I was about to...

Go to bed. But then these lyrics popped into my head, and I remembered this song, and thought I should share it. Maybe it means something? nah...

Here I am on the phone again and...
Awkward silences on the other end
I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
But right now (right now ) all I feel (all I feel) is the pain of fighting starting up again

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Some say that time changes,
best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we can make it through
So here we are again the same old argument
Now I'm wondering if things will ever change
When will you laugh again,
laugh like you did back when
We'd make noise 'til 3 am,
And the neighbors would complain

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

I'm fallin...
I'm fallin...
I'm fallin down

I'm fallin...
I'm fallin...
I'm fallin down

Down, down,down...

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Don't say a word, (Please don't leave...)
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away, (Please don't leave...)
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Cause A Ho Can't Trust Me

I have decided thanks to several sources that I indeed have strep. At first I thought it was just a common cold so I was drinking orange juice and lemon water, but that apparently irritates the strep bacteria. Google says I should eat yogurt and eat honey. Both make me gag, fantastic.
E and I are making a show. Cancer the Killer. My Life Sucks. My Naked Pictures Got On The Internet. Why Won't He Text Me Back. The next four hottest songs that will be used for a montage at the Tony awards. You're jealous. My Life Sucks will be a parody of one of the support group songs from RENT, cause me and E are like that.
Apparently if I go to the doctor he'll give me antibiotics. Exciting. Also K has wanted to hang out a lot recently. I really don't think I can take that much time with her. But not in a mean way.
This sucks, I have like a tightness in my chest, and I have to breathe double what I would normally. My life is over. Especially since I'm a soloist on Tuesday. My life is over.
Love,
The next greatest hit, I Hate All My Friends, Most Of The Time

CRoAk

I can't talk. This is horrible. I can make only these little noises that sound like the swamp monster is dying. And those little noises kill. Mother refuses to look down my throat and tell me if I have red and white patches, then we'd know if I actually have strep or not. Rawr...
However, I'm still going to E's playwright think tomorrow. I'm rather stoked for it. That reminds me I have to fill out that online application thing for Fringe.
And I have to look into the Kids Help Phone 5km. I think that'd be pretty sweet if we could get a group together. Maybe a chance for Diversity? I don't know. I'm a look into that.
Also the Fountains of Wayne latest album is pretty sweet. I love these guys.
Started watching the MCS dvd last night. Rather interesting I guess.
Anywho,
Maybe I should go in the shower soon...
Love,
Stinky

Cough Cough

This is my 200th *cough cough* post. I sound even more like a pervy old man. Symptoms of strep throat? You're throat should feel streppy. Thanks C, both of you.
Jonas Brothers rock my socks. The movie was epic. A and I were busting out movies and being crazy loud and all the 8 year olds were like deathly still. It concerned me. We had fun though. But if anyone asks we saw Slumdog Millionaire 3D, the version you didn't see.
Love,
Dirty Old Man
Ps. Check it out. It's a good song.

BB Good

Now all of you are like with Jessica's taste in music she's totally talking about BB King, but this time I am not. I am speaking 'bout the Jo Bros. And no, not how our friendship is as tight as their pants. I'm going to see the 3D concert tomorrow with A. I'm actually rather stoked. It'll be totally epic.
I can't talk. My throat has like swollen itself shut. I sound like a creepy old cat lady who has very frequent voice cracks. It's so attractive I can't even begin to explain it.
I had something I really wanted to say but forgot...
Oh I totally pimped out my pink t-shirt. So since it had school spirit all over it, I duct taped the parts that didn't say STAND UP, and ontop I wrote Only You Can Define Yourself, Pink Day 2009. Now the mother has sewn around the outsides so it doesn't fall off. Tis appreciated.
Uhm A you're rather creepy. I rather concernicus that you knew exactly what I was wearing. Restraining order? I think yay.
My throat kills. So much pain...
I joined the Plain White T's Street Team and they're sending me flyers to put up around town for their show on March 21st! So if you are over 18 make sure you are there! I'm supposed to get a free ticket but that really won't work for me, so I'm supposed to be getting a free shirt. I'm stoked. Something fun-ish to do with my time.
I also hope it gets warmer out.
I need to find a job.
I'm so stoked for tomorrow. Hopefully I can talk. Eek!
Chilled with theater kids today and I might be going to this thing S invited me to. I'm not sure. It could be really fun especially since me and S are friends now. Oh and then K wants me to go to her birthday but I'm rather not wanting to go, because I don't know any of her other friends and they do drugs which is just uncool.
My first night without Stock. Kind of a good feeling. Oh I was going to go look at Fringe Festival stuff. Elaine's show on Sunday. I'm excited! I've never been to an ATP show, this will be exciting. And I have to go check all my other regular things.
Get involved!
Also Monday I ran 1.58 miles in 20 minutes! I was so stoked on that! That's 2.54 km! WOOT! I'm amazing. Maybe I will do that 5km with Amy. Oh I wanted to do that other thing too! I want to do that Kids Help Phone 5km run in May, anyone interested? Also Elaine and I are walking the gay pride parade this year. This year is going to be soooo epic!
Love,
"Begging to hear your voice, tell me you love me too?"

Colleen Whitehouse

Please email me back. I want to go sooooo bad. But if it's a free t-shirt, I'd still gladly do it, cause I'm like that. But I want the initial prize so bad. Oh god.... I want this soooo bad!!!!!! AH!
Love,
Your Dedicated Street Team

As Much As I Love You Martin...

I disagree on this one. What you said today or yesterday or whatever is very fitting, "he internet isn’t always an appropriate place to stream thought on some circumstances or personal situations. best to keep some things to thyself. i’ll let bono take this one." It's all freedom of speech and many teens use their blogs as a place to vent, so why should they hold it in and feel worse? Also Bono sucks. I hate Bono and U2. Bono supports all those causes that secretly use child slavery or etc. And his new music frankly sucks. I liked the 80's - 90's Bono and U2. Otherwise they can go shove it.
Thats all.
Love,
You Martin

Imma Kill Someone

I think this is the first time I have ever disagreed with the beloved Jacob Hoggard. It is not dying to live again, but more like living to die again. Think about it.

