This Made Me Dance

Now my head hurts more. LASAGNA TIME! Was that offensive? That's awkward.

6, 5, 9.85670003539....

She's 18 and a beauty queen. I love David. He's the most polite boy we have during 3rd period spare. Why are we walking to the Chinese place with them? Wait why is there a Chinese restaurant in sundance that plays rap music. Something is wrong here. We're out with 3 guys and only one knows how to open the door. As Cameron films the whole thing and gets yelled at by the hot girl at Husky. I swear to god Jessica was the there a second ago. Shit! Jessica I'd never piss you off. That's probably for the better David.
My hands are so dry. I REEK of Britney Spears curious. Syd spilled it everywhere and I helped clean it up. The smell won't wash off.


Amy better not escape this summer. Otherwise I eat her soul. I think I'm not doing the Kids Help Phone thing. I'm just running out of time. I'm excited to see those boys play. I'm so excited to see SERENA AND CARLY!!!! I hope ROBERTS THERE! For he's my lover. He just doesn't know. Also I want to talk to Josh again. For I'm a tool and he's an ape. And he builds songs on drum beats. JEALOUS! Oh I have a song in the works with like an actual melody. You're impressed.
I'm not really sure what I want. I've noticed that people notice the change in me. I've been told that I seem rather happy about things. And then that day everyone was like what's wrong. That's interesting.
Chicago bombed. But I love Mitch and Caleb. And I don't know how I pulled that off. That was intense. The boys tell me it was HAWT! Whats with me and hanging out with boys. Talking with James a lot recently. He seems like the jerk jock, but he's totally not. He was like I love highschool because its only theater kids in the theater. He eats lunch in the theater. So we be chilling.
I wish I was an emo boy. Did someone call you emo yesterday? No... You called me a slut though. Oh well... *was that your conscious talking? thanks scott* I'm finding myself some emo boys. Also these kids are hanging out in the theater. This emo and non emo. They were jamming after school today.
Also never ask Vicki to do janitorial duties. For she can't.
Mr. P is amazing. He played hacky sack with everyone today. Yeah that teacher in the wheel chair was walking around all day today.
I want to buy some Ed Hardy perfume. But I don't know how much it is.
Also... This has been stuck in my head all week! Do you really want the sugar pill?

I'll say it straight and plain
I know I've made mistakes
I've always been afraid
(I've always been afraid)

A thousand nights or more
I travel east and north
Please answer the door

Can you tell me
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go I'll let you be, but you're killing everything in me

Get down on your knees, whisper what I need
Something pretty (something pretty)
I feel that when I'm old
I'll look at you and know
The world was beautiful

Then you tell me
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be but you're killing everything in me

I'm done there's nothing left to show
Try but can't let go
Are you happy where you're standing still
Do you really want the sugar pill
I'll wake up tomorow and I'll start
To another, it feels so hard
As a train approaches Gare Du Nord
As I'm sure your kiss remains employed
Am I only dreaming?

You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me


Love,
Britney Spears gives me a headache... Eww ice cream sandwiches. You don't mess with the ice cream sandwich! Does girlfriend like me now? SHIT! Need sleep.

I've Been There

But there's so much in life that I am still missing. I feel like I'm just sitting at home on the computer twittering my life away. Reading about things I should be a part of. There's always soooo many things holding one back. I crashed. I'm tired. All I want to eat is french fries, never work out again in life. Chicago tomorrow. So excited for that to be over. So tired. So busy yet so not. Patrick calls Scott today looking for me. There's a problem when, people are looking for you and they have to call Scott and you're actually with Scott. He may insult me or whatever he wants, but its not like that. It's like with Jenna. I hate you Jenna. Maybe that's why you like girlfriend because she's quiet. That won't last long. Trust me. There's something on my glasses. Fuck. I'm tired.

Mr. Edmonds

I love you. Victoria I hate you. You turned the music so low I couldn't hear it. UGH! But Mr. Edmonds was like last year your solo was impressive but this year blew that one away. General comments made by everyone: it was great, didn't write anything down because they were watching, good song choice for my voice, 500% better than last year. Mr. Edmonds went on about how much I've changed and grown and that he can even see it in all the other performances I've been in. Then he was like I know how much time you put into this. Yeah 7:30 last night. LOL! Jeff was stunned. He was grinning to. He was like I didn't see this coming from you at all. It was amazing! Lots of people didn't like that I had brought the bed out but I liked it. So they can suck it!
I'm happy. I'm eating cookies. I'm going to watch TV!
Oh shit Chicago... Yeah well, not everything can be amazing...

And That's Final

I'm singing The Dark I Know Well. If Edmonds has a problem he can suck it.

Jenna Ruins My Life For The Following Reasons:

She's a bitch.
She made me get all excited about Ian.
She encouraged the situation.
She made me watch that silly TV show with her.
She also loves The Goldie Locks movie.
She has a huge dog.
She got to ride in the tour van.
She got to spend more time with the band.
They liked her because she kept using THATS WHAT SHE SAID jokes.
She won't tell me what actually went down in the van.
She's the greatest friend ever.
She sent me a condom.
She misses me so much it burns like clamitia.
She went shopping with me for Sarah's b-day and we bought intense things.
Her and Doug broke up after I tried so hard to encourage them.
She no longer has the corner dorm.
She stayed up all night with Mia.
She jumped into the lake.
She looked hot in that dress.
Her boobs looked fantastic in that dress.
She offered me her light coolers.
She's now 18.
She's going to Spain.
She got all her stuff signed for Colin.
She listens to my problems.
She laughs at my problems.
She becomes as addicted to MTV as I do.
She has huge windows in her house.
She has an amazing view of the city from her house.
She makes me love her too much.

Love,
You JENNA! SO MUCH ITS CRAZY THAT I AM FORCED TO HATE YOU!
OMG STEVE I LOVE YOUR BAND! STEVE YOUR SO HOT!

Did It Live To My Expectations?

Simply put no. It was all to much like the last record. The songs are good but after a few listens they'll eventually die out. Sorry guys. The 2nd song is the winner however. What was with that stop in there anyways? I mean sure the words were good and the beats easy to push people along to, but Seventh Rain doesn't convey as much power on disc that they do in person.
Jenna starts talking about caf food. I think she said cat food. So us and Rich start talking about eating cat and dog food. Because we roll like that. I kept running into Phil's badminton game and him mine. Oh well I guess Luke will just drive away. When I would ask one question they would answer the other ones. I liked that. The girls were weird last night. Whatever. OMG THEY"RE SO NORMAL!!!! (oh sam...) OMG STEVE I LOVE YOUR BAND! I'll be waiting... You can come check it out in my room. So me and Ryan discuss OLP forever, because we fail at remembering the song names. So then he asked Luke and they made me ask Rich. It was intense. All in all Ryan plays 4 am on his guitar all the time and loves that one because its about Raine's dad. He also likes Thief because its about the girl in the hospital and the music video is really good. And he also likes Superman's Dead because all OLP fans just love that song. It's a known fact. We had to like break out his iPod to figure out the song titles. Then him and I started singing Innocent together... Luke and I discussed Stampede and then the CD release party. What if the pens don't work? Then you can get another, I can already tell you're going to be the smart one. Uhm duh! It doesn't really impress me that "we got a shit load of free stuff". Like they totally didn't have to do that. AT ALL. Sure they were entitled to giving us a copy of the new CD but not that other stuff. I HAvE THE SNACKS! Then I'm going with him. So they asked me what my favourite song was? Oh fuck... Jenna thinks I'm a fan girl. LOL! Thanks for noticing. So what I carried a box, I hate when people stand around being stupid. Also I thought that was a tad creepy not going to lie. I'm sorry I wasn't up in their faces all night. It wasn't necessary. Let's roll! Literally. Yeah thats true! Rich: I hate goodbyes! ME TOO! Rich is totally my favourite! Not going to lie. Also Luke's voice is weird. I felt bad for shouting that out. I know what its like to dedicate your work to someone important. Phil's mom scares the shit out of me. Crazy italian mothers. Phil its going we're here. But Rich was eating. Like I said Rich is my favourite. Then I asked Luke for a picture I think and he was all it would be no problem, in fact it would be my pleasure. It's hard to meet chilll musicians like that anymore. Never mind meet but find. That's actually the best picture, with Rich stalking around in the back. I love the white van. FUTURE VEHICLE INDEFINITELY! Oh god I'm the last one in the van... Who's the fan girl now! I hate you Jenna. :P You know that's how we roll. The mustaches were pretty bad. You cut yourself off there, you mean BAD ASS! No I mean the Halloween costumes were BAD ASS! I could talk to Rich all day. He's my favourite. What can I say I think I'm starting to like Steve? WAIT ACTUALLY?!??!?! Well then I call the toques. I'm not sure what we're talking about but toques are nice. Jenna marry me. I dare you to draw little hearts around their name. So I think it was our best idea ever to get all that stuff signed for Colin. Was it worth changing my DP? Naw.... Robert is still amazing. We're still running away together. Because now we can both rock the cardigan. FUCK Colin looks better in my sweater than I do!!! Why life, WHY!!?!?! I could care less about FML its so overrated now. I'm actually kind of over everything. Sam noticed how happy I am now yesterday. Today I at lunch I almost blew a gasket. I told Lyndsay I was leaving and continued to do so. To hang out with Caleb, and James and Becca and Colin and Sheena. Also Scott you're such a dick. As I walked by and you saw me you instantly like let go of girlfriend. Then when I was singing you came and watched. Then you sat beside me again today. And we assessed who's the better bitch. We've decided he's the egotistical bitch and I'm the hypocritical bitch, but I'm also the selfish slut. LOL! I love being friends with this kid. However, after things like this I come to the realizations of how useless school is. I mean when am I ever going to need to find out the pH of a solution or need to re-inact the Congress of Vienna. Highly unlikely. I need to know the basics. Which I do. Now give me a sound board and get the fuck out. Also know when you're crossing the line. I almost didn't even want to know you. Even today. Like fuck! I can't wait for concert, and festival, and maybe the walk.... Maybe. Also what happens behind closed doors sure is interesting as hell. I hate my friends, they piss me off. Well you piss me off too! WHY?!!?!? NOW! Because you only want to be my friend when you're jerk friends piss you off. True. OOOOO DRAMA! CALEB I LOVE YOU! Don't give me strep.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCT7dKtjkZE

Love,
Just a Bandaid

Now I'm Excited

I get to see Jenna tonight! OMG YAY!

