Well That's A Sting and A Half

Why do I do these things to myself! Hair is bad. It's bad. House clean. Somewhat. Cause I need to know that you're alive. Why do I look at these things? Why? Did I think it was going to be better then last time. I can't tell what hurts more. Hearing about what you're doing to yourself. Or knowing about her. That image is now burned into my mind. Thank you. Why did I do that! UGH! It makes me feel unsteady. All I wanted was to see you this week. That's what happens. Of course it does. I remember everything. I'm always going to. Singing on the bus was fun. Sometimes I need the release of energy. But then when it comes down. It's a crashing burning building. Your lips. Her. Shut up. Shut up! Stolen side glances kill me. Are you just being my friend? Cause I can't handle that again. Seducing more first years are we? I want to be your friend but I don't know how. I will. Do that. I'm excited for the move. It will be amazing. You are amazing. Everything seems distant. No? No matter how close anything is anymore. It's all different. It's all been taken. By something that was different. But in this world. Different doesn't exist. Wake up people. This was supposed to be a happy post. Then the past hour happened. Why did I know this. Why is this everything that was. Cause every time everything will leave. You'll never know when. Or why. One morning you wake up and it's gone. How do you know? You woke up in the morning. Then when you go to sleep. You don't sleep. You wish sleep would save you. I remember all that. I remember the chains humans are faced with. I remember the wind. I remember the passion. I remember wanting to feel something. I'm dramatic. My ego likes the attention. I've come to that now. It's not always that way. Sometimes I remember those three years. A lot of the time I want them to go away. We were going down the same path. But how drastically. Easily that changes. Everything will always change. It's never the same. Get over it! Why can't you fucking get over it! It was my life. So shut the fuck up. The messed up part. I want to see it again. I want to feel the snow. I want to see the dead rodents. I want to jump on a trampoline. Then jump on the ground. I want it to be okay for me to stay. But I run. I'm a runaway. I want to walk around for three hours with you. Just cause we can. I don't want to know what's happening to you now. I don't want to remember the pain you began to cause. The worry you caused. Your abusive behaviour. Your addictive behaviour. I want nothing to do with it. It's all I think about. It's all that's there. Is he your brother? Far from it. Plainly to put it. I wish I knew you forever and always. I wish I never knew you at all.

Love,
Abandonment