It Only Hurts Me To Be Near You

I love you boys! You're amazing. I wish I had such epic song writing skills. There is not a song on Masterpiece Theater that I do not love with my whole being. You need to hear it. You NEED to hear it! Hell, you NEED to buy it!
My performance with V went really well today. She kinda freaked out on it, but I brought us back together and we finished strong. Edmonds liked that I closed the door in an unconventional way. He also stood up for me on a lot of the comments the class had. Edmonds also liked this one part of blocking I did. I knew it would create a cool image. I'm stoked on that. (OMG IS THIS ALBUM AMAZING, I'm having troubles breathing.) I also saved our asses on a lot of missed lines, phew.
I made friends with this kid John in Chem, and a lot of kids don't really accept him, he reminds me of my brother, so he's defiantely teaching me tolerance, one could say.
I love Desmond, I was dying today and he was like Oreo? It's great.
Got some CALM done today. Woot! I still really need to prepare for my Chem test tomorrow though. EEK! I'm also rather concernicus about the debate. Whatever.
I booked it to the train station today. Then I went to Chinook and delighted in some Sushi... mmm.... Then we went shopping. I got a new tank top and the CD! AH! (SO GOOD!) Your friend I don't really like. She's really negative and abusive, and I told you that and its your choice now. You're having a rough time and she wasn't being very polite today. Whatever you and I are getting jobs and then going downtown to shop, it'll be sweet. She's actually so rude, she almost made you start to cry in Old Navy. That's rather messed up my friend.
Ran into Shoy today. It was brief, yet good to see her.
I can't feel my butt. Uhoh...
Hopefully tomorrow's better?
I'm feeling more confident in myself? I don't think thats the word. I'm calming I think, but in my own way...
All in all go buy the CD YOU IDIOTS! (At least I didn't say fuck this time. :P HAHAHA! I'm great."
Quotes of the day:
"Look its your colour, mustard yellow!"
"Jessica, can't live with her, can't live without her."
Love,
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up and I will hide you when it gets to much.

Barf

I feel really sick today. It sucks a lot. I feel like puking all over Edmonds computer right now. But he would not appreciate that. I finished creating my first response pregnancy test for me and Vicki's skit in an hour. I should keep practicing that one. I feel so gross right now, and that tylenol I took this morning did me absolutely no good.
I got the call. We're going out tonight even though I'm swamped with homework and feel like shit, you're worth more than all that. We can go buy the new CD too! Woot! I also have to go buy those tickets to the Jo Bro Movie. "Our friendship is as tight as the Jo Bro's pants." That's a true fact. So you may be asking yourself Jessica why don't you do your homework in spare. Because I don't want to and because I'm tired and just want this day to end. There I said it.
Now I must go. Either do something semi productive or go to the bathroom.
HAHAHAHA!
Love,
Barf Ya Later!

Today Was Rather Amusing

The people you find comfort in are always shocking. One of my friends I haven't always been the greatest to, was there for me today, she deserves better then what I've given her. However, the strangest companion of mine today was indeed Scott. He walked into the green room today and saw me sitting there and came over and we talked, then we high fived that he converted me to quit Summerstock, and then the best part is he goes so how did Ian take it? I love how everyone knows except Ian, its fantastic. I love Scott.
I actually did laugh a lot today. I hate Jessie though for wanting us to do those back rolls, I'd rather not.
However, I was listening to my music and this came on, and usually when I hear this song I get angry at this particular person, but today when I heard it. I laughed. A lot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rndltmm3oE



Love,
Laughter

Hostility

Well this is interesting isn't it? The pit till death. Till death do us part. The sirens blare. Why can't we talk about it? His death, her death, its always about death. It's all over. You'll never get used to it. It's the fact of life people tell us to face but can we really? What about the form death takes. Does that change the way we feel about it? It shouldn't. They're gone no matter what. And it sucks. Holy fuck does it suck. I really wish I knew what to tell you. You're taking it really hard and not letting me in. If we're still on, I'm making brownies.
This is ridiculous. The therapist is proud. The best friends are proud. I'm stepping up, not backing down. I'm singing my song and don't really care who it is singing along.
Thats all for now.
I have to pee.

Love,
The sting of a bitch
Ps. Maybe he was right. Fuck this sucks.

Why I Feel I Must Justify This

Now I may rather be full of myself, but that doesn't matter and I don't really care what you think. I'm a good friend. I'm not the perfect friend. But I sure am one hell of a good friend.
I like hanging out with you. You take the time to look good when we go out. We get the side glances. I'm not sure if it really happened, but if I did, I love you and you can call me. Hopefully we're still going out this week. I love being with you, you just seem to understand everything.
Annie was rather lame tonight. I really could care less about it.
I'm rather lost with my Chem homework. Oh well. Tomorrow morning.
Back to reality. I don't feel like I must justify this, but at the same time part of me does. I support my friends. If they want to bungee jump I will take the video and then do it afterwards. If they want to do some weird sort of photo shoot I'll bring the snacks. If they want me to come see their show I will. One of my friends who deserves the most support in the world has a show coming up. She's had so many problems and still is with accepting herself, when in fact I'm rather jealous of her. So I'm going to see her in one of her lead roles in High School Musical 3. So to put it bluntly fuck you. Now maybe I'm going to really voice what I feel. One step to healthier living.
Also I'm hoping I can get all my homework done in spare this Thursday and go to this Latin dance thing. Try new stuff. Get out there.
Love,
A voice

I Can See It In Your Eyes

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
make you believe
make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
make you believe
make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Sing sha la la la
Sing sha la la la la

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

So wrong, so wrong,
so right
So come on, get higher
Come on, get higher
'Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms

(Stupid sounds in my head) ( Stupid memories)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flAvh1o-s5E

Love,
Wanting to forget

Something I'm Slowly Working On

Can you give me just a minute
It's all bottled up inside
And there are somethings
I really need to confide
Promise me you'll keep your space
And keep the silence
I don't want your heart to break

Where were you at that moment
You had no words then
What could you have to say now
My heart skips a beat just at your presence
Your old whispered words come rushing back

I don't want these memories any longer
I almost miss your smile
If only I can remember just to breathe
I hate that you still do this to me

Could it be I haunt your thoughts too
I just want to hear your voice one last time
Is that too much to ask for right now

The Heartbreak Hits

"She can still feel the touch of his hands not just the violence but the warmth of her man."

I walked up to you. Put my arms around your neck and we started dancing, and you started singing. And then I told you I wasn't coming back. The first thing you did was grab me close. You held me tight and placed your hand on the back of my head like in the movies. Then we pulled apart but not as much as usual because you wouldn't let me go. You thought I was kidding. That I was getting back at you for consistently poking me throughout the night. I told you that if you didn't believe me you should go ask. So you walked away. Once again you didn't look back. You didn't even come back. Now it hurts. But this way I get over it and I move one.

Congrats. You're the first person to say that. I believe that as much as I learned from it, it sucked me away and down.

The couple I'm babysitting for haven't showed up. I hope they aren't coming. I don't want to babysit.

I have to much homework.

I think I did love you.

My initials, if you put an I in them, it comes out as JILL. I feel sick.

I watched Jim as he watched me say my goodbyes. I could tell he noticed, how easily my mood changed.

Everyone last night noticed us. It was like last year. I might puke.