IMAGE

I just noticed how much I truely rely on image. I'm all about the places I go, the stories I can tell afterwards, how I look when I go there, how I look afterwards, who I'm seen with, how they're dressed and how they would behave at such an event. This is the reason I find myself dateless. For she has dinner with her Rents tonight. Not that I am mad at her. Then I asked a few other people and since its Sunday night I've gotten homework excuses, grounded excuses (I've never been grounded) and other people feel uncomfortable with their children attending an event hosted by a band. I see it as being no different than a concert. People I asked in order: Amy, Sarah, Lynds, Andrea, B... Was that all? I think there was one more in there somewhere. But anyways I have encountered this dilemma because of IMAGE. It sounds bad yet it is true. I need to talk to Colin. Would it be weird if I asked Angela? I would totally bring Elaine except she's dying and lives thousands of miles away. Well not thousands. Right now I am relating too much to Stewart Little's brother. My brother is watching it. I have 170 friends on facebook, but barely want to ask 10 of them to come tonight. Now what does that say about things. About myself and about the internet. If I could I would totally bring my sister tonight. I never encountered these problems before she moved away. Because I knew I could rely on her. But now that she has moved away these thoughts go through my head on a constant basis. Then again my sister was mainly the same way when she was my age. The other night, Friday to be exact, I realized that it is because of my mother I am this way. For she is also the exact same way. It's very interesting the world we live in, don't you think?
Love,
Wandering Wonder

You Can't See The Things That I See

So much cheesecake...
I'd give you a reason, but don't feel as though you deserve it.
Playing hockey tonight with Nicholas was a blast. You always forget the simple things in life till you spend time with a child. You forget how innocent and easy life once was.
I can't believe it took you that long... You're kind of slow.
Since Thursday I've been thinking about what to wear. Oh lol.
Dad is going to Vancouver tomorrow. Mom has sent him in search of room and board, since they are his business partners. HAHAHAHA.
Remember how epic face paint used to be?
This kind of reminds me of Taylor and how I said I wanted her to get hit by a bus. and then all my friends hated me. Good times. I still hate that chick. We were frenemies. I made her cry all the time. Remember when you picked me up on my b-day and gave me a pack of gum? Best b-day ever. Like when my mom painted that kids face like the Hulk. Like when you always carried bandaids around with you? Remember when everyone called her a bitch, and all the guys got suspended, but they still thought she was hot? Remember four square? Remember that totally cool janitor and how everyone cried when he retired? Remember when we did Grease as a lip synch. Remember when we had to draw pictures of each other? Remember when he threw out our pictures because we couldn't draw the Mona Lisa? Remember when we used to spend hours together? Remember that when I left his house I'd come to yours and tell you everything? Remember when we were secret agents? You are the friend of a lifetime. Mississauga is much closer to Winnipeg than Vancouver.

http://www.myspace.com/danielstrider

Read his blurb. It explains a lot.

Love,
What is wrong with my ears... UGH!

Encouarged by DD Lovato

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW9UHJVMbsY

My New Favourite Musical

I've been listening and learning for a few weeks now. And I think its time to share its epicness.



I always think differently. Always. My opinions are always the opposite.

Another video. Parental discretion. There is nudity. This is one of the shows i've had the amazing opportunity of seeing!!!!



Be my friend???



I'll remember them.

Now Why Would You Want That?

That's like cloning... Dr. J makes me smile, it further proves my theory that showdads make their children much more successful. Case in point: Britney Spears (her father cleaned her up and now she's back bitches), David Archuletta (more successful than the actual AI David Cook winner), and now we have Martin who has built a close, safe relationship with his father. Other cases: Lyndsay Lohan (Showmom, and their both mentally unstable)
How to tell if someone makes you happy: If you smile and your earbuds fall out.
Huh... When I smile they fall into place. That could take on several meanings.
I'm excited for our OJ and Pepsi adventure later tonight.
I got Carly Rae's CD tis brilliant.
Also Martin I hope you lay those vocals again. That's all I'm saying. Also clearly Paul is only part of the band for his good looks. He's my favourite. He was going to study music theory and be in like a concert band. That makes me earbuds fall into place.
Really listening to Billy lately. I hope I get my stickers soon!
7 winners, and there's 3 of us. That's interesting odds don't you think? Maybe you don't.
I wish I knew what all those buttons do. If I go there I only need to go for two years. One for sound production and the other for music management.
Lots of homework to do... Sigh... Haven't heard from John. Whatever. I'll just do it myself.
Love,
You Still Don't Know a Thing About Me... Under these city lights.

YOU GOT LAID!?!?!

NO! However... Insert long conversation. It will make good reality tv. I'm record it for you. Girl or boy? Girl. That will be interesting to watch. The sex part. SCOTT!!!!!! Why do I get close to Gr. 12's every year? WHY??!??!

We Should Just Lock The Door and Skip Next Period

I'd love to. To spend that time with you. Today was good. It was the first time I was genuinely happy, in a long time. JEW JEW JEW WHO"S THE JEW NOW?!?!?!?! I'm DUTCH OK!!!!! Dude he just showed you up!!!! Eat this piece of pizza. I don't like pineapple. *eats* Naw I don't want it. Jessica eat this piece of pizza! I don't like ham. JEW! *eats ham* Jessica eat it! NO THATS GROSS!!!!!!! OH FUCK WHAT WAS THAT! I had gastric bypass surgery! WhAT?!?!! That was like yesterday. What the fuck was that?!?!?! You were sitting there and Becca was here!!!! Why can I see it but not hear it!!!!! We should have just locked ourselves in.
Oh well I had fun in MT. AND WALK WALK WALK WALK! Jessica you're going too fast! DOH! doing sick moves though! CHYAY!
We're waiting for Kurt. Oh crap. I mean I love... Kurt? We're all living inside Kurt anyways. Bet you didn't know that! HAH!
Went shopping with the mommy. Edo for dinner. It was soooo good..... Then I ate too much cheesecake... HAHHAHAHAHA! I'm sleeping in tomorrow maybe I will actually sit at the piano this time. It's debatable....
Ina has to come down for my next birthday. That makes me laff. Since my parents are out of town. 9 WEEKS! WOOT!
Also check this shit out!!!
http://www.metalworksinstitute.com/welcome/welcome.aspx
Please mommy?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
I don't even want to read anymore. It's more like skimming. I've noticed that's how I read everything. Much like that first punk book that believed FOB would save us... How well that seemed to turn out... Right...
You better not be getting my hopes up. I'm soooo worried about you right now. Especially since you're hiding so much shit from me but told her. I don't get it. Or us. I'd say whatever. But I care too much about you! You better be there Monday so we can talk. Because I have a feeling we really need to. Drugs, parties, sex, streaking, moving out? What's gotten into you?

Talking to you again. I love it.
Love,
Happiness is Not a fish you can catch, its more like an STI.

Who Knew Karma Wasn't A Bitch After All

I was pissed. Because Elaine cancelled. She's dying. It's unfortuante. Oh well she missed penis. Lots of penis. And lots of other stuff. The show was totally amazing!!! The acting was good, I was totally into it! It was AMAZING!!!!
Colin you make me laugh. So did you get an email? yeah... I can't go. WTF?!!?! Say you're going to work and ditch. Ok. Is it bad to say I need a ride home just to chill with them longer? LOL!
Cheesecake tomorrow.
Write Link Crew thing tomorrow.
Somehow get to bed.
I hate your logical-ness.
It was so cute that you were excited that the guy gave you a glass and half opened your bottle and that you met the director in the washroom. Welcome to life. It's amazing isn't it?
I'm happy now. Truely happy.
Good Pizza night with Bob. I wish that wasn't over...
Elaine I hope you get better. So we can write teen angst.
ALL THE SINGLE LADIES! I"M A SINGLE LADY!
Mitch you make my life.
I was trying to see if I could handle it. Phone conversations are so much easier.
Talking to you is weird. I love that when we talk by ourselves its peaceful and we just get each other. But when other people are there I kind of want to shoot you. Not going to lie. Have a good night to, with Girlfriend... erg... Hey GF hasn't been around lately...
Love,
Don't You Forget

Ps. Mass thank you's on birthdays are stupid. Personalize people. It gets you places. I try to teach you people things. But you'll never listen.

I wish I was stronger...

