I Missed Singing

Elaine has the Best Friends Ever

Hello there.

Apparently, you are coming to my house tomorrow night? New Year's! Yeah! Also, Elaine's pretty cool. I don't usually do this whole personal message shindigaroo when adding people. But just so you don't get creeped out by this weird Jew adding you up, you're coming into my house tomorrow. And I've never met you.

Now who's weird?

Click accept.

I love that he doesn't remember me. What a dope rad jew.

THe Alphabet of Hate

a) you pushed me off amountain and made me miss my diploma

b) your car is clean

c) amy approves of your existance

d) you piss off evryone else and i only wish i had such skill

e) you smell good

f) you have to pay ALKGNSLEIGKNSEg

g) you listen to country

h) you bought a seventh rain shirt LOL LOL LOL LOL

I) he fb stalks you

i) your from winnepeg thats instant points against you

k) you worry about my hands being cold

l) you sing about what you're doing

m) you have blue eyes

n) its ridiculous how well you can pull off a hat

o) you helped with 7th rain for unknown reasons, i would have run for the hills had i been given the opportunity

p) you're handy and always carry screw drivers

q) your shoes. i frown upon them.

r) you like dr. horrible

s) you need a haircut. true story

t) you worry about your skin. are you sure you aren't gay?

u) you cook

V) you Have fam time

w) you have heated floorboards

x) you read

y) the way you handled yourself in the art room

z) we hate you for being my friend

Aa) I forget what this one was... Epic fail....

Bb) I hate you for not having solid interests

Patience is not A Virtue

I get so blind, from all of these colours.
Dressed up like kings and queens, but it don't mean a thing.
A killer I'm not, murderers get caught. If I'm such a criminal, then take me away!

Well I get so tired, of the word on the wire.
It's all so black and white, but how quickly it fades.
We eat food for thought, and forget what we've got.
She was a prisoner, now an alien.

Chorus: Over the ocean, a world away.
Ghosts from her home, asylum, can't chase away.

Boys never say what we mean

Shes sitting in row B and F. :D

Shes got a light in her eyes.

She either laughs or she cries.

She bakes.

She dresses nice.

She behaves properly.

She eats fast food.

She lets you drive into snowbanks.

She trusts you.

She lets you pop your collar.

She lets you sing.

She sings along with you.

She laughs at your jokes.

She laughs at you even when your not funny.

She gets lost when you look at her that way.

She thinks her idea of a good time is much different than other girls.

She is a hypocrite.

She couldn't live without a single one of her friends.

She is horrible with secrets.

She knows when you need an escape route.

She puts up with their criticism and won't let it hurt you.

She tells you when you've made a bad fashion choice.

She notices how hard you try.

She likes all types of music.

She likes to volunteer.

She loves to volunteer.

She makes her own money.

She wants to pay.

She has the bestest best friend ever.

She loves mittens and toques and scarves.

She has an interesting purse.

She smiles because you care about her cold hands.

She acknowledges when she needs your help.

She thinks a lot.

She thinks too much.

She has got the world on her shoulders.

"I'll love her the rest of my life."

Wakey Wakey inspiration.

Jessica

In The Car I Just Can't Wait

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

That just about sums it up.

Boys changing in the parking lot. Well that's ok soon it will be boys and Jessica. Let's start at the beginning here. So I'm just chillin gout dipping my toes in. And then Dad comes over, and we were looking straight out at the wave coming in when one came in from the side too. Let me tell you the wave won. My whole bottom half got completely soaked. Hence me havign to change in the parking lot with naked boys. Hot damn. Not that I was looking... Hell I'm so allowed to look. What do I have holding me back? Nadda.

Well the thought of really having to pee puts you out of my mind. Clearly things are moving in a positive direction here. I'm pretty sure advertisements are out to get me. Their everywhere! And they're red! For some reason I was remembering the pins today. Not sure how that one came about. But it did.

I'm such an idiot. I see things much clearer after I majorly screw up. There's no way around it. This is the way I roll.

I like it here. I want to stay. I don't want to go to school and have to worry about all of that again. Because I can't get myself to care. I just want to "drive away from a place where you felt safe."