You should listen to this.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j95ojZ57lE

If you wanted you could call me... I don't think I'd protest to that.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXOggsR2aY1l7qFf_YeJvKbk2Xt4sesQKF2US308SHpepAZ7DpGLambJR-JfZJMDK0765J4bGJSUESRMGZg-WEGD2hSFqbcR1SbzAd9INPY4U7MI3gJWwHAJrwje8DcG8AlmRaFgpYo9ph/s1600-h/rome3.jpg

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwTs_zSS6kg3MnzNoM3RcBlvw-vnsJlBYwp2tF-2KcARCsOmLcVo4MwnrwuSW55RQA8JsYdPDdTl-IXw0UO-mb2FRGEBdYpI5XmgwUIHmZUvvAPwMuJZRjZABngn1f15q9H4FBQLAnkpA/s1600-h/nutcracker.jpg

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggjDYI_5ug58oW_bkiEIw5-jtHt3Ksb1y8A9abAiDpWOWcEwu7-jllsMpAl2gUYetJmtCZOs0Te6yYR1M4GNhIrwHBOQKmKlENGw_kSwYy8qC8RzI7QBDVelOVvM8fwPCh1MFPgeZhQaI6/s1600-h/postagedue.jpg

Why does this have to suck so much.

The Marilyn Munroe exhibit wasn't that good. I was rather disappointed.

Love,
You can't start over, or move on, you just keep living.

Well kids...

I did it. I quit Summerstock. and while I was doing it I realized why. First of all it took forever for Jim to actually talk to me. And then when he did, I was like I want to quit and he was like ok, did you sign your course forms? And I was like yeah. And he was like ok. That's a little disappointing Jessica. And then he moved on. Like clearly if I was a valued member of the cast it wouldn't have gone down like that. Then I almost cried, because I had to tell Aeron, and I love her way tooo much. When Hassan found out he started doing victory dances, it made me laugh. Then I watched as Jim watched how instantly my mood changed. I went and told Ian. He thinks I was joking. That I was getting him back because of later in the evening. So I said if you don't believe me go ask Hassan, and then he never came back, so I guess that shows how much he cares, because like the second before he had hung on for dear life. Interesting isn't it? Then Jess made me run at her and she twirled me around but that wasn't apparently enough for her, so she ran at me and hoisted me up over her shoulder, I was dizzy to say the least. It was a freeing moment. Elaine said it the best it's time for a new beginning. That it is. That it is.
So right now I just feel really weightless and free.
I made a list. The pros: Aeron, Aeron's boobs, Jess. The Cons: Everything else.
I think this is going to be good for me.
Amy and Angela and I are going shopping on Tuesday. I'm sooo stoked! Then on Friday Amy is going with me to fill out applications anywhere possible. It's going to be a riot.
If you have something to say, you could call me.
Anywho I'm stoked. I'm going to have all this time now. I'm looking into The Fringe, Folk Fest, Global Fest, Stampede. It's going to be great!
I'm going to see Marilyn tomorrow. Then I'm supposed to be babysitting...
Annie is on Sunday and so are the Oscars!
I'm excited.
I feel less stressed. It's good. It's really good.
Love,
Finally Me

Quitting...

"I'm straight, but I roll that way"
Aeron I love you to pieces, you are one of the most amazing people I have ever had the chance to get close to. Your like a sister. Your one of the main reasons quitting might be difficult. Elaine you too! I love you! (You'll probably find this one day, you and your intertube skillz)
Like it is just such a waste of time, I'm not being recognized, I'm not close with a lot of people, and feel awkward a lot, I have to see you (BLAG!), the people aren't as amazing as they used to be, I miss last year.
Ruel says everyone hates their second year. It's not that I hate it, I just don't get the same feeling everytime I walk down those stairs anymore. There's a lot of other stuff I could be doing with my time.
One of the new girls I have befriended this year, heard one of me and Aerons conversations and she was like are we talking about how much you look like sex? And I was like uh.. And she was like you do. And so clearly I had to say thank you.
Then I was talking about all this with my mom, except the part where I look like sex, and she said that if I feel its not working for me I can drop out, and that if I want to join something else, they would love to have me. Now not to sound egotistical, but I can sing, I can dance, and some of the time I can act. I'm really working on that last one. I have so much energy and creativity and I just want to get out there and last year I thought Summerstock would help that but I really think it just helped me come to terms with myself and then maybe now it's showing me that it is time to move on.
I could start auditioning for community theater, I could volunteer, I could get a job, I could have enough time to get my CALM work done! I would have enough time to review my Chem homework and get it all done.
So I really don't know what I'm doing now. If I am quitting or not. Maybe I'll see what happens tomorrow, but I think it's time I move on and find somewhere else to explore my creativity. Plus I really want to find if I can take a class somewhere on using a sound board. I'm getting really into that whole music biz thing. Sigh. Why must life be so difficult. Last year Evan asked me what was holding me back and I said nothing, so I phoned, and went to Summerstock that Thursday. So what's holding me back this time?
Love,
Uncertainty

ps. You're a dick. You're doing the exact same thing to them as you did to me. Boy would I love to kick you where it counts. You selfish dick.

1.53

Woot! I thought I wasn't even going to make it to 1.4 today I was sooo tired, but I did it! YAY! I'm thinking of increasing the crunchies. Oh so I bet you're all like why? why? WHY?!??!?! Well because when we went to Seattle I had brought this dress with us and it barely fit and its the dress I want to wear to Gala this year, in August, so I'm working it out... HAHAHAHA! It's brilliant.
I still have a lot of CALM work. Tomorrow during spare thats all I'm going to do. Calm. The whole hour and a half. Then maybe I'll get somewhere with it.
Sat in on Mr. P's class today. All the kids were joking and so not listening and I like absorbed every word. It was a fantastic class. I loved it.
I have rehearsal tomorrow, I'm hoping. I don't know what. Maybe if I don't hope something will actually happen. An interesting theory. But what I want is for nothing to happen. I've felt really good since Aus' surprise visit.
I'm going shopping after school with the mommy. I'm slightly rather excited.
I'm really excited for Diversity tomorrow. I made these sweet ass signs and my dip is cooking as we speak. I'm just hoping Johnson or Reina remembers the plates.... Or napkins or something... HAHAHA! Also I suggest everyone bring something to drink since I am not bringing beverages. I think next week on Thursday we should show Jason's video.
Well I should go write up on my big ticket item purchase.
Till next time,
Love,
Active Listening and Perception



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYPCYboEpmk

(Musical genius)

I Hate This Part...