To tell you why, I do the things I do. Or why simple things affect me. It all builds up to a moment where I can't just use the smile anymore. It's interesting to see those that prevail and those the slip away. Some with no regrets. I'm not sure where this is heading right now. I know that I'm tired of being judged. And that I need some space. I need someone to handle shit and I've realized that's not you. Like me, you like to hide in little worlds you create for yourself. But they are not safe. They are not a home. I don't know where we are right now. But I do not have the capacity or strength to tell you these things to your face. And for that I am sorry. Other things I am still thinking about. I needed a break from being in those worlds. Much like it was with Stock I needed new things. I don't know whether I can handle that June night but I will try, if you can tolerate it. Where the fest is going I don't know. I'd like to go. But right now much like I don't have the strength to tell you, I don't have the strength to go with you. I am taking the easy way out here. And as much as it sickens me I can't have any other way to do it. I'm not ignoring you because I want to, there's something inside I can't explain which is why I just can't handle that right now. I have told lies to you and the people around me to keep them happy. I can't decide whether or not to tell them though. Either way I'd be a bitch. I saw a quote today on a wall. The worst truth is better than the best dressed lie. I have issues with image. But this isn't about me. It's about this. Although that is something to do with this. So I don't know where this is going or why I even felt the need to say this. For some reason I still feel no different nor like these past words meant anything. I'm at an interesting point in life. But I'm not saying that as a reason. I'm saying that as... I don't know how to describe it. I'm 17 tomorrow. And people say they don't feel different. And usually I agree. But something is different this time. A lot of changes are happening. I can't tell how all will turn out. And this is one of those situations. This sounds like crap to me...

Stop looking like your better than this...

But I am.
Interesting conversation today. If you call two sentences conversation. Like Robert suggested I think I'm going to the gross TO!
Talent show was interesting. Myles in purple neon spandex. I kept laughing sooo hard. Then he tripped. It was fantastic. Annalyce was actually really good. Their melodies were good and they acted like they should. "I hope someone got that on video because I'd like to watch that sweet fall." I was proud. I'd sign them if I could get them to work on a few things first. The Raindrop guy was my favourite!!!!!!! He was amazing!!!!! Sydney killed it!!!! HOLLA!!!! I love her! She's my new favourite. :P Rheanna was well Rheanna. James was alright. Luke FRIGGIN KILLED IT! As soon as he opened my mouth I signed him. He just doesn't know. The pain was there, the good showman-ship, and he played well. The Mozart girl was killing it! Damn could she play that piano. DAMN! Then the dance crew finished. They were tight, I guess. Girls that hosted and organized it totally failed. Not going to lie. Oh shit tomorrow's potluck! FUCK!
I dislike my birthday. I don't know why. It was never something really celebrated. I had a weak moment last night. I realized how much I miss you. And now here comes another year that you won't be here for my birthday. But then again. See Me Fly. You'd be proud of where I'm going, what I'm doing. I would have called you tonight to talk about the show.
You're smoking weed?!?!?1 Are you fucking kidding me!??!?! I'm so pissed at you right now.... I don't want to even talk to you. You are just going to get hurt again.
Love,

Crack House

I just had the craziest dream. jessalyn, Deyhved, Becca, Scott and Girlfriend all wen to McDonalads. But first i kept missing the trains and my mother yelled at me. Then once at McDonalds we ate really fancy food which is strange. Then we ordered a cake and the lady was so happy to use her cake decorating skills. Then we sat down in like a lounge part of Mickey D's. Then we started smoking weed, and all dozed off. Then when we woke up we were all on fire, stuck in the McDonald's.
That pretty much sums up my life.
With each new sunrise it takes for stamina to get out of bed.
Got out of shower this morning and had a lovely text from a lovely person. Who told me to get out of this situation long ago. Clearly we should always listen to the mormons. Or the Church of the Homosexuals.
Adam wasn't that great last night. Should of had a mic stand. I'm excited to see Sarah today.
Wish it was tomorrow so that I could be going out with Elaine instead.
Love,
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day...

Can't Decide What To Do

Right now I'm having problems being around you. So I don't know how this stuff we have planned is going to work out. It makes me kind of sick thinking about it. I just feel really uncomfortable with it all right now. And I don't know if I can pretend that I don't feel it. I've been trying. But that's not who I want to be anymore. These are things I have learned from the people I've been hanging out with recently. I want to say I'm sorry, to make you feel better. But then I'd just be lying to the both of us...

Love,
There is no love here.
I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut.

I Don't Care What You Think...

As long as its about me.
Truer words were never spoken.
I think people should relax a bit more. I felt like such a "Ramone" today. HAHAHA. My pants were black 3/4 lengths and I rolled up the top part and was wearing all black. I really wanted a red flannel shirt instead of my black jacket on top but I have no flannel. Sigh..
I'm really hungry.
Chemistry test tomorrow.
Not performing tomorrow. Caleb has strep.
Holy did Mia gain weight. The first year 15! REPRESENT!
I got my email today! RECORD TENT! HAZAH!
If you really want to know. You'd know that even the stuff I really feel I don't post here anymore. What happened to freedom of speech and expression! At least freedom of religion still exists! CHURCH OF THE HOMOS! WOOT! Not going out of B-day. Going out with Elaine to hang with an Artistic Director and then show at ATP! HAZAH! Talent Show tomorrow. I don't think Myles is in it. Shame. Nawt. Don't use it as a fucking excuse. Whatever. Not that it matters. No one gives a fuck what you are going through. It's something I've learned. I love you Mr. P. Sorry to hear about your loss. You have taught me a lot and I'm not even in your class.
Love,
Mother wants me to come watch tv...

Slow Down Now

I much agree with a man of simplicity yet one of complexity. He had problems with peoples opinions on his emotions. I agree. Girlfriend talked to me today. Wtf? Taught Mitch how to use a tampon. That was an event. Performing Wednesday. Think I'm screwing the house and going to a show with Elaine. We roll like that. I'm tired. My mother loves GG. That's messed up. Then again she also likes ACDC and White Tie affair.
In other words. This is everything.



Love,
Oh god, are we in a garage?

Free Your Secrets and Become Who You Are

I forget the amount of times I lie in a day.
The happiest I've ever been is when I can feel the bass running all over my body.
I could sit in a room for hours just listening to someone jam on a guitar.
I walked away from it again today.
I've never ACTUALLY TRUELY kissed anyone.
I'm glad you weren't it and that I didn't settle for you.
That's the biggest one I've kept.
It's eating me alive to know that you know I lied to you this weekend.
Black MJ is soooo much better.
Usually when I find a guy attractive he turns out to be gay.
I believe we are all bisexual, some of us are forced to ignore that because of religion.
I believe being homosexual has nothing to do with lifestyle.
I like boys, but that doesn't mean I can't think a girl is pretty.
The thing I hate the most is when people can't accept that.
I used to create friends to survive.
I'm done surviving. I'm living.
I don't get those nerves anymore. It makes me sad.
I want to go to the Metal Works Institute.
I will always regret not being able to save.
I will hate myself everyday for thinking of you.
I don't mind going first for class presentations.
As soon as I became myself at that place, the people I used to know hated me, and the people who hated me before began to like me.
It doesn't matter how young we were. It was still real.
Child rearing is never the solution.
I couldn't sleep for days, knowing your plans.
I hate that I can't save you from yourself, the helpless romantic in you will always get you in harmful situations.
I hate myself because you weren't able to confide in me when you were going through that.
I'm working on networking.
Helping out Billy.
I read postsecret every week without fail.
Every week I hear at least one new band.
I hope you can come this summer.
As soon as I began to like my appearance, I got glasses and braces.
I used to lock myself in the bathroom.
Awkward silences used to kill me, now I delight in them.
Every thing I do is because of you.
I miss both of you everyday.
The thing that killed me the most was that no one else knew. I talked to both of you everyday, not that anyone knew. Except me and you.
It's because of my grandmother that I began to fully appreciate myself.
She was the first person I told everything to.
Sometimes I think she's glad you passed away because now I have no one to talk to but her.
Everytime I'm baking I want to phone you, even though you are gone. It's what I used to do all the time.
I can't deny the lump in my throat.
I would rather lie to people to keep them happy, and will tolerate all of the things I hate about them.
I need to have a time everyday where I can just spend a few minutes with myself.
When I'm with friends I find it easier to randomly talked to people.
I dyed my hair. Once.
I'm scared to get my braces off. Because I'm afraid I won't like the new me and the drill scares the shit out of me.
I don't mind laughing to myself. It allows me to realize that I'm lucky to have those memories to laugh about.
The only place I can easily judge how a person is going to act is in a concert/mosh pit situation.
I had to go to the bathroom as soon as Batman had started. I held it for two and a half hours.
I have less than five dollars in my bank account.
I always plan what I'm going to wear the day before or when I'm in the shower.
I get my best thinking done in the shower.
You have to climb mountains to get a place on my wall.
I love the Jonas Brothers. Kevin is my favourite.
I will not wear bottoms that go above my knees.
I don't know how to swim.
I don't know how to ski/snowboard.
I wish I knew how to skateboard.
I like Twitter better than Facebook.
I used to LOVE knowing when I was going to spend the day with my Uncle Cliffy, now I don't remember the last time I talked to him.
Since you died I can't handle family get togethers of any kind. That's partially of why I stay home all the time.
I used to love singing that song about that boy who ate that peanut that was mouldy or something. Now I forget how it goes.
I used to have this recurring dream about a witch outside my window. That's why I can't look out windows when its dark outside.
I wish we could all just skate around the lake for hours like we used to. It stopped that day you actually, physically hurt me. That's when I gave up on you.
Part of me loved summer camp while the other part totally despised it.