I like how concerned you looked. That is what makes me want to cry. How much love there actually is. It's a beautiful thing isn't. When another human actually truly cares for another and worries about if they are alright. That maybe even smashing something would make it all better. I'm surprised that I am getting better at this. This time it only took me a month to screw up. I've got to say thats pretty awesome. Cause let's face it Jessica is an awesome pawesome.

I hate that feeling of having to buy something for someone. That's kind of why I didn't buy Chrimstas gifts for everyone this year. It just seemed like a chore instead of something I wanted to do for another person. I really need to design your gift and go get it made. I could make it myself, but that probably wouldn't be as sustainable. Cause there should be a large number on the back and front but I think that would look cheesy.... Idk...

BOYS BOYS BOYS, Lady Gaga was wrong.

We don't actually love them,

Jessica

You're an Idiot

This is what I've decided. You are passing up a great thing. If I do say so myself.

Oh man.

Also apparently there are unicorns out there who don't just want your kidney. If that makes any sense to you, HIGH FIVE!

I'm pretty sure the Dad read me and Elaine's convo last night. Ah well. Whatever.

Oh are they back? Mmmmm maybe? They will not be surprised that I am sitting here typing away. They went to Targeeeeeeet.

My nose really hurts from getting that ball in the face yesterday.

Bought boys airwalks today for 7 dollars. Total win. I'm getting a whole new wardrobe over here. Hung out with David again today. I totally know what he means. It's just home. It's so nice here. I love it. I will live here. You can bet your soul on it.

I don't think I'm moving on, but I'm starting to friendzone this shit.

A lot of options up for New Years, well not really. Just 3.

This is stupid. Why do I just ramble about unimportant things. I mean every milisecond that ticks away we will never have back which is the issue I'm having right now just sitting in a hotel room. We're in Anaheim just sitting in a hotel room. It makes me want to pull my hair out. I do have an enthusiasm for life.

I really did love life, I just wasn't too good at it.

I"m sitting here plotting. Watching commercials. Even commercials are trying to kill me. I have all these images that I realize are never going to happen. The female brain is a bitch. It's like all the friggin time on repeat. It may be just a quick second that it feels like reality sometimes its 5 seconds. I wish I could write this all down somewhere without being crazy. I'm even not putting it all up here. I'm not sure why. I tell Elaine everything. She understands how bad I am. Its bad. I don't get it. I don't want it to be this way. I wish I were normal and that I could just friendzone this shit and have it done with. Its not worth it to me anymore.

"You deserve someone who will tell you the truth and who has balls."

Good story. If only my subconscious would believe it. I think my subconscious chose to leave me alone last night, then again I don't really remember...

I sound like I have all these emotions running through me but really I'm very calm, cool, going with the flow. Not passive, just relaxed.

Reading that made me want to read more. I want to know. I don't want to be mad. That's overrated. I'm over that. I just want to know. Have someone that 'talks'. I don't know. What the fuck am I saying... I'm not even sure anymore.

You can't be selfish and trustworthy. I was thinking about that on the drive today. I for some unknown reason trust you. I'm not sure why. I don't have any reason to or proof of why, when to everyone else your selfish.

Thats what you get for being selfish and stupid.

She was drinking too much egg nog, and we begged her not to go!

*monotone voice* Please Grandma, don't go.

Jessica

I'm starting to realize. That it wasn't what I thought. That none of this is what you meant.

"I'm just a notch in your bed post, but you're just a line in a song."

It's Me, I'm the freak, But Thanks for Loving Me.

If Adam Lambert wasn't gay we would have the most attractive children ever.

Elaine and I are bad horses. No one can ruin us now that we are in the evil league of evil. I mean we had to kill someone to join! We are bad horses.

My ears are not liking this swimming in the pool business. Sigh... Oh well no more pool now. I don't really like the pool in Anaheim, so we'll just stay away from it.

That expensive wine was icky.

Why must I do this to myself? I'm not sure. I do this. Let's take a look back. Yep. Still haven't learned from my mistakes. Meh. Well not meh. I really care why I am this messed up. Why I am a 'fixer'. It's stupid. It ruins my life. What more do you want to know.

About 20 minutes left with my precious internet till I get to go back to texting. The only thing I really wanted from the internet was to hear Adam Lambert sing. How sad is that...

Seriously. He's the shit.