I love that song. Its my favourite song of the week. Mercy Mercedes is my favourite band.
"I love cabbage, especially cabbage rolls, their like life in a single roll."
"If you step on a crack, you'll break your mothers back, but if you turn around and do crack you'll break your mothers heart."
So I'm just chilling on spare today, dreading doing my homework, and who but Aus walks in. I love that kid. He's ridiculously amazing. He's kinda a big deal. Anywho so I love Aus hugs, they are the best. If you can try and get one in your life time. I've had the pleasure of several. So Aus sits with me for like an hour and we just chill and talk. And the cool thing about Aus is that when he talks he just captures your attention and he'll make you laugh and smile the whole time. I don't remember the last time I was genuinely as happy as when Aus walked through that door today. And then when you talk to him you're the only person on the planet. And he does that meaningful things like when he sits beside you and your talking, you're touching. It sounds creepy but its actually really nice in a not depressed, I'm lonely whine whine whine way. Like he came down and diagonally to me and he moved so that his leg was touching mine. It's the small things like that.
Otherwise besides Aus today was rather a waste of time at school.
So since I was ridiculously bored I came home and decided to run. And I actually mean run. I did 1.51 miles. I actually ran 1.28 of it at at least a speed of 5.0. It felt really good. Then I took a shower and just chilled. I feel really good. Like I got all the gunk out of my system. However now I have to do my character analysis... Lame. And I still have a lot of CALM work to get done. Sigh.
Oh well I got to see AUS! I love that kid soooo much. And its great because as soon as I saw him it was like we had spent everyday together. No barriers. That kids amazing!!!!!!!! I almost failed my chem pop quiz and we have a lab tomorrow. I hate labs. Whatever. I'll somehow survive it...
Oh and to you. "Cause you were better than nothing"
I think I'm done now. I should go work on my character analysis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWo5BwQCr7Y

Love,
Rid of the gunk

Reformation

The Catholic reformation should go away. It's not like the Catholic kids are learning about it. So clearly I should be as behind as them when it comes to history. I'm on question 6 of 9 and I still have Chapter 4 to do. Maybe I won't fully complete Ch. 4. This is ridiculous. It's boring. And the Chapter really didn't give us enough information to answer these questions. My uninterest has lead to my procrastination, that and Mitch. That kid is one hell of a distraction on spare. I also have a lot of CALM work to do for Friday. I have to get my form signed for Friday too. GAH! this week at school hasn't even started yet and I'm drowning!!!! I also really need to find my careers booklet. Wonder where that thing ran off to... Oh well. This is me procrastinating somemore.
Dude you told me we were going out this week but I forget what we're supposed to do. Damnit. Good times today. I liked just chilling instead of having to sit in quiet at the movie instead of being able to talk about everything. *waves hand in the air* Friend! I need a friend! I can't find that cd! HMV guy was lame, he had no useful information and had hair like Dan Dan, it amused it. Mariana's Trench new CD doesn't come out until next week lame. I have to come steal cd's from you. Cause apparently you have that CD I want. You scummy bud. Ah well. Now I'm really rambling.

Love,
One things for sure, you don't have to worry...

Shows...

So I thought it would be really useful for me to write down all the shows and bands I've seen play. And I will try to put them all down in chronological order, it's going to be a riot. I won't even bother with my run ins with artists either... Too much... My list doesn't include school shows I've attended either... Or show's I've been in... That's a list for another day...

Beauty and The Beast one community performance, the other at the Jubilee. The Nut Cracker, as well. I don't remember the years...

2003
Avril Lavigne with Guests
- GOB
- Swollen Members

*Puts movie stubs to the side*

2004
Of Mice And Men
Hilary Duff
- Hailey Duff
Hilary Duff

2005
West Side Story
Aladdin (And other Disney performances at Disneyland)
Stampede Grand Stand Show and Chuckwagon's
Global Fest
The Miracle Worker
Chicago
Wingfield's Inferno

2006
Saint Joan
Trying
Cats
Our Lady Peace
Stampede Rodeo
The Phantom of The Opera
West Side Story
Global Fest - Hong Kong
Slam City Jam
Aladdin

2007
Chantal Kreviazuk
- Raine Maida
A Night At The Oscars
The Producers
Hellogoodbye
- The Hush Sound
- Boys Like Girls
Children's Festival - Malambo Fusion Dance
Hinder
Good Charlotte
- Social Code
Jimmy Eat World
- Some random band I don't know the name of who sang a song called German Engineering
Sum 41 and Finger 11
- Die Mannequin
Boys Like Girls
- Valencia
- The Audition
- All Time Low
Wicked

2008
Raine Maida
- Billy The Kid
Hedley
- Social Code
- State of Shock
Juno Kick Off Concert
- The Dudes
- The New Odds
- Sloan
- Bedouin Soundclash
- Finger 11
Juno Fan Fare (Meet and Greets and Interviews)
- Met Shane Yellowbird, Hedley, Faber Drive.
- Interviews by Matt and Leah with Finger 11, Hedley, illScarlet and I can't remember...
- Ran into Rick Campanelli
- State of Shock kept walking in my space
Songwriter's Circle
- Tegan Quin
- Joel Plaskett
- Alex Cuba
- Corb Lund
- Jay Malinowski (Bedouin Soundclash)
- Jeremy Fisher
- Serena Ryder
- Jian Ghomeshi
The Juno's
- Russel Peters
- Aaron Lines
- Anne Murray
- Avril Lavigne
- Feist
- Finger 11
- Gord Bamford
- Hedley
- Jann Arden
- Jully Black
- Johnny Reid
- Measha Brueggergosman
- Michael Buble
- Paul Brandt
- Sarah Brightman
- Shane Yellowbird
RENT
MAIA
Faber Drive
- Seventh Rain
Hedley
- Rides Again
Plain White T's
- Social Code
Spamalot
Simple Plan
- Faber Drive
- Metro Station
- Cute Is What We Aim For
Hedley
- Ten Second Epic
Spring Awakening
James Blunt
- Luke Doucet and The White Falcon
Hairspray
Loose Moose A Night of CHIL Improv
Shows at Disney - New Years DJ

2009
Hey Ocean!
- Michael Bernard Fitzgerald
Doubt
Annie
Fresh Prints
Mariana's Trench
- Shiloh
- Carly Rae Jepson
Spoken Word Festival
- Lillian Allen
- Raine Maida
- John Giorno
- MC guy...
- Ras Michaels
The Erotic Anguish of Don Juan

Alright Guys

This is the long list of bands that will be playing one of the stages at Warped. OMG FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS! ON WARPED! THEY BETTER COME HERE! AH!

I haven't got a chance to listen to these bands yet, so I'll update this as I listen to them.