Love,
When you look at me that way you do...

Lies Will Keep Us Together

I've discovered that titles seem to mean more than what I actually have to say. Didn't go to MC. Went to bookstore, record store, House, Crave, AA and other places. It was good. Till the end. You can tell. You can always tell. I don't know why I just didn't tell you. Sorry. I just want everyone to be happy, but eventually it will all come crumbling down. What was with those boys on the train... That was erm ineresting/awkward. My mother joined twitter. What has the world come too... Drove around trying to find that place today, but failed. We just spent the last 20 minutes trying to find it on Google. This is going to be an adventure friends. I don't want to buy tickets yet. First of all the stage is on an island... An island that seems far from the mainland... This whole situation is just looking really bad for fifty dollars. And there's a stage in the beer gardens. Beer gardens are 18+ incase you weren't aware. This stresses me out. Much like Chicago.
I've lost it all. Maybe I'll sit down with it tomorrow. Maybe not. So few words. So scattered. So full. So confusion. How are you? Whats on your mind? What are you doing? My question is why do you care?
Whatever I give up.
Also when I crossed that line I hated the way you looked at me. Now I still hear it everyday. Just because you notice something doesn't mean it goes away. Fuck you homophobes!

Love,
I really have to pee.

You're Gonna Make Mistakes You Are Young

Scott A I love you. Please dance with me. And marry me. And take me home. I think that was you walking down the street afterward. There's a free spoken word event tomorrow night, maybe, most likely not. I didn't get any of it. I thought it was about conformity and things within relationships. Apparently part of it was about making pasta. There's the story of my life right there. I actually wasn't scared with the guys walked towards her. I thought she was seducing them in the first place. The group was from Vancouver. Story of my life.
Elaine wants to get baked. I think we should just continue to going to performances that are already on crack. She knows my stand. I don't know if I scared him off today or brought him closer with my 8 weeks. He's adorable. And once again I'm a cougar. There is something wrong with me. One look and all lines are forgotten. It's great. Elaine I can only tell you. It's okay I understand your pain. Me and Elaine will live in a box together because we are starving art kids because Jesus hates us. Photos to come later.
This is for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lOoId21B1Q
It's one thing about you
I don't wanna make you cry
Damn girl
Dry your eyes

Oh artistic vision. Please fail me once more.

Love,
CONTACT IMPROV! HAZAH!

F***! JESUS!

You screwed me up cause you said Jesus. Take to. Looks at me. F***! JESUS! HAHAHAHAHA! This kid is the greatest!!!! Ok everybody work on the dance. *about to leave* Hey Jessica? Yeah? Which dance? *finger* Work on those hips! I look forward to Sheena saying something or continuing the dirty looks like Becca. I forgot both scripts at school. Geordie walked in on rehearsal. So hawt. Last year we were chasing older guys and now younger guys. You need to dissociate yourself from anything related to hairy Ian. Ah this is true. Made yummy grilled cheese. OM NOM NOM! FML has taken over the world. I laugh. I'm such a Cougar. Oh my life. Elaine and I are going to some dance show tonight. Should be great. I have to go get ready soon. Sigh... My feet are pounding and I'm going to go put nice shoes on. Tomorrow we're going to MC. I'm stoked. It'll be great. Then we will go to The House afterwards. I knew it would happen but I'm just not as excited. I wonder what my weight is now that I haven't worked out in like a week. That's gross. But I ate really healthy. So bonus. So far I've lost 6 pounds. Tis exciting. Solo's in two weeks. I'm excited! I have no homework! HAzAH! I need to eat more before leaving. No porno today but... Don't get your hopes up Cam... So much laughter today it was great!!! Zoe and I locked ourselves in the change room. HAHAHHAHA! Zoe is great she also hates Ms. Kim. I love hearing about your day. Also this...



Since I rode in your car apparently we're best buds now but you can't look at me. Right I get it.

Love,
Bad Horse/ Jew Horse

Gag.

"UBC is where I want to go

hahaha tell me about it

but I'd like to be with Aly. But that isn't a great way to choose universities"

Your such a tool. I totally give up. I'm going to do homework now.

Cause I'll Be Your Cigarette

What is your purpose in life? To make Scott's girlfriend pissed off. How is that coming along? Better than anyone could imagine. First of all he takes me and Becca to get our homework we forgot at school. Then he kept staring at me in the costume I am defiantly not wearing. (You can suck it Becca!) While hugging her... HAHAHAHAHA! Then after school he kept talking to me. Apparently those three things make her jealous. I think she just hated me from the bat. That's ok I dislike her too.
I've never felt so safe as I did in Scott's car. Not going to lie. No one really talked and it wasn't awkward at all, and he listens to good music. But I knew that already. I should totally make him those brownies, that would piss her off more. On her birthday! HAHHAHAHAHAHA! So what are you doing for girlfriends birthday? Going out for dinner. Lame...
I have Sour Patch Kids. HAZAH!
Oh Myles. You went skater on us. My heart cries. You were watching me walk around the theater today and so was your brother. Kind of creepy. Then I asked you what you were doing. And you were like moving equipment. So Gabby got excited because your sexually attractive and amde us all help you carry your musical equipment. Thanks a lot Gabby. Then we get to the Talent Show rehearsal and its all greasy kids in skinny jeans and flannel shirts. And the poser kind not the Kensington kind. I laughed. Hard. Then me and Patrick made fun of them. But it made me realize how much I'd rather be there than here. Thank you Myles for teaching me something.
Why are you talking to me. Girlfriend would not like this. I blame you for girlfriend hating me. STOP TALKING! NO WAIT COME BACK! (insert a teen angst song) Elaine and I need to chill once more. Why are we talking. Make it go away. No I lied. I don't want to do homework. Oh gawd. This is bad. The popping noise isn't stoppping!
So in my fury I had a really good conversation with Emily today. That girl is so talented!!!! She really helped me dig into character and realize that there is some professionalism still left in the industry.
Maybe more later. Maybe not. For now.
http://www.myspace.com/chasecoy
Love,
Continuous popping, and blushing.

So Many Great Things

Are happening right now for music. It will be interesting to see all that will prevail and those that will fail. Boonstock seems epic!!! Camping? HELLZ YEAH! And Drenched also seems epic!
I love you. You would be the one to twitter it up constantly. Glad to know your laying some badass tracks. Like Napolean? HAHAHAHAHA! so for your unit exam write a diary entry! This is social AP no? Yeah.
Also he's kinda cute not going to lie. You're a pedo. No I'm a correction cougar. HAHAHAHHAHA! James nawt so much, yet he was watching me today yet so was Cale. Apparently Gr. 10 boys can't handle older girls? I should really be in Drama. Scott wasn't as big of an ass today. I think it's because of their other friend. He likes me. LOL! FML.... SARAH WAS THERE TODAY! She's been in Utah for the past 6 months! I missed her!!!!
Rehearsal went so well today. Almost like 4 or 5 numbers done!!!! HAZAH!
Kind of hate the new Seventh Rain video. Bad artistic vision there boys... Not going to lie.
My feet hurt.
Waiting for the V Fest line up. And Stampede line up. Hopefully some gooders. I'm so tired. I can't wait for Friday. Hopefully you come home early. Or we could go on Saturday and go to Market Collective or if we go Sunday we can go to the CUFF show. MHMMHM!
Oh gawd flowy onesies and balloon pants are coming back in style. Well at least MC Hammer is happy.
Also this random band just asked to follow me... Mmk. Their new video is alright.

Need to work on finding slutty clothing for tomorrow. This could be a challenge. Not going to lie.
Ok Mom's yelling. She wants to watch Lost. Hopefully no nightmares tonight.
Love,
So Sleepy
Also WTF is going on in CHEM!??!?! RAWR!

This Is Me

Confessing my love for Mitchell Musso.
He's hot. His brother is NAWT! I would know...

I wish I was as pretty as this girl. Hot damn! I also really love Mitchell Musso.
I also really loved that book This Is Me. I picked it up on the shelf at Chapters and instantly fell in love.
I want to go to Drenched. So bad. Like a water ski fest is epic already but also a music fest? But I have no money and no way of getting out there. Jake will understand. I've seen him like 4 times already. Not that that is enough.
I'm keeping my eye out to see if V Fest is coming back this year. Also Toast N' Jam. I totally want to go to that this year.
So I'm screwing the actual Social homework and just studying. Chem can go die.
Also I know you two better so I'd rather you were closer to me in the orgy part. Right...
I'm so tired. Don't think I'll be heading out tomorrow night. That's a shame. Because contrary to popular belief Zac Efron is sexually attractive.

Love,
Mrs. Mitchell Musso

Oh My Life

Just got home. It's 6:00 and I just got home. Spent the last well since the beginning of lunch choreographing a piece I had already choreographed and tried to teach it to a bunch of unprofessional imbeciles. Miley Cyrus just finished writing her third song this week. I'm in the process of writing eight and I want them all to burn in hell. So I hate theater kids. Because unlike music biz kids their like oh lets just fuck around, where as music kids are like oh shit I'm poor. I love the contrast. I have to figure out Ionization Equations, Precipitate Questions, Social homework from this weekend, rewrite down the choreo and have it memorized, study for my test tomorrow. Then tomorrow I have to write the test, pretend I know what the fuck is going on in Chem, figure out what I missed once I left which is most likely not much, choreograph the cell block tango, teach drama kids all that jazz, present musical theater research project, comment on my peers to increase my 85. What a jerk he's actually marking this year. "Let's all pass the fag around" Mr. Edmonds: "I know what that's like." "OH MY LIFE!"
Angela wants to go to 17 Again tomorrow at Midnight. I might die. I might go. I might die.
I didn't go to the library. Fuck. I have to do that tomorrow. This is the first time I've sat down all day. Oh gawd.
I like that you instantly think I did it.

