them. How it felt when I knew someone else understood. How I felt seeing that. The anger. Again. Always. Angry.
Lost in my dreams...
I don't want to think about it anymore.
You texted. You're sorry excetera. You broke your foot. You want to know whats got me in this state. But I don't want to share with you. Your not the person I want to open up to. I'm not playing this game anymore.
The dream seemed so real. I thought it was. I thought things were different. Maybe there's hope that all of this is the dream. That what I think is the dream is reality? Maybe? I thought so...
I'm tired of art. It has to mean something. Otherwise what the fuck are you doing it for? IT HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEONE! AND IT JUST IS NOT ANYMORE!
Love,
By my side... You'll never be...
Oh god. It seemed real. I had forgotten about it for a little while. But I had that dream didn't I?
And you're never coming home again...
You were there. By the windows. Standing there. And then you were in my classes. And I had that butterfly feeling I get when I see you now. And I was scared at first. But then I just wanted to talk to you, but part of me was still mad.
I wanted to tell you I changed. I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time.
And then you talked to me. You told me about how unhappy I was. I didn't think anyone had noticed. But apparently you did. You told me about how I truly was better than what I had come to accept. You told me all those things I think. And I thought maybe for a second, I had it all figured out. That maybe I wasn't supposed to save you, that you were going to save me. But you didn't. It ended up just like last time. You'll never know what those words mean. What those words. mean. to. me.
It was so clear like it was real. The feelings I had when I saw you. How bright your blue shirt was, how it brought out your eyes. How you told me those words. How they felt when I heard them. How it felt when I knew someone else understood. How I felt seeing that. The anger. Again. Always. Angry.
Lost in my dreams...
I don't want to think about it anymore.
You texted. You're sorry excetera. You broke your foot. You want to know whats got me in this state. But I don't want to share with you. Your not the person I want to open up to. I'm not playing this game anymore.
The dream seemed so real. I thought it was. I thought things were different. Maybe there's hope that all of this is the dream. That what I think is the dream is reality? Maybe? I thought so...
I'm tired of art. It has to mean something. Otherwise what the fuck are you doing it for? IT HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEONE! AND IT JUST IS NOT ANYMORE!
Love,
By my side... You'll never be...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Now How's Your Life?
Watching that video made me understand. Thanks. I'm not upset about that anymore. I understand. It' cute.
The world's too short to be a dick. Talk to people.
You're nicer than I pretend you are. I'd be your friend if you need someone. Even though you think I'm the anti-Christ. :P It's small talk. But some days it's just nice to talk to someone.
I love talking to people. Sarah noticed that this last week. I love hanging out with that girl. She is A-mazing! We had some good times this week. With ourselves. A man. And silly boys.
I'm wondering if you think this is awkward. I don't.
Oh you asked. Took you ten minutes but that's cool. I'll be honest. Now you don't want to talk to me... I tried.
Love,
The Best Years of our Lives aren't as easy as they seem...
The world's too short to be a dick. Talk to people.
You're nicer than I pretend you are. I'd be your friend if you need someone. Even though you think I'm the anti-Christ. :P It's small talk. But some days it's just nice to talk to someone.
I love talking to people. Sarah noticed that this last week. I love hanging out with that girl. She is A-mazing! We had some good times this week. With ourselves. A man. And silly boys.
I'm wondering if you think this is awkward. I don't.
Oh you asked. Took you ten minutes but that's cool. I'll be honest. Now you don't want to talk to me... I tried.
Love,
The Best Years of our Lives aren't as easy as they seem...
Monday, October 5, 2009
Dear Jacob Hoggard,
You break my heart. Constantly. It hurts. It honestly aches. I cried. And now I think I might be better?
Now if you could just stop cheating on Tammy and being such a dick 20/7. I would whole heartedly love you again.
I'm not on the hater wagon. I merely just get mad at you. A lot. And I'm sorry. But usually you deserve it. Grow the fuck up. Go to rehab and write the most amazing album of your career.
Thank you.