Middle Finger Salute (Not coming to Calgary)
You Me and Everyone (I can find you me and everyone we know and they're really good... Wonder if it's the same band... cause I can't find this one...)
YB (So many go by this name. The few I listened to weren't very god.)
Designer Drugs (Some pretty intense Techno, it's pretty good, not really my style though...)
After Midnight Project (I'm really into these guys... I don't think they're coming to Calgary though... Lame...)
The Lives of Famous Men (These guys have a pretty sweet sound. He's got a good tone. I hope they come to Calgary. Nothings posted though.)
The Scenic (These guys have a good sound too. I like it. I don't think they're playing here though...)
The Truth (Not my scene, but I don't think they're coming)
RAE (Nay...)
Echo Movement (Very Reggae, defiantly playing our show, however I'm good with not seeing them)
Born to Lose (nay...)
Authority Zero (Ya, no)
These Green Eyes (Prety sure they aren't playing ours. Not really into them.)
The Set (can't find them)
Ice Nine Kills (no. I'd rather live then die in a mosh pit)
Cheap Girls (They're alright, I guess. I'm questioning this stage...)
Blackbox (Too many with this name)
We are the Union (I likey, not often good ska bands come around.)
Ultimate Power Duo (Playing the show, it says its still at Race City Speedway, I'm not really into this Saskatoon band)
This Providence (Pretty sweet tunes. I'd see them play if they come)
Gator Face (Can't find)
Breathe Electric (Wow, I really like these dudes. Don't think they're playing here though.. gah...)
The Blackout (No.)
Dommin (Thats awkward)
Jet Lag Gemini (They are very stylish and actually really good. I like it.)
Superman Is Dead (I like it. An old underground sound, like in my sister's generation old. HAHAHA! I like.)
Mercy Mercedes (YES! these kids are amazing! One of my new favorite bands most defiantly! They better come!!!!)
You Me at Six (They are playing Calgary. And their really good. We should check these dudes out.)
Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band (A strange addition to this stage. I'm not that into it... However I don't think a lot of people will be, so we should see them play cause it'd be funny!)
Single File (I really like, hope these guys come play! I'd see them!)
Broadway Calls (I like their page style.. Does that count? It's good music too. Nothing spectacular, but pretty good. I'd see them play.)
Alana Grace (Dude I've totally heard her before. I like.)
Left Alone (More ska... Pretty good when it comes to ska)
Ivoryline (I'm really into these guys. Good stuff. Kind of remind me of CIWWAF with a bit more edge.)
Orange (These kids have done well for themselves, they're working hard at making it. They have a good sound. Rough vocals, but that doesn't matter anymore. They most likely aren't playing here though...)
Passenger Action (A Canadian band, will most likely be playing. They're alright...)
Emmure (Too many, or I'm just getting lazy...)
Black Saints Cartel (Kind of blend into the background... Pretty lame...)
Landmines (no.)
Walk Off the Earth (They'll most likely be playing, another Canadian band. Reggae, Ska mix, pretty sweet. I like it. New then what I usually hear on these lists...)
Inward Eye (Another Canadian band, might be playing, doesn't look like it... Wow I like it. It's new and different. Good sound.)
Phathom (A generic sound. Heard it a lot before. They do have a few skills up their sleeves, I give them a meh, as in a meh defined as I may or may not be dating Jill...)
Stayle Fish (Can't find... Lame...)
Death Punch (Most likely not playing here. Not very good anywho...)
Disalto (They're every other garage high school band. Not really into it. Not playing Calgary anywho...)
Foundation (Not really into the "cosmic ballet". Nothing solid here.)

Love,
Music I haven't Heard!

MJ

No not the black turned white MJ. The MJ who we all love. He's a very real person. I like it. Fame hasn't got to him too much. Well just to impress you, yes I did enjoy my pint of icecream. This whole week I indulged in it actually. I almost thought about swimming in it. And then it would look all peaceful kinda like the last few scenes of Rocky Horror Picture Show, when they're in the pool... So last night was fun. I needed it. I love friends like that. She took notice and became a lifeline. So we went to her hockey game and I got to talk it out with S. It was good. Then we watched her game. I was proud even though she didn't win. Then we got foods and bed ready. We all climbed in and watched I Am Sam and Girl Interrupted and Thank You For Smoking. We delighted in a pint of Mint Chocolate Chip, Chocolate Sauce, Curves Cupcakes, Chips, Iced Tea, Orange Tea, Jelly Beans. It was good. I had a really good time and it was something I really needed.
Also MJ if you say that we have to ask Paul first to ask you out, does that mean I have to ask you first to ask Paul out? Just wandering...

Two things to listen to today. Lot's of bands announced for Warped. Can't wait to find out which are playing here! I'll get back to you with more info on that.
However until then...

http://dsquared92.tumblr.com/post/75393096/love-story-taylor-swift-cover-forever-the

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPvoAvmPNMw

Love,
xo

There Are These Times...

Where I forget to breathe. Because I know that once I do it'll all come back. It sucks. It sucks. A lot. Seeing you with her. Her not even noticing. You not even noticing. I feel so invisible all of a sudden. What gives you the right to call me a bitch? Like just because I'm not staying quiet all of a sudden. Because I have an opinion. Gives you no right. You have no clue the shit I've been through. So shut up. And then I think maybe it'll get better. But then we hug. And I just smell of you. And I remember everything. And I feel like puking. I'm not going to feel you up. Nay. Nor would I uncross my legs for you. Nay. I want to tell you. But then I don't. I see you with her. I wonder if either of you get it. Don't touch my fucking hair. Don't teach my how to hug. Don't ask me to go anywhere with you. Don't look at me from across the room. Just don't. Just step away. But then I don't want you to either. I think about it. I always end up realizing it though. How it wouldn't work. How we're just not. Whatever. I want to tell you. But the opportunity never presents itself. A coincidence. Or not.
I reached out tonight. At tribute. No one noticed. People don't notice much. I don't understand why I'm still there. Maybe it's just my state. I'm trying to hang onto something familiar. Yet I just can't grasp it. Everything's slipping away. It burns as it slides down your throat. I think I should be able to exempt it all. That night at least. That's what I want to forget. If I hadn't heard that one thing. That simple sentence come from your lips. This all might be different. Part of me wishes it was. I just want this week to end. It's crazy. It needs to be over. I need to wash it all off. I need to walk away from it all. I need to get in a car and drive. I need to stop listening to people. Stop listening because they don't listen back. I feel it coming on now. At night the smiles disappear. The demons come out to play. Maybe its not the demons. Maybe its truly who we really are. My ears and head have started pounding. I want to run away. Before it can all catch up. I'm ready to skip town. The heat increases. Maybe I'll sleep tonight. It's a guessing game really. Kind of like you. Will you be my friend today or hers. Fuck you. I thought that moment would make this all better. Maybe it just brought the demons to the light. Demons don't like light. I'm trying to grasp at it. Bring myself back up. You're gone now. There's not much to confide in. Come back. I'm getting it to remember you. I'm ahead of the crowd. I need new pants. I need to wash it away. I don't want to be left with you with it all. It can't be that way.
It's taken me an hour to right this. I'll sit here a bit longer wondering if it should be posted or not.
Maybe I'll write about that other thing. If I'm being honest. Why stop now?
Everytime I look at that spot. I see you. Remember how it felt to see you. I miss you. I miss that time we spent together. As soon as I saw you the memories have been rushing back. All week. It sucks. We were so close. I miss you. I hope you're doing alright. Or do you have nights like these. Do you hide away from everyone else. Why must I think so much. I'm pretty sure no one else does.
Re-read that song I wrote. Started another. I'd like to post it but am concerned. That if I go find it. I might fall. That could be dangerous.
You worry. It's cute. Huh.
Now I'm being irrational. That's interesting. Everyone hates icecream don't they? I used to like garbage cans. Now I find myself kicking them. What a strange feeling this all is.
Maybe I'll sleep through tomorrow. Maybe then. It'll be ok. Not that this has anything to do with tomorrow.
Everyday I wake up. I wake up at 9 am. And everything hurts. I try to move to a better position. But it all hurts. Trampoline.
Then you came back. You came back to the real world. You want to be close. But I don't think its a joke anymore. My head hurts. Skate board.
It all just keeps coming back. Gummy frogs.
I'm going to look at this tomorrow when I wake up and be like what the hell. It'll be good. I love gay kids. They're always so attractive. I hate politics. They get in the way of success. I used to love. I used to have genuine happiness. I used to think I had the world. Guess I wasn't thinking right.
Guess I'll stop now. You're all already concerned enough.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej09ePb5MiM&feature=related

Dear Jesus,

Dear Jesus,
Elaine and I never ask for much but just once maybe you could listen to us. I would personally appreciate it if there is some way you could get those two to go away. I don't care how, or where they go, or if they're together, just as long as I don't have to see it. Elaine would really like it if Ian could enter the room right now, pick her up and put her behind him on his white horse and take her to his magical castle in the sky. Where it is just him and her and the rainbows and marshmallow, because frankly marshmallows are the shit. We may not have behaved ourselves very well this week. Yet we would really appreciate all of this. Also I would be fine alone. Just as long as they are gone.
Thank you.