My nights I spend awake and alive.
One thing you'll never rip from me.
Listing to those melodies
Loud enough so that I don't have to hear
Your voice so useless
Always pounding in my ear
The wrongs so hard to handle
A mistake to think
I would just break

What to say
What not to say
It doesn't fucking matter anyway

I won't let you stop me
There's no one left
And nobody right
One step forward, can't ever go back
Keep your thoughts all to yourself
It's a revolution out of control.

Love,
Twittering

I Think You're Kind Of Inhumane

Inhumane. I said it. Better than fuck off. More original I think. Oh we will find out won't we.
Hovan said something when we were talking about religion. That reminded me of my song."I found God at the corner of First and Amestad."
"Losing her, the only one who's ever known, who I am, who I'm not and who I want to be"
Hopefully Becca likes what I've done. There's just one verse I can't get quite right.
I was searching for peace. But much like Dr. Horrible that is not what I meant nor found. I found regret and anger. Much like him. Much like when the love of his life turns against him. I love laundry mats. I've spent a lot of time in them myself.
People who don't ask. People who care but don't care about that. People that understand the mask. I learn things about you everyday. I feel bad that I cannot see behind your mask as well as you can mine. You should always know that I love you, and your one of the two greatest friends I have. When you didn't come back. It really hurt. It hurt more because I didn't cross. I've always lied about that. Wonder if anyone will find out one day.
Anyways so now I'm feeling pissed off and creative.
Love,
Burn The Witch

It's Bad When

I can relate to Dr. Horrible.


I want the DVD for my birthday officially. Because I would watch it like everyday. HAHAHAHA! Also I just love Neil Patrick Harris, how can one not? He's gay. So clearly him and I can be friends. What a crazy random happenstance. Kind of like realizing I was pushing around an old best friend in a mosh pit. Only me.
Becca is working on her english project so I'm sitting here with all my ideas. She wants me to tape them and send them to her. I'd rather just write them down and talk to her tomorrow morning and at lunch. I should write it all down though. Make sure the timing works. I still have to do my social. I need to do my hair. I'm watching Dr. Horrible again. My pants are stretched out now because of the whole "here we go again." Oh look its snowing. Oh goodness look at my wrist I've got to go. You look horribly familiar. All the birds are singing that you're going to die. I hope your rents don't take you away this summer. I would cry. I still haven't got my email.... Sigh.... It's because I was so dressed up isn't it? HAHAHHAHA! I have to memorize my work for MT tomorrow. Working everyday after school with Becca. Friday Amy and I are going for coffee. I need to go to the library this week. Like tomorrow.
I'm going to finish watching Dr. Horrible get my icecream from yesterday and do some choreo for Chicago. Then tomorrow Becca can scrap it all! YAY DIRECTORS! HAHAHAHHAHA!

Love,
Mrs. Dr. Horrible

Anyone In The Mood

For A Heart attack?
I should have gone to bed. Instead Nahid and I got into a conversation about life after highschool. In which I realized I'm screwed. I do not have the marks for a business degree. And only random sketchy places actually have the courses I want to take. I need a BM or BMus but in business and entertainment. But nobody has that except Boston and New York and California. Again Karma bites me in the ass. The three places I originally wanted to go. Still have no marks or money for that. I'm screwed for life.
Here's to getting an American citizenship as well, getting a job at capitol as the mail girl and working towards what I want. Everytime I see that circular office I get way tooooooo excited!!!!!
Love,
It isn't alright, it isn't ok...

It Hurts Me To Say

secret: I watch sad movies, clips and listen to sad songs to lie to myself. I don't like to face that I have to cry over things.
I tried not to cry that one day. I tried so hard. I tried to be strong.(a minute if you could)I spent that whole day, by myself. Teaching myself to be strong. (I haven't ever written this down before, but it needs to be somewhere) I sat in that stupid hall with the stupid sandwiches and squares. Not knowing anybody. But knowing that they didn't know. No one has any fucking idea. People came up to me asking if I was her daughter, and if I could give her this card. No one knew that it wasn't her hurting. She forced me into the hospital. Left me there. In that room. The last thing I talked to her about was getting my learner's license. I feel like why I haven't done that is because then I really will be moving on. I trick myself into thinking I'm doing what she asked me to. But its so fucking hard. They kept trying to force me into going to see her lying among the flowers. I didn't want that to be my last vision of her. As they carried her out Uncle T walked past me with tears in his eyes, I was so lost and confused, he grabbed my hands and said something, that I can't remember, maybe he said nothing. He nodded and walked off. Then they yelled at me. They made me feel like I didn't know her. That I wasn't apart of it, when I was a bigger part of it then anyone. No one else called her everyday. I had to ride with B, listening to Bob Marley, not with my family. When we reached her final resting place, I didn't want a flower. I didn't want to go near it. They wanted me to say something. I didn't. They kept yelling at me to stand on the green mat. I didn't want to be the spectacle. I wasn't part of that family then. Because they weren't part of hers. They didn't deserve to stand with me. As they talked. I held it together. I placed my flower, dreadfully. When I walked back to my spot. I broke down. I tried to walk away but I kept hearing her words in my head. "When I die, don't cry, it will be okay." Everyone. Every single fucking one of them, looked back at me, but not one of them took one step towards me, reached out a hand no one. Then Daryl. Out of no where. Came up beside me. And pulled me in. A friend of my aunts who I barely know. The only person who reached out to me. He passed me some tissues. I don't know how long it was. But soon it was over. And I had to listen to them talk about it like it was a business deal. Then people kept asking her, probably after seeing that, if that was me. Then they kept trying to talk to me about how much she loved me and talked about me. I tried to escape to the car, but it was locked and none of them would talk to me long enough to unlock it. They all told me to go away. Cory walked with me to the car. Telling me it was okay and that at least I would have the memories of her unlike the younger kids. Things like that really don't help. After lunch I sat of these swings looking out on the lake and it began to rain. It was the first thing I felt, the reality rushing back. I remember it all like a really bad movie.
I walked into the trailer and she told me "they had to operate on Ma's eye and that there was a 5% chance she could go blind or something like that." She didn't tell me it was a brain tumor. I cried myself to sleep that night in a tent trailer, and everyone pretended they couldn't hear. Social was just about to end and Ms. Hayden-Issak came and asked me to come with her to her office. She told me they went to Edmonton and that it wasn't looking good. I went and got a drink of water and went to my next class. I told most of my teachers, we were taking a family trip to Edmonton. Because that's what every Gr. 9 does the first week of school. My Dad told me upstairs while I was playing Spider Solitaire, then he just walked out of the room. I walked calmly down to my room and called Amy.
In the summer she had asked me what I wanted when she died. I laughed at her telling her she was crazy. She left me her dictionary's. All 15 of them. Hahaha... Everyone thought that was crazy. Every night when I had vocabulary I'd phone her and she'd help me with my homework. No one else knows that. She thought it meant nothing when it meant everything.
I live everyday with this. Every thought. See Me Fly. I like to believe that wherever she is, she's watching over me. That she's keeping an eye on me watching my grow. I used to try to figure out by what age I'd have to get married for her to be able to be there to walk me down the aisle. She's taught me everything I know, and made me the person I am. She encouraged my music. It's on my list to know why. I want to build the strength to take a trip to see him and talk to him about it all. But I'm not ready for that. Maybe a summer after high school trip I will take.
No body knows this except all of you now. I'd like to keep it that way please. This was for me. Not for anyone else. I need to have it somewhere. Respect that.
"I can't tell whether the trees look less beautiful because your not here to see them with me or more beautiful because I know that you are with them."



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdtUR_KibEs

I used to think this song was really perverted, I guess is the word, and rather pathetic on his part. It's the song he wrote in rehab. About his dependency on drugs. It's so beautiful.

Love,
See Me Fly MA

Rumours

The rumour is that these kids are from our school. I wish I could tell who they are. I wish I knew who the victim was. I know too many people in that area. If I knew them, I'd hear something right? I think about this a lot lately. If you guys have any ideas, please help!

http://www.calgaryherald.com/news/calgary/Calgary+teen+questions+transit+security+after+beaten/1481033/story.html

I almost think the one looks like Zak, but Zak doesn't roll that way but there's that kid who looks like Zak now at our school... I don't know.

Still listening to straight edge documentary.

You Will Lay Down

I've been demoted to Velma. I kind of wanted to play Velma more anyways. I couldn't get Roxie right. I didn't have it in my blood. Apparently we're presenting it on Friday? Our director is on crack. Now we have no Roxie. Oh how I laugh at life.
Ok so today I was like oh gawd, what am I getting myself into. Then there was this position. Record sales. I almost peed myself. So I signed up for that. I'm supposed to get my confirmation crew email before April 24th which is epic. She was like if your sitting here and you own 1500 plus albums and now all about music Record Sales is for you. And I was like DAMN STRAIGHT! Then I got talking to Bruce about it and this guy Brent who also signed up. He seems pretty sweet. And we get all these cool discounts and stuff. And every night there's a party at The Westin with volunteers and the artists. I'm so stoked.

