Oh man.
Also apparently there are unicorns out there who don't just want your kidney. If that makes any sense to you, HIGH FIVE!
I'm pretty sure the Dad read me and Elaine's convo last night. Ah well. Whatever.
Oh are they back? Mmmmm maybe? They will not be surprised that I am sitting here typing away. They went to Targeeeeeeet.
My nose really hurts from getting that ball in the face yesterday.
Bought boys airwalks today for 7 dollars. Total win. I'm getting a whole new wardrobe over here. Hung out with David again today. I totally know what he means. It's just home. It's so nice here. I love it. I will live here. You can bet your soul on it.
I don't think I'm moving on, but I'm starting to friendzone this shit.
A lot of options up for New Years, well not really. Just 3.
This is stupid. Why do I just ramble about unimportant things. I mean every milisecond that ticks away we will never have back which is the issue I'm having right now just sitting in a hotel room. We're in Anaheim just sitting in a hotel room. It makes me want to pull my hair out. I do have an enthusiasm for life.
I really did love life, I just wasn't too good at it.
I"m sitting here plotting. Watching commercials. Even commercials are trying to kill me. I have all these images that I realize are never going to happen. The female brain is a bitch. It's like all the friggin time on repeat. It may be just a quick second that it feels like reality sometimes its 5 seconds. I wish I could write this all down somewhere without being crazy. I'm even not putting it all up here. I'm not sure why. I tell Elaine everything. She understands how bad I am. Its bad. I don't get it. I don't want it to be this way. I wish I were normal and that I could just friendzone this shit and have it done with. Its not worth it to me anymore.
"You deserve someone who will tell you the truth and who has balls."
Good story. If only my subconscious would believe it. I think my subconscious chose to leave me alone last night, then again I don't really remember...
I sound like I have all these emotions running through me but really I'm very calm, cool, going with the flow. Not passive, just relaxed.
Reading that made me want to read more. I want to know. I don't want to be mad. That's overrated. I'm over that. I just want to know. Have someone that 'talks'. I don't know. What the fuck am I saying... I'm not even sure anymore.
You can't be selfish and trustworthy. I was thinking about that on the drive today. I for some unknown reason trust you. I'm not sure why. I don't have any reason to or proof of why, when to everyone else your selfish.
Thats what you get for being selfish and stupid.
She was drinking too much egg nog, and we begged her not to go!
*monotone voice* Please Grandma, don't go.
Jessica
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