I had a dream last night...

By my side... You'll never be...

Oh god. It seemed real. I had forgotten about it for a little while. But I had that dream didn't I?
And you're never coming home again...
You were there. By the windows. Standing there. And then you were in my classes. And I had that butterfly feeling I get when I see you now. And I was scared at first. But then I just wanted to talk to you, but part of me was still mad.
I wanted to tell you I changed. I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time.
And then you talked to me. You told me about how unhappy I was. I didn't think anyone had noticed. But apparently you did. You told me about how I truly was better than what I had come to accept. You told me all those things I think. And I thought maybe for a second, I had it all figured out. That maybe I wasn't supposed to save you, that you were going to save me. But you didn't. It ended up just like last time. You'll never know what those words mean. What those words. mean. to. me.
It was so clear like it was real. The feelings I had when I saw you. How bright your blue shirt was, how it brought out your eyes. How you told me those words. How they felt when I heard them. How it felt when I knew someone else understood. How I felt seeing that. The anger. Again. Always. Angry.
Lost in my dreams...
I don't want to think about it anymore.

You texted. You're sorry excetera. You broke your foot. You want to know whats got me in this state. But I don't want to share with you. Your not the person I want to open up to. I'm not playing this game anymore.

The dream seemed so real. I thought it was. I thought things were different. Maybe there's hope that all of this is the dream. That what I think is the dream is reality? Maybe? I thought so...

I'm tired of art. It has to mean something. Otherwise what the fuck are you doing it for? IT HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEONE! AND IT JUST IS NOT ANYMORE!

Love,
By my side... You'll never be...