That is all.
Now if you could just stop cheating on Tammy and being such a dick 20/7. I would whole heartedly love you again.
I'm not on the hater wagon. I merely just get mad at you. A lot. And I'm sorry. But usually you deserve it. Grow the fuck up. Go to rehab and write the most amazing album of your career.
Thank you.
That is all.
That Song
Over and over again.
The fluidity.
It's ridiculous.
I miss you. Come back soon. Ok? Because you're amazing.
Chem lab. Social essay. Chem questions. Bio project/unit final. Chem quiz.I hate everyone today. Everyone.
Except Pete Wentz, and Patrick, and Blink (the 182 is insignificant, we just pulled it out of our asses) and your favourite song on the album. It's mine to. :D
“'Gay' is not another word for 'shitty;' if you want to call the band shitty, then say they're shitty. Don't call them gay, because GAY is NOT another word for shitty..... you homophobic assholes.”
pete wentz is todays hero
“Mark is ugly, Travis is ugly, I have no friends. I'm pretty much the only cool guy in the band."
“Some people think we're idiots or perverts. Don't argue people, we are both.”
“Remember 2 eat , sleep, blink."
“My name's Mark, I ride a scooter. I'm badass."
“You know what it is? Alot of these people are just now jumping on the 'we hate Tom' band waggon. I've been hating Tom since like 1995, I'm oldschool hatin' Tom!”
“Everyone call Tom a F*ck Head!
“I once tried to start a nudist colony in our bus, and it pretty much ended up as just me hanging around naked.”
“When you go from selling no records to selling lots of them, you have to wonder - did your mom buy them all? Are they just sitting in your garage?”
“I came up with a little formula. If you write songs about girls, you get more girls at a show. We write A LOT of songs about girls.”
"I remember once imagining what my life would be like, what I'd be like. I pictured having all these qualities, strong positive qualities that people could pick up on from across the room. But as time passed, few ever became any qualities that I actually had. And all the possibilities I faced and the sorts of people I could be, all of them got reduced every year to fewer and fewer. Until finally they got reduced to one, to who I am. And that's who I am, the weather man."
"People don't throw things at me anymore. Maybe because I carry a bow around."
That one right there helped me through a lot of days. It sounds funny. But it's not. It's a bad day. Nothings original. Art will never be the same. I wish stuff meant something. But it doesn't. The dark thoughts aren't leaving yet. I don't know what brought them on. They've never been so permanent. It's scary. Whatever. Not like it matters. But isn't that the thought? Oh god, there it was again. That thought. Thought. THought. THinking. This. Is. How. You. Chose. To. Sell. Your. Soul.
Love,
This is getting old.
The fluidity.
It's ridiculous.
I miss you. Come back soon. Ok? Because you're amazing.
Chem lab. Social essay. Chem questions. Bio project/unit final. Chem quiz.I hate everyone today. Everyone.
Except Pete Wentz, and Patrick, and Blink (the 182 is insignificant, we just pulled it out of our asses) and your favourite song on the album. It's mine to. :D
“'Gay' is not another word for 'shitty;' if you want to call the band shitty, then say they're shitty. Don't call them gay, because GAY is NOT another word for shitty..... you homophobic assholes.”
pete wentz is todays hero
“Mark is ugly, Travis is ugly, I have no friends. I'm pretty much the only cool guy in the band."
“Some people think we're idiots or perverts. Don't argue people, we are both.”
“Remember 2 eat , sleep, blink."
“My name's Mark, I ride a scooter. I'm badass."
“You know what it is? Alot of these people are just now jumping on the 'we hate Tom' band waggon. I've been hating Tom since like 1995, I'm oldschool hatin' Tom!”
“Everyone call Tom a F*ck Head!
“I once tried to start a nudist colony in our bus, and it pretty much ended up as just me hanging around naked.”
“When you go from selling no records to selling lots of them, you have to wonder - did your mom buy them all? Are they just sitting in your garage?”