Check out Jeremy Fisher.

I wish I had the strength for this:

http://www.straightedgelifestyle.moonfruit.com/

Turn up your speakers and press play. I heard about these guys last year. And they instantly became my hero's. Such a huge place now in this scene. Unlike other scenes.

I'm really bored with music right now. There's nothing that excites me anymore. It all blends together. I speed through the music on my Mp3 player so quickly.

I'm really pissed. I cam home so happy about this new thing I found. And it became one more thing you ruined for me. Thanks a fucking lot. I tried to share it with you and instead you just ignored me and put it down. You are just like the rest of them. You get scared of people who know what they want in life and are doing it. You are scared of me. And it makes my heart break because it makes me feel like you don't care and that what I'm doing upsets you so much I should give up. That's why I'm leaving. Also I don't know how to deal with him. That's why I'm leaving to. So messed up. "I can put on my headphones... walk to school... and feel safe" Read this amazing piece about music today. Maybe I will type it out and post it.

Love,
Please check out Jeremy Fisher and fall in love.

The House - My New Home

Elaine I love you. There is no denying it. You are such an actor. It's amazing. YAY starving artists! The downtown train was closed today. Oh well. Shuttle buses are just as fun... We go to The House and holy cow was coffee boy cute!!!!! I didn't know what to get and he was like I really like Chai Latte's and I was like yeah ok. Then he kept talking to me about my drink and about ginger bread cookies. Elaine and I are going there for my birthday for open mic night. Yay religious hot kids, that walk around Kensington shirtless!!!! Also YAY WHITE SUPREMACISTS! HAHAHAHA! I wish I was cool enough to smoke weed, and do ridiculous skateboard tricks all day and just dance to coffee shop music. Crave was closed. We almost cried. I want to buy that $425 jacket. It was soooo nice. The Rocket was sweet. They had epic shoelaces but none I wanted. We just ignored American Apparel. Then we went into HOT WAX (maybe it was WAK. As soon as I stepped in their I peed myself. It was a record store! OH MY SHIT! And the guy was in the alley smoking weed. He like ran in making it look like he was working but I wa afraid I was going to smell like weed. Then we went downstairs. That's when I almost cried...





Random Japanese food for dinner! RAWR! Sushi was disgusting.... *pukes* OMG IT"S REALL GREen TEA! MY LIFe IS COMPLETE! Then we were almost attacked my the homeless... Several times actually. We made it safely to The Erotic Anguish of Don Juan. Watching shit like that makes me feel untalented and uncreative. The pen15 was amazing and all the legs and the sliding houses. "I WISH TO BE A GREAT OF LOVER AS JESUS!" "EVERYONE RUSH THE STAGE! KILL SATAN! WE"LL HAVE ON BIG ORGY! ... DOESN"T ANYONE WANT TO HAVE ONE BIG ORGY?!?!?!" "TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF! EVERYONE!" So amazing.... GAH!!!!! Then Satan's helpers loved each other. And the doggy style was hilarious (literally) and then the aren't you proud of me mom faces just stole the show. Then Baracca was open for some god forsaken reason. That cafe has such random hours.... So we had Chai Mocca's. I've never had so much Chai in my life. I'll let you know if there are any side effects. So far so good. Except the shaking....

Also my birthday at The House for open mic night. The less people who show up the better.

Me and Elaine then discussed how horrible our lives will turn out. Especially when Colin and I have children, there will be no hope then. Also Elaine understands my dating totem pole system. our goals in life are to find hot artistic men to hold hands with while walking through Kensington. There were soooo many there today. It was heaven. I felt safer there then I did at Somerset. That's epic. Elaine's going to Vic. "No beverages in the theater unless they're alcoholic." LAME!
OH GAWD STOCK! OH GAWD THE MEMORIES! THIS IS WHERE IAN HUMPED YOU! AH MY LIFE! THIS IS WHERE JIM PIGED OUT ON THE FREe FOOD! THESE ARE THE DOORS TO PILLAR HALLWAY! AH MY LIFE! Apparently Stock is failing epicly at the moment. That brings joy to my life.

Love,
You So Much Elaine and Hot Coffee Guy and Your Hot Friend in the Blue Plaid Shirt.



Ps. Can we talk about how well I'm doing in life? No... Ok let the pity party continue... Also just because Colin got cupcakes mean nothing. And NO colin and I are NOT having children. HAHAHAHAHHA!

Random Quotes From Random Shit Because I'm Sexually Attractive

"If you're not in fight club get the fuck out"
"I have to be here because I'm sexually attractive"

"What's the point of bragging about going out if it's not with you."
"Exactly because I'm sexually attractive."

Elaine says:
ALSO YOU'RE A PEDO NOW
LOL
I Am Missing You... says:
I am!
your on the side of the screen
Elaine says:
YEAAAH
SWEET
I Am Missing You... says:
Correction Cougar
Elaine says:
kay
also
puppet sex tomorrow night YEAH
I Am Missing You... says:
I"M SO EXcITED!
i'm like so i'm going to see puppet sex tomorrow..
and people are like right....
Elaine says:
ahahaha
I love being a weird performing arts kid
I Am Missing You... says:
ME TOO!
Elaine says:
it makes me feel special HAHA
I Am Missing You... says:
i spent an extra two hours at school working on lighting for chicago
omg am i the girl doing laundry?
Elaine says:
yar
you're the cute ginger one HAHAH
I Am Missing You... says:
YESH!
Elaine says:
she's; like this adorable do-gooder
you shall see
I Am Missing You... says:
can't i kiss neil patrick harris instead?
Elaine says:
he's gay
I Am Missing You... says:
so
we're both actors
Elaine says:
this is true
I Am Missing You... says:
hahahahha
Elaine says:
HAHA
I Am Missing You... says:
does a bad horse = a jew horse?
Elaine says:
also, best part is the bad horse guys
well he's evil as fuck so probably

This is how much sense I make of life. It's fantastic. Elaine's directing Dr. Horrible next year. I get to be the cute ginger. YAY!!!! She says I have to kiss Ian Ridewood, I'd rather skip that part... Also I'm trying to figure out ways for me and James to tastefully make it look like he's my brother...

Apparently i have a thing for guys who play their guitars shirtless. Who wants him to keep it on? *noise of crickets* Who wants him to take it off? *you need earplugs*

Can I kill both of them? I hate them kind of like how I hate all Ians and curly hair. OMG me too! I hate all Josh's that wear their hat like a gangster. OMG we should share a prison cell!!!!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1fF8kugUQI

Or one could be like Jay Brannan and sing naked in the bath tub.

"Why can't they just have greasy hair, skinny jeans and flanneled shirts and be just regular douchebag rockers?"

"If you're gonna throw crap off the edge throw the lead singer!"

Elaine says:
yeah
that kid would be the best captain hammer ever
you get to love my dream boy on stage
YOU ARE PRIVILEGED
I Am Missing You... says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHHA
you can show me how its done
HAHAHHAHA

Love,
Should have gone to bed three hours ago. Oh well. Three more to go! Oh shit early morning!

Love actually,
Penny, the cute ginger.

Just Laughed. A Lot. At You. Not With You.

I'm really angry at you all of a sudden. (Different you) I hate listening to your music. And I hate seeing pictures of you. I need a break from you. You're pissing me off. Because I've finally been hanging out with real musicians and maybe I've noticed you're always an idiot...
Back to the title. Read. Laughed. Is this was this has come to. Whatever...
Colin and I stole food today and ran off. Reina totally knew, which is why ones befriends teachers. "Ugh I have a guidance appointment" "Just say you know Jessica, it'll get you everywhere"
FUCK YOU"RE AN ASSHOLE! What was your deal today? You were being all moody and I wanted to talk to you about it like you had talked to me. But instead you just decided to be an ass to me. I don't get you. Or your skank.
I've been casted as Ms. Roxie Hart! I'm stoked. I really want to do well for B. B's playing Velma Kelly. This is going to be soooo amazing. I stayed after school until 6 just working on staging and lights with her. We have so many ideas. I just want to make sure I don't push to much, because it's her project. I think I did that really well today. Just making suggestions. The feel up scene will look really good. Also I'm really excited to work with my Fred. He's hot. I mean no. I mean Mr. Edmonds he's hot, no? Yes. MR. EDMONDS! My life with Mr. Edmonds, right there folks. B says he's really into doing anything on stage. So since Mr. P said no sex I hope we can get away with face touching and hips instead of holding hands. Cause that's lame. Remember: Low cut shirt and high heels and flasher jacket.
Friday I'm chilling with E! I'm so stoked! Hopefully we get to talk about teen angst! she got emo glasses I'm so f'ing stoked. A and I are going to go eat Sunflower seeds and hide from imaginary secret agents. Oh and FOLK FEST! EEK! I hope I get in a group! And B said we need to spend a lot of time on choreo and stuff this weekend. I just got my script! I want to read soooo bad!!!! EEEK! "He's my brother" Two can play this game, not that I'm really playing it. I picked my solo song! Need to work on that choreo to! Also I'm sooo hungry... Eating in the no food zone was not enough for me. RAWR! I"M HUNGRY! (I've got vicoden, do you want to come over?"
My weekend will be continuously watching this:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0yvvSuw7kY

I hope the lighting we did today works...