Rehearsal was epic yesterday. I thought for a second maybe we weren't going to have to talk about it but now I think we are. I don't know. Whatever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqM3Dr7agjY


Miserable At Best

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhvY2mwYXXo

Cross My Heart

I saw Cross My Heart this morning and it reminded me of my love for music. I love these guys. They'll never compromise themselves. And it doesn't help that they're way to adorable and fun and like to dance and are funny... Ya... Jesus may I please have a Mariana's Trench boy? That's all I ask.

Love,
You Elaine!

I Miss This...

I always get caught up in so much crap and forget what I'm really all about. It sucks a lot. However, you always get friendly reminders when you seem to really veer off course. However, I easily get lost in this stuff too. It's really confusing to figure out what I'm more interested in. I've always wanted to study theater, but now I'm not so sure, I'm really interested in the Music Business and the industry side of things. So I'm thinking I want to take my major in music management and marketing and maybe a minor in theater... I really cannot decide. All I know is that me and my roommate who I love too much will have a girl cat named Charlie. Oh and back to what this post was originally about...

Dearest Fans,

We have been nominated for an award that is in our opinion, one of the most prestigious awards to be nominated for in the history of mankind. Nobel peace what? Grammy who? We, dear friends, have been nominated for the JUNO Pepsi Fan Choice Award!!!

This nomination is so very special to us because you, and you only, hold the key to us winning this one. It is awarded based upon votes from our fans. It’s common knowledge that Hedley fans are THE most supportive, loving, hard core, vote happy fans a band could possibly ask for (did we say hottest and coolest too?)!

So - may we ask, that once per day, you and your closest friends, family, enemies, family pets, gym teacher, cab driver, and anyone else you can possibly coerce into voting, VOTE! For us!

If we win, we promise to thank every single one of you from the podium of this year’s JUNO awards, until the orchestra plays us off the stage.

Much love, we mean that, and happy voting.
Xo
Hedley

That's all. For now. I have to go to rehearsal in 30 minutes. Shall be exciting. I'm hoping she doesn't work with the whole cast for everything so that me and Elaine and Jess can just chill. Jess keeps me grounded. Elaine makes me crazy. Its amazing.

Love,
Hedley Fan

The Blinding Truth

It surrounds me. And it scares me. You supported me all along. And I wasn`t a great of friend as you have been. I miss how it all used to be so much more simple. We all got along. Now it`s all torn a part. At least I know you see what`s happening. You seem to care. Your willing to send out the search party.
Love,
Not That Girl Anymore

Maybe I Don't Want To Tell You

I don't really tell anyone about what happened, because it doesn't need to be said. That part of me was from a while ago but at the same time it made me who I am now. Its rough.
I took the wrong bus yesterday. :( It wasn't that bad. I got off as soon as I noticed, cross the street and got on the bus going back to the station in like a minute. It was brilliant.
I'm moving to Vancouver. With my best friend and a cat named Charlie who's a girl. We talked about it today. If I move in with him our expenses will be much less, and it'd be fun. I never really get frustrated with that kid. Ok that's a lie. Some moments I do, but I forget them quickly enough.
I'm going out with girly tonight. It should be fun. I have to go get dressed up and I should probably shave my legs and find some pantyhose to keep me warm and toasty.
Guess I better go get ready.
Love,
You Always, but don't ask why, because I don't even understand it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb-Z_wH3SFQ&feature=related

For the first time in a long time this song as stuck out amongst the others. It's just so right. Lyrically and musically and everything else a song needs.
Btw I have a few videos to post later. huh...

I really need...

I really need you to post. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. I told you that once about your music. People can make fun of me but that's something I won't let them take away from me. Today sucked huge. I got supporting cast. I ran into him. (I'm still not ready to talk about that one just yet). You responded to my status. You didn't have to. Everything was fine when we just ignored each other. But I think you remembered something last week. I love you. You are absolutely amazing. If I have found one true friend at that place it is you. I can talk to you about anything. You seem to be the only sane person around. But then you asked what happened between him and I. You even said you were all over each other at after gala. Which we were not. Really. And he just hit a wound that hasn't healed yet. I have a lot of those. It sucks. Today sucked. I want to go to bed. But my brain is reeling and my body hurts. I have to take the bus way too early tomorrow. I hope you're there on Wednesday. I want to talk to you now. All I can think about is curling up beside you and not letting go. Or just taking you by the hand and going to hang out somewhere like old times. I was angry at first but now I just want to be with you. I've been trying to imagine the girl I would've become if things would've stayed like that. It scares me. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow. Hard to tell.
Love,
Not so much anymore.

OMG!

Still postponing. However... OMG! OMFG!

Coming in May 2009 - Green Day's new album "21st Century Breakdown" hits the shelves.

The album is up for pre-order right now at www.greendaymusic.com

I'm Feeling So Bad And So Good, And I Don't Know What To Do...

So I've been sitting here for about two hours already. Debating what I'm going to say. I have just a few random things to talk about first before I decide what to share and how I feel about it all being out there...
Grammy time!
Ok so U2 can go suck it for all I'm concerned. Coldplay's performance was absolutely amazing and they should definately have won more awards because they are just so amazingly good... MIA and the Four Rappers did a really good job. I was impressed. I'm also impressed that Obama has won a Grammy. I think that Taylor Swift's performance was amazing but that Miley Cyrus ruined a beautiful song. But you could see on Taylor's face that she wanted Miley to take something more from the song, like an old sister sharing their mistakes so that they aren't made again. Then when the Jonas Brothers sang I got quite happy for them because they were doing such a good job and were able to incorporate Stevie Wonder into the performance... And then... It happened... Nick Jonas forgot the words to Superstitious! I FREAKED OUT! How do you mess up a song like that on the Grammy's while singing with Stevie Wonder. My brain cannot comprehend this. And now all I can say is that I really want a Sgt. Pepper jacket.
BLINK-182 PRESENTED AN AWARD AND WHILE PRESENTING THEY ANNOUNCED THEY HAVE REUNITED TO MAKE MUSIC ONCE MORE! I started like fan girl screaming at the tv. I am so excited. I actually thought that the day I'd hear that would never come. I remember when I first heard they broke up. It was traumatic to say the least. Green Day also announced that they are working on their CD. I am not sure when it actually comes out though... Also the new Billy Talent CD comes out soon. I really want to hear the new Fray album and Mariana's Trench and Paramore. There are so many I really want to hear still.
You should listen to this today...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlWH9uICH-Q&feature=channel



Love,
Music
Ps. I'm still really lost on what I want to tell you about what I'm feeling and remembering. I want to get it out though. I just want someone to understand. But no one seems to. I miss you.

