"Is it raining?"
Hahaha. Apparently we fell asleep watching TV. I don't remember anything. Haha. Apparently I shouldn't sleep when there is other people around.
I didn't dream last night. Maybe that means I will tonight. I've had dreams almost every night since. Strange isn't it?
Mom didn't like the fact that I wanted to go to Hooters for Christmas dinner. That would have been the best Christmas ever and best adventure ever. I think we should all go out to Hooters... Haha. That would be awesome.
But anyways back to VH1. I was watching top 100 songs of the '90s and I realized something. If Kurt Cobain hadn't killed himself Dave Grohl would have spent his whole life playing drums and we never would have had the Foo. Which brings me to the point. How many things in our lives have been changed by other people's decisions and our own decisions? Is there anything that can't affect us? I really think I changed the game by going to a different Jr. High. Then after watching said show I watched Top 40 songs of 2009. Let me say music has definitely gone downhill. Nothing can really impress a person after listening to Smells Like Teen Spirit. Kurt Cobain was awesome. I don't think you realize. Mother and I had this conversation. Kind of like if John Lennon hadn't been killed. Those two people I think really could have changed music and even the world.
I really cannot do this. It's killing me. Everytime I see one my stomach gets a little jittery. That cannot be good at all.
I could live here. I totally could. When we go shopping I look at the clothes and want to try all of them on but then realize I could never get away with wearing them at home. I could so live here. All I'd need is 8 mil to buy that place out on the beach. That was a nice condo/apartment thingy though. I liked those sun glasses today. Maybe I should wear contacts more often. Or get ones that actually match my prescription.
I'm such a dick. I should have gone to hang out with him.
Ooooo I should go blog for KVL or see if she wrote back since my last one.
David's flying in tonight and he's coming to visit, I just kind of want to go to sleep. Haha.
I really want to go to NBC. and I think you should come too.
Iz would eat your soul. You should come. I miss Iz, I think he saw more than most people do. He's a good guy.
I can feel the rain fall down on us together.
KVL hasn't responded. This displeases me.
I haven't straightened my hair at all this week. It pleases me.
I've always felt a little separate from everyone else. I'm not sure what it is. But I think I mean it when I say I hate them. It's weird. I always went with the getting by technique. And now I'm starting to realize what a lie it was. What they want to do is different then what interests me. I always feel like the bully and the target. Like when I leave its like. I don't know. But I have always felt apart from everyone else. There's a few people I do feel some sort of form of a connection with, but they're mostly people that I only see at that horrible institution. I really noticed it the last time we hung out. I first felt it when we all met up, usually it just comes from your direction and I honestly couldn't care anymore. Then when you walked by I felt like it was you I should be walking with. You feel like more of a friend then them. They're not going to like that. But at this point I don't really care. And I don't really care that they may be reading this.
I keep remembering shit like its actually happening. It feels that real. It's even worse then the time after Stock ended. Well after Stock I kind of blacked out here and there, but now I don't even notice. By that I don't mean I'm not noticing the blackouts, I'm not blacking out, its more like I can see reality but choose not to and to live in the memories. This is probably a bad choice.
See this is why I like Elaine. She understands my entire life. And I can tell her everything, no matter how awkward. You seriously do not want to know the things that happen during our midnight phone calls. It's fantastic. I'm glad I have someone like her.
Just like I'm glad I have someone like you. You are crazy fantastic. I don't think you even realize it. My life would suck without you. And that is not just a cheesy lyric from a Kelly Clarkson song. I honestly mean it. My neck would be so bare without you. haha. I wouldn't have awesome scarves or necklaces!!!! It would be a tragedy. Some days I just flip through that little scrap book thingy you gave me and smile like an idiot. Seriously. When you text me and I laugh out loud people are like whooo ARE YOU texting??? And I'm like oh my best friend. Haha. So you and I should move down here and live in warm happiness with Adam Brody. It'd be dope rad. This is what I've decided. And it stays. Hahaha. Adam Brody can be your winter boyfriend and then Taylor Lautner can live with us in the house in Vancouver in the summer. Done and done.
WTK + Demi Levato = WIN,
Jessica
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