“I came up with a little formula. If you write songs about girls, you get more girls at a show. We write A LOT of songs about girls.”
"I remember once imagining what my life would be like, what I'd be like. I pictured having all these qualities, strong positive qualities that people could pick up on from across the room. But as time passed, few ever became any qualities that I actually had. And all the possibilities I faced and the sorts of people I could be, all of them got reduced every year to fewer and fewer. Until finally they got reduced to one, to who I am. And that's who I am, the weather man."
"People don't throw things at me anymore. Maybe because I carry a bow around."
That one right there helped me through a lot of days. It sounds funny. But it's not. It's a bad day. Nothings original. Art will never be the same. I wish stuff meant something. But it doesn't. The dark thoughts aren't leaving yet. I don't know what brought them on. They've never been so permanent. It's scary. Whatever. Not like it matters. But isn't that the thought? Oh god, there it was again. That thought. Thought. THought. THinking. This. Is. How. You. Chose. To. Sell. Your. Soul.
Love,
This is getting old.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I'm Not Really Sure Where This Is Going
I like the three of us hanging out. It's good.
I didn't want to say anything about the other night because I know you don't like me to know how it bothers you. But I know it does. You're an open book.
I like that I'm waiting at the door to get off the train and they're sitting right there to get on the train. Atomic for the win. This time my tea was better, but I wasn't digging the salad. Too much bread. Then we just stood outside the bike shop and looked inside for like ever. Hahaha... Then I decided to promote diabetes. It was good. Then we win free popcorn! HAZAH!
That movie was amazing and so intense. The main character and the boy who died were absolutely brilliant but the girl totally needed so much more substance. I didn't think the director deserved to be in the competition though since he really didn't do all that much...But I loved the styling of the film and how he would interrupt it all or hit repeat. Then during the love scene and all the porn the person to my left got a little tense. Like woah, relax, it's just sex. Hahahaha.
They are so cute. I love them. I hope they end up together. Splashing in sort of empty pools. It was cute. And I knew you were having a rough time recently so I wanted to give you two some space to gallivant around. Then you declared you didn't want to go home. So we all went to Timmy's. Dur. I'm pretty sure Timmy's is officially a late night tradition. Then I helped some kids get into Timmy's once they had locked the doors. Everyone needs coffee man. Then at the station Sarah thought I was trying to pick up the drunk guy. Hahaha. Nay. He asked what time the trains came and I answered and then wished him a good night. That is all. Hahaha. I love talking to people. Don't worry, if you were there, he was there. The three of us are a great duo. I was excited for us to hang out tomorrow until the whole clan decided to come along. Maybe the wizard will join us so I don't have to declare death, although if he does come I'll declare death.
"You look horrible. Whatever you're doing or drinking, stop it."
I can't believe she said that to me this morning. Last time I had anything was at Ashley's. God. And we aren't doing anything either. Gawsh.
I've had haunting thoughts this week. It started Thursday. That feeling just came over me. It scared me. And I haven't been able to shake it since. It seems to slip to the subconcious. But yesterday walking up the hill it was there again. It made me realize how surreal life is and made me question a lot about what comes next.
I'm scared I'll never be anything more than the girl on this side of the fence. That's not what I want. Then I realize that I might get bored. But I won't because it'll be faster than this. I'm not bored when I'm at the Centre. I think I'm going to go there next weekend. It's a happy place. Issacs email has got to be around here somewhere. I think that Darren sees this.
"My face was my mask"
But Issac sees that and everything else. Does it scare me? Yeah it does.
I'm a triangle. I'm set in my goals. I'm not a goalie.
Everyone thinks your a jerk, but I want to be your friend. Because you don't seem to have anyone and I'm not afraid to be that person that sees past all the hats.
I had to forget it.
I forgot everything that was important here. I don't want to be you.
I hate this house. It's so filthy. The carpets are so black. I wonder where she's off to. It's never like this.
I never see him. Is that a problem? The-rapist says that my problems are only from the past.