I try hard. I really do. It kinda sucks how much I try. Every morning it takes me two hours to get ready. That's kind of sick. Not going to lie. The night before I plan out what I'm going to wear, what bag I'm going to use, what shoes. I have it all planned out. All my plastic baggies I brought on the airplane are labelled. I remember as much as I possibly can about what people say so I know how to make conversation with them, I even know the answer they want to hear and just give it to them. So there. You know all my secrets. I'm really not that amazing. It's all just knowing.

I love California. I can't wait till I live here. David came over today and the first thing he said to me was I got off the plane and I just took a deep breathe and went I'm home. Something you should know, he lives in Calgary. But its true, I get here and its just like it fits. It makes sense. I can dress nice, behave the way I want to be, interact with all types of people and just feel free.

Welcome to the land of the free, where everyone wants a tip.

I'm never leaving.

That is my final statement for the internet.

You can't make me return to something I dread and hate.

I'm never leaving,

Jessica

Things I Have Learned from VH1

"There's water outside."

"Is it raining?"

Hahaha. Apparently we fell asleep watching TV. I don't remember anything. Haha. Apparently I shouldn't sleep when there is other people around.

I didn't dream last night. Maybe that means I will tonight. I've had dreams almost every night since. Strange isn't it?

Mom didn't like the fact that I wanted to go to Hooters for Christmas dinner. That would have been the best Christmas ever and best adventure ever. I think we should all go out to Hooters... Haha. That would be awesome.

But anyways back to VH1. I was watching top 100 songs of the '90s and I realized something. If Kurt Cobain hadn't killed himself Dave Grohl would have spent his whole life playing drums and we never would have had the Foo. Which brings me to the point. How many things in our lives have been changed by other people's decisions and our own decisions? Is there anything that can't affect us? I really think I changed the game by going to a different Jr. High. Then after watching said show I watched Top 40 songs of 2009. Let me say music has definitely gone downhill. Nothing can really impress a person after listening to Smells Like Teen Spirit. Kurt Cobain was awesome. I don't think you realize. Mother and I had this conversation. Kind of like if John Lennon hadn't been killed. Those two people I think really could have changed music and even the world.

I really cannot do this. It's killing me. Everytime I see one my stomach gets a little jittery. That cannot be good at all.

I could live here. I totally could. When we go shopping I look at the clothes and want to try all of them on but then realize I could never get away with wearing them at home. I could so live here. All I'd need is 8 mil to buy that place out on the beach. That was a nice condo/apartment thingy though. I liked those sun glasses today. Maybe I should wear contacts more often. Or get ones that actually match my prescription.

I'm such a dick. I should have gone to hang out with him.

Ooooo I should go blog for KVL or see if she wrote back since my last one.

David's flying in tonight and he's coming to visit, I just kind of want to go to sleep. Haha.

I really want to go to NBC. and I think you should come too.

Iz would eat your soul. You should come. I miss Iz, I think he saw more than most people do. He's a good guy.

I can feel the rain fall down on us together.

KVL hasn't responded. This displeases me.

I haven't straightened my hair at all this week. It pleases me.

I've always felt a little separate from everyone else. I'm not sure what it is. But I think I mean it when I say I hate them. It's weird. I always went with the getting by technique. And now I'm starting to realize what a lie it was. What they want to do is different then what interests me. I always feel like the bully and the target. Like when I leave its like. I don't know. But I have always felt apart from everyone else. There's a few people I do feel some sort of form of a connection with, but they're mostly people that I only see at that horrible institution. I really noticed it the last time we hung out. I first felt it when we all met up, usually it just comes from your direction and I honestly couldn't care anymore. Then when you walked by I felt like it was you I should be walking with. You feel like more of a friend then them. They're not going to like that. But at this point I don't really care. And I don't really care that they may be reading this.

I keep remembering shit like its actually happening. It feels that real. It's even worse then the time after Stock ended. Well after Stock I kind of blacked out here and there, but now I don't even notice. By that I don't mean I'm not noticing the blackouts, I'm not blacking out, its more like I can see reality but choose not to and to live in the memories. This is probably a bad choice.

See this is why I like Elaine. She understands my entire life. And I can tell her everything, no matter how awkward. You seriously do not want to know the things that happen during our midnight phone calls. It's fantastic. I'm glad I have someone like her.