Love,
Happiness is not a fish you can catch, its more like an STI it comes and goes.
Your foot came in my face. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA! JESSICA! MR.EDMONDS!

Just a Message from your Uncle Billy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu7K9Ai5Cg8

THIS ONE IS THE BEST!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQpLwgT0vUU

Love,
The Veronicas???

Surviving... Like Richard!

So we did Cross the Line. And it really made me angry. Because I'm done with the pity party this year. Now I'm recuperating and surviving. Surviving makes it sound bad. It's kind of like Richard naked on survivor surviving. It's fun.
Today was so happy. It's crazy. Everyone just seemed to be in a great mood.
I love how we can just catch up and continuously talk to each other for a week and ignore each other the next. It's amazing. We're defs going to the lake this weekend.
So social is so blah. I used to love that class. Now I just wish it would end. Chem was great I got all my work done and talked to Kat and got to listen to some tunes. Lunch was whatever. Spare I got to finish writing my letter. Now I have to send it off! Then I went and chilled in the guys dressing room since some *PERSON* was in our change room. And we were all just chilling and then Scott leaves and shuts the lights off. So we're sitting in the dark. And I was like we should all just switch clothes and see how Scott reacts. No one wanted Cam's sweater, so us three girlies traded and then Cam ran out of the room screaming. All of this happening in the dark. and of course Scott wasn't there. Then when Cam came back in he was like you guys are still sitting in the dark, wtf? Then Scott didn't even notice. And while we were being goofs Scott's gf was hanging outside looking for him. And we come out and Patrick's like I think he was in there with the girls, you don't want to know what those noises are. And she gets jealous so easily. I think she hates me.
OH I TOTALLY FORGOT! JEFF! I love that kid! Ok so I walk into the green room and he's like JESSICA I MISSED YOU! and I was like oh ok? So we're hugging and talking at the same time, and he's like yeah I couldn't stop thinking about you all weekend, I mean just yesterday, I was worried about you! And I was like that's really awkward since last week you kept forgetting my name... And he was like fine! Storms off! So I scream down the hallway I LOVE YOU JEFF!!!! And he yells back I LOVE YOU TOO!!! It was hilarious...
"enlightenment is sitting in a field eating chicken wings, wearing a suit and tie"
Then in Musical Theater we got to sing which I just can't help but love. Especially since we were doing kick ass harmonies and singing Defying Gravity. And then Matejah made us all cookies. I had like four. HAHAHAHAHA!!! They were soooo good!!!! Then Colin and Vicki helped me work on my stage directions and things which was sweet....
Then Colin and I had to go into the secret room to talk because he needed to hear the d-low. Then we chilled in the green room. I talked with Jeff more about how much we missed each other since we just had a class together.... Colin and I bitched about people who were in the green room. Then Colin made me talk to Matt. Like three times. Matt almost hit me with a hammer, twice. I trust him like that... "Jessica why do all the attractive guys like you!" "THEY DON"T THAT'S THE PROBLEM!!!!" *the whole green room goes quiet* "I"M SO LONELY!!!!!!" *banging on the chair and kicking* *Everyone stares* *WE ROFL!* *Goes on for 30 minutes about time wasting* No trust us you are a dick... Mitch comes in and we're being all buddy. I love Mitch sooo much. He's amazing!!!! I can't even describe his amazing-ness. He wants to go to Queens. That's intense. Then I'm leaving and I'm like excuse me. *Steps between Edmonds and Matt* *Matt pokes me* *Pretends nothing happened* Oh and then when me and Colin were talking we started screaming how hot we think Sheena is. And then I looked at Colin and I was like and I wonder why people think I'm a lesbian. And he was like me too!!!! And then he was like oh gawd you're not coming out to me are you! WHY DOES EVERYONE TELL ME!!!! OMG OMG REMEMBER!!!!!!! "Why is he so attractive? Why can't I be gay?" "Jessica, that would just screw you over more..." Today was epic. I loved it. Matejah must have put something in those cookies.

Reason 1311.435 why Adam Lambert is amazing and won't marry me...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U8ykzuC5C0

Was reading Kelsey's quiz: Person you want to kiss right now? My brain goes: ROBERT ROBERT ROBERT! (no not pattinson YUCKY!!!!)

Today was such a good day.

Now that I've bragged tomorrow is going to eat shit. That's fantastic.

Love,
Just thought you should know...
PS. I"M GOING TO SEE DON JUAN ON FRIDAY! I hope that won't be a problem. Elaine invited me. Just so you know where I'm going!!!!
PPS. I LOVE YOU BECCA! THAT"S SO STUPID! YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME!!! THANK YOU! SOMEONE!!!!! Last people you've kissed in order: Colin, Becca, Colin, Aeron, Aeron, Tommy. HAhAhAHHaHA! That's fantastic....

It's About The Music

Sure drunken escapades are funny. But are they all that's really there? What happened to the meaning to the music? Lover Dearest. A love song to drugs.

btw
his name is robert
9:56pm

fo sho?
9:57pm

"Robert is my newest friend and a very talented guitarist"
yes
its in her blog
9:57pm

WHAT!?!??!?!
on myspace?
or where?
9:57pm

myspace
im reading her blogs
9:58pm

of course you are
martin blogged
rather uneventful
rather unimpressed
9:58pm

whatever hes busy
9:58pm

true
i was like ya whatever
he's going back to NYC
big deal
yawn
9:58pm

hahah
im more interested in the music than the people
10:00pm

i've noticed that change
10:00pm

yeah
10:00pm

And it's cool to actually talk tot hem personally
instead of messaging them ona baord
hoping they'll talk to you randomly
10:01pm

exactly
like i could care less about their drunken escapades
i want to hear the music
10:01pm

and know the emaning of the music
like Josh was like this song is about balh blah blah
or he woke up sober and was naked... thats something
hahahaha
10:02pm

at least we know his songs mean something
like lover dearest
10:02pm

thats true
however i've never litterally gotten into a streetfight with the IRS....
10:03pm

hahaha
im sure they mean something too but hes too showy
10:03pm

he seems like he isnt even about the music anymore like its a show
10:03pm

HAZAH!
thats why random sweaty clubs are fun
like hey ocean
except less sweat
10:05pm

I say hazah because of third period group. Today we were feeling each others noses. It was so weird. It was one of those you have to be there things. Talked with Mr. E he's swell.

oh and i cut off all my hair so i have no idea how they are going to do it for the show
ill probably get in shit for that too
as well as not knowing the routine
I Am Missing You... says:
hahahhahahahaha
amy says:
itll be a great practice on thurs
I Am Missing You... says:
good job
amy says:
oh and i missed last week for mt
so im pretty much a gonner
I Am Missing You... says:
i'd fail to mention it
i would mention food poisoning
i seem to get that a lot...
amy says:
hahahah
I Am Missing You... says:
not so much sine i dropped stock
amy says:
i wonder why......

I Am Missing You... says:
i think i have commitment issues
hard to say

I like weeks like this. Where we talk all the time. I really don't need other friends. It's true. I talk to you all day. And we go everywhere together.

Mr. E ruined my happy mood. I was doing well. Then he was like we're doing cross the line today. And I was like AlgkangANKGAlgankg!!!! And I really disliked the way he did it. And I didn't feel comfortable sharing with the group. Because I know how they all play the game. Plus what fun is it only playing with theater kids. We already knew we were messed up.

Words never come out right. Songs always go in the wrong directions. Been talking a lot about people watching. I wish I could just lay and drum track and HAZAH! I wonder why Ryan couldn't make it? Robert is the shitzah! Anyways. He's no towel. I really need to stop hanging out with the drama spare group. Onion loaf again on Thursday. That's such a lovely smell in a tight room jammed with 5 of us. David was AWOL on us today. We think he went to class. Or maybe like the general population, just failed to show up.

Love,
Wonder who you're... screwin... *so cute*

"I think I could ride on the bus forever. I am a big people watcher. I am not very subtle about it either. Sometimes I forget that I'm not invisible and get people looking straight back at me ...confused at why I'm staring. But people are just so bloody fascinating. I tried to write a song about this..but it didn't come out right. Hmm"

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is on a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”

- Martha Graham

I Really Dodged That Bullet

Too many days turning into nights.
Too many wrongs turning in to rights.
Searching for a reason to escape.
It's easy when the truth just walks away.

You get caught up. So easily. What people say about it. How people act towards it. Do I miss it? Not really. But seeing a picture of you, awakens. What it awakens is a different story. Seeing a picture. Those big blue eyes and the moment they met mine. I knew it wouldn't work though. Maybe I've realized that it was me. I'm really not sure. I know that if it was supposed to it would have. Things in life happen for a reason. I am not a religion. Or religious. Two people never made up one. This isn't the way I need you anymore. I'm an independent person. In a way that. Shows. I am that way on the outside. But really I am depending on myself to find someone to. Depend. On.

I can't handle people like that. Maybe that's why we didn't work. You never had a set opinion. And apparently I became a bitch. You need to wake up. And stop living in your little hole. People have no fucking clue. Creative expression is merely a carbon copy of everything else. Nothing these days is original. Cause if you're leaving me now. I'll probably be ok. On the outside.

Back to school. Back to school. To prove to Daddy I'm not a fool.