He asks everyday when I'm leaving. If I'll ever come back. Somedays he says he can't wait till he never sees me again. Somedays he says he wants to die. I don't like this feeling of knowing that we won't call. That I'm going to leave and not talk to him. It won't be like me and her.
When you leave you'll forget her. No I won't. You probably will. No, not her. But I'll forget the rest and that doesn't really bother me. But don't tell them I said that.
You understand that I hate everybody. Everybody has just been pissing me off recently. I don't really want to hang out with any of them. I wish you would open up to me like you did that night before I fucked it all up. And now we have to hang out with him. And I hate him because he seems to see everything, all of the best parts of lonely. And it's not a safe feeling, knowing he sees it all.
And every birthday card. I threw away.
All these songs are about 17 because its supposed ot be your last year of freedom. But really where's the freedom. It's all stress. I want to go for a massage and pedicure. Cause I'm like that and it makes me relax for a second.
Count yellow highway lines.
You're so full of shit and you have the whole country wrapped around your finger. I worry about you. A lot.
There might be hope for me to get a 75. Could you imagine? MT 35 counts as a course.
I'm tired of your stupid quotes. Because you don't understand it. I'm going to punch a fan girl one day. And it's going to be bloody. I can't wait.
She's really not that pretty. I mean she has nothing going for her.
I can't believe she said that. It blew my mind. I mean I'm a dick but that was a dick move. You play both sides like I do and it frustrates me.
What am I supposed to do as a presentation for PDA? Because that's not who I am anymore.
I think it would be really cool if the winning band could organize a photoshoot with K. It'd be cool. I really need to talk to S. Why didn't she text me about what P said? Ugh.
San Diego. Tiawana. Carlsbad. LA. It'll be good.
The other day I was freaking out. Like trouble breathing, can't tlak to anyone trouble.
I sat downstairs in the cold dark. Ip played If I Fall and screamed it at the top of my lungs. I wasn't a hundred percent better but it was better.
Is she jealous? I don't think so. I think we're all severely fucked up.
"I think it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" "No I haven't heard that one before"
I hope that girl from last time is at MT cause she's the only one who wanted to push with me. I appreciated that.
3 am coming and going.
Good times.
I need to talk with everyone again. They give me the opposite of hope. Hahaha. They give me Great Depression.
They're just people. They eat berakfast and supper and pee in toilets just like you do. Relax.
Stand a little too tall, say a little too much.
Story of my life. It's never been such a problem before. The-rapist tells me how easy it is to see the different parts I portray and I hide it all so well. Or at least I thought so...
You know I'll be fine.
Well I'll be saving my breath for another year.
I'm wasting my time.
I'm coming clean to you on how I'm always catching up.
Yeah I'm still chasing my heart down 95.
It's a fucked up way to live your life when you are stuck always catching up.
So I'll come clean to you.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of this life.
Of all the ways to die, suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Yeah I've been clearing my head trying to get some sleep,
and all these overloaded thoughts crashed down on me.
It seems that this is just not good enough.
I'll come clean to you.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of life.
Of all the ways to die, suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Well this is the calm before the storm.
It's getting harder then it has before.
Sometimes you've got to walk in the rain
if you're dying to find what you're looking for.
Dying to find what you're looking for.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of life.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
I like that song. It's a gooder.
Then I was sitting in that theater. Dying in that seat. And then they started playing that beautiful song and i Started swaying in my seat. Feeling the song all over me. And then there was yelling. And the kids were bing shuffled. And he was hanging there in the gym. You know, when you are still in that stage of high suicide rates, its not the easiest to watch such a movie. Knowing people that are struggling with something like this on a day to day basis.
Can't walk the fucking line can you?
Shut the fuck up.
We're not having this discussion right now.
But it's been brought up.
But who the fuck cares.
Fuck.
I hate hanging out with girls. They are so stupid.
I miss hanging out with you. I'm glad that you are doing so well though. But at the same time I really miss you. You're looking good my friend.
I don't want him. I don't want to date him. Truly. I'm somewhere different now. I just want friends that aren't so frustrating.