Just like I'm glad I have someone like you. You are crazy fantastic. I don't think you even realize it. My life would suck without you. And that is not just a cheesy lyric from a Kelly Clarkson song. I honestly mean it. My neck would be so bare without you. haha. I wouldn't have awesome scarves or necklaces!!!! It would be a tragedy. Some days I just flip through that little scrap book thingy you gave me and smile like an idiot. Seriously. When you text me and I laugh out loud people are like whooo ARE YOU texting??? And I'm like oh my best friend. Haha. So you and I should move down here and live in warm happiness with Adam Brody. It'd be dope rad. This is what I've decided. And it stays. Hahaha. Adam Brody can be your winter boyfriend and then Taylor Lautner can live with us in the house in Vancouver in the summer. Done and done.

WTK + Demi Levato = WIN,

Jessica

New Motto

Live like bad horse.

Interesting

Jakes allowing comments again.

He always seems to get it. Where it is. The stage. I understand.

Every time I have a shitty day it seems he writes about a shitty day.

Then there comes a thoughtfulness after realizing well I'm not sure. But I guess you're not seeing what you're knowing. Or knowing what you're seeing.

What do you want from me,

Jessica

Smile Kid :)

This CD totally makes me smile. I'm glad we stopped at Lou's. Picked up Smile Kid and the Midway State EP and Fall Out Boy and Project Rocket. Good stop.

It's sooo hot right now. Holy Crap. I'm in my t-shirt and short shorts and feel like just sitting here in my bathing suit top. Gotta love having two balconies. You can follow the sun. I sat on the one looking out at the bay this morning and now I'm looking at the marina and the pool. I can hear Tyler screaming. hahaha... I might go down there soon.... But my sun up here is so much nicer.

They're laughing at me cause I have internet now and are just ignoring the world now.

Woke up at 4 am. You have a new text message from him. Merry Christmas. Hahaha. Fml.

Got internet. Message. Haha. Fml. It kinda made my day. That's the bad part.

If you here someone in the room its the cleaning lady. haha. I totally cannot hear anything besides WTK, Ty screaming and the planes passing overhead.

She's taking photos of me...

Been to the pool and back. Did some laundry. Ate a crab.

Now to do my hair and get dresses for the day ahead. We're going to check out a hotel my Dad had wanted to stay at then we're going to watch the sunset on the beach and go out for dinner.

Had an Ahi Slider the other night for dinner. It was the most DELICIOUS THING I HAVE EVER HAD!!!! I have never felt such bliss and happiness.

I'm not really sure what you're problem is. You're a little to high strung as of recent. And I'm becoming a fish. I am a fish and I need water.

You confuse me. Do I read into things too much? Why yes, of course. But writing about that and then sending me a message. Errr... But it makes no sense, because you know. You know, right? I give up.

I leave you in the words of the Gaga:

"I don't want to be friends",

Jessica

But I'm Walking Home Happy

Jessica:

a woman i know who is incredibly sexy and i love her so much. she is the most amazing person alive and if you dont think so you deserve to die. amazingly there are some people who actually dont like her. but thats just because they're jealous and they're all asses anyway so no one cares about them. jessica deserves everything in the world and id do anything for her. ill never leave her side and i'll always be her best friend.

Me - Dude, I love Jessica.
Friend - Me too. Who doesn't?
Me - Stupid fuckers that's who.

I like good days. Good days are days where I get to see you and we talk about the randomest shit. So much goodness in today that I just want to forget psychos.

You should come skating and zamboni the ice for us. :P Ahaha... Errr Ice Fishing? Really? Hahahaha...

In other news I got you hooked on Dr. Horrible. You Facebook stalker!

Friends are stupid. Honestly. I can't wait to get away from them. Haha. But I don't want to ruin this good day.

I have the most amazing scarf ever!

Jessica

Thank You For This Adam Lambert

I cannot express how much this just meant to me.

But You Know That You Could Do So Much Better

But I don't want to go home where they all stare at me...

What am I doing here? I ask myself that question a lot. About various topics.

It's weird, when I see you I get all bubbly on the inside but on the outside I just get really calm. There's just this feeling where I feel like I don't have to try. I can just be me. It's nice. I liked being that girl you know. The one that you held the door open for, the girl that got to stand beside the cute boy in the room. It was nice. If you ever find this there's no hope for me in life.