I should not have looked at those pictures. I'm glad I'm not there. I tell myself I'm trying to move on. But I see no outcome. No final celebration. Why? Because I have not completed anything. Well I felt that way till this week. But always one step forwards three steps back. I play the game bitches. The game is my bitch. I talked to a few people who made me realize a lot. Not a lot of people say they want to get into the business. They want in the industry. I will always remember your face when I said that. They way your cardigan felt. I need those pictures.

I found it ironic that he was hit by a dodge.

My video from last night won't load. That makes me sad. For I discussed much about creativity. The thing that makes me hate the world the most. Are the boundaries. How can you fucking put boundaries on creative expression. People never know. I wish I could have stopped you before I left. I remember one day walking down the stairs. Talking to my mom. And she said use your real voice. And I got really confused. I was probably 11. I realized I didn't know who it is, that I was. I still don't. But since then I've always wondered when do we know its real. It's no longer the facade. I don't. I've somehow lost myself. All this time. Hiding behind the mask. I know what to say. At the right time. How to act. How to position myself. This is just the part I portray.

Want to start over again? Like I ever wanted to be any different. One day that will be you. It scares the shit out of me, to realize that one day. I will move out. I will depend on myself. Your black and white needs a little bit of red.

I'm kind of over that. I've seen something so much purer. Someone. Someone who doesn't hide behind a mask. I don't want to have to go through what you did to achieve that peace. Part of me is scared to collect the pieces. To create the peace. It's not so much as broken. But tipping on the edge of the table. An addict at 17. An eating disorder once you thought you had everyone fooled.

I walked a thousand miles while everyone was asleep. To me. That statement is so literal. I've noticed. I can't stay in a place for long. I leave people. I just get up. Not to return. Everyone after elementary. Stagestruck. Summerstock. Maybe that's my addiction. Ever realized that maybe. We get so used to pain. We begin to inflict it upon ourselves. Because we begin to believe that there is not true happiness. That once a glimpse of happiness is shown. Only depression can be lived. We don't know how to live without the suffering. Therefore we just continue suffering. We continue suffering for the art.

I can't fix your broken heart. But I can give you a brand new start. That is such a fucking lie. Life does not refresh itself. You can't just delete the cookie and browser history. You will always remember. Noises may fade. Touch does not. Somedays it opposite. Shit that should have been for some people. Fuck we're getting personal again. Everyone take cover. Emotions might occur. How do we deal with that? What is that? CNN HELP US! Oh gawd Larry King is crying. What is this? Who will save us? Forget about the addicts. You're not hiding from a problem. You are fighting the sharks of life. You will not slip into the dark waters.

people used to make records
as in a record of an event
the event of people playing music in a room
now everything is cross-marketing
its about sunglasses and shoes
or guns and drugs
you choose

I told you once, I told you twice. Have you no ears, have you no eyes? If this is love than what is hate? Do you understand my fate? Oh I'm not broken you can't fix me. Wish I had a man to miss. Tell me everything will be alright.

It's all a wake up call. The sad part is no one sees it. Which wake up call do we respond to. Which will take us out of our a coma? Will any? What the fuck is this?

This just went from being about a boy, to me, to dark areas, to whatever the fuck that was. You just read it. Did you wake up? No. Now click the browser. Go watch the news. Make supper. Hi honey, how was your day? Next time someone asks. Really tell them. Be like well actually I'm having the worst day possible, I wish tomorrow could start already. Watch how they back off. How they climb into their hole. Watch how the world reacts. It will want to make you crawl back into your hole. But wait I thought I was living out of the box. No one fucking lives out of the box. Stop being inspired by milk commercials! It's fucking marketing. How easily you succumb to it all. Now you think you're aware. You're like oh shit that makes sense. Now close the window and go back. Go back to your hole in the world. Don't worry about it.

Love,
I'm out for it. Weapons and all.

Youtube Captures Life

People make me laugh. Youtube is so bad... It ruins my life. I'm pretty sure of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MboeozTBgD8

CandC is coming. I want to go see him. He's amazing. This is the third time I'm going to miss a concert of his. Oh well. I need to save to go to that concert in June, because rumors is he has some new tunes!!!! EEK!!!!
Next week I have that meeting. Slightly nervous and excited. I need to turn on the other computer and get some stuff off of it...
I've been so distracted by youtube. Damn my life...

Love,
We're simply witness to the war, participating on the living room floor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMptDvJYwZ0

Love, It's Not me It's You

Me bored at 1 am and half a sleep. I blame Adam Brody.

Gabe Foley: You think you can step into my 'hood, slinging game at my girl, drinkin' my boy's brew, and expect not to be scrappin' directly?
Carter Webb: What?
Gabe Foley: Are you deaf and stupid? I said -
Carter Webb: - Don't repeat all that. Please. I think the answer to your question depends on whether you have, like, a learning disability, or you're just an average moron.
Carter Webb: [after Gabe punches Carter] OK, above-average moron.

Carter Webb: What is it?
Phyllis: It's possible, I think maybe, my toilet might be clogged up
Carter Webb: Maybe? What's the variable?
Phyllis: Water is running over the top. The carpet is all wet!
Carter Webb: Well I'll take a look, first I just gotta stop off at my room and kill myself!

Love,
Pandy: The Unlovable, Self-Destructive Teddy Bear



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AV5XzKjz2Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4acruXr6ayo

Just So You Know

Deleted, thrown out and bagged.
Going to watch an epic movie.
Love will keep me together once more tonight. Real love.

Welcome to The Read World Now

Shadows come but no one seems to care. It's all an act really. I always hated this song. It's most likely because I relate the most to it. In a time of anger I remember my new found lover. You want to take the picture? No I have unsteady hands. *Laughs* I really can't tell you how to fix that, ok ready myspace photo! I'm in love with this guy. Love at first kidnapped by Angela, that sounds like the story of my life. But back to that song. Yeah that sounds about right.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_RW3O7YvfU

Goals for tomorrow: Keep up the act, oh and to work with the piano. I've been wanting to sit down at it for so long. Maybe it will help me realize what's wrong. Tonight is 6 weeks. I'm proud of myself even if no one else is. I was doing so well. Till I snapped at him tonight. I'm sorry. I don't want to become him. I hope that you will find your way. That you will find respect and that everything will work out alright for you. Because I don't know how to help you. Because you scare me. I have some advice for a few other people but I will keep that to myself.

Love,
My Alibis

Lost On This Feeling

If you feel like runnin today
You know I'd understand
You don't but you long

It's easier to get away
When on the other hand
You know I'm not much better without you
I'm like your victim and all that you need is an alibi
It's one thing about you
I don't wanna make you cry

Damn girl
Dry your eyes
You stole my heart and then you kicked it aside
No girl, you can't see
When he's inside you know there's no room for me

If you can take a chance
Find you that better man
A life seize from your quick disease
You're givin' all my lovin away
Tell me to understand
'Cuz you know
I'm not much better without you
I'll press your lips and I taste everyone that you've had tonight
It's one thing about you
I don't wanna taste tonight

Damn girl
Dry your eyes
You stole me heart and then you kicked it aside
No girl you can't see
When he's inside you know there's no room for me

And I used to think that I was all you would need
Nah nah nah
There you go again
Nah nah nah
Oooh you think that you could just push me around
Nah nah nah
Yeah there you go again
You lift me up and then you throw me back down

Damn girl
Dry your eyes
You stole my heart and then you kicked it aside
No girl you can't see
When he's inside you know there's no room for me

Damn girl
Dry your eyes
You stole me heart and then you kicked it aside
No girl you can't see
When he's inside you know there's no room for me
And I used to think that I was all you would need

If you feel like running today you know I'd understand

*****

Cause when your eyes light up the skies at night
I know you're gonna find your way.
Ever feel like you've found it. Where you need to be. Only to be it pushed away. Definately the feeling I have right now. I don't know what's wrong with me but all I want to do is go out for tea and girl guide cookies right now. I've never felt like this before. Usually it's like oh that was cool, whatever. New city, new girl. I don't know. I'm really lost now. I thought I knew what I wanted but its all so blurred right now. I know what makes me happy though. And right now that's listening to AAR. Or listening to

Everyone's around, no words are coming now and I can't find my breath can we just say the rest with no sound.
And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up. And I'm not prepared; sorry is never there when you need it.

And now I do want you to know I'll hold you up above everyone.
And I do want you to know I think you'd be good to me and I'd be so good to you.
I would.

I thought I saw a sign somewhere between the lines but maybe it's me, maybe I only see what I want.
I still have your letter, just got caught between someone I just invented, who I
really am and who I've become.

And now I do want you to know I'll hold you up above everyone.
And I do want you to know I think you'd be good to me and I'd be so good to you.

I would

And now I do want you to know I'll hold you up above everyone.
And I do want you to know I think you'd be good to me and I'd be so good to you.

I'd be good to you, I'd be good to you
I'd be good to you, I'd be so good to you
I'd be good to you, I'd be good to you
I'd be good to you, I'd be so good to you

People think they know. But they never do. They never fully grasp it do they. There's always a double meaning. Office meeting. Why wasn't I involved. Fuck you guys. Take your clothes off! Too much in common to handle. He's the person I want to be with. No not him, him. When it happens so easy. In under a minute it was like we had been friends forever. Know who I really miss Anthony Russel. That kid. Is. Everything. Everything I've been through and more. I feel so bad for him. But survivors don't take pity. Him and I will be chilling next year! I miss that other kid so much. It's like my best friend moved away. What's wrong with me...

Love,
Broken Identities