That past me seems so far away. Was it really me. Was I really that person. Did I really hang out with those people. Do I really hope to run into you, in hopes that this time maybe I'll say something. Shut up.
Number 2. I love you. Ok well not love. But we should get together and discuss TLC specials about the guy who snapped his arm off. It'd be fun. You know where I sit. :P
I need something to drink. I feel dehydrated.
I packed my bags. I was on my way...
You're bags are packed, have you been here before?
Love,
We All Need A Reason To Believe
I didn't want to say anything about the other night because I know you don't like me to know how it bothers you. But I know it does. You're an open book.
I like that I'm waiting at the door to get off the train and they're sitting right there to get on the train. Atomic for the win. This time my tea was better, but I wasn't digging the salad. Too much bread. Then we just stood outside the bike shop and looked inside for like ever. Hahaha... Then I decided to promote diabetes. It was good. Then we win free popcorn! HAZAH!
That movie was amazing and so intense. The main character and the boy who died were absolutely brilliant but the girl totally needed so much more substance. I didn't think the director deserved to be in the competition though since he really didn't do all that much...But I loved the styling of the film and how he would interrupt it all or hit repeat. Then during the love scene and all the porn the person to my left got a little tense. Like woah, relax, it's just sex. Hahahaha.
They are so cute. I love them. I hope they end up together. Splashing in sort of empty pools. It was cute. And I knew you were having a rough time recently so I wanted to give you two some space to gallivant around. Then you declared you didn't want to go home. So we all went to Timmy's. Dur. I'm pretty sure Timmy's is officially a late night tradition. Then I helped some kids get into Timmy's once they had locked the doors. Everyone needs coffee man. Then at the station Sarah thought I was trying to pick up the drunk guy. Hahaha. Nay. He asked what time the trains came and I answered and then wished him a good night. That is all. Hahaha. I love talking to people. Don't worry, if you were there, he was there. The three of us are a great duo. I was excited for us to hang out tomorrow until the whole clan decided to come along. Maybe the wizard will join us so I don't have to declare death, although if he does come I'll declare death.
"You look horrible. Whatever you're doing or drinking, stop it."
I can't believe she said that to me this morning. Last time I had anything was at Ashley's. God. And we aren't doing anything either. Gawsh.
I've had haunting thoughts this week. It started Thursday. That feeling just came over me. It scared me. And I haven't been able to shake it since. It seems to slip to the subconcious. But yesterday walking up the hill it was there again. It made me realize how surreal life is and made me question a lot about what comes next.
I'm scared I'll never be anything more than the girl on this side of the fence. That's not what I want. Then I realize that I might get bored. But I won't because it'll be faster than this. I'm not bored when I'm at the Centre. I think I'm going to go there next weekend. It's a happy place. Issacs email has got to be around here somewhere. I think that Darren sees this.
"My face was my mask"
But Issac sees that and everything else. Does it scare me? Yeah it does.
I'm a triangle. I'm set in my goals. I'm not a goalie.
Everyone thinks your a jerk, but I want to be your friend. Because you don't seem to have anyone and I'm not afraid to be that person that sees past all the hats.
I had to forget it.
I forgot everything that was important here. I don't want to be you.
I hate this house. It's so filthy. The carpets are so black. I wonder where she's off to. It's never like this.
I never see him. Is that a problem? The-rapist says that my problems are only from the past.
He asks everyday when I'm leaving. If I'll ever come back. Somedays he says he can't wait till he never sees me again. Somedays he says he wants to die. I don't like this feeling of knowing that we won't call. That I'm going to leave and not talk to him. It won't be like me and her.
When you leave you'll forget her. No I won't. You probably will. No, not her. But I'll forget the rest and that doesn't really bother me. But don't tell them I said that.
You understand that I hate everybody. Everybody has just been pissing me off recently. I don't really want to hang out with any of them. I wish you would open up to me like you did that night before I fucked it all up. And now we have to hang out with him. And I hate him because he seems to see everything, all of the best parts of lonely. And it's not a safe feeling, knowing he sees it all.