Fear? Maybe. Scared? Probably. Join the club.

"We would make t-shirts but we're too lazy."

Which reminds me of that thing I need to get working on. Maybe I can cook up the design while I'm off. I'm quite excited to ditch this place. It's going to be a good ten days.

I'm not sure if I want to ask you anymore. Well I mean I do. But am I pushing? Am I chasing? What am I doing here?

Andrea told me to be a hotdog. Because if you look at a hotdog the top part of the bun would be me chasing you, and the bottom half would be me giving up. So I just want to be the wiener that slips into the middle. And really that's the best part because nobody buys a hotdog to eat the bun, if they wanted bread they'd go buy a kaiser roll.

Andrea makes me a happier person.

I'm really freaking out about Social. I'm not sure what's going on with my brain but its like I can't remember anything that we're learning this year. And it's about fucking liberalism. One would think I would know this. The stress is piling up. It honestly is. Like I feel like I'm working so hard all the time and nothing is coming out of it. I need to talk with the career lady, because self-reporting is being dumb and not showing me all the courses I can use.

I really want a bad day hug. But I'm an idiot because I'm like you. When friends are there its like I need to live up to their expectations. It's stupid. Why am I trying to please so many people at once? I think that's why I like Andrea, I don't have to do anything to please her. Like on the outside I'm raging to people but on the inside I'm raging at me not you. I'm so messed up. Honestly Freud would love me.

Yes I have made mistakes today,

Jessica

Elaine Wants This To Be Remembered

Jessica says: (10:55:11 PM)

Why is Dean C******** talking to me?

Jessica says: (10:55:15 PM)

he never talked to me at Stock

Jessica says: (10:55:24 PM)

we've entered the twilight zone haven't we?

Jessica says: (10:56:53 PM)

he's trying to be all cool

Jessica says: (10:57:02 PM)

he's like miss siagon open soons and i'mw riting ad directing a play

Jessica says: (10:57:09 PM)

and i am like YOU ARE NOT **** ******** FUCK OFF

Jessica says: (10:57:30 PM)

UNTIL YOU CAN RANDOMLY PULL A SCREW DRIVER OUT OF YOUR LEATHER JACKET, TITS OR GET THE FUCK OUT

Jessica says: (10:58:16 PM)

DEAN FUCKING C********* IS STALKING ME

Jessica says: (10:58:27 PM)

i lost my pencil fuck

Where's My Face Slapping Sword Fish???

I THOUGHT WE WERE BEING FRIENDS! I was doing fine. Honestly I was. But then I started reading into things. Which I shouldn't be... Because it's making me rage... Let me know if you would read into these things...

Son: one day you will make a woman very happy for a time. Then, she will leave you for another man ten or twenty times better than you. This man's name is...

I said you were short, not ugly. Look at it this way, your beauty is just more concentrated. Like tide. Same awesomeness, smaller package = short people.

Oh it gets better...

The how to series: <> Pass the boyfriend test

Things parents/older siblings look for in a boyfriend:

Looks count.

Manners.

Personal Hygiene.

Introduces himself?

Does he know how to proplerly use cutlery?

Does he wear a hat at the table?

Does he help clean after a dinner/ event without being asked?

Does he help even after you tell him he doesn't have to?

Can he reapir small things?

Good with small children?

Keeps his hands to himself?

Keeps up with conversation?

Fathers are "sirs", mothers "ma'ams"?

Doesn't use pet names?

Contributes where he can?

Knows when he can't contribute?

Tactful when he know's he is right?

Accepting when he is wrong?

Sticks up for his girl?

Doesn't flirt with other girls?

Doesn't flirt with other guys?

Makes an effort with friends?

Remembers your name?

Doesn't talk about girlfriends past?

Isn't vulgar?

Knows when to laugh?

Fake a laugh well?

Relates only needs, not wants?

Eats what is on his plate?

Uses a napkin?

Makes an effort to be nice?

Takes off his shoes at the door?

Leaves the seat down after using the bathroom?

Knows how to use a comb?

Doesn't always carry a comb?

Doesn't drive like a maniac?

Listens to music?

Doesn't cut himself?

Knows when to shut up?

Makes an effort to be chivalrous?

