I like the three of us hanging out. It's good.
I didn't want to say anything about the other night because I know you don't like me to know how it bothers you. But I know it does. You're an open book.
I like that I'm waiting at the door to get off the train and they're sitting right there to get on the train. Atomic for the win. This time my tea was better, but I wasn't digging the salad. Too much bread. Then we just stood outside the bike shop and looked inside for like ever. Hahaha... Then I decided to promote diabetes. It was good. Then we win free popcorn! HAZAH!
That movie was amazing and so intense. The main character and the boy who died were absolutely brilliant but the girl totally needed so much more substance. I didn't think the director deserved to be in the competition though since he really didn't do all that much...But I loved the styling of the film and how he would interrupt it all or hit repeat. Then during the love scene and all the porn the person to my left got a little tense. Like woah, relax, it's just sex. Hahahaha.
They are so cute. I love them. I hope they end up together. Splashing in sort of empty pools. It was cute. And I knew you were having a rough time recently so I wanted to give you two some space to gallivant around. Then you declared you didn't want to go home. So we all went to Timmy's. Dur. I'm pretty sure Timmy's is officially a late night tradition. Then I helped some kids get into Timmy's once they had locked the doors. Everyone needs coffee man. Then at the station Sarah thought I was trying to pick up the drunk guy. Hahaha. Nay. He asked what time the trains came and I answered and then wished him a good night. That is all. Hahaha. I love talking to people. Don't worry, if you were there, he was there. The three of us are a great duo. I was excited for us to hang out tomorrow until the whole clan decided to come along. Maybe the wizard will join us so I don't have to declare death, although if he does come I'll declare death.
"You look horrible. Whatever you're doing or drinking, stop it."
I can't believe she said that to me this morning. Last time I had anything was at Ashley's. God. And we aren't doing anything either. Gawsh.
I've had haunting thoughts this week. It started Thursday. That feeling just came over me. It scared me. And I haven't been able to shake it since. It seems to slip to the subconcious. But yesterday walking up the hill it was there again. It made me realize how surreal life is and made me question a lot about what comes next.
I'm scared I'll never be anything more than the girl on this side of the fence. That's not what I want. Then I realize that I might get bored. But I won't because it'll be faster than this. I'm not bored when I'm at the Centre. I think I'm going to go there next weekend. It's a happy place. Issacs email has got to be around here somewhere. I think that Darren sees this.
"My face was my mask"
But Issac sees that and everything else. Does it scare me? Yeah it does.
I'm a triangle. I'm set in my goals. I'm not a goalie.
Everyone thinks your a jerk, but I want to be your friend. Because you don't seem to have anyone and I'm not afraid to be that person that sees past all the hats.
I had to forget it.
I forgot everything that was important here. I don't want to be you.
I hate this house. It's so filthy. The carpets are so black. I wonder where she's off to. It's never like this.
I never see him. Is that a problem? The-rapist says that my problems are only from the past.
He asks everyday when I'm leaving. If I'll ever come back. Somedays he says he can't wait till he never sees me again. Somedays he says he wants to die. I don't like this feeling of knowing that we won't call. That I'm going to leave and not talk to him. It won't be like me and her.
When you leave you'll forget her. No I won't. You probably will. No, not her. But I'll forget the rest and that doesn't really bother me. But don't tell them I said that.
You understand that I hate everybody. Everybody has just been pissing me off recently. I don't really want to hang out with any of them. I wish you would open up to me like you did that night before I fucked it all up. And now we have to hang out with him. And I hate him because he seems to see everything, all of the best parts of lonely. And it's not a safe feeling, knowing he sees it all.
And every birthday card. I threw away.
All these songs are about 17 because its supposed ot be your last year of freedom. But really where's the freedom. It's all stress. I want to go for a massage and pedicure. Cause I'm like that and it makes me relax for a second.
Count yellow highway lines.
You're so full of shit and you have the whole country wrapped around your finger. I worry about you. A lot.
There might be hope for me to get a 75. Could you imagine? MT 35 counts as a course.
I'm tired of your stupid quotes. Because you don't understand it. I'm going to punch a fan girl one day. And it's going to be bloody. I can't wait.
She's really not that pretty. I mean she has nothing going for her.
I can't believe she said that. It blew my mind. I mean I'm a dick but that was a dick move. You play both sides like I do and it frustrates me.
What am I supposed to do as a presentation for PDA? Because that's not who I am anymore.
I think it would be really cool if the winning band could organize a photoshoot with K. It'd be cool. I really need to talk to S. Why didn't she text me about what P said? Ugh.
San Diego. Tiawana. Carlsbad. LA. It'll be good.
The other day I was freaking out. Like trouble breathing, can't tlak to anyone trouble.
I sat downstairs in the cold dark. Ip played If I Fall and screamed it at the top of my lungs. I wasn't a hundred percent better but it was better.
Is she jealous? I don't think so. I think we're all severely fucked up.
"I think it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" "No I haven't heard that one before"
I hope that girl from last time is at MT cause she's the only one who wanted to push with me. I appreciated that.
3 am coming and going.
Good times.
I need to talk with everyone again. They give me the opposite of hope. Hahaha. They give me Great Depression.
They're just people. They eat berakfast and supper and pee in toilets just like you do. Relax.
Stand a little too tall, say a little too much.
Story of my life. It's never been such a problem before. The-rapist tells me how easy it is to see the different parts I portray and I hide it all so well. Or at least I thought so...
You know I'll be fine.
Well I'll be saving my breath for another year.
I'm wasting my time.
I'm coming clean to you on how I'm always catching up.
Yeah I'm still chasing my heart down 95.
It's a fucked up way to live your life when you are stuck always catching up.
So I'll come clean to you.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of this life.
Of all the ways to die, suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Yeah I've been clearing my head trying to get some sleep,
and all these overloaded thoughts crashed down on me.
It seems that this is just not good enough.
I'll come clean to you.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of life.
Of all the ways to die, suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Well this is the calm before the storm.
It's getting harder then it has before.
Sometimes you've got to walk in the rain
if you're dying to find what you're looking for.
Dying to find what you're looking for.
Head in hands I'm fine, and I've been fighting the words it just isn't worth my time.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
Head in hands we climb. Separated by faith, it got in the way of life.
It's not a way to die. Suffocated by stress, my life is a mess, it's not right.
I like that song. It's a gooder.
Then I was sitting in that theater. Dying in that seat. And then they started playing that beautiful song and i Started swaying in my seat. Feeling the song all over me. And then there was yelling. And the kids were bing shuffled. And he was hanging there in the gym. You know, when you are still in that stage of high suicide rates, its not the easiest to watch such a movie. Knowing people that are struggling with something like this on a day to day basis.
Can't walk the fucking line can you?
Shut the fuck up.
We're not having this discussion right now.
But it's been brought up.
But who the fuck cares.
Fuck.
I hate hanging out with girls. They are so stupid.
I miss hanging out with you. I'm glad that you are doing so well though. But at the same time I really miss you. You're looking good my friend.
I don't want him. I don't want to date him. Truly. I'm somewhere different now. I just want friends that aren't so frustrating.
That past me seems so far away. Was it really me. Was I really that person. Did I really hang out with those people. Do I really hope to run into you, in hopes that this time maybe I'll say something. Shut up.
Number 2. I love you. Ok well not love. But we should get together and discuss TLC specials about the guy who snapped his arm off. It'd be fun. You know where I sit. :P
I need something to drink. I feel dehydrated.
I packed my bags. I was on my way...
You're bags are packed, have you been here before?
Love,
We All Need A Reason To Believe
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