Well This Is Interesting

So the new computer got set up, mostly by not I but Robbie. :P
Ever have that feeling that people are thinking about you and are really thinking the worst? I hate that. Like if you have something to say to me, friggin say it. I'm not joke, I'd rather know you think I'm a slut than think I think you're thinking that. Like actually. I am not. I just lead a different lifestyle that a lot of people are not exposed to, or accustomed to or that they can accept.
I talked about this with Leanne. Finally there's a place I can be myself and let people in and know I'm not the only crazy one in this world. It's an amazing feeling, and I'm sorry that you have to surround yourself with fake crap thinking its real. It's not. Sometimes I just really want to tell you all this. But keeping it all in makes me exactly like you doesn't it?
I've seen a lot, and been able to experience a lot which is absolutely amazing. And I know those friends who have stuck by me and kept up with it all. Some relationships you give so much to yet they fall through, while others can just happen. I had fun yesterday at your house. I miss just chilling. There's no one but you that I can do that with and not get frustrated or bored. We can sit in your room all day, listening to tunes, not worrying about the next time we need to get together. We somehow can go months without seeing each other yet when we do see each other its like that break never happened. I love the fact that I can tell you everything and you'll tell me the truth. I love the fact that we can talk to each other everyday but it never gets old. I love you, a lot. Maybe I'll put that in the box, but than I would miss reading it everyday... I really want to put something in there for you.
I'm going to go in the shower and think a bit more and then clean. But in the mean time you should listen to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moJoE19YGdw&feature=channel



AND you should also watch this video. The first part till about 2 minutes is absolutely amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwFMmQLRq5c&feature=channel_page



Somedays all you want to do is stand up for yourself. Don't make down. Live every moment and don't waste it.

Love,
Wanting So Much More

The Russian Mobile

Ok so amazing stories for tonight. So you know how I was disliking our choreographer well she offered me a ride home tonight and it was so cool just chilling with her. Also her car is like this Russian Mobile that absolutely hates her, its amazing, I want it. I made her brownies. She's so cool. Like actually, I have so much more respect for her, she's like a male Kyllian. It's fantastic. Omg Kyllian was at rehearsal today, I think he was drunk. Which wouldn't be the first time he did that, or that time when it was a show... HAHAHAHA SOOOOO FUNNY!
So Jill wasn't at rehearsal so Ian decided to be my friend again. I'm not even going to describe specifics. Maybe that way I'll forget it all. We'll figure out what happens. He bought a new sweater I laughed and officially am calling him Ugly Sweater Kid.
Hayden wasn't wearing a Hawaiian shirt. My heart frowned. But he had a plaid one on instead so that was ok.
I was really bored in vocal today. It was lame and everyone around me was tone deaf.
We signed our books today. That was exciting. The easiest 5 minutes I've ever spent to earn 5 credits. Its magical.
So then I went back to choreography rehearsal and we were working on shaping each other and taking lead from how others touch your body and with the pressure. Then we did rather less intense contact improv, but after Jim yelled at us, we got it a bit more. Then we got to split into pairs to work on contact improv. So she put on Imogen Heap which really helped set the mood more. At first I worked with Elaine and I wasn't fully into it and it just felt really awkward the first time. Then I was able to partner up with Danika and we got so into it, it was absolutely amazing. It was one of the best experiences I've had. At times she'd use me, or I'd use her, and we'd roll together with the music, only once we lost focus but then we got right back on it. It was absolutely stellar. Like I can't even describe the experience. Everything from my head was gone and I was just focusing on her movements and what our bodies were doing. When I was with Danika I didn't look around much, but the first time I did it with Elaine I looked around a bit and I don't think a lot of the people were getting it as much as veterans and the professional class.
Holy do I love the professional class. They are so gay. Like actually. It's amazing. Chris is so talented, I absolutely love him. Then we started working on rhythmic moving and we all got into this huge African style dance party where we were all moving and it didn't matter what it looked like. Tonight was just full of so many amazing artful experiences.
So I got home, enjoyed a bowl of frosted flakes, had some green tea and now I'm listening to Thriving Ivory. I think they are amazing. The lyrics are so powerful and his voice is so unique to what we're used to hearing right now. Any who I want to share with you my favorite song by them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S38-mjy5NtA

Their whole album is amazing.
Ugh I just keeping about thinking about all the art that happened tonight it was so beautiful and I feel, I don't know what, full maybe? I just feel like moving and enjoying all I have. Your bodies with you the rest of your life, better use it.
And do you know, that everyday’s the first of the rest of your life?
I should go to bed but I'm just so aware right now. Maybe that will help me sleep.
I just wanted you to know I'm doing really well. I have about five minutes of homework this weekend. I hate the song we're singing in Musical Theater but its good for my range so I'm not complaining.
I befriended his friend, but apparently their not friends anymore. Phew.
Is suspicious of a few things.
Has noticed that you and I both seem to enjoy solidarity, yet we also enjoy each others company. What you said today summed it up for me, wow we have the exact opposite of watches. As soon as you said that I realized that's why it never worked and won't. I just want it to, to be able to feel something. But I'm not that girl anymore.
I'm not going to think about the end or death. We should worry more with what we're going to do with all of our days we have and not death.
When you wake up tomorrow morning take in three really deep, slow breaths, then get out of bed.
Love,
You

When you're with a broken heart...

Ok so Dream Boy wasn't in my dream last night but I still had a wicked dream. I think its important to document these things when I can remember them.
Ok so a friend of mine which was a boy, was like oh yeah I can get us into that concert because he knew the guitarist I think it was. And so we all drove to the city where it was together and the guy in the band had reserved a place for us to stay, and it was like in this sweet ass top floor suite and we were all chilling like villians and then we got ready for the concert. And we were all stoked and felt special because it was a rooftop concert. So we got ready and then when we arrived there was like this special section roped off for us and we felt all special. And then the guitarist who looked like Nikki Sixx came up and started talking to us. And then Sarah ran in and the security guard where after her because she wasn't on the list. So clearly since Sarah was late and we all love her we told the security guard otherwise. Anywho than we all looked at each other and were like he's not that cute in real life. And that's where it ended. And I don't remember who else was exactly in the dream except Sarah. ya, so I'm done now...

Love,
Psychedelic

You Found Me!