The only joyous thing in my life right now is Taylor on SNL and all the horrible wigs he is wearing... Last night was pretty rad too... I had fun. Which is probably surprising to some people. I also had a lot of fun at the volunteer Christmas party. One thing I've slowly realized because of all this is how much I am truly worth and how short our time is. Why are we just sitting at home when we could be out skating, tobogganing, or eating Big Macs? I feel this sense of adventure and I wish to pursue it. However I really need to work on homework and this sense of adventure is distracting me from doing said work. Did anyone have to do the enthalpy lab? Because I didn't finish it and need some results.

I really want to watch Where The Wild Things Are...

I can't wait to start packing. I'm quite excited to skip town for a little while. The other day I was sitting on the bus and Caroline came on. It made me want to cry.

Not going to lie. I knew the office would be closed. I'm really going to get myself in trouble aren't I?

Honestly though. People seem to think I'm sitting at home eating gallons of ice cream when I'm really dancing around my room. Sounds neurotic but I'm doing really well. I haven't felt this alive in quite sometime.

He looks like Mitchell Musso but sounds like Bono,

Jessica

When You Had Me Believing I Could Feel Again

I'm not really sure what happened in the past but I know you were dating a psycho. Just to clear this up, I'm not a psycho. And you know that. So you should give this a chance, instead of blowing everything out of proportion. Running into you today would happen. You were the one making it awkward. That made me feel proud of myself. Also you are totally not allowed to listen to Jimmy Eat World. Rage monster.

Midway State and Artist Life make me want to cry. True story.

God I can't even say true story without thinking about everything. Fudge.

I have some pretty wicked friends. I gotta say. You all might worry about me, not know the right things to say. But honestly you listening to me continuously saying the same thing over and over again is amazing. Also I must say smashing bottles is wicked awesome. I had a lot of fun at the Christmas Party the other night, I almost forgot things for a second there.

I really need to catch up with my work and be on top of next week, I wasn't on top of this week.

I'm sorry I opened by big mouth so soon and caused you to freak out. I'm honestly sorry. I thought about telling you that, but decided not to. I think you need to face whatever you have going on.

I really want to watch Where The Wild Things Are.

It's like the anti-six pack. It's like a six blob.

ZONK!

I think Jay Brannan should do an interview with me. That would be so dope.

That is the story of my life, not She Only Likes Me When She's Drunk nor Give Him Up.

I've been staring at this page for the past half an hour trying to think of something to say. Nothings coming to mind.

I'd rather be happy today incase tomorrow never comes,

Jessica

Walking on Glass

So pucker up...

I wanted to have the conversation we clearly needed to have today after school. But it didn't seem fitting. I think I need to tell you now. As much as it sucks we really need to talk about what is going on here.

Today when I was walking up the stairs my stomach did a backflip. It does that. Mostly just when you're around.

It's like you said. You'll be comfortable once you're in the car.

That was uncool today. Honestly. I've put up with a lot, and I know you're not aware with that but I thought you wouldn't have to know, maybe you do.

Was it something I said or just my personality...

It's how you change like that. You've never been like that around me. So I'm not really sure why that occurred today.

I know that I'm not perfect, but I keep trying...

Jessica

I tried not to feel it though. But then you said those same words she did. You don't deserve that. And you are right on the money with that one. But before those ten minutes it really did feel like maybe I did deserve happiness and the amazing time I was having. Is it possible that everyone else is right?

Also WTF is up with Katie not getting any recognition. That's ridiculously uncool!!!

601: I Knew The Universe Hated Me

The boat would already be painted... I should have taken the ride. I think you're too nice to handle. I'm such a dick.

Not going to lie I'm a little frustrated with the hate boats going around. Why's everyone trying to sink my battle ship? I mean sure there are those that support it, but it all seems so fake. I guess the thing that pisses me off the most is that people judge you when they have no right to. And part of me kinda wants to be like so people seem to have a lot of vendetta's against you. But I don't want you to know the battle that is raging because you don't deserve that. You got upset about the grad thing. At least you've figured it out. I'm sorry that I'm slow. Haha.

So lie to me and tell me that it's going to be alright.

