Looking Back

And reading.
Seeing things like that in the perspective I have now. Makes me realize how bad i had gotten. And how it makes this seem that much worse. One extreme of bad to the other. None of them bad ass. Maybe the time will work out well for you. I'm not sure what stage I'm at. I go through periods of anger but thre are times were I just want to send you a random text message. I'm really confused and don't know which path I wish to pursue. Is there still time to peruse one or the other? It made me realize that all of my lives cannot coincide. And that maybe there are things that aggravate me that I know can't be changed. And that is indeed the part that holds me back. the times were great at the time. But we really did need space from each toher. We were driving everyone else crazy and myself to. It got to be too much. To obsessive I guess, if you will. I have this thing where I like to make people feel good before I consider myself. Which is why it's taking me so long to figure out what I want, for I've never done such a thing before. It can't jsut be forgotten and replaced with looks. It needs to go one way or the other. I wish I knew where you stood. Or are you standing in the boat as much as I am. Another analogy that only makes sense to me. I never want to be that again. That lost. Maybe its because I need someone who can make decisions to. And that's what pisses me off the most. Someone who cannot just stand on their own two feet. I really don't know what I'm saying or thinking. It's 2:30 am. This time it's not bullshit. I think I know that. I just need somewhere to express everything and I'm sorry that you read it. I'm sorry, I broke it. But the thing is I am not truely sorry. I am sorry it went down that way. But am I sorry? I'llg et back to you on that on.e