And every birthday card. I threw away.
All these songs are about 17 because its supposed ot be your last year of freedom. But really where's the freedom. It's all stress. I want to go for a massage and pedicure. Cause I'm like that and it makes me relax for a second.
Count yellow highway lines.
You're so full of shit and you have the whole country wrapped around your finger. I worry about you. A lot.
There might be hope for me to get a 75. Could you imagine? MT 35 counts as a course.
I'm tired of your stupid quotes. Because you don't understand it. I'm going to punch a fan girl one day. And it's going to be bloody. I can't wait.
She's really not that pretty. I mean she has nothing going for her.
I can't believe she said that. It blew my mind. I mean I'm a dick but that was a dick move. You play both sides like I do and it frustrates me.
What am I supposed to do as a presentation for PDA? Because that's not who I am anymore.
I think it would be really cool if the winning band could organize a photoshoot with K. It'd be cool. I really need to talk to S. Why didn't she text me about what P said? Ugh.
San Diego. Tiawana. Carlsbad. LA. It'll be good.
The other day I was freaking out. Like trouble breathing, can't tlak to anyone trouble.
I sat downstairs in the cold dark. Ip played If I Fall and screamed it at the top of my lungs. I wasn't a hundred percent better but it was better.
Is she jealous? I don't think so. I think we're all severely fucked up.
"I think it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" "No I haven't heard that one before"
I hope that girl from last time is at MT cause she's the only one who wanted to push with me. I appreciated that.
3 am coming and going.
Good times.
I need to talk with everyone again. They give me the opposite of hope. Hahaha. They give me Great Depression.
They're just people. They eat berakfast and supper and pee in toilets just like you do. Relax.
Stand a little too tall, say a little too much.
Story of my life. It's never been such a problem before. The-rapist tells me how easy it is to see the different parts I portray and I hide it all so well. Or at least I thought so...
You know I'll be fine.
Well I'll be saving my breath for another year.
I'm wasting my time.
I'm coming clean to you on how I'm always catching up.
Yeah I'm still chasing my heart down 95.
It's a fucked up way to live your life when you are stuck always catching up.
So I'll come clean to you.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of this life.
Of all the ways to die, suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Yeah I've been clearing my head trying to get some sleep,
and all these overloaded thoughts crashed down on me.
It seems that this is just not good enough.
I'll come clean to you.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of life.
Of all the ways to die, suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Well this is the calm before the storm.
It's getting harder then it has before.
Sometimes you've got to walk in the rain
if you're dying to find what you're looking for.
Dying to find what you're looking for.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of life.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
I like that song. It's a gooder.
Then I was sitting in that theater. Dying in that seat. And then they started playing that beautiful song and i Started swaying in my seat. Feeling the song all over me. And then there was yelling. And the kids were bing shuffled. And he was hanging there in the gym. You know, when you are still in that stage of high suicide rates, its not the easiest to watch such a movie. Knowing people that are struggling with something like this on a day to day basis.
Can't walk the fucking line can you?
Shut the fuck up.
We're not having this discussion right now.
But it's been brought up.
But who the fuck cares.
Fuck.
I hate hanging out with girls. They are so stupid.
I miss hanging out with you. I'm glad that you are doing so well though. But at the same time I really miss you. You're looking good my friend.
I don't want him. I don't want to date him. Truly. I'm somewhere different now. I just want friends that aren't so frustrating.
That past me seems so far away. Was it really me. Was I really that person. Did I really hang out with those people. Do I really hope to run into you, in hopes that this time maybe I'll say something. Shut up.
Number 2. I love you. Ok well not love. But we should get together and discuss TLC specials about the guy who snapped his arm off. It'd be fun. You know where I sit. :P
I need something to drink. I feel dehydrated.
I packed my bags. I was on my way...
You're bags are packed, have you been here before?
Love,
We All Need A Reason To Believe
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