I'm honestly so sick and tired of people telling me what to do, who to hang out with, what to wear and who to be. I'm 17 years old. I'm pretty sure I can be my own fucking person. Don't buy me clothes and bring them home and then when I don't like them be like well you'll need it one day. Because I'm not going to wear them. You have no clue what I want to do. When you do take an interest it isn't sincere. This morning. Made me mad. I get my indecisive-ness from you.

It's crazy really. I smile. A lot. Even when talking on the phone about it I'm grinning like a buffoon.

Its Our Song Amy!

I May or May Not Be Crying

Why I'm never getting in a white van...

Christmas Came Early

That it did. That it did.

What am I doing? Honestly. If you would have told Jessica this three years ago in that Spanish class she would have peed herself laughing then killed you, because clearly you were one of the bad voices.

I told my mother about the healing powers of fruit loops and she told me there was none left and just to eat Cheerios.

Ikarumba!

Seriously though. What am I doing? Because I sure as heck don't know. Everyone thinks I'm crazy.

That's ok. Things don't happen at lightning speed for me. Moses, God and Allah generally like to

give me enough time to screw things up first. But I'm not screwing things up this time. Not that I'm

helping them move along either...

I'm glad that we can agree on a lot of this world's craziness. I love how hard it seems your trying.

I talked to KVL about Ma. And she said thank you for sharing because it helped her realize that

there is someone out there that understands what she's going through too. That whole thing

surprised me really cause that's not what my journal had started out as. But it ended up there.

How to call a bluff,

Jessica

My Recent Love For The Dudes

cause jenny like marvin and marvin like arnold and arnold likes jess. oh i guess everyone likes jess. but jesse ain't dating, she's down in the basement listening to pet sounds

her mom's 45's get the best sounds.

lovin' is easy, lovin' is easy and losing it's rough

high grade, powerful stuff. and lovin' will leave you, lovin' will leave me and in our defense

its awful hard to keep in the present tense.

***

it could be white like the snow is, or dark like i know is a lover's heart

whats been made a fool of, but ain't it the fool that gets all of the

lover's parts?

it's gettting hard to remember the lies from december, you promised then

we needed lovin' so badly, we pretended that we had it when...

you told me those pretty lies (i can tell you mine, i can tell you

mine, i can tell you lines)

tell me your pretty lies (tell me what i want, what i really want)

***

am i the only one that's lonely

i like your girl but she don't know me

and i think she's right for someone else

let me introduce myself, i'm someone else, Mr. Someone Else

last night i had an awesome dream

the world put an end to war

and i'm making out with your sweet thing

while millions roar, from coast to shore

that love is still worth fighting for

your girl is better than my girl,

she gives you lovin' that i bet

is better than the lovin' that i get

man, i want your girl

your lady is finer than is mine

she gives you lovin' i suppose

is better than the lovin' that i've known

i want your girl, she's better than my girl

young lady don't you turn away

c'mon let me hear your lovers talk

yes i know that you belong to him

but me and you could still sneak out

to tear one off, we could tear one off

don't tell me you're in love

and there's no room for other guys

don't think it's indestructible

love can die, i've seen it die

and born again like fifty times, man

your girl is better than my girl,

she gives you lovin' that i bet

is better than the lovin' that i get

man, i want your girl

your lady is finer than is mine

she gives you lovin' that it seems

is better than the lovin' in my dreams

oh i want your girl

let's agree that i'm not evil

your girl is that unreal

and soon i'll tell her how i feel

she's a bush of burning roses

she calls to me like moses

commands my heart in (10) heavy doses

let's agree that i'm not evil

your girl is that unreal

and soon i'll tell her how i feel

***

It's 11:30 And Your Parents Don't Really Care That You Just Got Home

I must be the most exciting date ever, tying my shoelace.

Basically skanky hoes, ruin my life, but you know that. And always make up for it.

You make it smile so much my cheeks hurt.

Let's see how solid this snowbank is!

I'd wear your hat any day.

"And then as soon as I open the door it smells like him and I'm like God, Moses and Allah must hate me"

Do you wanna come over and kill some time,

Jessica

Things Are Going So Well I'm A Little Scared

Hey Jessica,

I just wanted to say great job on the post yesterday - I didn't get a chance to say that in my last email, but the interview was really awesome!! We always enjoy your interviews :)

Yesterday, we received just over 400 hits to the website (THAT'S HUGE!!!!), a VERY large part of that is due to you, so congratulations on that!!!

