But You Know That You Could Do So Much Better

But I don't want to go home where they all stare at me...

What am I doing here? I ask myself that question a lot. About various topics.

It's weird, when I see you I get all bubbly on the inside but on the outside I just get really calm. There's just this feeling where I feel like I don't have to try. I can just be me. It's nice. I liked being that girl you know. The one that you held the door open for, the girl that got to stand beside the cute boy in the room. It was nice. If you ever find this there's no hope for me in life.

Fear? Maybe. Scared? Probably. Join the club.

"We would make t-shirts but we're too lazy."

Which reminds me of that thing I need to get working on. Maybe I can cook up the design while I'm off. I'm quite excited to ditch this place. It's going to be a good ten days.

I'm not sure if I want to ask you anymore. Well I mean I do. But am I pushing? Am I chasing? What am I doing here?

Andrea told me to be a hotdog. Because if you look at a hotdog the top part of the bun would be me chasing you, and the bottom half would be me giving up. So I just want to be the wiener that slips into the middle. And really that's the best part because nobody buys a hotdog to eat the bun, if they wanted bread they'd go buy a kaiser roll.

Andrea makes me a happier person.

I'm really freaking out about Social. I'm not sure what's going on with my brain but its like I can't remember anything that we're learning this year. And it's about fucking liberalism. One would think I would know this. The stress is piling up. It honestly is. Like I feel like I'm working so hard all the time and nothing is coming out of it. I need to talk with the career lady, because self-reporting is being dumb and not showing me all the courses I can use.

I really want a bad day hug. But I'm an idiot because I'm like you. When friends are there its like I need to live up to their expectations. It's stupid. Why am I trying to please so many people at once? I think that's why I like Andrea, I don't have to do anything to please her. Like on the outside I'm raging to people but on the inside I'm raging at me not you. I'm so messed up. Honestly Freud would love me.

Yes I have made mistakes today,

Jessica