Congrats! No actually its from this...
You found me when no one else was looking, how did you know just where I would be?
I have a lot of empty mind space lately but it seems like I still have so much on my mind.
Hung out with your friend today. I forgot how psycho that kid is. He kept sliding under the table and then he tied my shoes together. Also this other kid that I've been spending a lot of time with is absolutely amazing and I just wish that he could truly accept himself as he is.
My computer self mutilated itself. It deleted the media audio hardrive off of itself. We tried to reboot the computer, but its still missing. My life is very quiet these days and rather sad, because I can't go around scoping out new music. :(
I'm very glad tomorrow is Friday. Finally the week is over! I still don't have a ride though... :(
Scott said if I wanted he'd help me burn The Prince and that I just shouldn't read it because its so dry, and read spark notes instead.
My mouth is hurting less. Now its just tender.
My legs still hurt... But that must mean somethings working.
The library never called me back.
"This shit storms never ending"
There's a lot of music in my head, rhythms, beats, words, movement.
Cast list tomorrow at midnight.
I'm still worried.
I've found new obsessions.
I need to get my cd's back.
I need to read and listen to all my things from the library and return them.
I need to learn.
I need to see more of this world of ours.
Somedays sleep just seems monotonous.
I could go on without it and accomplish many things, but I wouldn't fully appreciate them.
You're still slipping away it sucks. It sucks a lot.
I gave another card away. Nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. I enjoy the fact that spell check recognizes fucking.
I'm going to see Annie at the end of the month. "I love you, tomorrow, you're always a day away..."
My hands have been really dry lately it sucks.
Ugly returned... No comments.
My hip has been really itchy and dry, only slightly concernicus.
I'm sad that spell check does not recognize concernicus.
I need to go shopping on Saturday.
I've been agreeing to go out with people but haven't been writing down the dates.
I found an old cd and have been listening to it. Its calming.
My mom wants me to help her get ready for a trip I'm not going on. I'd rather not.
Ok I think my monotonous complaining should end now.

Mack keeps popping up everywhere, its concernicus. I think its cute. Thats even more concernicus.
Its concernicus that I stole the word concernicus from Dane Cook.
My hip is really itchy.
I have to see him tomorrow.
I might puke.

Love,
Sigh...

Juicy!

OMG! Ok so you know those sweatpants chicks wear that say juicy on the ass and stuff? Or like the Coyote Paw prints? Well They should make sweatpants that say FAT ASS! I would so wear those... I want to make a pair. Wonder if those print people would appreciate that...
Oh anywho so I've been doing lunges and wall sits and it hurts to sit. Ok here's how it all actually goes.
Que music!
Wall sit for about a minute.
Shake it out.
Stretch.
Squats.
10 right crunchies.
10 left crunchies.
9 crunchies
One sit up
Push it back to the floor for 10
Hold bridge.
Repeat crunchies.
Push it back to the floor.
Back stretch.
50 lunges.
Bent leg stretch.
Open leg stretch. 8,4,2,1,double time, swoop.
Feet together stretch.
Arms work out. 8x4, 4x4, 2x4,8, 8 flicks, 4 series.
Stretch it out.
Yep thats it. Now I know this makes no sense to any of you. Which is the way I like it.
My teeth hurt like a mother trucker.
My legs and ass hurt. Not so much as much as a mother trucker.
Also someone should really give me a ride home Friday.
I gave out another card. And now I'm questioning why. I feel like your slipping away.
I'm really confused about what's all going on right now. Whatever, just let the week be done with.
Love,
Commercialism

The Six Cities Can Go !@**%$^!!!!

That's right I said it!
Also I just realized this song I really like is actually about being raped.. Wow.
I like Social. There I said it. It may make me stressed but I don't know, something about it just makes it a good way to start the day. I'd rather not talk about Chem. I'm trying to convince myself I'm not actually in that class... Spare is good so far. I enjoy the alone time. Today I went into the green room into the girl change room/Colin and Patrick's Locker and chilled on the couch like thing with my tunes. Than I went to the bathroom and realized I had to make a call, so I stood by the side doors, so that I'd have good service and who do I notice Myles! Running laps back and forth. And then as I hung up the phone and look back up he was looking at me. And I was like er... Walks away... Then you could hear them grunting. So funny.
The dentist thought it would be fun to torture me today. I like to prepare myself for those sorts of things but of course he doesn't give that to me. So I was kind of freaking out a tiny bit.
Oh and Musical Theater was good today we had a really good discussion. I hope all those kids are talented... Guess we'll find out tomorrow when we start singing. I'm stoked.
DAVE ROSIN! *sorry is listening to Villain I just had to* Ok this sounds weird but after Dave's solo and Jake is all breathy I get goosebumps. I get goosebumps anytime he sings. But let's just not get into that...
OMG DREAM BOY WAS THERE AGAIN LAST NIGHT! WTF?!?!?! *my computer keeps beeping tis concernicus* Ok back to dream boy... *I've been spending too much time with Edmonds this is bad..* Ok so my family and the other family we went on vacay with at xmas were in this dream too but we were in some place like Dominican but not in like the resort-y parts. And then me and Dream Boy ran off and then he took me on his jet ski thing, which I thought was cool, till we were surrounded by seaweed, which I have like a fear of, like seriously you gots no clue whats crawling around in that stuff, I'll eat it though... Om nom nom.... And then the jet ski thing went away and I was like freaking out in the water and he was laughing and then I swam to shore *impressive since I can't swim* But during the seaweed freak out part all of a sudden all that was happening on a screen and me and Dream Boy were watching the movie, but the movie glitched there and got like those lines on it when you fast forward or rewind a tape. Then we were back in the movie. And I was back at the hut we were staying at and my foot really hurt, and no one wanted to help me. And finally someone looked at it and there was glass in my foot. It was all very strange. Still no clue who this boy is. But he had short Jake hair again.
So I've been enjoying all the time I've been able to spend with myself. For once my head isn't swimming with complete gibberish and its refreshing.
Anywho back to Social but after all this nonsense I wanted to share with you the video that we watched in MT that sparked such a good class discussion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ
Thoughts, ideas, reactions?

Love,
"Tell them that you're not that type of girl and that you'd rather sit and talk about your goals."

Ps. I found my book! EEK!

Groveling...

So I just groveled. I sent out a mass message on the Stock Callboard to see if anyone could give me a ride home this Friday. Or else there could be a chance that I miss my bus. Because the bus to the station comes at 10:35 and rehearsal ends at 10:30. Then a half an hour ride to Heritage. 11:05 if the bus is on time. Than about 20 minutes to my station. And the last bus is supposed to be there at 11:47. I would rather not wait there for my bus, nor would I like to walk home since there's been a few shady critters hanging around suburbia as of recently.
Also I was concerned Party Marty might have partied a little to hardy. But Beef suppresses my concerns.
And you! YOU SILLY BAFFOON! You can't go blogging like that and disappear for months again. I will hurt you, and you're little dog! Actually I'd never hurt Darla, not that she's very little. HAHAHA! I'm such a stalker. I'm going to stop talking now and maybe go read my social homework.
Also apparently I deleted the sound system off my computer... huh... News to me...
Love,
Soundless