I spoke with Andrew today, and I believe we mentioned this to the group before, but for you specifically: Andrew has a friend who books bands for Broken City, so it would be easy for us to get you set up with some more interviews if you are interested - why don't you check out the calendar for Broken City and let me know if there's bands on there that you would like to interview and next week when Andrew gets back, we can start working on that for you?

****

Funny story the benefit thing Boy told me about, well there's another benefit thing for the same guy at Broken City. And the Dudes are playing there in two weeks for the benefit thing. Ok an interview with The Dudes would be ridiculously rad.

I have a few other ideas to. But those will stay mine for a bit longer.

Don't wanna feel that way, again,

Jessica

Look Like the Boy Too Shy

I remember when we were driving, driving in your car, speed so fast I felt like I was drunk...

I'm losing my marbles as of late. If you've seen them rolling around please return them to their proper owner. Trust me. My marbles would be useless to you. They'd just make you crazy.

You seem taller now,

Jessica

Confusion

I don't understand why you didn't tell me! A whole month and you hadn't said a word??? GOSH! Am I really that self-absorbed...

I love Sociology cause me and Lyndsay get to discuss our lives and clean laundry. What does he smell like? Wait.. I don't want to know.

Ok honestly that kid really needs to screw off. Honestly I would talk to Myster-e about that, because that's really not cool or safe on any level and if it has gotten that bad it's not something you guys are going to be able to handle yourselves.

I want to be in the musical. But not actually.

I still can't feel my toes. This can't be right...

You said your fingers were cold right? 1...2...3...

I wish you knew how much I really understand.

On an unrelated note, the new jacket is bad. Hahaha. I tried not to say it with words but I'm pretty sure my face did. My facial expressions fail me or help me once more. It's hard to tell.

I kinda feel like a dick. We didn't really come to any conclusions... Maybe I'm in the clear... Maybe not so much... We'll find out I'm sure...

Why do I have a Vampire Bite... So not cool...

I thought I was doing better till I realized I forgot to eat dinner. Whoops.

Your right it's totally more comfortable in the car.

Ok my favourite is me trying not to burst out laughing, you looking over and both of us totally losing it. Hahaha...

I'm really pissed Kaitlin didn't put up my post yet... I clearly asked her to do so either Tuesday or Wednesday...

I love that our picture isn't up there. That's so fabulous.

I'm really hoping that Chem homework wasn't due... Whatever.

I think that video is pretty rad. I'm rad.

I need to figure out how to bring the treadmill down. I'm feeling lazy as of late.

Terra Naomi I have had Up Here stuck in my head all day. Also I really want to listen to Elise Roller but my CD is somewhere... Whoops... I had the lyrics stuck in my head and I was like what is that song!!!! So I googled and nothing came up and I was like wtf?!?!?! Then I realized it was Elise.

I look into your eyes, I know you want me,

Jessica

Since I Had To Look at This You Have To

My arm

So this is a picture of what happens when your" ulner nerve" is compressed by your "guyons canal". The procedure i just had released my ulner nerve in hopes that i can feel my left hand and fingers again.The doctors say this happened on "impact" or could be cause because of the heat of the burns. Dr. Kulber performed my surgery and was really kool, and thanks for the pictures Doc. See you all in about 8-10 weeks. Travis I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

I Can Say I Survived Matt's Driving but Matt Couldn't Even Make It Down the Driveway

You confuse me so much. Why must you confuse me so...

We should drive down more back alleys randomly ok? Cause for some reason we just can't get lost, we either end up back where we were or Angela tells us we've arrived because you're neglecting Sheila.

In other news, when you were singing I really wanted you to take your own advice. I really wanted to tell you to to.

I thought it was very interesting how they all kinda looked. It was like are they or aren't they? And I was like can someone please ask him so I can know! FRICK!

Also I love that you can talk to me about stuff like that.

It's ok if you felt out of place with Tequila. Is it weird that I didn't feel out of place? Maybe I wasn't even thinking about the money? Or maybe the money doesn't bother me anymore? I'm not sure.

I fail at navigating so bad, but apparently you love me. FML.

Anyways this is my rage but not actual rage, just my confusion...

I really should get to work on that social essay,

Jessica